Here are some clues.
Readership: All men; Men interested in vetting a woman for a relationship;
It is well known that Game works. However, in addition to the debate about the value of Game, there continues to be a lot of confusion surrounding what Game is, and WHY it works. This essay will provide insights to these questions from the spiritual and psychological perspectives.
Christian Manospherians have had conflicting views about the value and purpose of Game, and whether it is something that Christian men should be engaging in or not. Most of these arguments boil down to how Game is defined, and the various purposes for employing Game are tossed into the mix. This approach naturally invites moral judgement on the whole meaning and purpose of Game which has only served to cloud our understanding of what is actually happening with Game.
Early studies on the nature of Game were largely based on praxeological observations of seduction. As such, most estimations of Game have been surmised in this context. However, this context also presents confounding obstacles in conducting a thorough psychoanalysis of Game. Namely, the popular focus on “getting desired results”, which in the past, could be summarized as the culmination of a sexual interaction leading to coitus, is little more than a titillating obfuscation (perhaps even an idol) that prevents us from understanding the inner workings of how to step up one’s Game.
Instead of assessing the efficacy of Game on whether one specific evolutionary goal has been attained, the concept of Game that is discussed in this essay adopts a teleological* approach, in that it examines Game according to the most desired response when it is successfully employed (i.e. her humility and heartfelt Trust), which more often than not, is taken to be the ostensible goal of Game.
However, I have to mention that this is different and separate from the fundamental goal of Game, which is closer to the tune of self-expression, connection, building rapport, and bonding, and that this goal is not limited to men interacting with women in the SMP only. However, for the sake of the present discussion, I will assume that the counterpart in the Game play is a female.
The purposes for which Game is employed (e.g. establishing or maintaining a relationship, eliciting respect, deflecting unreasonable demands, defusing S#!t tests, getting laid, or whatever the case might be…), are uniquely subject to each man and woman. In past studies, it was assumed that Game is largely dependent on the context (e.g. Day Game, Married Game, etc.). However, the following monologue will show that individual-specific desires, personal identity, and Charisma are more central to the dynamics of Game. The context is merely the social setting in which these aspects are able to manifest.
Therefore, in order to avoid further complication and confusion in this essay, I will intentionally neglect the purposes of employing Game. I also wish to bypass the discussions of motivations and judgements surrounding the value of Game. The purpose for stripping away these highly complicated and nuanced variables is to dissect the actual dynamics of Game interaction in order to answer the question of why Game works in any given situation. Likewise, please do not leave any comments concerning purposes or motivations, or make value-judgments under this post.
The Journey of Desire
First, let’s briefly describe the spiritual nature of Desire, which is a central concept in the remainder of this essay.
Desire has a functional utility that is central to our social lives and spiritual vitality, as well as Game. There are (at least) two ways in which desire serves as a vehicle.
- Desire serves to humble us and draw us closer to God and other people.
Living a life with continually unfulfilled Desires creates suffering. People are strongly motivated to avoid suffering and obtain the fulfillment of their Desires. Therefore, if Desire is present and the realization of that desire seems imminent or probable, then one is willing to undergo a great deal of hardship and suffering in the process of realizing that Desire, because this suffering is deemed preferable over the suffering caused by an unfulfilled Desire. Desire is what makes one who is “falling in Love” “blind” to all the red flags in the relationship (and every relationship has them).
If Desire is not present, then any hardship and suffering is perceived as nothing more than a troublesome annoyance. The abatement of Desire is the problem faced by those who are jaded by too much sexual promiscuity, such as carousel riders and alpha widows. In fact, that’s what it means to be jaded – having no passion, and no heart-felt desire. They can find nothing in life which motivates them through an appeal to Desire, and so everything becomes annoying. This is why sexual promiscuity is so damaging, because it dampens natural Desire and shunts or displaces the normal process of how Desire draws people closer to God and others.
- Desire serves to teach us about ourselves, to learn what we want in life, and to give us a choice of which of our Desires to prioritize and how to go about pursuing them.
With respect to the question of how one can deal with the problem of Desire, the most prolific coping mechanisms are outlined as follows.
- Worldly Pursuits, such as education, career, sex (e.g. the carousel), chasing the Tingles, the boyfriend (AKA “marriage lite”) the college boyfriend, Marriage 2.0, having children…
- The Buddhist Approach to suppress desires, isolation, prayer, meditation, fasting…
- The Selfish Approach. Take what you want, F*ck ‘em all, and d@mn the consequences.
- Resignation – Giving up on life, social withdrawal, depression, suicide, alcoholism, addiction, pornography…
- Jesus – God’s way to focus on Jesus, the best desire, and live a spiritually obedient life, waiting on God to fulfill your Desires according to His way and His timing.
Upon reflection, it is obvious that men of the West commonly choose options 1, 3, and 4. I might presume option 2 has become popular among MGTOW’s. Western women opt for 1 and 3.
As will be shown in the following, the presence of Desire is an integral part of the human soul and psyche, and appears as a prominent motivation in social interactions and Game.
Game Fulfills Wants, Needs, and Desires
A simple social exchange is comprised of people exchanging the mutual satisfaction of common desires. The things desired don’t need to be anything grandiose. It can just be things as simple as having a pleasant interaction, expressing positivity, offering encouragement, affirmation, acceptance, inclusion…
The counterpart’s hope of satisfying an inherent desire is the lure of Game. The magnetic draw of the lure depends on the intensity and urgency of the desire. Given sufficient strength of desire, and the perceived certainty of obtaining satisfaction through the interaction, the counterpart may be willing to endure extreme personal challenges and even embarrassment. If this is the case, then some degree of game response is to be expected (e.g. heated arguments, $ћit testing, etc.).
If the fulfillment of Desire is insufficiently satisfying or not forthcoming, then it could have different results.
- The subject applies more effort in the interaction.
- The subject resorts to retaliation for perceived injustices and indignities.
- The subject gives up and withdraws.
- Some form of rejection.
It should be noted that those having certain qualifiers may have peculiar or insatiable desires which can never be satisfied through a normal interaction and therefore pose a risk. These indicators include the following and should be taken as red flags in vetting.
- Those from a broken family background.
- Those who are spiritually immature or unregenerated.
- Those who have a history of depraved or immoral behaviours.
- Those who have a psychological disorder, e.g. Borderline Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, etc.
The art of Game is to maintain a state in which the subject revels in the joys of desire satisfaction. Game within a Long-Term-Relationship (LTR) should increase her confidence in the certainty of obtaining her desire, which leads her to pursue more of the interaction, or for it to continue on indefinitely for the purpose of gaining further joys and satisfactions. If this can be done, the subject should continually offer the first response listed above (applying more effort in the interaction). This is essentially how to increase your bidding price, as described by famed researcher, Dr. John Gottman.
“The essential goal of making a bid is to get the other person to express an acknowledgment of your persona, and to interact with you in a way that expresses love and affirmation. If you can get the other person to do more for you, then it has the psychological and emotional effect of making them justify their actions mentally, and thereby grow to feel more emotionally in tune with you. Basically, the more they do for you, the more they will love you. So the larger goal of making bids and playing games, is to drive up your ‘bidding price’, which entails them making ever larger emotional investments in you and your relationship.”
Here, what we have known about Game for many years becomes clearly evident – that it is crucial to develop your mental software, showcase your personality, maintain Frame, and build confidence and authenticity. If not for these qualities, how else could anyone know who you really are? If no one recognizes your identity, then how could you possibly get the other person to express an acknowledgment of your persona?
You have the responsibility to teach people who you are and how you want to be treated. You cannot rely on others to instantly recognize what a fantastic recluse you are, and teach you how to magnify your best self.
PUA’s have often said something to the effect, “Game requires you to become a better man”. I would edit this statement to say, “Game requires you to become better at being your best self and letting others know who you are”. This could also be described as building Character and Charisma.
Within a normal social interaction, one necessary condition of effective Game is that you have to recognize that you have things that other people want, just as other people have things that you want. Adopting this mindset is a departure from a “poverty mentality”, and the beginning of Humility.
Likewise for her, the importance of Desire in Game is that it provides an invitation for the woman to enter into a state of Humility, which is discussed in the following section.
But when dealing with women, there is much more nuance about what kind of desires are tractable. So this deserves greater attention.
Donal Graeme broke the feminine desire down into five categories in his post, Going APE – What Attributes do Women Find Attractive in Men? Looks, Athleticism, Money, Power and Status (LAMPS) (2013 July 21).
Graeme uses the acronym PSALM to express the order of importance of the weightiest attributes.
- Power – Clearly the most important set of attributes, well above the others. Charisma is king.
- Status – Also extremely important, plays a significant role in interacting with female hypergamy.
- Athleticism – Of middling importance, perhaps because resources are plentiful, but still something which women like in men.
- Looks – With the exception of height, this set of attributes provides little bang for your buck; it might get you initial attention but won’t keep it for you.
- Money – Great wealth is required for this attribute to be meaningful, likely a product of a resource-rich culture where women can easily provide for themselves.
Such qualities provide a nearly irresistible draw to almost any female. But in addition to these broad generalities, each individual woman has her own selective needs and strengths of preferences, so there are many other attributes that certain women might find attractive (e.g. more mature women go for sophistication, class, and personality, while younger chix get excited over a beach buggy with bazooka stereo speakers).
It should be noted that the subject’s desired objective does not need to be consummately overpowering, nor a grandiose life achievement. As mentioned before, it can be something as simple and common as acceptance, affirmation, amusement, or connection. But just exactly how this impression can be given to any particular person is uniquely contextualized.
Avery at Red Pill Theory says that women only want one thing – Value. He breaks it down into three varieties.
- Logical Value is what people think they want.
- Emotional Value is when you have an inspiring Charisma which endears you to the person.
- Sexual Value is when you can induce the blessed Tingles.
Chase Amante at Girls Chase also goes with a value based approach.
Carl at Black Label Logic points out that Empathy is a key element in Game. He writes,
“Empathy is often divided into two subtypes, cognitive empathy and emotional empathy, where the latter is what we often think of when someone mentions empathy. Cognitive empathy is covered as part of theory of mind, which is the ability to cognitively understand and put oneself in the position of another without necessarily being affected by their emotions. Emotional empathy is the ability to feel the emotions of another person, and in a sense mirror them. This is distinct from emotional contagion where one is swept up in the emotions of a mob or another person.
…in my conceptualization of Red Pill Theory and Game, cognitive empathy plays a very central role, in that you have to be able to understand the woman you are interacting with in order to run solid game.”
If you think cognitive empathy seems to contradict the stereotypical Chad’s @$$holery, then you’re failing to understand how this important connection is effectively expressed in contrast to one’s masculinity.
The Core Functions of Game – Charisma and Heart Trust
In an earlier series of essays on Trust, I described two types of trust – Head Trust and Heart Trust.
- Σ Frame: The Trust Factor (2019 April 18)
- Σ Frame: 2 Frames of Reference for Identifying the Trust Factor (2019 April 23)
- Σ Frame: Creating and Maintaining Heart Trust (2019 April 28)
To briefly recap the relevant points of this series, one kind of trust is centered around cognitive beliefs and expectations, and is therefore termed Head Trust. This kind of trust occurs in contracts and business agreements, or whenever we objectively assess a person’s future performance and level of responsibility based on what they say, or how they have behaved in the past.
The other kind of trust is based on confidence, faith, and the authenticity of expression and experience, and is therefore named Heart Trust. This kind of trust is manifested in the subjective joys and sufferings of the personal experience of sharing life together. Heart Trust is seen when we endure present difficulties in the hope of attaining a desire, or discovering a new freedom. It occurs when we accept another person in spite of his/her personal eccentricities and hang-ups – especially when these characteristics affect our ability to place Head Trust in that person.
Going back to the respective functions within Game, here I want to point out that the concepts described in the two essays from Red Pill Theory and Black Label Logic have a direct relation to Head Trust and Heart Trust.
Logical Value and Cognitive Empathy are strongly related to Head Trust. That is, a person can attribute Head Trust to a person who is ascribed Logical Value (viz. someone who you think can give you what you think you want), and who exercises Cognitive Empathy in the exchange (viz. who can communicate verbal or nonverbal confirmations that he/she is willing and able to offer what you think you want).
Likewise, Emotional Value and Emotional Empathy correspond to Heart Trust. The fulfillment of simple social desires serves to draw two individuals into a closer symbiosis.
Under further examination, readers will find that most Game techniques correlate directly with Trust.
- Dread Game works because it disrupts Head Trust.
- Agree and amplify works because it stymies Head Trust.
- The Shogun method works because it stimulates the passions of Heart Trust.
- Amused Mastery, Cocky and Funny, and Command Presence all invite or stimulate Heart Trust.
Readers could probably imagine how Head Trust and/or Heart Trust is affected by various other Game techniques.
But there is another important element that is mentioned only in passing by Donal Graeme and Avery, and that is Charisma. While both men and women exhibit varying abilities with Charisma, a man with Charisma has a special ability to dominate social settings and people in general, especially women. Charisma gives one the ability to draw others into your world and get them to recognize your persona through a pleasant interaction. Game uses the power of your Charisma to attract and hold the attention of others. Recognizing your individual persona is a necessary condition for them to respond to Game techniques by becoming humble and trusting. After a series of pleasant social transactions have ensued, the next step is for them to invest in you. Investment can take many forms, be it time, attention, consideration, acts of service, physical affection, love, sex, or even money, among many other things.
Feminine Humility can be Induced through Effective Game
“…and she shall be his wife because he has humbled her…” ~ Deuteronomy 22:29 (NKJV)
The concept of Humility is here defined according to the Christian understanding of the word, and not the worldly connotation of being shamed. For those of my readers who are unfamiliar with this distinction, the differences are described in a previous post, Apprehending True Humility (April 7, 2019).
When I talk about “inducing Humility”, it’s not about shaming or subjugating women. (I fear there will be many readers with an unregenerated mind who will misinterpret this post as such.) Instead, “inducing humility” is about exposing and satisfying heart-felt desires and fulfilling basic needs, whether they might be physical, emotional, social, spiritual, financial, or sexual.
The point here is that when a woman is in a state of Humility, she can experience Grace, meaning that she can get the conviction that this man is ostensibly “better” than what she feels she deserves. This is a key element in both satisfying her hypergamic drive, and establishing Tingly respect, which are vital stretchmarks of a vibrant relationship. Humility is also a key ingredient in the experience of falling in love.
Every woman has an intense Desire to feel that she is loved and cherished, but what is necessary for that to be accomplished is unique for each person. Even women themselves are typically not acutely aware of what specifically it is they Desire. When a man can experiment with women from a relatively objective approach in social situations, he can discern from her responses what it is she actually wants. It’s a mindset of poking and prodding through various stimuli to see how the Game plays out.
The key to successful Game is to focus on her problems, needs, and weaknesses in a truly authentic and accepting manner, and to let her subconsciously recognize those things as reasons why she needs you to be the man in her life. Ideally, this awareness should not appear to the rationale of her conscious mind, but instead, should be an emotional affect that she can feel in her heart.
And guess what? Jerkboy Chad’s @ssholery fits this hoe to a P.
It should be well noted that proud women (i.e. young, high SMV) respond well to being humbled. High SMV Chads find this easy to do, because the feminine desire that they can naturally satisfy appeals to the instinctive fleshly nature, and this is a desire strong enough to take precedence in the minds of their young nubile targets.
However, women who are already humbled (i.e. older, lower SMV) will react negatively to heavy-handed Game tactics. Older women are more familiar with their Desire, they know what they want, and so they don’t require much Game to get the balls bouncing. For more on this caveat, read Dalrock’s classic post, Are all women addicted to aloof jerks? (May 1, 2017).
Again, what works in each case goes back to addressing her most desperate spiritual needs — whatever it is that appeals to her Desire and humbles her.
Mutual Humility is usually not something that can be consciously engineered into any relationship, but it is something that can be discovered and exercised within selective relationships. “Vibes” are a good indicator of which people have this potential. Vibes indicate that you’re both operating within the same value system, and your skills and abilities match the other person’s wants/needs. If a suitable person is chosen as a mate, and a mutual Heart Trust is developed, your augmented perspicacity of her humility should become something which makes your relationship unique and eminently necessary to her.
Smart, discerning, self-aware men who have more value to offer a woman than merely a Pump-n-Dump™, should be able to identify other wants and needs that are unique to any individual woman.
For example, my wife has always had a long-standing problem with anxiety which is a consequence of her personality and upbringing. Certain kinds of people and various life conditions (like crumbs on the floor) will make her extremely anxious. On the other hand, I am as cool as a cucumber. Nothing really fazes me, and this quality is what attracts her to me. Although this is not the quality that gives her the Tingles, it is something that draws out her Heart Trust and keeps her faithful. At times, my cognitive orientation and relaxed stoicism is indiscreetly irritating to her (like when I don’t care about leaving crumbs on the floor). But even so, she has come to recognize that she can find in my presence a more profound peace and comfort than she could attain from trying to make extensive efforts to ameliorate the various sources of her anxieties (like sweeping the floor six times a day).
The Challenge of Achieving Humility
The nefarious influences of Western culture, Feminism and Chivalry, the sexual revolution and the Pill, have all eroded women’s Heart Trust and Humility.
Men and women conditioned by Feminism and its counterpart, Chivalry, don’t understand their own wants, needs, and desires. There is some sort of spiritual blindness prevalent in modern culture that prevents them from realizing that there is an aspect of themselves (i.e. Desire) that they are ignorant of, and which they haven’t taken ownership of. Instead, Desire is permitted to roam free and unexamined, and it seems unreasonable that they should be expected to accept responsibility for this unknown part of their own nature. Therefore, when a person with Charisma stimulates those desires, they find it easy to jump to the conclusion that they are being “manipulated” or in some cases, “raped”. As a point in case, if you were to ever ask a young woman how she ended up in bed with so and so, the default answer would be, “I don’t know… It just happened!” Only after many encounters does she understand the mechanics of how it happens, yet she still doesn’t understand her own Desire as a motivating factor. (Going one step further by expecting her to take responsibility for that Desire might be deemed “the Dalrock Route”.)
As Socrates said some 2,500 years ago, “An unexamined life is not worth living.”
Perhaps one of the main reasons why we cannot examine our desires is that a hybrid demon of fem-globo-cultural trends and technology has created an environment that jacks up feminine pride to hǝllish levels of constant indignity, and debases the Socio-Sexual-Marriage Market Place. As a result, women are proud, they feel entitled, they can get instant gratification and (false) affirmation at a few clicks, and they find it easy to escape the consequences of bad decisions. This allows them to continually pursue the Desires of the flesh, without ever becoming self-aware, claiming them as their own, and taking responsibility for them. Their Desires have mastered them, because they don’t understand their Desires.
I’m probably telling you what you already know here, but the point is that women, even Christian women, are finding it increasingly difficult to experience Humility, and this only contributes to their discontentedness and spiritual demise. Many of the feminist cultural enforcers have actually had a habit of labeling authentic feminine Humility as misogynistic and demeaning, as they seek to convert young women into tattooed, debt-ridden, brass-tongued, corpulent, corporate slores. Although they will never give their game away by saying so, their main tools of subversion include these.
- Condemning the life-giving joys of Humility through glorifying the “Strong, Independent Wimminz” archetype.
- Normalizing rampant sexual promiscuity which displaces and satiates their natural desires for marriage and children.
- Teaching women how to resist being humbled by being economically self-sufficient, and emotionally independent.
As a result, most women don’t know how to access a spiritual posture of Humility within themselves. They subconsciously expect a man (or “God”, for those who are Christians) to “force” them into this state, but as masculinity becomes more persecuted, they are becoming increasingly frustrated in this hope.
Therefore, one of the primary challenges that men face in securing a viable, or even blissful relationship with a woman, is to establish reliable vehicles in which he can invite a woman into a state of spiritual humility. This is where Game comes into the picture.
A sense of emotional security is necessary to pull this off well, and this is where a lot of men run into trouble. For example, the woman throws a $ℏit test, and he loses his cool. The woman is disrespectful, and he becomes self-conscious. The woman plays jealousy games, and he gets angry and fearful. Because of this lack of emotional security, men cannot maintain Frame, and they cannot establish sufficient Heart Trust (AKA Emotional Value, and Emotional Empathy) with a woman to inflict attraction.
Developing emotional security will allow a man to maintain Frame, make him more competent, and elevate his SMV. By the way, there is now a new definition of male competence: How well a man can survive within a culture that condemns the masculinity of his manhood. The average competence of Western men has dropped to the floor because precious few men have realized this current redefinition.
Feminists will naturally want to recast any vehicle of inducing feminine Humility as a chauvinistic method of control or manipulation. (This may be partly true for PUA’s and muzzles, but even so, don’t admit this argument.) This reaction is partly due to psychological Projection, and partly due to being ignorant of their own nature. But those who are spiritually minded will recognize that Humility is an essential element of the woman’s spiritual health and vitality. It should also be noted that the man (i.e. husband) has the Biblical responsibility of being the pastor and priest of his home. Therefore, Game, as a method of inducing Humility and a posture of spiritual obedience within the wife, could be considered an essential element of a husband’s duty to love his wife.
As was discussed in a previous post, The Trust Factor (April 18, 2019), trust comes in two contrasting varieties – Head Trust, which is related to Logical Value and Cognitive Empathy, and Heart Trust, which comprise Emotional Value and Emotional Empathy.
The expression of Game can be boiled down to three interlocking elements.
- Regulating Head Trust.
- Invigorating Heart Trust.
- Inducing Humility by the enticement and fulfillment of a heart-felt desire, even one as simple and common as acceptance, affirmation, or connection.
As such, the goal of all Game is threefold.
- To bypass or disable another person’s (i.e. a woman’s) pride (Eve’s fig leaf covering for shame), apathy, insecurities, and various psychological defense mechanisms.
- To use Charisma to draw him/her into a state of Heart Trust.
- To satisfy the person’s wants and needs by inducing Humility.
There are several personal qualities that are either limiting or enabling, and therefore are critical factors in Game. These are listed in order of importance.
- Level of Emotional Empathy
- Level of Emotional Security
- Knowledge of how social interactions work in general.
- Experience and Confidence
The most important qualities are inherent, and are also the least likely to change. Charisma is presumed to be a gift of the Holy Spirit. So the work done in improving your Game consists mostly of developing and exercising whatever you’ve been granted by God and genetics.
* H/T: Boxer: Why Christianity? (February 28, 2019).
- Dalrock: Why Christians need game. (2012 August 6)
- Dalrock: How Christians can take credit for Game. (2014 February 1)
- Dalrock: A criminal lack of Game? (2014 November 13)
- Roosh V: What is Game? (2018 September 3)
- Σ Frame: On the Spiritual Significance and Social Value of Game (2019 November 3)