Why is illicit sex so enticing, and so prevalent?

Sex is a natural expression of human nature, but there are many additional factors that sweeten the draw.

Readership: All

Disclaimer: Illicit sex (e.g. sexual promiscuity, casual sex, premarital sex, fornication, adultery, etc.) is immoral and destructive to one’s overall satisfaction in marriage.  This article is not intended to endorse the practice of illicit sex, but only to examine why illicit sex is so enticing, satisfying, and so prevalent in society and the church.

Background

My Pastor was very amused by my earlier testimony given as a response to his question, How is illicit sex related to one’s spiritual state? (2019 May 22), and so he asked me another question related to the first.

He said he’s working on a project in which he’s trying to understand why illicit sex is such a huge problem in the church, and for people in general.  He pointed out that there are two varieties of illicit sex on a sliding scale.  On one end is the fleshly nature.  On the other end of the spectrum is the experience of falling in love.

He drew the following figure to help visualize the dichotomy.

attraction style

He posed a question for me to contemplate: On the raw copulation end of the spectrum, it’s obvious that sex must be included in the relationship, because that’s the point of it all.  But over on the other side of the love experience, why must sex be included in the interaction?

I could easily extend this same question to myself; I kept my virginity for years while waiting to find a wife, but I never found a wife, and it was ℏǝll.  So why did I have to start engaging in fornication before my spiritual life came alive, making me feel blessed?

I answered this question from my own personal, spiritual standpoint in my previous post, but after contemplating this question further, I’ve identified a large multitude of very compelling reasons that would apply to everyone.

Note: Points in blue font are uniquely dependent on one’s sense of discernment, a trait arising from one’s spiritual health and vitality.  Thus, a lack of discernment, or a greenhorn’s clumsy use of discernment, stands out as a fundamental generator of sexual indiscretion.

cats playing poker

Biological and Phenomenological Incentives

  1. Up to 30 different parts of the brain are activated during sexual stimulation, including those responsible for emotion, touch, joy, satisfaction, and memory, as well as the reward center associated with Classical Conditioning.
  2. In addition to (1), there is a plethora of biological chemicals that are released during sexual stimulation. These include dopamine, endorphine, epinephrine, oxytocin… These chemicals produce an addictive high, such that once a person becomes sexually active, it is exceedingly difficult to return to a life of celibacy.  For some people, it is impossible.
  3. It’s good to be natural! You don’t have to torture yourself by refusing gratification, and then regret it later on.
  4. People tend to justify their decisions, and so they seldom experience regret for having sex with anyone they willingly chose to have sex with.

Lion Kings Table

Spiritual Incentives

Some of the spiritual phenomena related to illicit sex were discussed in the previous post.

  1. Feeling alone and unloved often drives one to the comforting idolatry of illicit sex.
  2. The effects of the Law on the sinful nature (for the new Christian, or one who is weak in faith). When you’re expressly forbidden to do something, the fallen nature becomes obsessed with doing that thing.
  3. There are emotional and relational rewards inherent to the act of coitus, whether it be the fulfillment of the feral desire for sex on one end of the spectrum, or on the other, the transcendental experience of being in love. These significantly satiating rewards give one the experience of Grace.  That is, they do something that is morally corrupt, but they get something better than what their actions deserve.  (At least for the time being.)
  4. Experiencing this grace (or disgrace, for those who need their liaisons exposed before the satisfaction kicks in) may give a person the subjective impression of feeling loved by God. Note: This is not actually a result of illicit sex, but appears as a cofactor of being humbled and having a trusting, open heart.
  5. Experiencing God’s unconditional love and grace gives a person a sense of liberation. They feel free to be authentic, including sexual exploration and experimentation.  They get the impression that they can pursue personal authenticity in the form of illicit sex and not have to face any dire consequences.
  6. When a person gets closer to God, their sense of spiritual discernment will usually grow. For some people (like myself), a heightened sense of discernment subjects them to more intense temptation by making them aware of opportunities.
  7. Humility is a characteristic of people who are close to God. For some people (like myself), humility makes them more emotionally expressive of their needs to others, and this can make them feel more vulnerable to temptation, and succumbing to it as well.
  8. Generational curses (or in general, the curse of the Fall) may cause one to be blind to, or in denial of the spiritual consequences of illicit sex.
  9. In general, people are lacking a healthy sense of Innocence and Guilt that would allow them to discern how illicit sex detracts from their spiritual vitality. Instead, people get supercharged by being proud and selfish, and they do not feel blessed through being obedient to God.

1920x1080_subway-car-hen-rooster

Incentives from Society

Social trends in Western societies over the last 40+ years have decreased marriage rates, and promoted hook-up culture. [3]  These trends are detailed here.

  1. Modern women are sexually liberated by feminism, and the church is not that much different. Theoretically, this means that 80% of the women are chasing and bedding the top 20% of men.  As a result, the top 20% of men don’t want to limit their opportunities by getting married, and the bottom 80% of men have no chance to marry. [1]
  2. More women have an advanced education and economic independence. Improvements in the relative wage have facilitated women’s independence by reducing the monetary incentive for marriage, and can account for 20% of the decline in marriage between 1980 and 2010. [2]
  3. Rigged feminist-inspired laws have caused a disincentivizing of marriage for men and an incentivizing of divorce for women. [2,3]
  4. Easy peasy no-fault divorce laws indoctrinate people to take their marital commitment lightly. [2]
  5. The widespread sexualization of the mass media normalizes a casual view of sex.
  6. Widely available hardcore porn reduces both men’s and women’s motivation to marry. [2]

In general, as traditional norms surrounding sexual morality have collapsed, the institution of marriage has come under intense attack, and has fallen by the wayside.  This has a snowball effect of increasing the proliferation of illicit sex.

Red Dead Redemption

Incentives arising from the Socio-Sexual-Marriage Market Place

  1. In general, people are desperate for love, and sex is the next best thing.
  2. Peer pressure, especially during adolescence, can be a powerful motivation to “go all the way”.
  3. Refusing to have sex puts one at a disadvantage in the Sexual Market Place.
  4. Women are the so-called “Gatekeepers of sex”, not men. (A Gatekeeper is the person who possesses and controls the resources that the other person desires.  Alternately, men are the “Gatekeepers of Commitment”.) All this means that sex doesn’t happen until the woman says so, and when the woman decides to have sex, the man she chooses must always comply.  If a woman gives a man an invitation to bed, and he turns her down, she will never talk to that man again.  In sum, most men would rather have sex than reject sex and be rejected by her in turn.
  5. In modern society, there are a sufficient number of women described in (3) that now, “satisfying sex” has become a defacto prerequisite for a long-term relationship.
  6. Sex is the lowest common denominator between any two people. Despite the ease and ubiquity of internet communications, it’s too difficult to find someone who shares your values and life purposes.  Instead, most people are just looking for a suitable sex partner, and then they deal with the other things as they come.  (No pun intended.) The internet is well suited for this purpose.
Hoisel girlfriends family

Meeting with girlfriend’s family, by Tiago Hoisel.

Incentives arising from Family Expectations

  1. In general, a dysfunctional family environment creates many types of contexts which provide various incentives for illicit sex. This is deserving of a separate study.
  2. Most parents in east Asia (i.e. China, Japan, South Korea, Taiwan) expressly forbid their children from having a boyfriend or girlfriend until they’re in their mid-to-late twenties. In Western nations, parents don’t need to do this, because it’s already the cultural norm.  They are also urged (in Taiwan), or encouraged by various means (in the West), to postpone marriage until they’ve finished their academic preparation, established a career, and saved some money, which usually pushes marriage into their 30’s.  This social ontology cuts against the normal human sexual development.  Nature dictates that young people should be marrying, having sex, and having children much earlier than this.
  3. As a consequence of (1), many young people are motivated to abstain (i.e. Japan), have secret relationships (i.e. Taiwan), or ride the carnavel carousel (i.e. the West). For the Asian, the power, intrigue, and draw of a secret partnership is deeply satisfying.  For the Westerner, the free spirited, fast and loose lifestyle proves to be extremely gratuitous, if not addictive.  Hence, the longitudinal effects on one’s soul cannot be understated.
  4. The experiences described in (2) teach young people how to manage clandestine love relationships (Asian), or handle monkey branch swinging with ape-like dexterity (Western). These habits tend to become engrained, and continue on, even after marriage.
  5. If Asian lovers are found out, parents or spouses usually react by joking about it, or looking the other way. In the West, people are expected not to be judgmental.  So there is a lack of positive punishment for sexual indiscretions.
  6. Many women in sexually liberated societies, (e.g. U.S.A., Taiwan) have had at least 3-4 partners, and an abortion or two, before they even think about settling down.

In total, the above factors undermine one’s satisfaction in marriage, which is often to a different person than one’s first lover.  If the dissatisfaction is sufficiently profound, then an affair is likely to happen.

Aristocat

Problems with Opportunity, Responsible Agency, Accountability, and Impunity

There are a number of things in modern society that allow one to bypass most of the natural consequences of illicit sex.  These include the following.

  1. One of the main problems with exercising personal responsibility concerning sexual behavior is that people hardly ever feel guilty about any sort of sexual transgression. So this seldom leads a person to do any sort of introspection, much less come to repentance.
  2. Cheap, effective and widely available contraceptives (the pill, condoms, IUD’s, etc.) eliminate the chance of pregnancy. [2]
  3. Abortions are cheap, safe, discretely private, and easily obtainable, and are commonly used in ~95% of the cases as a de facto form of birth control.
  4. Penicillin and other antibiotics have reduced the risk and cost of contracting STD’s.
  5. The widespread social acceptance of sexual liberation. Slit shaming is condemned as misogynistic, so there’s literally no opportunity to be held accountable for it.  Even within the church, the flaccid “love and forgive” social atom-osphere broadcasts the message that illicit sex is no big deal.
  6. Social media and dating websites provide women a constant stream of countless opportunities with men.
  7. The proliferation of SMS and internet communications which are easy to hide and delete.

It is well known that the surety of being punished is a larger motivator for good behavior than the severity of the punishment.  In total, all the above factors have eliminated both the surety and severity of any consequences related to illicit sex.

Conclusions

In light of the above factoids, we can be thankful for the small miracle that 4% of women are virgins on their wedding night!

The Boomers’ wishes came true!  The Sexual Revolution is HERE!

Unfortunately, women are less happy, men are foundering in porn, purposelessness, and increased suicide rates, and people are having less sex overall. That’s not quite what they expected. But that’s how it goes whenever you make a deal with the Devil!

References

  1. Quillette: Attraction, Inequality, and the Dating Economy (2019 March 12)
  2. Chateau Heartiste: The Four Sirens Of The Sexual Apocalypse (2016 March 17)
  3. Dalrock: More grim news for carousellers hoping to jump at the last minute. (2012November 24)

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How is illicit sex related to one’s spiritual state?

Sex is a natural expression of human nature, but there are certain spiritual states that sweeten the draw.

Readership: All

Disclaimer: Illicit sex (e.g. sexual promiscuity, casual sex, premarital sex, fornication, adultery, etc.) is immoral and destructive to one’s overall satisfaction in marriage.  This article is not intended to endorse the practice of illicit sex, but only to examine why illicit sex is so enticing, satisfying, and so prevalent in society and the church.

Background

In a previous post, Why do Christian women have the reputation of being whores? (February 23, 2019), I made the following statement.

“Truth be known, the only times I have ever seen women spiritually glorified is when they were having an affair, or were just about to.  I’ve seen this so often, that now, whenever I see a woman glorified, I automatically jump to this conclusion.”

As discussed in a follow up post, Hitting a glorified nerve at Patheos (March 4, 2019), Suzanne Titkemeyer at Patheos jumped on this statement and wrote…

“This seems so wrong!

So [Σ Frame is saying] if you seem happy, or glorified, or spiritually fulfilled you are either having an affair, or will have one.”

Yes, it does seem wrong!  This incongruency was one of the main points of that essay.  But the question still stands: Why is illicit sex so enlightening?

At about the same time I wrote the first post linked above, my Pastor posed an insightful question: “How does your sex life affect your relationship with God?”  He gave this question to me as a topic of introspective meditation.

Our next talk took place after I had pondered the question for a couple weeks.

My Pastor was surprised when I told him that some people feel blessed by God when they have illicit sex, including myself.  In the past, I had the notion that God blessed me when I engaged in illicit sex, especially after my first wife left me.

He said he had never met anyone else who said such a thing, and so he asked me to explain.

I took a couple more weeks to think it over.  After contemplating my Pastor’s questions, I have a little bit more nuanced understanding of this phenomenon.  I came up with a number of reasons why people engage in illicit sex, and these are contained in the remainder of this post.

baby-making-faces

Conditional States

In my life, I have put forth an impressive effort (in my opinion) to resist the temptation to fornicate.  But there have been many occasions in my life as a single or divorced person in which I was not able to abstain from venery.  From these experiences, I have identified a few conditions that must be met, before my faith, self-control, and will-power become insufficient for avoiding illicit sex. These include,

  1. Experiencing deep bonding and love – See the next section below.
  2. Feeling lonely and unloved – See the next section below.
  3. Feeling respected and appreciated – There were times when I was caught unaware by an exceedingly smooth, respectful woman who patiently and cool-headedly set her crosshairs on my genetic material. Her sweet hearted diligence eventually paid off for her, leaving me with no regrets.  These women were typically around my age, or a couple years older than me.
  4. Intense desire coupled with spiritual degeneracy – There were a couple periods of my life in which I was sufficiently desperate that my desire took the driver’s seat. Of note, a divorce will invariably do that to a person.
  5. She’s too hot and too easy – The woman making herself available to me was above the threshold limit of my temptation.

In my experience, whenever two or more of the above conditions were met simultaneously (with the exception of (1) and (2), which are opposing states), my willpower to resist was rescinded, and I was definitely going down for the O count.  Fortunately, I’m at the age now where I can see her coming.

mooning bus

Feeling loved versus feeling unloved

Conditions (1) and (2) of the previous section deserve special attention.  Feeing alone and unloved has been a long-running theme in my life, and those times when I felt loved were rare, unique experiences, so I believe this is the crux of the matter.  I’ve often struggled with the question of whether illicit sex is simply raw idolatry that fills the void of feeling unloved, or if the draw of illicit sex has more to do with me experiencing unconditional love. After pondering this question for a time, due to my pastor’s prodding, I realize that I’ve had a little of both, depending on the circumstances.

The concept of how one turns to idolatry (or worshipping false gods) to fill an urgent emotional need is well known to me and my pastor (and hopefully the reader as well), so here I’ll expound on how feeling loved might expediate illicit sex.

In answer to my Pastor’s inquiry, I felt blessed for many reasons, which are all concomitant.

  • I felt loved, or I “fell in love”. I didn’t feel like I needed to do anything to maintain this, so it had the impression of being unconditional love.
  • I was trusting, but I wasn’t really aware of it. I just wasn’t afraid that they might do something to shame me, hurt me, or betray me.
  • I had an open heart. I felt emotionally and spiritually alive, and I felt God’s presence, so I remember those moments very vividly.
  • I was in a state of spiritual humility, because I was expressing my needs to women, and I was getting a positive response.
  • I was being more of my true, authentic self.
  • I’m sure I was exercising faith, but I’m not able to describe how.
  • I was facing the fears which had caused me to squelch my authentic self (which impulsively does wrong things), and attempting to overcome them.
  • I was learning to trust myself, especially my sexual nature. I’ve come to understand that this was very important for my personal growth.
  • I felt confident, and I had a positive reaction from people. I felt desired by women.
  • I was experiencing the immediate thrills of fulfilling my sexual desires.

When I experienced all of these together, it gave me the impression that I was blessed whenever I was engaging in illicit sex.

olive oil baby oil meme

Conclusions

It’s rather complicated (and somewhat controversial) to explain, but if one knows in one’s heart that one is unconditionally loved, and can somehow feel loved and accepted on a visceral level, then this may be sufficient to overcome one’s fears of guilt, shame, and punishment, and reinforce a sufficient amount of confidence, faith, and trust to expose the passionate, authentic self.  Moreover, being one’s authentic self will often bring out the worst in a person – that which had long been repressed by fears of censure and rejection.  For many people who grew up in a religiously stifling atmosphere (like me), feeling deeply loved and genuinely accepted can become a sexual liberation blowout.

In conclusion, when I told my pastor that “illicit sex made me feel blessed”, it seems that I had the correlation right, but the cause-effect relationship wrong.  Having the experience of falling in love, bonding, and feeling accepted and blessed are not a direct result, or “reward”, of my wrongdoing, but rather an inherent result of being humbled and opening my heart.  My engagement in sexual relations was also an expression of this same state.  Because of this reflexive fundamental attribution error, I was not aware of this correlation until my Pastor posed the question contained in the title of this post.

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The True Ontology of Power

The interaction defines the relationship, not what we imagine, or desire, or try to force it to be.

Readership: All

Introduction

Power is an old subject in the sphere.  But over a year ago, I identified power as a key component of intersexual relations that deserves consideration from other perspectives.  Some of the most noteworthy posts on this topic include the following.

Power is commonly misconstrued to be a vehicle of manipulation, or a battle between the sexes, or a competition among men.

But these expressions are not power itself. They are merely manifestations of power that reveal the true ontology to our cognitive awareness.

Case in point: You can’t become an Alpha just by doing what Alpha’s do.  The truth of who you are is much deeper than that.  Time and again, the disciples of the old PUA’s have invariably come to the conclusion that you can’t improve your Game results simply by memorizing lines and approaches.  No, you actually have to become a better man!

bobby-bones-sharna-burgess

Bobby “Bones” Estell and Sharna Burgess.

Miscognitions of Power

On this topic, Richard Cocks at The Orthosphere has written a nice piece about power in his essay, When One Sex Attacks The Other, Both Lose (November 22, 2018).

“Post-modernism has a tendency to emphasize power above all else.  This is partly the result of rejecting the notion of objective truth and there being a supposedly infinite number of interpretations possible with no way to select between them.  This turns things into a fight for dominance rather than a search for the truth.  This perverse truth-rejecting view has combined with modern feminism at times to focus on power above all else for political propagandistic purposes. […]

The rejection of truth is no coincidence, because truth must be sacrificed in the quest for power.  But why must power be given such preeminent ascendancy?

So, it is a mistake to focus on the balance of power between the sexes because it runs the risk of characterizing the lives of men and women throughout history as a power struggle and then producing a competition to see who has had it tougher.  Something similar can happen when it is pointed out that the number one consideration for men, regarding the choice of a romantic partner, is female beauty and the most salient consideration for women choosing men is the man’s social status and income.  Men compete with each other, generating hierarchies of competence, and women then select from among the winners, typically choosing men of equal or higher status than themselves (hypergamy).  Though these are important truths of which everyone should be aware, they obscure the bonds of love and dependence that actually connect the sexes.”

The dual nature of being human — We all need God’s sovereign love and grace, yet we judge prospective partners as if they were prize poodles at a thoroughbred competition.

“Power is an element in all human relationships, for instance, between parents and children.  If power and the abuse of power starts to predominate in this relationship, something has gone horribly wrong.  The parent/child relationship should be primarily one of care, concern, love, and minimal supervision; shaping and socializing the young child, teaching him self-restraint, discipline and respect for others.  Tyrannical parents exist, unfortunately, but this represents a pathological exception, not the norm.”

We definitely see these struggles occurring in society, and to our own demise.

power dream

Authentic Power

Discussions on these perspectives should bring the insight that we are too easily distracted by the underlying false assumptions about power structures – namely that (1) power is always synonymous with peace and order, and (2) that power must be taken and maintained by action.

It is not to say that the entire topic of power is a red herring, but that a distinction must be made between two different types of power – the authentic Power of God versus the manipulative power of Mankind.

As an example to make my point, the age old Feminist trope concerns the false belief that Feminine power is contained in education, status, and social dominance, and that power is reinforced by legislation and court rulings favoring women, such as the Duluth model, as well as moxies and hypergamic successes.  Because of their immediate and heart stinging effects, men may easily believe that these tentacles represent true vehicles of Power.

But these are all fabrications of the human desire to control uncertainty and minimize risk and responsibility — a hallmark trait of whimz especially.

While it is certainly true that many women rely on these vain stratagems to attain power over men, their power is also limited according to the ways of the world.  That is to say, all these efforts undercut their God-created nature as the female sex.  All such efforts do nothing to bolster their authentic, God-ordained, feminine Power, which is a different anima altogether.  At best, these efforts actually detract from their genuine feminine Power.  At worst, they are storing up wrath unto themselves.

Case in point: A court ordered alimony might enslave a man financially, but it will never inspire him, empower him, nor tug on his heart strings again. A woman who attacks her husband in a court of law has irrevocably betrayed him, and is therefore subsequently and permanently relegated to his S#!t List. She may win the Earthly battle with a rude stunt, but she will forfeit the Eternal war.

Malfortunately, the GlowFembo reOrder has declared a Race to the Bottom, so we must tolerate the B1ack H@nd of power for a while longer.

What a difference a woman can make

Conclusions

Human power frequently boils down to a zero or negative sum game, but authentic Power is expressed as positive sum.

A controlling, domineering person zaps the emotional energy of others, whereas, a truly Powerful person empowers everyone around him.

Usually, any power grabbing efforts of the feral nature only serve to undermine the trust and joy of the relationship.

Beware of a woman who jockeys for power and control in a relationship.  She is not comfortable with the truth, and she is fearful of trusting male authority.  Ultimately, she’s not at peace with God, and will not prove to be a stable, reliable partner.

Instead of pressing and forcing reality to match desire, get in touch with the reality of the situation, and work through it to find the fulfillment of desire.

The interaction defines the relationship, not what we imagine, or desire, or try to force it to be.

True Power is determined by a relationship’s ontological construction of unique identities being manifested, and less so in the motivations or behaviors of the participants.

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They shall be saved through child bearing.

Recently, Red Pill truths have put marriage through the ringer as a bed trap.  But there is a little silhouette of hope at the end of the hallway.

Readership: All

Men shall be saved through child bearing

Matthew Cochran at The 96th Thesis wrote a highly controversial post, The Golden Rule Means Having Kids (April 18, 2019), which appeared later on The Federalist, You’re Not Following The Golden Rule If You’re Not Having Children (April 30, 2019).

Basically, he argues that ideally, being obedient to God requires a Christian man to put a white Cross bun in the oven.

hot cross buns

He writes,

“…the growing masses of people who refuse family are not being celibate. They’re fornicating. They’re jerking off to porn every night. They’re constantly falling to temptation – the precise situation for which Paul actually commands marriage rather than celibacy.”

“Whether we admit it or not, the choice we face is this: Do we take the millennia of love that were poured out on us and consume every last drop until it’s gone? Or do we pay it forward by continuing to pass that love along to future generations?

Only one of those choices conforms to the Golden Rule.  Choose wisely.”

Matthew’s article garnered over 400 comments, and got so much kickback that he wrote a follow up article, Answering Some Objections About the Golden Rule (May 1, 2019), which addressed some of the more egregious protestations.

Being a father myself, I tend to agree with Matthew’s Thesis.

Aside from Vagina Worship, we all know how marriage domesticates men.

Perennial Poon is a Prodigious Pacifier.

That’s why God gave woman two mammary glands – one for baby, and one for hubby.

Women shall be saved through child bearing

“Nevertheless she will be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control.” ~ 1st Timothy 2:15 (NKJV)

I’ve always wondered what this verse means.

Pastor Paul Carter at The Gospel Coalition explains three main interpretations of this passage.

  1. Many Roman Catholics interpret it in an allegorical sense. Women (like men) will be saved because Mary “bore” Jesus. Thus we are all saved by the child born to the woman.
  2. Among Protestants who tend to avoid allegorical interpretations, it is common to understand “save” in the fuller sense of the word which includes justification, sanctification and glorification and to focus in verse 15 on the sense of sanctification. Thus women are generally sanctified in the context of child rearing.  Few who have had children would argue with that.
  3. The most grammatically appealing option is to understand Paul as saying that women are “saved from deception” by properly valuing the domestic sphere. That seems to be the meaning that makes the best sense of the immediate context.  Paul has just said that Eve was deceived, now he says that the daughters of Eve will be saved from deception by properly valuing the domestic sphere and continuing on in faith, love and holiness with self-control.

As a Protestant, I’m always suspicious of allegorical interpretations that seem at odds with their immediate context and therefore, I tend to favour more straight forward readings of the Biblical text.  While I admit the possibility and practical reality of option 2, option 3 seems to be the most common sense reading of the passage.  Paul is saying that women are kept safe from deception when they embrace the roles that God gave them, when they properly value and esteem the domestic sphere and when they continue on in faith, love and self-control.

Amen, brother!

There’s this passage in Malachi, indicating that God wants more decent people on the earth.

“But did He not make them one,
Having a remnant of the Spirit?
And why one?
He seeks godly offspring.
Therefore take heed to your spirit,
And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.” ~ Malachi 2:15 (NKJV)

29816663-mother-and-baby-kissing-and-hugging-mom-with-her-child

Then I came across this article. Now science has produced an answer!

Scientific American (feat. Catherine Caruso): Pregnancy Causes Lasting Changes in a Woman’s Brain (December 19, 2016)

“A research team at Autonomous University of Barcelona, led by neuroscientist Elseline Hoekzema of Leiden University, performed brain scans on first-time mothers before and after pregnancy and found significant gray matter changes in brain regions associated with social cognition and theory of mind — the same regions that were activated when women looked at photos of their infants. These changes, which were still present two years after birth, predicted women’s scores on a test of maternal attachment, and were so clear that a computer algorithm could use them to identify which women had been pregnant.”

So, the brains of mothers are fundamentally different from the brains of childless women! Somehow, I’m not surprised. So what is affected?

Social cognition is a level of analysis that aims to understand social psychological phenomena by investigating the cognitive processes that underlie them. The major concerns of the approach are the processes involved in the perception, judgment, and memory of social stimuli; the effects of social and affective factors on information processing; and the behavioral and interpersonal consequences of cognitive processes.

Theory of mind (often abbreviated ToM) is the ability to attribute mental states — beliefs, intents, desires, pretending, knowledge, etc. — to oneself and others and to understand that others have beliefs, desires, intentions, and perspectives that are different from one’s own.

Could motherhood be a natal blow to female solipsism?

“One of the hallmarks of pregnancy is an enormous increase in sex steroid hormones such as progesterone and estrogen, which help a woman’s body prepare for carrying a child. There is only one other time when our bodies produce similarly large quantities of these hormones: puberty. Previous research has shown that during puberty these hormones cause dramatic structural and organizational changes in the brain. Throughout adolescence both boys and girls lose gray matter as the brain connections they don’t need are pruned, and their brains are sculpted into their adult form. […]”

Being pregnant feels like puberty?!? Well I’ll be a son of a mother!

mutant puberty

Puberty is a period of development in which every day life comes to Life. Every petty event exudes a dramatic flair for the marvelousness of living, and decades later, one can still remember the majestic joys of common objects. Is it no wonder that our beliefs, personalities, and tastes are forever locked into the “time we came of age”?

I see a window of opportunity here to restructure a woman’s mind while she is in a dependent state.

“Hoekzema and her colleagues performed detailed anatomical brain scans on a group of women who were trying to get pregnant for the first time. The 25 women who got pregnant were rescanned soon after they gave birth; 11 of them were scanned two years after that. (For comparison, the researchers also scanned men and women who were not trying to have a child as well as first-time fathers). […]”

I was intensely interested in knowing whether women’s brains changed to the same degree if they had obtained an abortion, but there was no mention of this.

“The researchers found that the new mothers experienced gray matter reductions that lasted for at least two years after birth. This loss, however, is not necessarily a bad thing (according to Hoekzema, “the localization was quite remarkable”); it occurred in brain regions involved in social cognition, particularly in the network dedicated to theory of mind, which helps us think about what is going on in someone else’s mind — regions that had the strongest response when mothers looked at photos of their infants. These brain changes could also be used to predict how mothers scored on the attachment scale. In fact, researchers were able to use a computer algorithm to identify which women were new mothers based solely on their patterns of gray matter loss. Gray matter loss was not seen in new fathers or nonparents.”

In other words, it crimps and rewires their socialization processing. From an evo-psych perspective, this bashes the Hive Mind, and reformulates her focus on her new responsibilities as a mother. It might also explain why many women experience post-partum depression – they no longer have the skill and aptitude to navigate their social networks deftly enough to garner those endorphine charged perks of inclusion and affirmation (AKA Idolatry Withdrawal Syndrome).

The most important tenet of attachment theory is that an infant needs to develop a relationship with at least one primary caregiver for the child’s successful social and emotional development, and in particular for learning how to effectively regulate their feelings. This bonding has a direct effect on the child’s future ability to trust and empathize with others.

In case you haven’t yet guessed, the term “Son of a B!tch” has real meaning.

“It is not entirely clear why women lose gray matter during pregnancy, but Hoekzema thinks it may be because their brains are becoming more specialized in ways that will help them adapt to motherhood and respond to the needs of their babies.”

Egg-sackly!

But in addition to the evo-psych explanation, their brains are also becoming more specialized in ways that will improve their worthiness from the spiritual and marital standpoints as well – becoming less selfish, less solipsistic, more emotionally attached, more humble, more empathetic, and more fresh and randy too. In short, more of what Jesus wants for her sanctification, and what baby-daddy needs to retain sanity.

“happy, faithful, grateful, joyful, intelligent, emotionally mature, respectful, reliable, trustworthy wife = happy life

tom selleck baby bottle

Tom Selleck stars in Three Men and a Baby (1987).

“They shall be saved through child bearing.”

Men and women both! It all makes sense now.

Related

Posted in Decision Making, Discernment, Wisdom, Holding Frame, Models of Success, Organization and Structure, Purpose, Sanctification & Defilement, Self-Concept, Stewardship, The Power of God | Tagged , | 4 Comments

Moon Day Review – The Feminine Empire

Last week, I decided to write a regular post to review and bookmark some noteworthy articles from the previous week. I took inspiration from Adam Piggott’s Friday Hawt Chicks & Links, and I named the first post, Moon Day Chix & Lynx.

When I first posted this review, I was enthusiastic about starting a regular post on a weekly schedule. But after sitting on it for a week, I’m getting a different vibe about the title and content.

The thing that bothered me most is ripping off Adam’s namesake “Chicks and Links”. It wasn’t very sincere or creative on my behalf.

Adam’s site currently holds the plurality of referred views for Σ Frame, so I know we share a lot of the same readership. I had no intention of “stealing Adam´s thunder from down under”, but only to appeal to our readership. Even so, the title was disingenuous.

Although both Adam and I offer some valuable RP viewpoints with a similar flavor, they are very different viewpoints coming from two very different individuals. The point is, I need to develop Σ Frame according to its own personality.

In addition to this, I am guessing that the majority of my readers are in LTR’s. So posting photos of chicks doesn’t really fit into the spirit of this blog.

So in conclusion, I plan to continue posting a weekly review of poignant articles. But I will be changing the title, and you shouldn’t count on seeing any sultry sex pots.

Now on to the review. Here are the articles selected from the week of April 28-May 4. The running theme is The Feminine Empire, with subcategories, Instagram Whores and Female Hegemony.

Instagram Whores

  1. The big topic around the ‘sphere last week surrounded an article published on Evie Magazine: The Rise of Instagram Prostitution (February 9, 2019). Excerpts follow.

“Have you ever seen a group of girls sporting skimpy bikinis on a gorgeous yacht? Or that “model” who continually posts thong and hand-bra pics and is ALWAYS traveling to the most exotic (and expensive) places?

I always used to wonder, “how does she have so much money?” Flights alone are expensive, not to mention her designer shoes and Celine sunglasses. Do you ever notice she never posts a photo of who she’s with? There’s a reason for that.

Enter Instagram Prostitution.”

“[…] I was showing her photos of my husband (then fiancé) and talking about our relationship. She teared up and said I was doing everything right and that she wished she had a life with a guy she loved. When I asked her why she did the dinners regularly, she said, “It felt really weird at first. I try not to think about it too much because it makes me feel guilty, but it’s easy money.

After the girls do it for a while, the familiar men start asking for more… then a little more. Eventually, those women make over $1,000 a night in exchange for sexual acts.”

“This is the most common way Instagram prostitution is initiated. Usually, a guy slides into your DMs. Apparently, the most common prospect is either a younger, attractive, middle-eastern man or an older middle-eastern man. He will ask if you’re available on specific dates to come party with him or his client on a luxurious trip. The rate is high, anywhere from $2,000 – $10,000, sometimes higher. The location is generally somewhere like Dubai or Bali, where girls are flown out to party for a week with a prince. To hear more info, the contact asks you to use WhatsApp so the conversation can’t be tracked. Everything is done over WhatsApp or Signal. While on the trip, guys expect much more and pay extra for sexual favors. Sometimes it’s alluded to during the arrangement, sometimes it’s agreed to beforehand. But in most cases, sex is just expected. Comply, or you don’t get a plane ticket home…

Sometimes you’re asked if you’re available for a local “dinner” in LA or Las Vegas. The rate can be anywhere from $2,000 – $5,000 and up a night, and sexual acts are expected. If you don’t comply, the “pimp/madame” (or your contact) will freak out and not pay you anything.”

[Note to Reader: New $lut tells: (1) NOT having any college debt, AND (2) having well-developed, well-used accounts on Instagram, WhatsApp, and Signal.]

  1. The Other McCain: Insta-Whores (April 30, 2019)

“…the bottom line is, young women have discovered that Instagram provides them a platform to market their services, so to speak, in ways that are difficult for law enforcement to detect or prevent. There are men with money who represent the demand side of a market equation, and these young women — really, how does she afford that trip to Bali? — represent the supply side of the equation. […]”

“One result of this phenomenon — so-called “sugar babies” vending themselves to “sugar daddies” — is widespread cynicism and distrust. College girls who become accustomed to jetting off to Miami, Palm Springs or the French Rivera for “vacations” with well-heeled clients are not likely to be impressed with their male classmates, who can’t afford to spoil them in this manner. And a young man never knows whether the attractive woman with whom he’s trying to strike up a conversation is secretly engaging in such commercial activity. Recall the experience of Anthony Johnson (“Hypergamy Doesn’t Care,” April 23) who says he discovered his ex-wife had been engaged in prostitution for years. Once you become aware that this hidden sexual marketplace exists, the awareness changes your perception of women’s behavior.”

  1. Dalrock: Insta-Whores: Is money the real problem? (April 30, 2019)

“But this also raises the question of what we expect young (and not so young) women to do while they delay marriage.  Nearly all people are troubled by the idea of a woman marrying at 18, 19, or even in her early 20s, and most would be troubled to learn that she did so without having sex with other men first.  How can she be ready to marry if she lacks “life experience”?  Once married, we fear she will stay married if she no longer is happy honoring her vows.

Collectively, our biggest fear isn’t that our daughters will become whores, but that they won’t become whores.  We just tell ourselves whoring is good so long as no money changes hands.”

  1. Adam Piggott’s commentary, Four floors of whores. (May 1, 2019) recounts the insightful testimony of an elderly John. Adam concludes,

“We raise our womenfolk to act like whores so there should be no surprise when they dutifully stick to the script. A 76-year-old man sleeping with over 30 women with an average age of 21? Sounds like prostitution to me. Not only does our society encourage young women to go into hock for vastly overpriced and worthless degrees, it seems that it’s perfectly fine for these girls to become hookers into the bargain so as to feed their supposed education habit.”

Female Hegemony

  1. Gynocentrism (feat. Peter Ryan): Gynocentrism and the golden uterus – Part I (April 29, 2019)

“All three groups make the error in reducing evolutionary success to reproductive success. There are individuals who do not want men to realise their own value, because if they did the powerbase that women rely on to control men would be challenged. As I mentioned in my article “The Gynocentric Mob And Female Superiority”2, the gynocentric social power of women is based on cultivating an image of female superiority. Women only have power in society to the degree that men value what they have to say and what they do. The moment men question female superiority and in particular the moral superiority of women, suddenly women can be held accountable for their own behaviour.”

Female superiority because Male Thirst. Lesson: Slack the desperation of your thirst by renouncing lust and then walk in freedom.

  1. Black Label Logic: Of Carrots and Sticks (May 1, 2019)

“The smoothest operators are often the men who have worked extensively in some form of liaison capacity, where their job is to get multiple organizations, with very different cultures, complex stakeholder configurations, to cooperate, while having no formal authority over the resources they are dependent on to realize the outcome. These people have their stick taken away, they do not have much of a carrot to use either, so they are purely dependent on persuasion and people management skills to get the job done.

The best skill-set you could elect to include in your skill-stack is the ability to read and manage people without formal authority. You have no formal authority over the women you run game on, you also cannot outright pay them in cash, well you can but then your game is not the reason you are getting laid. Good game, is being able to get laid, without formal authority, and without paying the girl off, it’s persuading her to work with you to realize an outcome that you both enjoy, and which is what you wanted to begin with.”

How is this different from Servant Leadership – the husband who panders his wife for the privilege of weekly nookie?

  1. Christianity and Masculinity: Women and voting (May 1, 2019)

“Feminism happened because most men and most women wanted feminism.”

“Voting is just another symptom of feminism which is another way to rebel against God. Even if women never had the right to vote, we would still live in a society that actively rebels against God.”

  1. Dalrock: The season of singleness.(May 1, 2019)

“We tend to think of the sexual revolution as something that happened in the past, but as the chart above shows it started in the late 1960s and is still underway.

“[…] Christians who were in the middle class were theoretically faced with a conflict — which script to follow, the Christian one (which also previously was compatible with the middle class one) or the new middle class one which conflicted with the Christian one because it implied lots of fornication?

Well, we know how *that* turned out, don’t we? What we learned was that most American Christians, of all stripes, were more committed middle class strivers than they were committed Christians. So when the life scripts diverged, they followed the (new) middle class life script en masse … basically kept on following the prevailing middle class life script and left the Christian one by the wayside…”

Key to understanding this process is to understand that conservative Christians don’t admit this is what happened.  This massive shift is cloaked in denial.  While the rest of society admits why women are delaying marriage, conservative Christians have declared that the trend that started in the late 1960s represents Christian women obeying God’s will.  The term of denial is season of singleness, and the premise is that marriage delaying Christian women are responding to God’s call for them to wait for a husband. […]”

Everyone will naturally say they are “waiting”, but don’t you believe it. As many as 65% of Churchettes are sampling the sausage in a taste test competition, and keeping it all under wrap.

In short, “season of singleness” is code for “open range mating season”.

  1. Selo Living (feat. Martin Erlić): The Virgin Canola Oil vs. The Chad Extra Virgin Selo Oils Olive Oil (May 3, 2019)

“Just look around you. Why do supposedly “heart healthy” food products as such beef jerky, dark chocolate, and protein bars have Soy in them?

If capital were truly interested in creating healthy, long-term customers for their goods, instead of encouraging hedonism through predatory marketing and rewarding your dopamine receptors above all else, there would simply be no reason for this abject chicanery.”

“Why do SO MANY food products marketed to Men incidentally have Soy in them?

  • Protein bars/powders
  • Beef jerkey
  • Pre-workout
  • Vitamins

This is more than just economies of scale.

This is MASS MANUFACTURED EFFEMINACY.

Real Men are a threat to the Globalist Agenda.”

“Fruit oils must be cold pressed at low temperatures in order to prevent their proteins from becoming denatured, so you can be assured that if they make it to the supermarket shelf, they’re mostly healthy for you (though there are still many things to watch out for).

…seed oil production depends on the use of chemical solvents such as hexane, in order to extract them at all. Much of this hexane, which is a cousin chemical to benzene (a byproduct of natural gas, crude oil, and coal processing), actually makes it into the oil itself.

…seed oils did not exist until about 100 years ago, because you can’t extract oil from them without these specialized chemical solvents.

After I discovered this myself—after I really started getting interested in fruit oils after my first olive oil harvest two years ago—I vowed to never use seed oils ever again… the best fruit oils are olive oil, avocado oil, or coconut oil, especially when first cold pressed.”

Note taken: Avoid seed oils to retain a few more years of action.

  1. Biblical Gender Roles: Why Christian Women Should Wear Head Coverings (May 3, 2019)

But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” ~ 1st Corinthians 11:3 (KJV):

“The context of I Corinthians 11:3 is not the source of man or woman, but rather the authority structure God has created.

But showing the Egalitarian argument to be faulty, we must now address the Complementarian argument.  Complementarians believe in male headship but they limit it to the home and the church.  They do not believe male headship over women extends to all areas of society.”

“The Bible tells us in Ephesians 5:24 (KJV) “Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing”.  So, this presents a problem for Complementarians who believe women may take authority over men as long as it outside the home or church.”

Man is boss at home, and wife is boss at work? It’s better to resign.

Posted in Female Power, Moon Day Review | Tagged , | 5 Comments

Moon Day Chix & Lynx – Guilt and Responsibility

Every week I come across several articles of significant import, and I regret that I have no opportunity to discuss them or post links to them. Starting with this post, I will take responsibility for this omission. So, taking inspiration from Adam Piggott’s Friday Hawt Chicks and Links, I here introduce Moon Day Hawt Chix & Lynx.

Here are ten insightful articles selected from the week of April 21-27. There is an unintended running theme — Guilt and Responsibility.

  1. The Orthosphere (feat. J. M. Smith): In a Sorry State (April 22, 2019)

“[…] False consciousness makes you consent to exploitation; guilt tripping makes you consent to repression. […]”

“The concept also has obvious links to Freud’s theory of the superego and repression.  Without going into too much detail, Freud taught that guilt originates as an indefinite psychic uneasiness. He said that this “guilt feeling” is caused by renunciation or frustration of a man’s instinctual drives, with the result that a sort of pressure develops in his psyche.  This pressure can be reduced by a more permissive morality, but it can never be altogether eliminated, and so must be accepted as a natural byproduct of human existence.

Notice how Freud turned traditional morality on its head.  He tells us that guilt does not arise from the evil deeds we do, but rather from the “evil” deeds that we naturally wish to do, and yet do not do. This is Freud’s reality.  But over this reality, Freud says there is always the culturally-constructed appearance that guilt is caused by “evil” deeds that are done.

This appearance is a guilt trip that constructs the natural byproduct we call guilt into a useful instrument of social control. […]”

“There is one last thing to note about the Freudian theory of guilt.  A guilt trip interprets the guilt feeling as a dread of punishment for some evil deed, but this dread surrounds the deed and does not merely follow it.  This means that I feel guilty when I merely consider an evil deed, because I even then foresee the punishment that would follow if I did anything more than consider it.  Thus, our guilt managers are able to paint even consideration of evil deeds with a repellant horror.”

  1. Red Pill Theory: How To Talk To Girls (And Get Them Attracted To You) (April 23, 2019)

“…if you hesitate, make excuses, or experience anxiety – that indicates you are probably framing your interactions with women as platonic rather than sexual.

Why?

Because most men are so uncomfortable with the idea of being sexually rejected by women that they have spent their entire lives only interacting with women on a platonic level (except when a girl makes it very clear that she is interested in him).

So, the resistance we feel for telling a woman we find her attractive is a reflection of our discomfort with making our interactions sexual – we believe being sexual would only lead to rejection.”

I’ve found this to be so true. Feeling guilty because you want/need sex, and/or being ashamed of your sexuality are confidence killers.

  1. Captain Capitalism: It’s Not Your Job to Unpack Her Desires (April 24, 2019)

“Like Roosh writing “Game,” The Red Man Group bends over backwards to investigate, understand, and accommodate for women and women’s psychology.  Again, I ask, “where is the female equivalent of such accommodations to recognize and accommodate for men’s psychology?”

“…in nearly every case, blog, podcast, or vlog in the red pill community, men are spending inordinate amounts of time, labor, and resources trying to figure out what women want and delivering that to them.  And whereas you may find that sad or degrading – all these men wasting their lives trying to “figure out women” – the truth is that is what men are programmed to desire most in life – women.”

“…women are unfortunately forced to choose between what their body and instincts are telling screaming at them, versus what the ENTIRE AUTHORITATIVE WORLD is demanding of them.”

“…when all the puffing of their feminist chests are gone, these girls sheepishly admit all they want is to get married and have children.  Some will even say they don’t want to go to college, but do so because their parents, teachers, and society forces them to.

But what is interesting, as well as it is telling AND INSTRUCTIVE, is which side the majority of modern day women inevitably choose.

Most do not exercise critical thinking and let society do the thinking for them.  They choose the world feminism has bludgeoned them to choose.  And since this goes against their genetic programming, they now have a life of living in denial.

Living in denial has major costs and consequences, namely psychological damage.  And you can see this in the contradictory (and what I can only assume to be “maddening”) behaviors of women.”

  1. Reading Between the Life (feat. Elspeth): Jane Austen: Queen of the Romance Tropes (April 24, 2019)

“Jane Austen’s novels touch on almost every conceivable route to the altar to be found in life and literature. When you get past the familiar underlying theme of women on the cusp on spinsterhood, the story arcs offer a fair amount of variety.

…Jane Austen hits all the romance tropes (and some not so romantic tropes).

Pride and Prejudice (1813): Lizzy initially finds Mr. Darcy pompous, then evil, and eventually realizes that the tallest, handsomest, and richest man around is the perfect man for her.”

  1. Snapper TRX: Circles of Christianity (April 24, 2019)

“…often times, a lot of Christians’ “Christianity” extends only to the furthest point of their own comfort zone, at which point things become “not Christian” anymore, even if those things are biblically sound.”

“Rather than using the actual word of God as the foundation of the church it seems the church has decided to use feelings as its foundation and has taught both men and women to do the same with their own Christian walks. As a result, we end up with weak Christians who’s understanding of the word is warped because their feelings change their understanding and obedience.”

  1. Blair Naso: Do Those Who Commit Suicide Go To Hell? (April 26, 2019)

“As a child, I always spent Tuesdays at my father’s house. Towards the end of eighth grade for about a month I planned on shooting myself with his gun. Every Tuesday I would hope I got home before he did, but each time he happened to come home early. […]”

“For the next three months, late summer through early fall, the only reason I didn’t kill myself is because I believed I would go to hell. That was it.”

“I had always made real, proactive efforts to build a new life surrounded by loved ones and doing meaningful work. All of that led to a deeper loneliness and lack of purpose than if I had just gotten a girl pregnant in high school.

I had made real efforts to heal family bonds that had been broken from childhood, and this rarely changed anything. […]”

“I don’t think everyone who kills themselves goes to hell, but I would, because I know better. To kill myself would be a rejection of God. It’s saying that you are going to take matters into your own hands, that you do not want whatever plan God has for your life. […]”

“What trusting in Christ will do is assure you that one day all of this will seem like the most trivial concern. One day after the Final Judgment, you will look back on whatever is paralyzing your soul as though you were a child crying over his fingers pruning in the bathtub. […]”

  1. Chateau Heartiste: ¡SCIENCE!: Feminism Surrenders Before The Intoxicating Alpha Male (April 26, 2019)

“We find that greater exposure to “high-achieving” boys, as proxied by their parents’ education, decreases the likelihood that girls go on to complete a bachelor’s degree, substituting the latter with junior college degrees. It also affects negatively their math and science grades and, in the long term, decreases labor force participation and increases fertility.”

“Increases fertility”. The key phrase.

  1. Do What’s Right: Two Kinds of Forgiveness (April 26, 2019)

“So the question here is to stop and discern what you really absolutely must have in order to keep peace with God. When someone in your world intrudes into that territory, you do whatever it takes to keep them away from it. The simplest measure is putting distance between you and them. If that’s not possible, then you start working on other kinds of barriers that require changing their behavior. It is quite valid that this scales up to violence, simply because some people are not equipped to change themselves in some contexts. It’s not based on personal pique, but whatever it takes to protect the mission, to keep giving God what He demands of you.”

  1. Ribbon Farm (feat. Jacob Falkovich): Predictable Identities (Series)*

This series is a must read, and it’s not too long or wordy.

  1. Guess What’s Coming (February 20, 2019)
  2. Active Inference (February 27, 2019)
  3. Prisoner’s Dilemma (March 10, 2019)
  4. Stereotypes (March 13, 2019)
  5. Outgroup Homogeneity (March 20, 2019)
  6. Creeps (April 3, 2019)
  7. Weirdness Budget (April 24, 2019)
  8. Roles People Play (April 17, 2019)

* H/T: Calculated Bravery: Idiosyncrasy Credits (April 27, 2019)

  1. Amerika (feat. Brett Stevens): John Earnest Shoots Up Southern California Synagogue (April 27, 2019)

Be sure you read his manifesto.

Sasha Luss (Саша Лусс) is the chick featured this week.

Sasha Luss Brilliant

Sasha Luss

Posted in Moon Day Chix & Linx | Leave a comment

Creating and Maintaining Heart Trust

Trust is an indispensable part of forming and continuing a relationship. But the expression of trust undergoes a metamorphosis as the relationship matures.

Readership: All

A previous post, The Trust Factor (April 18, 2019), covered the definitions and differences between two kinds of trust, Head Trust and Heart Trust. Readers who are unfamiliar with this distinction may want to read this essay first before proceeding.

Disclaimer: The following essay focuses mostly on how a man can build up a woman’s Heart Trust in himself. But a woman should be focused on how she can be so loyal and emotionally stable that she could prove herself true to her man’s Head Trust in herself. Thus, whenever a man is vetting a woman for a LTR, not only should he pay attention to the extraction of her Heart Trust, but he should also consider how much Head Trust he can realistically place in her.

The Importance of Developing Trust

Chris Shepherd describes attraction in women as “The feeling of being desired by a powerful man she can trust”. He goes on to describe how that brand of Heart Trust can override a woman’s hypergamous inclinations to branch swing to a higher status man. Thus, Heart Trust inspires faithfulness in the carnal sense of the word.

Troy Francis wrote a noteworthy article on ROK, Why Is Day Game Such A Grind? (October 4, 2017). The answer to the titular question is that initiating an interaction with a random person puts one at a severe disadvantage in building trust. Thus, he uses over half the text detailing the importance of establishing a girl’s trust in him… as a PUA!

The reason day game can provide little tangible benefit for hours of work is simple: it all comes down to lack of trust. In fact, a lack of trust is built into the day game model itself. Put simply, day game requires you to walk up to a woman you have never met before, in a totally random context, talk to her for a few moments, and hope to seduce her as a result. When put like this, is it any wonder that social circle and even night game tend to produce faster and more prolific results? The act of cold approach in the day time is socially unusual and a big ask for girls to go along with.

girl in love with  boyfriends

Conditions for Trust

British journalist and author Ian Leslie… has written a number of books including Born Liars on the subject on lying in the ‘post-truth’ era. […] Leslie wanted to talk to us about what he termed the necessary ‘conditions for trust’. These could apply to advertising, but equally to friendship, business, diplomacy between nations, and everything else in between. The conditions he named are:

  • Time
  • Consistency
  • Ritual

What does this mean when we think about it from an interpersonal perspective? Well, if you spend a lot of time with someone, if they are consistent with you in terms of their contact, and indeed, if seeing them becomes a ritual for you, then you are much more likely to feel truth in them, than if any one of these conditions doesn’t apply.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, this is also true when we apply it to intergender dynamics…

… the girls I got into bed were largely from social circle and night game. [They] trusted me more because I met the three necessary conditions. I had naturally spent more time with them than the girls from day game. I was consistent in seeing them (for example, a couple were girls from work who I saw every day). And there was ritual involved in our meeting—for example, one of the girls I would meet for secret cups of coffee in the canteen every day at 4pm.

secrets-sharing-whispering-whispers-telling-privacy-private-couple-wife-husband-man-woman-relationship-marriage-dating

“Pssst!  Let me tell you a secret…”

Trust is Super Important

In game, we get so hung up on attraction, attraction, attraction, that we tend to forget about trust (or comfort). I’m not talking here about trust in a blue-pill, hands-around-the-world, kumbaya-type way, but on a very base level she’s got to trust that you are a normal guy who isn’t going to turn psycho on her, or stalk her, or whatever. And of course, that is far easier when you are someone she sees regularly.

This, as I’ve argued before, is the principal problem with day game — it’s often not grounded enough. It looks too player-ish and contrived. That’s why even when you get a phone number there’s a good chance it will flake [sic]. When she’s gone home and had time to think there’s every chance that she (or one of her friends) will revise her opinion on the value of meeting up with you.

As mentioned before, whenever confusion and suspicion are present, trust is unable to form. And there’s a good reason why a decent woman would be hesitant to trust a PUA.

So, a PUA learns that there is no way around laying the groundwork for trust before any semblance of a relationship can bloom. But Francis is only scratching the surface.

you knew me not

The Challenge of Building Heart Trust

Women face the dilemma of demanding Head Trust, or else seeking Heart Trust in their relationship with a man. Most women could swing either way, but her response strongly depends on the constitution and sophistication of the man she’s dealing with.

Men are taught, “a man’s word is his honor”, and they generally adhere to their natural bent towards logic and reason. But they make the mistake of allowing these hallmarks of masculinity to dictate their interactions with a woman. Women are naturally gifted at coopting these traits of man to their own purposes. Thus, men who naively believe that being honest, reasonable, and altruistic will increase their bonding with a woman are surprised when the woman hijacks the Head Trust, takes the driver’s seat in the relationship, and then fails to appreciate his “goodness”. Thus, if men do not become sufficiently self-aware of their own nature, they will continue on this path towards absconding their God given power and authority, thereby leading to the destruction of the union.

People tend to fly on autopilot, meaning that they stick with their habits and modes of thinking that they are most familiar with. People are no different when they enter into a new relationship. They may be flying high on endorphins for a few months, but when the thrill wears off and routine settles in, they will usually rebound to their old selves. However, if a man can avail of this temporary venture into the unknown during the initial phase of the relationship, and tap her open heart deep enough to establish strong bonding, he may induce sufficient changes to wean her off of the ghosts of her past. This is especially important in building the foundation of a LTR.

If she is the straight-laced, dutiful sort, then she will expect to continue under the same system. With this kind of woman, the man’s challenge is in encouraging her to loosen up, teaching her to have fun with him, and exploring the other side of life.

If she is a free-wheeling, fun loving person, then the boundaries may need to be lax. The boundaries may take the form of respect, mutuality of ego fulfillment, and being practical, responsible, and reliable.

Thinking-Nude

Thinking Nude, by Roy Lichtenstein, 1993.

The Slow Steady Drift into Head Trust Territory

When couples stay together for a long time, they become familiar with each other’s habits. They feel like they can predict the others behavior. They come to expect certain things. As a result, the Heart Trust loses intensity, and as a comfort zone relaxation sets in, they slowly resort to Head Trust.

Without the preoccupying stimulation of the Heart, females will ramp up the Head Games and S#!t tests, if only to create some entertaining drama for themselves.

So, given Leslie’s ternary recipe of Time, Consistency, and Ritual in establishing Trust, for a relationship to grow into a LTR, there are two different end games to consider.

  1. Maintaining and strengthening the Heart Trust, and deepening the relationship by including elements of Head Trust.
  2. Allowing Head Trust to augment naturally, while time, neglect, and attrition cause Heart Trust to slowly erode.

If you’re a man who coasts along on Head Trust, and defuses her Heart Trust, then your woman will feel unfulfilled and frustrated with the relationship. Depending on her temperance, and given enough time, she’ll eventually go branch swinging.

If you’re with a woman who insists on the Head Trust, and refuses Heart Trust, then you may feel comfortable for the time being, but the lack of emotional vitality may come back to haunt you in the form of restlessness, or regrets arising from the endless nagging. Extended over a longer time Frame, a lack of Heart Trust will harden one’s heart.

Your heart is a muscle. Use it, or lose it! No pain, no gain!

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2 Frames of Reference for Identifying the Trust Factor

Not all women offer the preferred brand of trust. Can you identify the difference between Head Trust and Heart Trust?

Readership: All

The Confusion Surrounding Trust

In a previous post, The Trust Factor (April 18, 2019), we examined two kinds of trust, Head Trust, and Heart Trust, with the latter one being the favored condition, by far.

But for many men, this choice is not easily discerned. When a man is dealing with a woman, no matter whether the woman is into Head Trust or Heart Trust, she will give him S#!t either way. No S#!t, Sherlock!

With Head Trust, she’s giving him S#!t tests, and with Heart Trust, she’s giving him authentic S#!t. So since the S#!t is all the same either way, how does a man know if a woman is giving him Head Trust or Heart Trust? Since the state of Trust determines the longitudinal nature and outcome of the relationship, it is crucial for the man to know the answer to this question – before the S#!t hits the fan.

bosanma

No Resting B!tch Face here!  That’s the look of the post-Sorority, pre-Wall indignance!  The way she is looking at that ring says it all – she loves the affirmation, but hates the source — all at the same time.  NRFS!

So here we’ll cover two Frames of reference containing perceptible indicators of the type of Trust she’s inclined to offer.

1. The Quality of the Source

It is common knowledge around the Manosphere that men strongly prefer to have a woman who is young, emotionally fresh, humble, and trusting, especially for marriage. One of the many reasons for this, is that such a woman can develop Heart Trust in a man very easily.

On the other hand, if a woman is selfish, rude, immature, vapid, flaky, dispassionate, proud, chronically angry, or a social media wh0re, then she doesn’t have the ability to accommodate a man as the focus of her Heart Trust.

If she has had a lot of sexual experiences with different men, then this gives her the carnal knowledge that reinforces her propensity to rely on Head Trust. Too much reliance on Head Trust, and an inability to develop Heart Trust (AKA being jaded), ruins a woman’s desirability and worthiness for a LTR or marriage.

Even if she’s sincerely seeking authentic Heart Trust, but she’s excessively immature, then Heart Trust will not manifest appropriately. In this case, she’ll rip apart everything good in your relationship, looking for something her heart craves, but which remains elusive to her. She can’t understand how her self-centered attempts to satisfy her desperate need for love are rocking the boat until it capsizes.

Women like this need Jesus, because they have a deeper hunger in the soul which can never be satisfied through a relationship with a man.

If you are in a “Missionary Marriage” like this, the rewards may be great, but the work to get there will be long and exhausting. Proceed at your own risk, and with much prayer and discretion.

If you’re not already married to Miss Problemette, then keep your distance and let God do His work in her first. If you get involved with her before then, you will certainly be used by her to shoulder her world of hurt and suffering, and found wanting in the end. If you feel “called” to get involved anyway, then that’s between you and God.

In summary, if the woman is low quality, you won’t get much Heart Trust out of her, and Head Games and salty S#!t will be conspicuously imminent.

Of interest, the following articles describe many more identifying features of low quality women.

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She’s alive and kicking! This is the kind of gaze you should be receiving from your girl.

2. Her State of Humility

Another powerful way to determine the sincerity of the woman is in gauging how humble she is within your interaction. Humility is perhaps the single most important quality that a woman could have, in terms of building a LTR. This is true because humility requires and facilitates Heart Trust.

The qualities of true humility (as opposed to the shame resulting from the debasement of pride) were described in a previous post, Apprehending True Humility (April 7, 2019). Relevant aspects are listed here.

  • Humility is the state of being emotionally aware of your needs and weaknesses and how you depend on God and others on a moment by moment basis.
  • Humility allows one to become introspective, and examine one’s own heart and motives. A humble person asks him/herself, “What did I do wrong? What’s my problem? What’s wrong with me? What more can I do? How can I fit into this relationship better?”
  • If a person has humility, he/she would be more loving, forgiving, merciful and compassionate.
  • Humility makes one more emotionally expressive of one’s needs to others. As a result, one is more emotionally connected to people.
  • Humility allows one to open their heart and experience love and grace.
  • The experience of falling in love is all about humility. One’s desire and affection for the other person becomes a need that the other person fulfills. One then finds himself doing all kinds of introspection, leading to personal changes, all to try to fit into this relationship better.

Humility is also a hallmark of spiritual maturity, which is an indispensable foundation of a LTR.

If your girl displays these characteristics of humility, the chances are good that you’ve got a keeper! (Or at least one that will keep you.)

Conclusions

In sum, if she thinks you’re the studliest cock of the walk, if she is doing back flips to make the relationship work, if she is bending down and swallowing the last morsel of the Humble Pie you’re feeding her – and doing it all with a bright-eyed, eager, and thankful puppy dog smile (like the one on the Asian babe pictured above) – then rest assured, you’re enjoying the blessings of her Heart Trust, and you should do whatever you can to cherish her whole-hearted Love, and keep her head spinning around.

On the other hand, if she thinks you’re the lickyest doodle of the town, if she wants you to do back flips to make the relationship work, if she is dragging you down, Gaslighting you, and force feeding you the contentions of her double mindedness – and threatening to withhold sex or leave you if you don’t roll over on her command – then verum non indicavit, you’re suffering from the curse of her Head Trust.* If you’re single, you should do whatever you can to avoid this hazing ceremony in the Rush to ћǝllenization. If you’re already married to a battle axe, then your task is to break down her addiction to hard power and virtual fixes.

Unfortunately, women don’t come with an autonomous error correcting algorithm installed in their set of firmware. As a consequence, women don’t naturally grow into high quality specimens of femininity. They need to be led and taught to be so. If her father didn’t do the work of moulding her into a proper lady, then that duty falls to you, bud.

Of note, some women certainly hold more promise of potential than others. The following articles describe many more identifying features of diamonds in the rough.

* Exceptions may apply in the case of extreme immaturity, as described above, under section 1. The Quality of the Source.

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The Trust Factor

Trust is indispensable when activizing a woman. Yet, there are two kinds of trust. Which one are you pursuing?

Readership: All

Two Kinds of Trust

Human beings are naturally inclined to trust.

When trust is present, there can be a similitude of a relationship.

When trust is broken, then fear, anger, and retaliation result.

Whenever confusion and suspicion are present, trust is unable to form.

In sum, trusting is a monumental importance that carries potentially catastrophic consequences.

Our experience in life teaches us whether to accept or deny that uncertainty, usually in view of mitigating risk and maximizing Spiritual Efficiency.

Unfarcimoniously, I would go so far as to say there are two kinds of trust, and one of them is not in the dictionary. Neither is the first word in the last sentence, but you know exactly what it means – that’s trust.

Jean-Jacques-Rousseau-Quote-Trust-your-heart-rather-than-your-head

The first kind of trust is in the head. It’s when you believe the person will do what they said they would do, or what you expect them to do. Contracts and business agreements rely on this kind of trust.

The second kind of trust is in the heart. It’s when you can feel free to be yourself, and “let it all hang out”, knowing that the other person will understand your intended meaning, accept your foibles, and extend the grace necessary to glorify your contributed value, whatever that might be.

InteresTingly, these two kinds of trust are rather mutually exclusive. You either have one or the other, and it’s very rare, if not impossible, to have both simultaneously.

Head Trust

When a woman has Head Trust in a man, the Manosphere labels this as her being in “transactional mode”. Operating with a woman in transactional mode is known as a Beta trait, but is actually more common among Deltas.

When a woman places Head Trust in a man, the Fitness Testing (AKA S#!t Testing) emerges. There will be no end to the contention until she finds his limits and pushes his buttons. He’s the pack mule, and she’s the driver. The quarreling with only end when she has attained full unconditional control over her domesticated beast of burden, and he has submitted himself, meek and mild, to her authority as the gatekeeper of his hard earned sexual release.

Meanwhile, Ms. Home Grown Hypergamy will be on the secret lookout for Mr. Wild Alpha Beast who can naturally draw her Heart Trust out of her vile pussycat thighs.

S#!t Testing happens, partly because her fallen nature of rebelling against male authority rears its ugly head, and partly because she needs to know the exact limit of that Head Trust. Knowing the limitations of a man’s capability determines the level of Head Trust that is appropriate. Going beyond this level of Trust would be foolish (in her view). This is why Fitness Testing becomes a top priority to her.

The pliability and accessibility that the man displays during Fitness Testing will determine the limits of her control over the relationship. A woman can wield more control over a man who is obsequiously “Nice” and reliably predictable (viz. he has a high Head Trust rating). But a man who exercises limits and boundaries, and who Pushes the Line (viz. his Head Trustworthiness is inscrutable) is difficult to subjugate.

It follows that guys who play “Nice Guy” tactics are presumptuously vying for the Head Trust relational structure. If the man proves to be totally predictable and dependable, then she can place a large amount of Head Trust in him.

Most guys naturally think this kind of altruism would improve the relationship. However, most females will utilize the dependable man’s predictability to attain dominance in the relationship. She might even call him boring, all the while entertaining herself by jerking him around.

The Courtly Love model of Chivalry also falls into the Head Trust category. In this case, there are necessarily a lot of romantic feelings (AKA sexual “thirst”) on the man’s part, which naturally increase his devotion to prove himself worthy of her Head Trust. This in turn, motivates him to provide accessibility of resources to the woman. Her confidence in his reliability feeds her self-indulgence, buttresses her ego, breeds her addiction to choice, and infuses the euphoria of power. The resulting synergy of deferential male lust and female empowerment is often falsely labeled as “love”.

dig bick

Heart Trust

When a woman has Heart Trust in a man, the Manosphere labels this as “affirmation mode”. Having the ability to continually operate with a woman in affirmation mode is an Alpha quality.

When a woman places Heart Trust in a man, the Tingles percolate. She’s always short of breath and walks around with her headlights on. Heart Trust is an aphrodisiac. This is because Heart Trust opens up the heart. It brings a person to life. It encourages faith and confidence. It breaks down psychological walls. It overrules egotistical Pride. It defuses defense mechanisms. It inspires respect. It affirms hope. It opens the eyes of the Soul.

This is partly because his purposes in life are independent of the outcome of his relationship with her, and partly because the man can handle all her S#!t with a fair degree of finesse. As a result, she knows there is no limit to that Heart Trust.

Interestingly, the boundaries presented by the man’s Frame serve to remove the boundaries that trap the woman in her own self-constructed solipsistic ℏǝll. These boundaries will determine her sense of security in the relationship. How tight or loose that boundary needs to be, is dependent on the individuals involved.

It follows that the Bad@ss who sticks to Jerkboy’s will to power are presumptuously vying for the Heart Trust relational structure. If the man proves to be assiduously impervious to whatever she deems as a weakness, then she can place a large amount of Heart Trust in him.

Most guys naturally think this hardcore spline-fit would destroy the relationship. However, most females will intuitively grasp onto the steadfast man’s Frame to secure a position of boundless passion for the relationship. She’ll willingly submit herself to be his spritely play toy, all the while entertaining herself with notions of love and romance.

The Tingly Respect model of courtship also falls into the Heart Trust category. In this case, there are necessarily a lot of romantic feelings (AKA sexual “thirst”) on the woman’s part, which naturally increase her devotion to prove herself worthy of his Head Trust. This in turn, motivates her to provide emotional accessibility and service to the man. His confidence in her faithfulness feeds his self-esteem, buttresses his ego, breeds his confidence, and engages the efficacy of his power. The resulting synergy of deferential female desire and male empowerment is the “true love” described by fairy tales of yore, and is the garden variety topics of modern romance novels (AKA female pornography) – a consummation devoutly yearned for by females everywhere.

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Jack’s Law of Feminism

A summary of the Manosphere’s formal definitions of Feminism.

Readership: Men

epiphany

In a recent post, One Hundred Years of Men’s Rights Have Come To Nothing (April 12, 2019), Ballista emphasizes the necessity of properly defining Feminism.

Feminism is ultimately ill-defined to the point that anyone that seeks to be against it always fails.  A proper solution to a problem always begins with an accurate definition.

[…]

Yet few will come up with an accurate definition or an effective solution, nor will support the actions required to enact an effective solution. Therefore, the problem will never be dealt with.

Over the years, Manospherians have been kicking around descriptors to grab a better handle on Feminism.

Chateau Heartiste’s Definition of Feminism (ca. November 12, 2013):

“The goal of feminism is to remove all constraints on female sexuality and behavior and to maximally restrict and punish the exercise of male sexuality and behavior.”

Back in September, Dalrock broke new ground with his formalized definition of Feminism which captures the essential flavor of Feminism in modern Western society.

Dalrock’s Law of Feminism (September 6, 2018):

Feminism is the assertion that men are evil and naturally want to harm women, followed by pleas to men to solve all of women’s problems.”

The second clause of Dalrock’s Law of Feminism is essentially a subtle assertion that women are subject to the authority of men. There is the expectation, shared by both sexes, that the health of the relationship is dependent on the behavior of the other. But this is a legalistic approach, which fails to implement God’s grace for the regeneration of the relationship.

Boxer’s Definitions of Feminism (January 18, 2019):

  1. A conspiracy against all men and all nations, to offload the individual and collective responsibility for female misbehavior onto men.
  2. An ideology (see Marx) which promotes a false state-of-affairs between men and their material conditions, furthering the support of women at the expense of man and his brothers.

Heidi’s Corollaries

  1. “Feminism” has no meaning corresponding to reality; it’s simply a rhetorical tool.
  2. “…if you’re a feminist, then you must naturally support the #MeToo movement, abortion, and exterminating 90% of the male population and keeping the remaining 10% caged up to be used as studs when needed. If you don’t support all that, then you’re not a feminist, and what you really want is for women to be treated like dirt!”

Jack’s Law of Feminism (January 18, 2019):

“Feminism is the assertion and justification of women’s rejection of male authority in favor of an institutionalized social ontology which is dictated by the Feminine Imperative.”

In summary, the panel has reached a consensus on the Law of Feminism as a working definition, and it’s not looking holy. In effect, it is a rebellion which seeks to invert the natural, God ordained hierarchy of authority. This hearkens back to the Sin of Eve, which has been covered in an excellent essay by L.T. Smash on Return of Kings, Men Have Foolishly Ignored The Warning In The Book Of Genesis (September 26, 2018).

Any feminist who disagrees with the above definitions is only seeking to evade the exposé of sin and shame that would result from being so eloquently pigeonholed. So you should always be prepared to expect this kind of response.

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