Foundations of Cultural Ethics and Chivalry

Targeted Readership: All

I see a fundamental shift in cultural ethics taking place in western society, and it seems that many people are not very well aware of what is happening. So in response to this need, this post will kick off a series of articles discussing ethical systems and some relevant intricacies of ethical considerations and applications.

This essay is comprised of four parts.

  1. Common Faith is the Foundation of a Culture
  2. The Three Basic Systems of Cultural Ethics
  3. An Abridged History of Chivalry
  4. Conclusions

Common Faith is the Foundation of a Culture

All cultures, whether national, regional, or social, in the general sense, are built on a common faith in a shared ideal. The individuals within a culture share the faith in the presumed ideological system, and this is what creates a culture.

From a comprehensive view, a culture can be characterized through the following social conventions, upon which its members hold faith.

The Social Organization: Matriarchy, Patriarchy, and Egalitarianism – Does the culture cater to the dictates of the masculine, or does it appease the whims of the feminine?

The Predominant Religious Influences: Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, et al. – Religious values and teachings become engrained into the culture over time.

The System of Cultural Ethics – Three basic systems which will be discussed in the following section.

Other Characteristic Features: Chivalry, Filial Piety, Caste Systems, Apartheid, etc.

It should be noted that since all these features of a culture are taken on faith by their constituents, the intricacies and dynamics of each one often escape the conscious awareness of a typical person within a respective culture. As a result, it is difficult to discuss these topics, except in the abstract. Those who are well traveled will have a better perspicacity of the differences among cultures.

“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime.” ~ Samuel L. Clemens, AKA Mark Twain

The Three Basic Systems of Cultural Ethics

Cultural anthropology has proposed three different variations of ethical standards observed by cultures around the world. The cultural and ethical theories surrounding these three archetypes have been largely adopted by world political strategists, diplomats, and evangelical missionaries, for the purpose of understanding and analyzing human behavior within societies, and communicating with individuals in foreign cultures.

These three systems are briefly described as follows, according to the noteworthy defining characteristics of each.

The Innocence/Righteousness vs. Guilt Culture (RvG), also referred to as a ‘law and order’ society, is an ‘innocent until proven guilty’ society in which control is maintained by creating societal rules, e.g. laws, regulations, standards, permits, etc., and continually reinforcing feelings of guilt and the expectation of punishment, either now, or in the afterlife, for certain condemned actions or behaviors. Ethics are imposed by the injunction, “You did something wrong (or bad)!”

The Honor vs. Shame Culture (HvS), also called a ‘shame culture’, ‘feudal state’, or ‘revenge social dynamics’, is a ‘guilty until proven innocent’ society in which the primary device for gaining control over children and maintaining social order is the inculcation of shame and the complementary threat of ostracism or rejection. Ethics are imposed by the implication of “There is something wrong (or bad) about you!”

The Power vs. Fear Culture (PvF), also known as ‘martial law’, ‘dictatorships’, ‘climate of fear’, ‘fear mongering’, ‘bullying’, and strangely, but not surprisingly, ‘toxic branding’, is an ‘innocent if worthy’ society in which brute force, structured authority, taboos, and superstition are used to incite fear and emotional bias. Control is maintained through the fear of loss, retribution or physical harm. Ethics are imposed through the motivations related to rewards and punishments.

[Eds. note: The concept of honour, as it is understood in the RvG system, pertains to an internal sense of honour, whereas, in the HvS system, it refers to an external appearance of honor. To dispel any confusion over the terminology, I will adopt the British spelling of honour for the former, and the American, honor, for the latter.]

The demographics for the proliferation of each system within several geographic regions is covered by Honor Shame: The Data on Global Culture Types (January 21, 2015). Please click on the link for some graphical illustrations showing the distribution of ethical systems around the world.

It should be noted that most cultures have a complex combination of the three types, but one type is usually more dominant than the others. To offer some examples, Muslims come from a very strong HvS patriarchal culture, and Africans from a very strong PvF matriarchal culture. Far east Asians have been the most diligent about preserving all three ethical systems within their patriarchal cultures.

[Eds. note: I disagree somewhat with the demographics reported on east Asians, and I suspect that the subjects in the study were Americans of east Asian descent. By my rough estimation (after having lived in Chinese culture for 13 years), east Asian culture is comprised of about 40% PvF, 30% HvS, 20% RvG, and 10% ‘individual personality’. Furthermore, the relative dominance of each system is compartmentalized along different venues of life. For example, the PvF structure is dominant in business and politics, the HvS structure is dominant in education, family and social life, and the RvG system is important for one’s sense of self-worth. The ‘individual personality’ is the moderating influence that each person must employ to adapt to, and ‘juggle’ the juxtaposition of the other three systems within one’s life. Perhaps this information might help readers demystify the xenotypical stereotype of east Asian culture.]

Another point of interest is that different sub-societal groups may employ different ethical systems. For example, RvG societies, such as the United States, wisely employ structures of authority and power (PvF) within their militaries, because the motivating factors of the PvF system, especially destruction and death, are of greater, raw influence compared to the motivating factors of honor, social acceptance, innocence, reason, law and order, within the larger cultural infrastructure. Street gangs employ the PvF structure, and many criminals have the PvF mindset. Organized crime syndicates utilize the PvF structure, and add elements of the HvS system.

Hollywood movies depicting a mafia (e.g. The Godfather) emphasize the HvS structure for the sake of dramatic effect. In fact, within western movie repertoires, the ‘good guys’ are commonly identified by their adherence to the RvG structure, while the ‘bad guys’ are obviously indicated through their conformism to one or both of the other two systems.

The reader may be fascinated to discover that in other areas of the world, the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ guys conform to the opposite ethical systems. For example, in China, the ‘good guys’ are characterized by wealth, attractiveness, social popularity, and dignity to the point of arrogance (PvF), while the bad guys are guilt-ridden over their selfish wrongdoings, and obsessed with what are considered useless, abstract thoughts of religious superstitions (RvG). The Confucian ethic of Filial Piety focuses on bringing honor to one’s family, and especially one’s father (HvS), whereas any efforts made towards the ethic of maintaining one’s own, individual righteousness (RvG) are seen to be merely self-centered, posture posing, if it does not bring honor to the family as well.

There is also an inherent hierarchy of these three structures with respect to societal goals. In terms of building a civilization, advancing economic growth, and improving the quality of life (i.e. civilized qualities), the RvG structure is the most conducive, while the PvF structure is the least.

In terms of sheer domination and control, preserving current status, caste systems, societal order, and wealth (or lack of the latter), the PvF structure is the most effective, while the RvG structure is virtually powerless.

The only power that the RvG system can exert over the PvF system is in resorting to the HvS tactic of dismissing it as uncultured and uncivilized, and rejecting it as destructive and inhuman. However, this can be quite effective.

The HvS structure is noteworthy for having the most influence over the social conduct of the individual, in which personal liberties and ambitions are either harnessed or sacrificed for the sake of obtaining solidarity and order within the family or larger social group.

An Abridged History of Chivalry

Elements of chivalry predated the Greeks and Romans of antiquity, and was heavily adopted and spread by the Romans, hence the term, ‘romance’. However, Chivalry in modern times has come to be a social expression unique to western, RvG culture. I was curious to know how this came about.

It is believed that the early Catholic church stole chivalry from Teutonic tribes (???), and appropriated chivalry to create a class distinction, in order to consolidate power.

In Medieval times, the formal tenets of Chivalry originally espoused allegiance to the (Catholic) church, and over time, a modicum of several Biblical teachings were adopted under the purported aim of ‘pleasing God’.

It is also believed that chivalry received considerable inspiration from Arabic culture, partly from northern Africa through Spain, and partly from European involvement in the Crusades.

The influences of the Catholic church, as well as the exposure to the HvS Arabic culture, presumably added the aspects of distinctive honor, glorified honour, and the sense of one’s duty to community. It might be argued that the Catholic church employed PvF tactics to establish this social structure.

The dynamics of this development are not well known, since value systems tend to lie beneath the conscious awareness of human beings, and are thus omitted from reference in history. Historians must therefore study the context of writings to obtain clues about the ethical values of people living at that time.

However, it should be noted that the Christian faith, and the Christian church, existed independently of Chivalry for a few hundred years. Therefore, Christianity is not dependent on the Chivalry of its members, although I feel that both the Church and society are much better off when they include certain aspects of Chivalry, if only as a form of tradition. (If any of my readers can offer evidence to the contrary, please leave a comment with a sufficient explanation.)

In my own opinion, I have observed that in general, human beings have a natural appetite for excellence and magnificence. People within all three ethical structures, naturally aspire to the dignity, social esteem, wealth, luxuries and conveniences of the upper class, and even the bottom economic social classes have found a semblance of dignity in modeling ‘high class’ social etiquette. Thus, it is easy (for me) to conjecture how, over time, other ethical systems were denigrated as distinctions of the lower classes, and eventually eliminated from public consciousness (in the west) over a longer time frame.

I also believe this was easy to do within the patriarchal structure of the past. The GvR system naturally appeals to the individual man’s sense of personal honour, and his need for respect. It appeals to a man’s sense of honour because it puts the qualifications for a man’s honour within his own sphere of control through his daily civil conduct, as opposed to the relatively difficult task of gaining honor within the HvS system by its dependency on a man’s status, wealth, power, and on others in his family and community.

In addition, today’s society poses fewer violent threats to life, limb, and property, than the common man faced in the past. In other words, it’s super easy for a western man to be an hono(u)rable member of society. All he has to do is… nothing bad.

Conclusions

  • Cultures are built on a shared faith in a common ideology, which takes the form of social conventions.
  • Since cultures are built on faith, individual members of a culture often have little cognitive awareness of the common ideologies that their culture believes in.
  • Cultures around the world display unique combinations of different social conventions, all having their own set of strengths and weaknesses.
  • When different ethical systems are set against one another in a conflict, it is comparable to a ‘paper, scissors, rock’ game, depending on the issues involved.
  • Historically, those cultures which have been built on the Righteousness vs. Guilt system have had a significantly greater advancements and achievements than those which have been founded on either of the other two systems.
  • Chivalry predates antiquity.
  • Chivalry is not necessarily or uniquely a Christian phenomenon.
  • The Roman Catholic church was instrumental towards the integration of Patriarchy, Christianity, and Chivalry, within the RvG cultures in the west.

Future posts will discuss some important values, such as honour, as well as culturally relevant considerations from the viewpoints of these three ethical systems and their impact, as they appear in Feminism, the SMP, Immigration, and maybe others.

For more information on each of the three ethical systems introduced in this post, please see the related information below.

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Posted in International, Organization and Structure, Society | Tagged | 2 Comments

Disciplined, Submissive, Happy Wives

On November 15, 2017, I did a study of conflict structure, hoping to discover something that would improve marriages (namely my own). Since then, I have been experimenting with using this knowledge to enhance my relations with my wife. This post is a three-month progress report of my findings.

Targeted Readership: Men in LTR’s

A Summary of the Study: Conflict Structure and Marital Satisfaction

The stereotypical conflict structure, in which the wife demands and the husband withdraws, is known to destroy marriages over time. However, the opposite structure, in which the husband demands and the wife submits, foments marital contentment over the long haul.

The word ‘demand’ in the study, does not mean to dictate hot, angry commands. It merely describes the conflict structure, in which the person who brings up an issue and asks for a change is labeled as the one who demands. The other person, according to the structure, is required to respond somehow, and withdrawing or submitting are the most common types of responses. In other words, one person is the initiator of the conflict, and the other person is the respondent.

Identification of the Problem

After completing this study and gleaning the takeaways, I realized that I had no direct control to stop my wife from initiating conflict (being dissatisfied, unhappy and making demands). However, I soon realized that I could initiate conflict (make demands) as well as she could. It seemed counterintuitive that my initiating conflict would reduce conflict, but I recognized the general perspective of the Manosphere, that truth concerning women and relationships is not intuitively evident to men, and I put my faith in the study (and in the Lord). I reasoned that if I made more demands than she did, then it would essentially shift the conflict structure towards the husband-demands/wife-submits structure, leading to more mutual satisfaction. So I started experimenting with this.

Experimental Procedure

I implemented this strategy as follows.

I would not make a demand whenever she had just made a demand, nor whenever she was upset or angry about something. I knew this would not lead to anything productive. Instead, whenever a few days had passed without any conflict, I would make it a point to raise some issue of contention. Whatever came to my mind that bothered me in the slightest, I would express this to her, and ask for her to make a change in response.

I also explained how her change would lead to an improvement, whether it might involve her health, her own happiness, her relationships with her friends or family, our finances, our home environment, our marital relationship, etc.

I was not harsh, and I did not get angry or raise my voice. I was in no way out of control. I spoke with a voice of legitimate male authority, which is generally cool, calm, and patient, yet firm. I stated what was bothering me in an objective manner, and why. I stuck to my frame of mind, and I was persistent in asking her to say something that showed me that she understood what I was saying.

The study indicated that whenever the man makes the demand, the interaction is much more intense and stressful than when the woman makes the demand, and so I had to prepare myself beforehand, whenever I planned to make a demand. I thought through my point and my reasoning, and how to express it in words. I imagined what might transpire, and thought through those issues as well.

Immediate Results

As might be expected, she always flew into a rage whenever I made a demand. She usually assumed that I was blaming her, and she attempted to shift the blame back onto me. She gave me a lot of hamsterized excuses and ad hominem types of insults, all done in an effort to defend her ego and retain the upper hand in the argument. But no matter what she said or did, I retained frame and continued to prod her, not for an agreement, but simply for an acknowledgment. I contented myself in thinking that I was the one making the demand, and that she was the one who had to respond. After her anger had passed, she folded and complied. She hardly ever apologized for her angry, rude behavior, and insulting words, but I took the view that it did not matter in the slightest.

Longitudinal Results

Over time, I did see that she was more happy and content, and made fewer demands on me. In short, it worked like a charm!

Since then, I have come to understand that when I impose a demand, I am also inviting her to engage with me, and by doing so, I am also imposing discipline on her behavior. She seems to accept this as an inherent element of the conflict, with the idea that changes must be made in order to resolve the conflict.

Conclusions

A lot of husbands and wives have the wussified idea that the husband is loving his wife by doing whatever she demands. However, it has amply been proven in the Manosphere that this belief is a fallacy. Being an obedient husband does not register as ‘love’ on the wife’s radar. Instead, it conveys weakness, which women absolutely abhor.

But on the other hand, when I make a demand, then she must pull herself together to respond. Dealing with my demands pushes her to stop expecting me to change according to her whims, and to do some introspection instead. She must stop expecting me to make her happy, and must look within herself, and draw from her own emotional resources in order to maintain her own sense of balance and well-being. The comprehensive effect of this conflict structure is that it disciplines her to nurture her own inner sense of happiness. The byproduct of getting her into the habit of creating her own happiness, is that she realizes that she cannot expect or rely on others, i.e. her husband, to make her happy.

I was also happy to confirm another finding from the study, which is that my wife does not see my demandingness as being overbearing. Instead, she sees that I am adding balance to our interaction by contributing my viewpoints, instead of withdrawing, which really ticks her off. She interprets my demands as my taking an interest in developing our relationship. She also gets the satisfaction of knowing my mind about things. She does not express any positivity towards my demands, but it doesn’t matter. Over the long run, she is haaappy!

It is my hope that married men who are struggling with a contentious wife might go through my earlier study, and take the initiative to make their own demands as they see fit. I trust that this approach will help your relationship, as it has mine.

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Against The Naturalistic Fallacy

A complex political exposition with some profound insights. It’s worth wading through the academic terminology to mine the nuggets of truth therein.
Targeted Readership: All

Alternative Right

JAMES LAWRENCE

It is a good and necessary thing to take the red pill: to start seeing things as they really are, not as the delusional ruling ideology of a corrupted civilisation tells you they must be. But the red pill, in itself, is not a sufficient condition for true understanding.

Perhaps we can grasp this point by taking a second look at the iconic scene from The Matrix that inspired the ‘red pill’ metaphor. In this scene, Neo takes a red pill and wakes up from his simulated reality, to find himself in the real world: an ugly and dystopian future, ruled by intelligent machines, in which he has been serving all his life as one of countless human batteries in a huge electrical system called the Matrix. Weak from muscular atrophy, he is flushed out of the Matrix into an underground sewer, in which he flounders helplessly until…

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Introduction to Game Theory 101

This article examines social games that are played between men and women.

Targeted Readership: All

The content is organized as follows.

  1. Introduction
  2. Women Love to Play Social Games
  3. The Essence of Playing Games
  4. Considerations, Terms, and Definitions
  5. Generalized Types of Social Games
  6. The Fundamental Result – How the Game Plays Out
  7. Your Choice to Play a Game
  8. Tips for Playing the Game Well
  9. Game Traps to Avoid
  10. Conclusions

[Eds. note: In the future, I plan to write a post describing several types of games.]

1. Introduction

Games are an enjoyable, emotionally healthy, and socially acceptable venue for establishing relationship dynamics and expressing one’s personality. However, certain types of games are unhealthy, and even damaging. This post will consider both aspects.

Understanding game theory is an important foundation for playing any type of game, including, but not limited to social games, board games, war games, business marketing strategies, etc. Here, I should differentiate between PUA Game, and social games. PUA Games are only one genre of social games, which have the intent of creating a positive impression and building rapport with women targeted as a romantic interest. PUA Games are comparable to Machiavellian behaviors in women. That is, they both have the intention of creating an image that is attractive to the opposite sex, but which may or may not be deeply characteristic of the person’s nature.

This article covers social games in general, which may be played with anyone, new acquaintances, and LTR partners as well. To express the differentiation, Game, with a capital G, will be used to indicate PUA Games, and social games will remain in lower case.

2. Women Love to Play Social Games

As you might have noticed, women love what men call ‘drama’. Women love ‘drama’ because it is emotionally engaging, exciting, and fulfilling to their ego gratification. But men hate drama, because they want an efficient, reliable, smooth-running, no-nonsense performance in every area of their lives.

Even the best quality women sometimes create ‘drama’ by playing games. So, to some extent, playing games with women is important for their own sense of contentment and satisfaction within a relationship.

On the one hand, a woman who never engages in games is probably rigid, stodgy and dry. But very few women are so mature that they find it silly and childish to play games. In fact, people who are healthy and mature will engage in social games. But ironically, most women are so immature, that they depend on games to give their daily life meaning and excitement.

Since encountering a game-minded woman is such a common occurrence, a mature man, especially one seeking a relationship with a woman, should not allow himself to be intimidated by a woman’s propensity for drama and games. A wise man should take it as a fact of life.

If a man chooses to have a woman in his life, then it’s quite likely that he’ll get pulled into this game stuff. So if you are in a relationship with such a woman, and if she insists on playing a game, then you’ll have to play it too. Otherwise, if you don’t, then you risk being relegated to her ‘boring’ list, with all of the associated presumptuousness, indignation, and disrespect.

Once you have accepted the burden challenge of engaging in her games, do not be surprised if you find that you have to get good enough to beat her at her own game, in order to garner respect, assert your authority, and maintain order in the relationship.

The great thing about playing games with a woman, is that there is seldom a downside. Even if she discovers that you’re playing a game with her, it won’t be the same as ‘showing your hand’ in a poker game. This is because the game itself tends to generate the Tingles, and her knowing what you’re doing will not necessarily dampen the excitement. She will be delighted that you are interacting with her on the meta-level.

3. The Essence of Playing Games

Ideally, relationships and relationship games are an engagingly fun, challenging way to push us to know ourselves better and to become more mature. (Maturity is a very complex topic, and is unique to each individual.)

All games have a goal that is understood among the players. Most relationship games involve making implied requests, or ‘bids’, for the other person’s time, attention, or some other investment.

Immature people do not like to accept bids. Instead, they want others to accept theirs without the expectation of reciprocation. Mature, responsible people are more accepting of bids, and more likely to return a bid.

One essential goal of making a bid is to get the other person to express an acknowledgment of your persona, and to do something more for you. If you can get the other person to do more for you, it has the psychological and emotional effect of making them justify their actions mentally, and thereby grow to feel more emotionally in tune with you. Basically, the more they do for you, the more they will love you. The trick is to make the highest bid that the person will accept without questioning the appropriateness of the bid, or the worthiness of their response. Bidding too high at once will cause self-consciousness, uneasiness, suspicion, and possibly resentment. They will begin to feel like they’re doing more for you than what their emotional constitution might warrant as a natural expression of their love for you. At that point, the interaction becomes a burden, rather than a game. So a larger goal of making bids and playing games, is to drive up your bidding price.

In every social interaction, and especially in playing Games, the participants must understand a mutually agreed-upon principle; otherwise they would not comprehend how the game is to be played, nor would they have an inclination towards an appropriate response. Acceptance of the principles is necessary before participants can agree to play the game. This is an aspect that is worthy of attention in the beginning of a relationship, since it tends to reveal the basic thought patterns and deeper values within a person. If the participants are compelled or forced to play the game, then it is beneficial for all players to agree on some principles.

Concerning the open discussion of a game, women are different. Some women will admire you more if you show a cognitive awareness of the game, but other women might feel like you are overanalyzing it to the point of nerdishness. After a game has been concluded however, a discussion of the play interaction is less inappropriate. So it helps to recognize the level of awareness and maturity in one’s counterpart.

Within certain types of games, it is imperative that you do not ‘give away the game’ by discussing the plays in excruciating detail, ‘showing your hand’, or talking about strategy in too much detail. It’s more advantageous to allow her the pleasure of being surprised.

4. Considerations, Terms, and Definitions

Games can have several features, a few of the most common are listed here.

Number of Players: Each person who makes a choice in a game or who receives a payoff from the outcome of those choices, is a ‘player’.

The goal: Every game must have a predetermined goal, which is almost always accompanied by certain rules of engagement. Usually, the goal is agreed upon by all players, and some games cannot be played skillfully unless this is condition is true.

Real vs. Perceived goals: A real goal, also called a ‘payoff’, is strongly related to a players purpose for playing the game. A perceived goal is a smaller move in the game, which is often related to a particular strategy. As an analogy, the real goal is the ‘war’, and the perceived goal is the ‘battle’. For example, in the game of chess, a checkmate, which determines the end of the game, is both the real and perceived goal. If a player perceives that the goal is something else, such as taking all their opponents pieces, then the perceived goal may not necessarily lead to the real goal of winning. So it is important for a player to be aware of the difference between the two types of goals. There are a number of games in which the game involves keeping the real goal different, or at least seen to be different, from the perceived goal.

The purpose: The perceived purpose is the motivation that each player has to participate in the game. Some common purposes include playing for fun, for profit, for social control, for political control, etc. It should be noted that different people may have different purposes for participating in a game.

Real vs. Perceived purposes: A real purpose is strongly related to a players’ goal (or ‘payoff’) for playing the game, and is often equal to the motivation that each player has to participate in the game. It should be noted that different people may have different purposes. Some common real purposes include playing for fun, for profit, for social control, for political control, to understand one’s opponent, to deepen a relationship, etc. The perceived purpose is what a player believes his opponent’s real purpose is, or what the other players believe the players real purpose is, which may be different from each players’ real purpose. Sometimes it may be advantageous to conceal one’s real purpose, or to purport a perceived purpose that is different from one’s real purpose. It should be noted that a variance between the two purposes can be seen as deceitful in some games, but for other games, it is considered cunning.

Mastering a game: A person who can conceptualize and fulfill more than one purpose within a single game is considered to be a master of the game. Since the success of a LTR depends on both players attaining their respective purposes, it is vastly beneficial for the man to be a master, so that he can orchestrate a mutual fulfillment of both players purposes within a positive sum game.

Strategies per player: In a game, each player chooses from a set of possible actions, known as pure strategies. If the number of pure strategies is the same for all players, it is considered a ‘fair game’.

Pure strategy: A pure strategy is a single strategy that a player settles into, and does not deviate from. In some games, clinging to pure strategy can be regarded as naïve, or amateur, whereas, for other games, it might be considered prudent to stick to a pure strategy which has been shown to yield the best chance of a payoff.

Number of pure strategy Nash equilibria: A Nash equilibrium is a set of strategies which represents the mutual best responses to the other strategies. In other words, if every player is playing their part of a Nash equilibrium, and all are receiving payoffs, then no player has an incentive to unilaterally change his or her strategy. Considering only situations where players play a single strategy without randomizing (a pure strategy) a game can have any number of Nash equilibria.

Sequential vs. simultaneous move game: A game is sequential if one player performs her/his actions after another player; otherwise, the game is a simultaneous move game.

Perfect information: A game has perfect information if it is a sequential game and every player knows the strategies chosen by the players who preceded them.

Symmetric vs. Asymmetric game: A symmetric game is a game where the payoffs for playing a particular strategy depend only on the other strategies employed, not on who is playing them. If the identities of the players can be changed without changing the payoff to the strategies, then a game is symmetric. In an asymmetric game, certain individuals have strategies or advantages that other players do not have.

5. Generalized Types of Social Games

Constant sum: A game is constant sum if the sum of the payoffs to every player are the same for every single set of strategies. In these games one player gains if and only if another player loses. A constant sum game can be converted into a zero sum game by subtracting a fixed value from all payoffs, leaving their relative order unchanged.

Zero-Sum Game – Players interests are in direct conflict such that there is a winner and a loser. The zero-sum game is typically a game of chance, competition, skill, power, and dominance. Examples include card games, and competitive sports.

Women who play the zero-sum game in serious matters are typically deemed by marriage-minded men to be unworthy as a partner, and are thus avoided and rejected from LTR’s, especially if she has an arrogant or presumptuous attitude in the matter.

Zero Sum Game

Positive-Sum Game – The interests of the players are not all in direct conflict. Thus, there are some outcomes which would benefit all players. The positive-sum game is a game of partnership. Examples include team sports and business transactions.

In a relationship, both people should have the mind to play a Positive-Sum game, which is of benefit to both partners. In a Positive-Sum Game, the partners should think in terms of “we”, and “us”, and seek mutually beneficial outcomes.

Positive Sum Game

Negative-Sum Game – The interests of the players are not contingently opposed to each other, such that everyone could lose. The negative-sum game is a game of compromise, sacrifice, and perhaps trust, and the goal is for the mutual benefit of all who are involved. A well studied example of the Negative-Sum Game is the Prisoner’s Dilemma.

The institution of marriage is inherently (and ideally) a Negative-Sum Game, which offers certain benefits that one would not encounter outside of a mutually fulfilling partnership, such as shared expenses, regular sexual engagement with a trustworthy partner, and the blessings of having a ‘home base’ and children. These benefits (are supposed to) offset the burdens and loneliness of being single.

Negative Sum Game

6. The Fundamental Result – How the Game Plays Out

By carefully observing how she plays a game, you can learn a lot about her character, temperament, and strength of values. She also becomes more familiar with your Frame of mind, which is crucial for her to be able to trust and rely on you.

Ideally, a game should increase your joy and intimacy.

Once you start playing a game with her, there are four possible outcomes.

  1. The game becomes the central focus of your daily interaction, and she expects it on a regular basis.
  2. She will find the emotional connection and fulfillment she is looking for, and her interest in playing the game will fade away.
  3. 1 happens for a long time, and then 2 happens.
  4. She gets bored with the game, possibly because you never play (well), or you always win, or because she cannot find any gratification from it. She abandons this game and starts playing another. At worst, she dismisses you as an unworthy partner and starts playing this game with another man. (If this happens, don’t sweat it too much. Just kick her out the door, chalk it up as a lesson learned, and move on.)

Depending on the game, and the constitution of your partner, you may have some measure of control over how the game plays out. If the game is positive, pleasant, and leads to greater joy and intimacy, then outcomes 1-3 are acceptable. If the game is negative, destructive, and/or troublesome, then you may like to orchestrate the better aspects of the fourth outcome, if possible.

But what if she loves playing the zero-sum game?

Some women have learned the zero-sum game from a meddlesome father or a cruel older brother while growing up in a competitive family environment. Some alpha-type men teach women to play zero-sum games for the sake of creating a humiliating one-upmanship drama in the relationship, which most women crave (e.g. Fifty Shades of Grey). If present, this is one aspect of a past relationship that becomes a major contributor towards the B!tch/Alpha Widow syndrome. If this dynamic is in play, a man would probably have to do the same to compete against those memories (at least for a time), and secure a fresh place in her heart.

If your girlfriend/wife has had a family or any ex-boyfriends like this, then you have three extra challenges:

  1. Play her games, learn to like them, and learn to beat her at it (at least now and then). Show her that you’re just as good as her father, brother, or ex badass boyfriend, and by doing so, establish your relevancy to her life.
  2. Do the work of re-educating her to think constructively.
  3. Face the possibility that her conditioned inclination to play the Zero-Sum Game may have become ingrained within her subconscious mind and personality, and is therefore not likely to change.

7. Your Choice to Play a Game

One fundamental part of playing a game, is to first figure out what the game is. Just like the saying goes,

“A problem, once identified, is half solved.”

Ideally, a game should increase your joy and intimacy. But not all games are inclined to this end. So it is important to first determine the nature of the game, and analyze whether the outcome is beneficial towards your relationship. This can be done as follows.

  1. Analyze the purpose of the game she wants to play. There are basically two types of purposes for games, Positive and Negative. Positive Games are played for personal growth, challenge, fun, and excitement. Negative games are played to shame you, distance you, prove you wrong, and/or assert power and dominance, etc.
  2. Decide whether this is a game you want to play. If you don’t think playing the game will bring about a good outcome, you can always abstain from the game by ‘playing dumb’. Playing dumb can actually be a good choice under certain circumstances, because it essentially dismisses her moves and discourages the continuance of such a game. After a long time of having no response to her game, she will give up trying to play this game, especially if her attention is displaced onto other games. In the best case scenario, she will give up her interest in playing negative games because she will feel that playing her game is stupid and childish. In the worst case, she will dismiss you as a stupid dumb-@ss, and possibly have an affair.

8. Tips for Playing the Game Well

  1. Respect her moves in the game. Try to learn from her behaviors. Try to make all games a Positive-Sum.
  2. Consider the possible benefits of congratulating her openly and pointing out how she did well. If she is sincere towards your relationship, then this warm acknowledgment tends to melt hearts and spread legs.
  3. Recognize when you have lost. A simple statement like, “Awww! You got me again!” is sufficient. Let her savor the joy of victory every now and then, as this is something that will let her feel drawn to you, and emotionally secure when playing your games. Never whine and complain about losing (unless you can make her laugh by playacting that stance). Just move on.
  4. Recognize your own mistakes to yourself. It isn’t necessary for you to talk to her about it, and it might even be more beneficial if you don’t. Simply take note and adjust your own game accordingly.
  5. Be insistent on what you need. Don’t forfeit your essential requirements for your own contentment in the relationship.
  6. Don’t make/allow constitutional things like love, affection, sex, money, to become pawns in the game. Doing so puts the game on a visceral level that tends to deprive the relationship of dignity and honor. However, if she has already chosen to do so, then she has upped the ante to the realm of dirty pool. In that case, you may have to bite the bullet, go hardcore, and play the same game, at a higher level of risk, or else, bow out of the relationship and look for someone else with a gentler heart. Some profoundly resourceful individuals may find other options, or swap this game out with another that is more positive.

9. Game Traps to Avoid

  1. When you win a game, be careful not to appear excessively arrogant, or ride it on her for too long, or else she may lose the feeling of being loved and cherished. Some women may become indignant and resentful.
  2. Be ready to swallow your pride. If she wins a game, be a graceful loser. If you cannot admit fault, apologize and say “I’m sorry” once in a while, then she may think you are too hard and insensitive.
  3. Don’t make the mistake of presuming that her desire to play a game is a direct challenge to your masculinity or authority. If you do, she will think you are weak and insecure.
  4. Be careful about insinuating that she has an unfair advantage over you. There tend to be no “unfair” moves in the game, except for extreme measures that would prove to be deal-breakers for the relationship, e.g. hiding money, having affairs, etc. Sometimes, and with certain women, pointing out how she is being unfair might motivate her to play more ‘honestly’. But other times, with certain women, she might think you cannot handle her, and that you are just making cowardly excuses.

10. Conclusions

  • Life is not a zero-sum game.
  • God is just, so the result depends on you.
  • You might win when others win.
  • You might lose when others lose.
  • You don’t win anything when others lose.
  • You don’t lose anything when others win.
  • Try to enjoy the Game, and use it to your mutual
  • Set your mind to gracefully build her up through graceful, competitive gamemanship.
  • Your conduct in the game should elicit her respect.

[Eds. note: I may update post in the future.]

Related

Posted in Game Theory, Male Power, Maturity, Personal Growth and Development, Models of Success | Tagged | 6 Comments

Coffee Shop Churchianity

This post describes coffee shops as an analogy of post-modern Churchianity.

Targeted Readership: All

There’s been a lot of very serious posts lately, concerning masculine leadership, personal testimonies, the FISA dossier, the convergence of the Episcopal Church with 4th Wave Feminism, the destruction of SJW activismMGTOW grievances, etc. Not saying there’s anything wrong with seriousness, but I thought I’d offer some humor to lighten our load this week.

[Eds. disclaimer: This article is intended as a satire directed against the convergence of the church, AKA ‘Churchianity’ and the feminist-inflicted desperation of the common man. It is not an accurate depiction of a life of true faith in Jesus Christ. Some very religious conservatives may be offended at some of the content.]

Just for the record, I would identify as an Evangelical Mennonite, and yes, I enjoy hanging out and working on my laptop at family owned coffee shops.


The Analogy

The post-modern Christian church has become very similar to a coffee shop. The following citations from various sources contain descriptions of coffee shops. In these descriptions, I’ll add the word Church behind each mention of ‘café’, ‘coffee shop’, ‘coffee house’, etc., along with other word substitutions relevant to the analogy, namely, ‘coffee’ is a metaphor of the gospel message (or sermon), and ‘WiFi’ is equivalent to an environmental presence, which might be the Holy Spirit in some churches, or in others more fully converged, it might be a tacit acceptance of cultural norms, fashions, or trends.

Coffee houses [Churches] have a long tradition in American society as a place where people could meet and discuss ideas or just enjoy each other’s company. They were the Facebook of an earlier generation. But in the 1990s, their role (and number) expanded greatly. While some patrons still do socialize at their local cafés [churches], many [feminists and complementarians] do not, and use them as a third place — not quite home and not quite work, but with elements of both.” [1]

“Given the amenities of sockets [single women], good AC [a vibrant and comfortable, yet spiritually chilly, social atmosphere], a clean bathroom [a safe space to gripe and complain], and relatively stable Wi-Fi [either the Holy Spirit, or a tacit acceptance of cultural ideologies], it’s easy to understand why one person can linger for five hours at the shop [church], even though the purchase is just a drink or a small snack [$5 bucks in the plate][But] A few people find the latter behavior a bit off-putting and even abusive. Does a coffee shop [church] really profit from ‘overstaying customers’? Is there such a thing as ‘overstaying’ in the first place?” [3]

“The store owners [churches] who need to make a profit, the customers who want a quiet place to study [socialize and virtue signal], the ones who like to spread out [hang out] and those who just plain want a seat for five minutes [!!!]. They all have different needs and perceptions.” [1]

“For students and professionals [i.e. lefties], coffee shops [churches] are the best option between a library and their bed.” [3]

“Make your purchase and the seat is yours — if you can find one. What you do with it and how long you sit there is pretty much your own business.” [1]

“I know it sounds like a worn-out publicity spiel. But when you think about it, it’s quite true. With groups of students taking up several tables [pews], you’d think the coffee shop [church] would be charging them a little bit more, or prioritizing customers who order more than the small-sized servings. But Chuck says that’s not the case for most of these establishments. ‘What you would rather have as a coffee shop [church] are not big-time customers but regular customers. And that your coffee shop [church] is often full of people.’ In this sense, a customer who spends P2,000 on one big order once every few months isn’t as profitable as the average student who comes in and spends P150 at least thrice every week.” [3]

“It’s also why coffee shops [churches] put a premium on the [worship] ‘experience’. When you think about the coffee shop [church] you frequent the most, you can’t honestly say you just go for the coffee [the gospel sermon]. ‘That’s the trend when selling anything these days: the experience [contemporary praise music, hosted by attractive and talented song leaders]. Coffee [the gospel sermon] is expensive [i.e. the blood of Christ] in these cafes [churches], whether run by a big chain or by an independent group, but you just don’t pay for the coffee [sermon] anyway,’ says Chuck. When it comes to smaller coffee operations [churches], on the other hand, they do limit your stay, it’s just done covertly [!!!]. Chuck explains that this is why some shops [churches] have policies when it comes to Wi-Fi access [ibid.] such as [church] membership cards or against bringing in food [doctrine] from other establishments [denominations]. These rules change per shop [church], depending on the market they want to reach and the profit they want.” [3]

This can lead to some spirited customer disagreements. Are you taking up one seat or four? How long can you hold a seat for another person? [Predestination or Free Will? Are female Pastors and h0m0sexuals permitted?] Employees [pastors, priests, deacons] are often asked to arbitrate these disputes. But there’s usually little they can do but apologize and appeal to customers’ better nature.” [1]

“So is this behavior fair for the business side of a coffee shop [church]? Is there a proper coffee cup to hours spent ratio [perceived religiosity] we must all secretly know [displaying ‘virtue’]? I asked Chuck Crisanto, businessman and former coffee shop owner. [He said,] ‘For big coffee shops [churches], they have an open policy. That means you can go in, get a drink, and stay forever. These establishments have found that it’s more profitable to have that community image, where everyone is welcome and free to stay.’” [3]

“Chains [large denominations] have policies. Local shops [smaller churches] show a little more variation on what is and isn’t acceptable customer behavior. But by and large, it’s the customers themselves who set the boundaries in this ongoing cultural experiment.” [1]

I know from experience that to get into good standing with any protestant denominational church, there are just four requirements.

  1. Don’t smoke, drink, cuss or chew, and don’t associate with those who do!
  2. Show up every time the church doors are open, without fail, for several months.
  3. Give a tithe regularly. The amount doesn’t matter very much.
  4. Apply for church membership.

Even if a person only does the first two things on the list, then they’ll be ‘in like Prynne’ in no time, and soon perceived by the whole congregation as being fine, upstanding members of the church. Everything else, including many specific beliefs (like feministic ideologies), are negotiable or tolerable. But why is propinquity such a powerful force?

“Merely being physically present with other people – not interacting with them in any way – gave study participants a sense of security, the researchers found. It could be that even if people aren’t directly communicating they are sending subtle cues to one another, Chou notes. But this ‘mere presence effect’ was evident only when participants were around people who seemed to share their social identity or belong to the same broad group.” [2]

[The completion of a task / social conformity] depended on ‘convergent thinking[Heh, yeah!]: the ability to come up with the correct answer to a complex problem…. [These] tasks required a creative approach to problem solving, but they did not depend on ‘divergent thinking’: the ability to explore many possible solutions to a problem and to see connections between seemingly unrelated ideas… Our research suggests that we are best with convergent creativity when we are around other people, but it could be that divergent creativity requires seclusion… Many workplaces [churches], Chou notes, are already set up in ways that contribute to people’s sense of security in the presence of others: open spaces without high barriers that interrupt lines of sight.” [2]

“…open spaces without high barriers that interrupt lines of sight.” This sounds just like a church sanctuary or a sports stadium, both of which are places of Group Flow (or mob mentality). Perhaps Group Flow could be a contributing factor towards the appeal of such places.

If a person clings to a divergent form of creativity (i.e. an individual experience of Flow) for too long, to the point of butting heads with the other fine, upstanding members who have more seniority in the church, then he’ll soon be advised to ‘visit’ the ‘other church’ down the road, which has members who think in a more similar manner. Hence, the desire for Group Flow may possibly be the reason why Protestantism has split into thousands of denominations since the Reformation, and continues on quite happily.

It is important to have a habit of regular church attendance, to the point of becoming a regular church goer. But once this discipline has been established, I believe it may be in God’s best interests for people to visit other churches from time to time. It broadens the knowledge of God, and teaches people other ways to worship and serve the Lord. It also enhances the formation of relationships with other believers. Perhaps most importantly, people would also face the challenge of learning to worship God as an individual.

In other words, don’t spend all your money at one coffee shop [church] establishment. The more coffee you taste, the better you’ll be able to discern what good coffee really is.

“In both experiments, participants who were in the presence of others were more likely to solve the problems than those who were alone. Perhaps ironically, the sense of security we gain from being around others may push us out of our comfort zones, enabling us to take certain kinds of cognitive risks.” [2]

I know from experience that regular church attendance does improve one’s general sense of confidence and security. But if the church is a microcosm of beliefs that are strongly influenced by cults of personality among the leaders, this could grow into something grotesque.

“A disgruntled San Francisco customer who bought a coffee, found out that the shop [church] didn’t offer Wi-Fi [either the Holy Spirit or an acceptance of cultural ideologies] and demanded a refund. They didn’t get the refund but instead sold the coffee to another customer, stormed out and presumably never came back again.” [1]

That’s exactly the kind of independent, self-seeking comfort zone that the church should be pushing people out of! Unfortunately, as mentioned earlier, most churches cater to the preferences of its members out of fear of ‘offending’ them and losing membership.


Selecting From the Menu

A while ago, an experiment was conducted in a coffee shop. The line of questioning went like this.

  1. What is your favorite coffee? [65% of respondents said, “aromatic dark roast”.]
  2. When was the last time you had a cup of (the favorite coffee named in the previous response)? [Average response: 5 weeks]
  3. What kind of coffee are you drinking now? Or…  The last coffee you had was what kind of coffee? [45% of respondents had something with milk added.]

From Dark Brightness: Spoiled Rotten. (February 2, 2018)

“You would think that there would be a great deal of cognitive dissonance, i.e. that they would struggle to reconcile the differences between their political [or coffee, or doctrinal] ideals and their way of life. Apparently, though, they are happy to play a game…”

I have observed that many so called ‘worldly’ people do conscribe to many of God’s truths, and thereby avail of the blessings of His promises, while at the same time, they deny the Lordship of Christ with their minds and mouths.

On the other hand, there are many ‘Christians’ who profess Jesus as Lord and fill their minds with scriptures, yet their lives fail to conform to God’s ordained order, thus causing them to miss out on the fruits of the spirit, and the tangible benefits of their faith.

So we see the same phenomenon occurring with both coffee, and religion. Not sure if this observation has any correlation to the political spectrum or not. I suspect that it does as well.

I don’t believe that the majority of these people are consciously ‘playing a game’, although some of them could be. Ultimately, I believe that this phenomenon arises because people’s minds are vainglorious (Ephesians 4:17), and blissfully unaware of what is really going on in their hearts and lives.

So what is the common denominator for all of this dissonance?

I think most of this happens at the meta-consciousness level, and it goes on as a little ‘discussion’ between each person’s Ego, Superego, Animus and Id (if you can tolerate the Freudian constructs), with the Superego acting as the ‘Barista of Beliefs’.

The typical ‘discussion’ with the self is something like this.

[Eds. note: Notice that true faith, and the logical, conscious mind, never come into the ‘conversation’.]


Ego: This quiet desperation is killing me! I want a little Patriarchal structure in my life. What about social order and a devoted wife?

Id: No, I just want sex! Blonde… D-cup… Now!

Superego Barista: [Ignores Id] Well, there are only four flavors to choose from. Amish, Mennonite, and Eastern Orthodoxy have Jesus added, and if you don’t like Jesus in your life, then there’s Islam. You know, the Jesus flavor has lost its original recipe due to some trademark wars, and doesn’t taste quite the same anymore. Actually most people are more concerned about their selfie images while holding the cup, rather than the health benefits. So considering that perspective, Orthodoxy appears medieval and monastic, and Mennonites are seen to be rural rednecks. As for the Amish, everyone loves the smooth tang of technology, so no one takes them seriously anymore. As a result, Islam is steadily growing in popularity, and has recently expanded their market share into western society. Believe it or not, even Liberals love Islam, and naïve single women especially!

Id: Amish sounds good! I hear the women are virgins!

Ego: [Ignores Id.] Hmmm…

Superego Barista: I understand. Well, now, if you can tolerate a matriarchal structure, then there are a lot of flavors to choose from. Roman Catholicism, and most of its Protestant offshoots, have a little matriarchy mixed in, with ‘Hail Mary’s’, female Pastors and Deaconesses, and all that.

Id: Are there any females in the missionary position?

Superego Barista: Baptists have many female missionaries, but they’re very imperialistic. Not what you’re thinking of. But if you’re one who’s into that old fetish of Calvinistic dualism combined with female leadership, the Presbyterian church can hook you up. If you prefer female leadership without the duality of Calvinism, then Nazarene is the way to go.

Society: No, that’s too old school these days. Nazarenes are tasteless, and Calvinists still accept masculinity, and that’s gone out of season.

Animus: Yeah! Where’s the party?

Superego Barista: If you’re looking for a rollicking good time, there’s the Assembly of God, Pentecostal, and the Four Square churches. You can talk in jibberish, do backflips and walk across the backs of the pews, but it’s all non-alcoholic, mind you.

Animus: A party without alcohol?

Ego: There ought to be some degree of formal refinement, ties and jackets maybe?

Superego Barista: I get you. Well, traditional Catholicism is very formal, the women are more decent than most, and… they’re obsessed with sex! Sounds like it might be right for you.

Id: Maybe so, but don’t they advocate sex within marriage, no contraceptives, and no cohabitation? I don’t know… Marriage is a disaster these days! It’s just too risky!

Ego: Yeah, and beside that, there’s always some news about the priests putting in the rough with boys. I have reservations…

Superego Barista: Let’s see… In fact, there’s a new strain of evangelical Protestantism that is following the seasonal trend. So if you’re really into highly selective breeding based on the feminine imperative, expertly blended with technology and wealth, then your nearest Protestant labeled church should be able to serve you a ready-to-go mixture of Feminist Churchianity. You can identify it by the generic label, ‘non-denominational’, because they’ll sell you anything you want, as long as it doesn’t contain Patriarchy and it’s not staunchly traditional. Because of its current popularity, and to improve the sales quotient, they’ve chosen a customer targeted marketing strategy. Money is the bottom line in business, you understand. So most of their products have watered down the Jesus ingredient, and totally eliminated Patriarchy from the menu. I have to warn you, this blend is soft on the palate and has pleasant tasting notes, but it has a very bitter finish. Most people like to add something sweet, like substance abuse, divorce fantasy or p0rn, just to take the edge off. Of course, those things are not on the label.

Animus: I hear non-denominational churches have interracial couples. I’d like to check that out!

Superego Barista: [Ignores Animus.] If you want to try the latest, then the cutting edge fashion flavor of the month is the Fourth Wave Feminist speedball, complete with nonspecific gender pronouns and a light caramelized topping of Jesus. It’s available at the D.C. Episcopalian synagogue, complete with alcoholic communion wine, served by a priest from a gilded brass chalice. It’s quite smooth, but a little dry.

Id: Dry is not good…

Superego Barista: [Ignores Id.] So, what’ll it be?

Ego: Gotta have Patriarchy, especially the devoted wife with the structured nuclear family flavor.

Animus: Wealth and affluence for me!

Id: Technology… to serve and protect!

Superego: Yeah, all that, and oh, don’t forget the Jesus, because although it’s bitter, it has a smooth aftertaste and adds complexity to the aroma. Besides, it’s vexing to be worried about the hereafter.

Animus: We do have a restroom upstairs if it happens to hit you hard.

Society: Sorry… That particular blend was served briefly a long time ago, between 1947 and 1953, but from 1953 to 1959 we added Rock-and-Roll, amphetamines, wealth and individualistic liberty. Then in 1959, we added semiconductors, the pill, and modal jazz. Civil Rights and Feminism came in 1964, followed by the b100dy red cherry on top, Roe vs. Wade, in 1973. So the particular recipe you’re asking for, was totally exterminated. It’s not been served to the general public since 1955, and anyway, you would never want to go back to that!

Manosphere: Say, you’ve got a promising career, and judging by your ring finger, you’re pretty well hung. Would you care to try the latest craze, Hypergamy Pi Spice? I think it might work out well for you! You could have a soft harem, spin a few plates, and what not…

Superego: Ummm… No thanks. I’m short on Tingles today, and my Bitcoin has not yet matured, so I’ll have to settle for an Americano.

Buddha: Come! Come to Asia, my son! Experience pleasures of Orient, where life easy and cheap! Filial Piety is Patriarchy! No Social Justice Warrior! Woman are young looking, thin, long hair, respectful… We love you long time! But must drink tea. No coffee!

Ego: No, I’m too Nationalistic for xenophilic exoticism, and too poor for tourism. Muh student loans… I’m stuck with the Americano Hershey squirts with the Jesus label.

Internet: OK, will that be with p0rn or without?

Animus: Give me some p0rn on the side, and if I really need it, I’ll add it in while no one is looking.

Superego Barista: OK, but just remember that whenever you add p0rn, it will make the Jesus taste more bitter, and the Jesus might even precipitate out of the blend.

Id: Why do we need to hassle with the Jesus at all? In fact, give me a modern, legal pr0stitution, like Tinder and Craig’s List, and how about some online gaming!

Animus: I’ll settle for merryjuana, and some mild 0xycontin addiction!

Ego: Well, alright, but only from licensed, non-GMO providers please… and no fatties, Id! Now we won’t need any Jesus at all!

Society: That’s been our top seller for the last six years, I see you’ve been here before.

Local Church: I’ll put a Jesus label on the side of the cup, so that you can avoid excess criticism and enjoy your special blend of self-idolatry in peace.

Animus: Great, everyone will think my 0xycontin high will be from the Jesus topping! Ha ha! Perfect for my selfie!

Society: No, leave the Jesus label off. We live in Californica. We don’t care what you get your fixxx from. But if it’s something pertaining to sexual deviancy, we might invite you to our business parties.

Sources

  1. The Atlantic: The Social Dynamics of Coffee Shops (June 13, 2012)
  2. The University of Virginia Press Release: The Coffee Shop Effect (October 15, 2014)
  3. Preen Inquirer (feat. Olivia Estrada): Are You Overstaying at Your Favorite Coffee Shop? (October 12, 2017)

Related

  1. Todoist (feat. Taylor Martin): How Coffee Actually Affects Your Productivity (November 20, 2014)
  2. A. Griffiths, M. C. Gilly, “Dibs! Customer Territorial Behaviors”, Journal of Service Research, 15(2) 131-149, 2012. DOI: 10.1177/1094670511430530
Posted in Discerning Lies and Deception, Models of Failure, Satire | Tagged | 6 Comments

The Pygmalion Project vs. Shared Enterprises

This article discusses the Rosenthal/Pygmalion/Golem Effects – the general habit of LTR partners to pick out the weaknesses and annoyances in the other, and demand that these aspects be changed, which only leads to an exacerbation of the perceived problems. Sharing an enterprise is illustrated as one way to upset and displace the Pygmalion interaction dynamic.

Targeted Readership: Those who are in LTR’s

The material is arranged in the following sections.

  1. The Frustration of the Feelz
  2. The Rosenthal Effect → Pygmalion Project → The Golem Effect
  3. Enthusiasm Towards Shared Enterprises Supersedes the Feelz and Frustrations
  4. An Illustrative Case Study – Cleaning House
  5. Challenges in Implementation
  6. Conclusions

1. The Frustration of the Feelz

In today’s culture, most people in a relationship rate the quality of their relationship by how they FEEL about the complementary partner in the relationship.

From the Feelz Perspective, the woman usually has the ‘advantage’, simply because women are more emotionally and relationally ‘in-tune’. We often see women assuming a role of leadership based on her intuitions about things, which are mistakenly taken to be an infallible authority. In fact, this is a weakness that most all women have. Their basic needs for security and resources drive them to seek control.

However, the man is at a severe disadvantage if he accepts the woman’s leadership, because by submitting to her, he proves himself unworthy of her respect and admirations. He also sets the relationship in motion towards disaster.

Men who take the feelz approach might fall into several categories.

  1. The effeminate man who is known to attract women based on his emotional EQ and ease of communication.
  2. The “Soy Boy” type of man who lacks frame and strength of mind, and is easily drawn into the woman’s viewpoints.
  3. The “nice guy” who mistakenly believes he can improve the relationship by catering to the woman’s whims.

All these types of men prove themselves to be low SMV men, which women invariably grow tired of, after they exhaust the affirmation and resources that these men have to offer.

Yet, women tend to stick with such men (at least for a time), especially those women in their peak libido phase (mid 30’s) who have hit the wall. These women don’t seem to realize that it is not their choice of a man that is the source of their discontentment, but rather their own inability to achieve contentment in general. This discontentment formed in conjunction with their indulgences in non-sustainable, but thoroughly exhilarating sexual relations with fly-by-night jerkboys, and thereby losing their window of opportunity (in their early to mid 20’s).

Next, we examine one of the primary control strategies that women attempt to use in order to satisfy their own feelz of discontentment.

[Eds. note: The Pygmalion Project (discussed later) is not an entirely unique phenomenon to the Frustration of the Feelz, but perhaps it is one of the most relevant to many men’s experiences with women.]

2. The Rosenthal Effect Pygmalion Project 

→ The Golem Effect

The Rosenthal Effect is the phenomenon whereby higher expectations lead to an increase in performance. The dynamics of the Rosenthal Effect are illustrated in the folowing diagram.

understanding-stereotypes-for-cognitive-design-16-638

The Rosenthal Effect, which is popularly known as the ‘Self-Fulfilling Prophecy‘, has been shown to be widely effective in educational classrooms and business personnel management policies.

Rosenthal and Babad wrote in 1985,

“When we expect certain behaviors of others, we are likely to act in ways that make the expected behavior more likely to occur.”

However, many people, and especially women, have the misguided notion that the Rosenthal Effect also applies towards female to male relationships. It does not!

In the case where one partner presumes that the Rosenthal Effect will be helpful in improving their relationship, and makes efforts along these lines, then a different dynamic comes into play, which is called the Pygmalion Effect. The dynamics of the Pygmalion Effect are shown in the figure below.

Pygmalion

The practice in which one, or both partners apply pressure on the other partner, in attempt to get them to CHANGE a behavior deemed undesirable, is called a Pygmalion Project, and this is one of the most common approaches towards ‘improving’ a relationship. Unfortunately, it is a misguided and vain devotion.

Why doesn’t the Rosenthal Effect function in a similar manner within male-female relationships? There are several reasons.

  1. The sub-loop of “‘Expectancy’ → ‘Motivation’  ‘Performance'” which is present in the person acting as the subordinate within the Rosenthal Effect, is missing in the Pygmalion Effect. In essence, the person presumed to be the ‘subordinate’ lacks sufficient motivation.
  2. In a relationship, the male (subordinate) lacks this motivation to perform according to the female’s (supervisor’s) expectations because men have a natural, God-ordained proclivity not to be the subordinate, but to play the role of the supervisor instead.
  3. The biological foundation for the males lack of motivation, in this case, arises from the male hormone, testosterone (T), which causes men to determine their own set of prerogatives, and be less motivated to conform to the expectations of others. Thus, higher T males tend to rise into leadership roles above other, lower T males. In the present case of the male-female relationship, the difference in T between men and women is much more pronounced than it is between males, and therefore, the man naturally gravitates towards assuming the role of the ‘supervisor’.
  4. The efficacy of the Rosenthal Effect requires a supervisor-subordinate structure of hierarchy, and depends on the subordinate being in the state of mind to learn and adjust himself to the expectations of the supervisor. In a male-female relationship, if the man assumes the role of the supervisor, then this may bring some success. However, if the woman assumes the role of the supervisor, and presumes that the man should take on the role of the subordinate, then this structure fails to match biology’s (and God’s) ordained structure of hierarchy, in which the man is the supervisor. Thus, it is doomed to fail.
  5. In the Rosenthal Effect, the expected behaviors tend to be clearly defined, and positive in nature, or leaning towards improvement. Whereas, in the Pygmalion Effect, the expected behaviors tend to be negative, and focused on changing such behaviors in portent to an ambiguous purpose or outcome. (In such a case, the Pygmalion Effect is called the Golem Effect.)
  6. Enacting a Pygmalion approach is an uphill battle, because it fails to accept the other person as they are, and puts the onus on the other for the motivation to enact the changes desired by the first. But this can only be received as a gesture of rejection. This tends to destroy whatever motivation might be initially present in the subordinate.
  7. Only the conviction of the Holy Spirit and experiencing Gods grace can bring true and lasting change in a person. So if a person tries to initiate and manage change through the Pygmalion Effect, then it is an effort outside the grace of God. It takes a bit of faith to trust God to let go of one’s impertinent demands, and show some love and patience to the other, while God takes over the task of renovating the other person for the better.

Towards an actual improvement of the relationship, people want and need to be accepted for who they are, farts, warts, quirks and all. Acceptance must always be offered as a gesture of genuine love, and it is only this love and acceptance that can hope to bring the changes that one desires in their partner.

But those who are spiritually immature don’t understand how to let God work on their partner. So they often resort to the Pygmalion mindset, by raising their expectations, or by giving their partner the Wake Up Call.

Men typically don’t have a positive response to the Golem Effect, because they have a sub-zero tolerance for drama. They either (1) tune out and tolerate her from a distance, (2) fold and submit to her will, or (3) they walk out the door.

[SF Axiom 4: It’s very important to be generous concerning one’s expectations of others. Otherwise, the Golem Effect kicks in.]

[SF Axiom 5: People, especially men, will not ‘change’ themselves simply because their partner demands and pressures them to do so. In fact, they tend to become more resistant to making that particular change.]

There is at least one other approach that would be infinitely more valuable towards improving and strengthening relationships…

3. Enthusiasm Towards Shared Enterprises Supersedes the Feelz and Frustrations

Many couples initially meet by participating in common activities, and this is the atmosphere that brings out people’s true nature and personality, which is naturally attractive. But it is often the case that after a relationship has been established for some time, couples neglect to continue these shared endeavors.

If a couple can identify enterprises in which they both share certain goals, and negotiate an agreement about how to proceed towards those goals, then their interaction changes from a zero sum, to a positive sum game. Turning their eyes away from the ‘problems’ they see in the other, and looking at how to cooperate to meet those goals, can be a life granting transformative change in the relationship.

Under these circumstances, the inherent differences in each person’s respective personality become supplementary strengths which counter the weaknesses in the other. In this regard, the appreciation of one person’s strengths replaces the Pygmalion/Golem habit of shaming the other person’s corresponding weakness.

Instead of focusing on their selfish selves, their frustrating relationship, and their state of emotional turmoil, they should turn their attentions outward, to see the world together.

A few shared activities which languishing couples may consider include the following.

  • Talk/council other younger couples about how they can improve their relationship.
  • Play a sport together – play tennis or shoot hoops at least once a week.
  • Organize a social event with a group of friends – a party, picnic, camping trip or nature hike.
  • Work together on tasks – cook a meal or clean house together, make a financial plan or a budget together. (This example is covered in the following Case Study.)

At its root, this approach takes the focus off of the ‘other’, and turns the focus towards the outside world. Also, the shared enterprise builds ‘Closeness’ and emphasizes ‘Togetherness’, which, as Eggerichs pointed out, score big points with women.

[SF Axiom 6: Motivation to change can often come when a person sees how a change can bring them more of what they want in life.]

4. An Illustrative Case Study – Cleaning House

To offer an example, early in our marriage, my wife had an emotional need to keep the house clean, but she has the brand of ‘laziness’ that is common to humanity, which rendered her unwilling to actually do all the difficult and time consuming work of cleaning that was necessary. As a man, I didn’t really require an immaculate house to be happy, so she often said I was too dirty or messy, and that I made her job more difficult.

I could have insisted on continuing my old habits and tried to get her to stop nagging me, but this would have become the Pygmalion Project in action, as discussed above. That is, she would be nagging me to be more tidy, I would be nagging her to stop nagging, with each of us becoming more set in our ways with a growing ego investment causing us to be more resistant to change. Hence, the Golem Effect sets in.

So instead, I chose to stop letting her shame me for leaving socks on the floor, etc., and started to appreciate her desire for cleanliness as a positive trait which I didn’t have.

To demonstrate that I had accepted the habit of cleaning house as a shared enterprise, I spearheaded an organized household cleaning effort once a week, for at least two hours. By doing so, I was able to play the ‘Supervisor’ role by exercising authority over what was to be cleaned, and how much time was spent in doing so. I was also able to get her help to clean things that she would never notice, like underneath the sink, or never clean on her own initiative, such as the oven.

If she ever complained about any accumulation of dirt, then I would just tell her we would clean it on Saturday, and that she should make a list of everything she wanted done.

This worked for us, because she wanted to have a cleaner house, but I did not want to be cleaning every day, and I didn’t want to be nagged about it either.

We also got the bonus of having a lot of contentment and happy moments in working together in this way.

Also, I was not discontented by having a cleaner environment to enjoy.

Best of all, after a few months of this, she found a sense of internal happiness in cleaning house by herself, and she didn’t nag me anywhere near as much as before.

I think it is also important to point out that she (the woman) needed me (the man) to lead the enterprise. This gave her a much needed sense of security, place, and purpose.

The only annoying thing is that she still sometimes talks like she’s the boss of the house, or that I am her helper (i.e. imagining herself to be playing the role of ‘Supervisor’).

Yeah, whatever… I know I’ve already taken control of this situation, so I will allow her this small ego indulgence. After I get her attitude running smoothly, it will be less hassle for me.

5. Challenges in Implementation

Some particular challenges that may arise when a man encourages his woman (or vice versa) to participate in a shared enterprise, are listed as follows.

  1. The lack of affirmation – If she has had a habit of receiving an ego affirmation by making herself feel better about her own inadequacies by pointing out the man’s weaknesses, then this attitude of insecurity and ingratefulness will need to be addressed first. A little bit of Game (e.g. negging) is helpful towards this end.
  2. Laziness – This is usually indicated when she expresses the idea that she is being ‘used’ as a helper or ‘slave’, or that the man ‘owes’ her something for her participation.
  3. Apathy – This problem comes down to the choice of the enterprise.
  4. A long history of poor interaction – This might require a lot more time, effort, and patience to correct the bad habits and attitudes within the relationship.

In Cases 2 and 3, it may be helpful to begin with an enterprise which motivates her internally, like renovating a living space, or helping her wash dishes, or cleaning house together (as described earlier). After she gets a taste of the joys and successes of cooperation, then you can suggest more objective types of goals, such as following a budget or hosting a party.

6. Conclusions

Couples should stop creating high standards to pressure false convictions which would prevent the other person from experiencing an internally motivated conviction and the saving grace of God. In other words, couples should stop trying to leverage the other person’s avenues of conviction towards what is important only to one partner or the other, so that the Holy Spirit and conscience can invoke the spiritual conviction of what is truly important for that person’s spiritual health in the eyes of God.

The reason that the sharing enterprises approach works, is because it takes one’s eyes off of the difficulties and frustrations in their relationship, and puts the focus on a mutual goal. In doing so, both of their energies are applied towards constructive endeavors, and they naturally refrain from creating the drama which fuels stress and lowers the boom.

References

  • Robert Rosenthal, Lenore Jacobson, “Pygmalion in the classroom: teacher expectation and pupils’ intellectual development” (Newly expanded ed.) Bancyfelin, Carmarthen, Wales: Crown House Pub. (1992) ISBN 978-1904424062.

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13 Disciplines in Dealing with Delectable Daughters

This post covers the moral challenges that men face in raising daughters, the dilemma that daughters face in coming of age, and some key points in raising daughters with discipline, confidence and purpose.

Readership: Parents

The text is arranged as follows.

  1. The Stage of Society
  2. The Moral Burden of Fatherhood
  3. Put the Shame where it Belongs
  4. The Father’s Strategy
  5. Discipline
  6. Beware of Virginity Pledges
  7. Conclusions

For those readers who wish to abbreviate their reading time, the 13 Disciplines advertised are listed under Section 5: Discipline.

1. The Stage of Society

Amid all the squabble about ‘racism’, ‘sexism’, reproductive ‘rights’, and so called ‘equality’, I’ve never heard feminists lecture anyone about raising better daughters, or creating better marriages. However, I have heard feminists say things to the tune of, “Feminism creates better men”.

I believe there is a kernel of truth in this, but it’s not what they think. It’s true that men will react, and will have to adapt, to the chokehold that Feminism has had on society. No self-respecting RP man would allow Feminism to continue to evolve unchecked into madness and anarchy. In fact, the PUA community, the Manosphere, MRA’s, MGTOW’s and the rise of Game, are all evidence of men’s reactions to Feminism’s influence on society.

However, the definition of ‘better men’ will not be the feminist’s definition, that is, where all men defer in self-avowed fealty to women, with alpha studs who f*ck at their feckless call, and beta men who earn, serve, and supplicate at their whim, whenever they are needed, and who go away silently when they are about to be cuckolded or frivorced.

No, Feminism creates men who are ‘better’ at playing the Game, inflicting the shiv, dealing with the hamster, seeing through the lies, bypassing the sh!t tests, better skilled at extracting p00n, more efficient in shaving off parasitic females, and able to identify loopholes and exemptions from mandated ‘regulations’.

Then comes the prophesied Reset, as foretold by Manospherians.

2. The Moral Burden of Fatherhood

Now, at some point in this awakening, Red Pilled men who are fathers of daughters, hit a phase in which they become aware of how other Red Pilled men might affect or influence their daughters. Specifically, they get a shiver of fear when they suddenly realize that their beloved daughters are potential notch counts for alpha males practicing Game.

It’s a legitimate fear, because the feral human being is fundamentally directed towards the augmentation of self-interest. Not only are men looking to score, but daughters are also looking to shinny around. That’s just the natural scheme of procreation.

Of course, most fathers carry the hope that their daughters would remain chaste, and aspire to become loyal, faithful wives for self-respecting and righteous men. Of course, we know that most daughters (these days) will not, but still, fathers have a sense of responsibility about the upbringing of their daughters. Especially, fathers experience an intense pang of failure when they find out that their daughter’s moral constitution has been compromised, or has become questionable.

My own father once told me, one of the most disappointing experiences of his life was when my younger sister divorced her husband after four years of marriage. Dad found that experience to be even more heartbreaking than when his own wife of 28 years (my mother) left him. I tried to tell my father that Mom had a bigger influence on my sister’s decision than he did. It was obvious to me that she learned this behavior as a consequence of seeing her mother ‘next’ her father while she was an adolescent, which is, by the way, the worst possible age for a young person to experience a parental divorce. But this did little to assuage his guilt over the matter, because the family legacy is larger than his own life. Such is the burden of being a father.

3. Put the Shame where it Belongs

A few years later, after my first wife left me, my father gave me some defiant advice.

“Don’t let anybody try to put you to shame for being divorced!”

That was a King’s X RP wakeup call!

Women who frivorce their husbands, bring a lot of shame on their husbands and children. We often hear a lot of moxie encouraging such women not to be ashamed of their selfish choices, yet, we never hear any encouragement for husbands and children who are actually on the receiving end of the shame.

Where’s the ‘equality’ in that? Or the other word that women like, ‘fairness’?

Ultimately, I believe that mothers have more of an influence on their daughter’s de facto sexual proclivities than do their fathers. However, the father wields a powerful influence in the structure of his formal directives, and his approval or disapproval, which send a clear message about the appropriateness of her decisions.

There are some daughters (and mothers too) who intuitively know that their values and decisions are not approved by the father, and they may keep such activities as much of a secret from him as they can. But whether they choose to retain covert operations or not, the nuanced implications of his Frame on their choices will always weigh heavy on their hearts. This is not to be underestimated.

4. The Father’s Strategy

The feminist may dismiss the father’s good judgment as being ‘the heavy hand of the oppressive Patriarchy’, and by reverse judging his judgment, they might escape the immediate shame of disobedience, especially when society is accepting of such behavior, but they still fall under their own condemnation. Even when mothers manage to separate the children from the father, his memory will continue to inspire hope and confidence in the children’s hearts. The father’s influence is essential, and inescapable.

A daughter who has a good relationship with her father will take her conscience more seriously, and although she may or may not follow the father’s directives to the full extent, she will nevertheless respect his wishes, and make some effort to honor them. If she steps out of line, she knows it, and she can return to it if she wishes. It is this boundary that the father creates, which gives the daughter a sense of security, self-esteem and dignity. A wise father knows that his word creates the Frame in which she lives, moves and breathes. If the father is lovingly involved in her life from early childhood, then his Frame forms the backbone of her psychological identity.

Frame is the name of the Game!

5. Discipline

Red Pilled men with daughters might find it easy to get swept away with their anxieties over the responsibilities and potential risks that nubile daughters present.

But men with daughters should not be viewing the future with the fear that their daughters will be swept away in a torrent of antagonistic reveling, or that they will not be able to cope with these evil times. Instead, fathers should have the mindset that their daughters will learn and grow in step with the challenges that the times present.

Choose to place hope in the next generation!

Thus, fathers should not be afraid of other Red Pilled men, but instead, should accept the real possibility that a Red Pilled young man, who is about 5-7 years older than your daughter, and who has shown that he’s ready to settle down, would probably be a better husband to your daughter than a whimpering Blue Pill Betaboy. Embrace it as a positive development in your family legacy.

Quietly do the work of discipline, and rest in the calm assurance that your loving efforts will have the intended effects. May you fathers be rewarded according to your faith.

Let’s take a look at what the scriptures have to say about discipline.

Proverbs 22:6

“Train up a child in the way he [she] should go, and when he [she] is old, he [she] will not depart from it.”

Hebrews 12:9-11

9 Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. 11 Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

From verse 9, it is evident that fathers can gain respect when they correct their children, even though it is implied that a father’s discipline is not nearly as righteous as that of God’s. (Based on my experience, I will posit that this can apply to wives as well.) Verse 11 affirms our experience, that children (and wives) will never be happily receptive to discipline, but that it is necessary for their own edification.

Disciplining a child is like pruning a fruit tree. Without discipline or pruning, the organism grows wild and tangled, and bears little fruit. But with regular discipline/pruning, the organism takes on a better form and bears more fruit. (See John 15:1-8)

As a Red Pilled father, your task of discipline is to…

  1. Present a clear and consistent Frame of mind, within which her behaviors and other family affairs may be evaluated. It is never too early to start exercising discipline. As soon as children are able to walk and get into things, parents should be teaching them what is appropriate behavior. Do not indulge their selfish temper tantrums, but punish them instead. Get into the habit of calmly and patiently explaining the logic and reasoning behind your Frame, and keep repeating that message until they ‘get it’. Daughters (and wives) bond to men when they submit to his frame. Chances are, your daughter will become attracted to a man who has a Frame similar to yours, whether she, or you, like it or not. So get your Frame in order, and broadcast it to your family. There are no laws against holding Frame, and there never will be. It’s an inalienable right.
  2. Exercise fair and purposeful judgment. Do not punish her in your anger. When exercising discipline, calmly talk the matter through with her first. Make sure she understands (1) what she is doing wrong, (2) how to do things right, and (3) why she is being disciplined. She doesn’t need to agree to the discipline, of course, but if she doesn’t clearly understand these things, then your discipline will only create resentment and rebellion in her. If she does understand, then you have given her a clear choice in the matter, and this tends to bring spiritual liberty and growth, no matter what she chooses.
  3. Teach your daughter to respect and appreciate the man in her life, starting with the first and foremost – you! Any form of poor manners or disrespect should be shut down deftly at the first sign. If she learns to respect her father while growing up, then it will be all the easier for her to learn to respect her future husband. This one trait alone will do the most to ensure her transition into a blissful married life.
  4. Be an imminent presence in her life. Attend her family-oriented social events. Introduce yourself to her friends. Even if she doesn’t live with you, or see you very often, you can still establish the connection, and emphasize the fact that you are always a source of stalwart security, and that you’re available to her at any time. Tell her that you are only a phone call away. Daughters need to know that they are not shut out of their father’s life.
  5. Don’t make your home environment a stressful one which she would rather escape from. Instead, give her an alternative ‘safe space’ from the world – one with a healthy balance between clear rules and expectations, and warm love and support. Knowing how most fathers are, I should emphasize the former.
  6. As much as possible, form solidarity with her mother with respect to rules. If she knows that whenever Dad says ‘no’, then she can always ask Mom for a ‘second opinion’, etc., then this dynamic will erode your authority, as well as her discipline and sense of security. It might help to explain this to her mother, and point out that her cooperation in this realm will be easiest and best for all involved.
  7. Groom her for a groom – not for the seemingly inevitable sex education of ‘college’, ‘finding herself’, or for playing the field. Talk to your daughter from an early age about marriage and family. Educate her towards preparing herself accordingly. Most young women are drawn to this instinctively. Nurture that instinct, and don’t neglect it.
  8. Do what you can to surround your daughter with positive influences, such as happily married women, and daughters of happily married women. (Boxer discusses this important effect here.) Your opinion sets her frame. Don’t hesitate to express your concerns about her possible peer choices of questionable influence.
  9. Give her the ‘Pink Pill’. Teach your daughter how men think, and what men want and need. Teach her to appreciate the benefits that masculinity can offer her (such as the Tinglies), and not to dismiss it as ‘toxic’.
  10. Be aware of your role as a father in shaping her self concept. Make sure she understands that her SMV is always greater than her MMV, and that she will have to make a tough choice about what she wants to do with her life – either to invest in her MMV and work towards building a family life, or else cash in on her SMV and live an independent lifestyle – and that she cannot do both. If she will choose the former, and show herself to be a ‘wall’, then help your daughter to assess her true SMV/MMV, and to identify guys on her same MMV tier to choose from. If she will choose the latter, and show herself to be a ‘door’, then make sure she understands the responsibilities and consequences of such a lifestyle, and that she will have more difficulties in love. (Song of Solomon 8:8-9)
  11. Don’t suffocate her with the rule of law. Let her grow to appreciate the real purpose of retaining her sexual purity until marriage. Emphasize that keeping her virginity (or not doing so, depending on her social background) is not to be done as a proof or signal of her virtue (or social acceptance), but as a conservation of her MMV bargaining power, and as a cumulative test of her competency as a faithful wife, and by extension, her eligibility for a preferred marriage, rather than a default ‘settle’ment.
  12. Destroy the superficial Alpha-Beta dichotomy in your daughter’s hypergamous head by teaching her how to discern the differences between a Blue Ball Pill Beta Boy, a trustworthy Red Pill man, and a PUA ChadWick EdCad. Make sure she understands the pitfalls of choosing either the Smurf or the Chad, as well as the challenges involved with getting along with a worthy man.
  13. Talk about all of the above. Don’t just assume that she’ll learn it by osmosis, or by going to Church. She is already being constantly pelted by feminist/sex propaganda from popular culture, TV, internet, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Facebook and her peer group. Don’t let these influences become the majority voice in her head. It helps to talk about these things frequently and in a casual manner. If you try to condense it all into one big serious ‘talk’ with her, it may have the opposite effect from that intended.

6. Beware of Virginity Pledges

At a token glance, the whole endeavor of the Virginity Pledge movements appears to be a wise, sound way to reinforce the importance of remaining sexually pure in a young girl’s mind. But since its inception, we have found the opposite to be true. Here are several reasons why.

  1. Taking a virginity pledge tends to set up the false notion that retaining one’s virginity sums up the whole prerogative of what is required for one to be blessed. It does not. Making virginity the goal is like an athlete having the idea that he can win the decathlon merely by never smoking. It’s necessary, but not sufficient. Fellow blogger, SFC Ton, can attest to this.
  2. Saving one’s virginity, especially when consciously done as a proof and/or signal of virtue, depends largely upon one’s strength of willpower, and therefore bypasses the grace of God. It would be far better for a young woman to look forward to marriage in faith and hope, and guard her heart against any temptation that might disqualify her from reaching that goal.
  3. Virginity pledges tend to go against the Lord’s command not to make vows to God. Such vows weigh one down with additive ‘responsibilities’ that create additional psychological and spiritual burdens, and repress one’s Liberty in Christ.
  4. There is the possibility that making an inner vow may be an act of spiritual rebellion against the grace of God, which becomes a doorway to spiritual bondage. See here for a more in depth understanding of this phenomenon.
  5. The shadow of the law magnifies temptation and revives the sinful nature. See Romans 7. Consequently, those who take virginity pledges will face greater temptations to forsake the commitment.
  6. The emphasis on virginity plays right into Satan’s false dichotomy by presupposing a restrictive rhetoric. See J.T’s article, The Satanic Persuasion Formula, for a more detailed explanation.
  7. Finally, statistically based studies have revealed that virginity pledges have little sticking power, and hardly any benefit. See the following sources for more information.

7. Conclusions

The Manosphere is pretty good about picking through a woman’s characteristics to determine whether she might become a worthy wife or not, but we need to stop having a ‘consumer’ mindset about women, and start picking up the logistical slack in the supply chain. That is, we need to improve the ‘wife factories’ – homes in which such Godly women (future wives and mothers) are raised and molded.

I know that sounds like a tall bill in this day and age. I don’t write these things to come down hard on fathers, and I don’t pretend to know every father’s circumstances. I’m just stating some things that should be obvious facts, because in these evil times, it’s so easy to lose sight of what is ‘normal’, healthy and right. Namely that, if possible, we should try to achieve something better for our children. To do that, our Frame and conscientious discipline are the primary means which should serve us (and them) well.

In short, it is my plea for each man to do your part to create the world in which you and your loved ones wish to live. With the times as perverse as they are, this might require some men to become social revolutionary, hero figures in the lives of their sons and daughters. If you are called to this, I urge you to step up to this challenge and make your mark in your family legacy!

For Dad’s who think they’ve got it together

Every father has the implied duty (to his progeny) to present his future son-in-law with an asset, rather than a burden to be gotten rid of. So basically, RP fathers should be trying to create young women who would fit the Manosphere’s prescription of an ideal woman to wife. An abridged description of such a woman can be extrapolated from the posts listed below.

For Dad’s who are struggling

I believe you are the majority of my readers. My heart goes out to you. I’ve been there.

A word of consolation: Just because a father leads, doesn’t mean that daughters will follow. However, if a father doesn’t lead, then daughters are not likely to have any trustworthy male figure to follow. They are left to the vices of whatever woebegone figure might appear into their lives.

It should be noted that the mother unit plays a profoundly influential role in this. If the mother unit follows, then the children will be ten times more likely to follow. If the mother unit doesn’t follow, then the house is divided, and the father will be fighting an uphill battle in the home.

If this is your problem (a rebellious wife), then don’t let anyone put you to shame. Instead, assign shame where it belongs, and retain a sense of dignity in being a father. Don’t give up hope! Keep praying for yourself, and your children, and let them know you love them.

For those men who are not (yet) fathers

It would help sober up the cad in each of us, if we viewed any potential lay, or p0rn figure, as another man’s daughter, and as another man’s future wife, and not just a piece of wet meat. I know it’s hard, but it’s a form of self-discipline worth pursuing.

To put some teeth into this idea, I’ll just offer up the fact that it is not uncommon for many married men to get the idea of inflicting serious violence on their wife’s past heartbreakers. But fortunately, most men do not act on these feelings.

Also, how would you feel about yourself if you were the father of the girl you’re seeing? One day, you may also be a father. Remember, what comes around, goes around. You are building up a treasure (or punishment) for yourself that no man can take away, not even yourself.

[Eds. note: This advice may not apply to incels. My apologies. Go work on your Frame and Game for now, and once you get some momentum going, you can adjust yourself accordingly.]

Closing

Fathers, do not be dismayed. Carefully craft your Frame, and present it in a clear, calm manner. Keep your shoulder to the wheel, and carry on…

Take each day as it comes. Cherish the moments. Keep the faith.

Your daughter and future son-in-law will thank you one day, and they will cherish your memory forever.

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Wisdom, Spiritual Efficiency, and Flow

The previous post, The Blessings of Flow (January 23, 2018), covered the relationship between Flow and Blessings. This post discusses the concepts of Godly Wisdom, Spiritual Efficiency, and Csíkszentmihályi Flow, and explains how these things are manifestations and vehicles of Blessing.

Readership: All

This article is arranged into four sections.

  1. The Wisdom of God
  2. The Nature of Spiritual Efficiency
  3. The Process of Attaining Spiritual Efficiency through Building Godly Character
  4. The Role of Flow

The Wisdom of God

The Wisdom of God, in a nutshell, is the practice of considering the nature of things, and purposefully arranging things in a way such that the natural behavior of things causes the course of events to unfold naturally, and efficiently, leading to an intended outcome. A couple examples are described here, using King Solomon of the Old Testament, who was known for his great wisdom.

In one story, someone challenged Solomon to draw a thread through a long, winding hole. Instead of playing with string all day, as a typical person would have tried to do, he called for a silkworm to be brought. He positioned the worm at the opening of the hole, and the worm crawled through the hole leaving a strand of silk behind.

1st Kings 3:16-28 describes two harlots who were arguing over a child, in which both claimed to be the mother. Within a small homologous community, and without the testimony of the father, or the benefit of DNA testing, this was a tough call. Solomon’s solution? He commanded for the baby to be cut in half, and that one piece should be given to each woman. In all the commotion and confusion that resulted from this ‘sentence’, the woman with the loudest and most heart-wrenching cries for compassion and pity was clearly identified as the child’s true mother. When this fact was made evident, Solomon stopped the execution from being carried out, then awarded the baby to the true mother, and punished the lying woman.

As illustrated in these two stories, the wisdom of God recognizes the natural form and function, considers various influences on behaviors, respects the symbiotic qualities of various relationships, and understands the desires and inclinations of the heart.

One way to utilize the Wisdom of God, is to implement specific spiritual truths/phenomena as vehicles to desired ends, such as when Flow increases one’s skill, or mutual Love and Respect increases a couple’s marital satisfaction.

Conformity to God’s truths (through discipline and spiritual obedience), and applying those truths wisely, greatly increases one’s propensity to experience the fulfillment of God’s promises, and the inherent blessings. When one uses the wisdom of God to create a spiritually obedient life that can occur largely out of habit and nature, then blessings happen automatically. When this state can be achieved, one has obtained a significantly greater degree of Spiritual Efficiency.

I should also point out that Wisdom could be used for either good, or evil. For an example of Wisdom being used for an evil purpose, see a previous work written by J.T., The Satanic Persuasion Formula (January 20, 2018).

The Nature of Spiritual Efficiency

The nature of Spiritual Efficiency is that it maximizes positive attributes, such as enjoyment, productivity, learning, social interaction, fruits of the spirit, … and minimizes negative attributes, such as investment costs, poor outcomes, emotional work, the burden/exhaustion of a willful implementation of agency, shame, guilt… In this view, the process of Christian maturity could be interpreted as the streamlining of one’s Spiritual Efficiency.

The Bible states that Christ makes the believer complete (i.e. mature), and glorified.

Colossians 2:9-10

“For in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily; and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power.”

1st Corinthians 1:30-31

“But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God—and righteousness and sanctification and redemption — that, as it is written, ‘He who glories, let him glory in the Lord’.”

In Biblical terminology, I presume that this ‘completeness’ and ‘glorification’ is the characteristic appearance of a life made complete in Christ. This state is naturally marked by the presence of Spiritual Efficiency.

Here, I am not saying that Spiritual Efficiency is equivalent to Christ, or salvation, but that Spiritual Efficiency is an outward manifestation of a redeemed life that has been transformed, and sanctified, by the power and wisdom of Christ.

The Process of Attaining Spiritual Efficiency through Building Godly Character

I believe that Spiritual Efficiency is a real world goal that might help one draw closer to Christ.

To put this concept into secular terms, it’s all about ‘making yourself a better man’.

There is a sequence of tasks in building a life that glorifies God. These steps are briefly outlined here.

  1. It all begins with the Truth. For a Christian, the Word of Christ is the centrality of Truth. For others, truth is whatever they believe to be true. One must read the Truth/truth. One congregates with others who know the Truth/truth. One hears others profess the Truth/truth. We might even undertake a longitudinal study of Truth/truth. In the process, one is required to discern Truth from lies, and truth from falsehoods and errors, and to make certain decisions about how the Truth/truth applies to one’s self.
  2. After a time, one begins to believe the Truth or truth in his heart.
  3. After a belief in the Truth/truth has taken root, one begins to profess the contents of his heart in the form of words.
  4. Words serve to reinforce one’s beliefs, and words structure the presentation of one’s beliefs. These words also convey one’s values and personality to others.
  5. A well-structured and congruent system of thoughts, beliefs, words, and habits, which are tested and refined over time, fosters adaptive attitudes, and produces character.
  6. In the meantime, a person is developing habits and skills which support the formation and propagation of his character, and these habits, over time, become one’s lifestyle, and reputation.
  7. As one interacts with others, the effects of his personhood influences the lives of those around him, for better or for worse, and thus, he creates a legacy.

When all these things are in place, a state of Spiritual Efficiency has been reached, yielding a life of peace, productivity and contentment. This implies that once a person has achieved these personal qualities, and has established his lifestyle, he doesn’t need to do much to maintain it. The persona of his spiritual state has a life of its own, which draws its own power and produces fruit, all by virtue of its own state of existence. He can rest and enjoy the fruit of his labors.

The problem experienced by most people, is that they do not cognizantly base their personhood on Truth. Instead, they run their lives on auto-pilot. They think about… whatever strikes the natural bent of their fancy, and they do… whatever they Feeelz like doing. Only as an afterthought, which often stems from regret, do they entertain any thoughts of introspection, or reconsider the path of their ways, and where all of it is leading. Such lives are commonly characterized by a poor constitution of character, a sore lack of truth, confusion, cognitive dissonance, wasted resources and opportunities. The list goes on, and is very long, but it can all be summarized in one very short word – SIN.

What is most often the case for even the most diligent of believers, is that life is a continual adventure in discovering ever more of the Truth, and doing the hard work of adapting their lives to it. This is the daily process of redemption, that is, the deliverance from a life of sin.

In summary, one way to describe the state of being blessed might be in the attainment of a high degree of Spiritual Efficiency, by growing into the complete, glorified person, whom God intends us to become. Utilizing the phenomena of Flow is an invaluable vehicle to this end.

The Role of Flow

The impression I have gained from experiencing both Flow and the state of being blessed, is that both are accompanied by, and aided by, attaining a state of ‘Spiritual Efficiency‘.

In specific, Flow is very important in establishing the skills and habits which support the livelihood of the man.

To remain in a Spiritually Efficient state of Flow, one cannot in anyway depend on the responses, spiritual obedience, or opinions of others. (That would suggest the catastrophic idea of ‘people pleasing’ rather than ‘God pleasing’.) One must stand on his own faith, and become a channel of God’s blessings towards others.

In marriage, both people must stand on their own faith, while at the same time, bless one another by striving to create Group Flow, which strengthens them both. This is why maturity, shared values and goals, and a good ‘fit’ of personalities are such important parts of having a good relationship. It all has to contribute to a Spiritually Efficient state of Flow.

If a high degree of Spiritual Efficiency can be achieved within a person’s life, or within a marriage, then that person, or married couple respectively, will naturally find it easy to remain in a perpetual state of joy and eternal bliss, because there are fewer negative aspects to detract from the combination of the natural life and the spiritual life, and more positive aspects that reinforce its continuance. By the way, this is the fundamental nature of a Spiritual Stronghold, which can be either holy or unholy, like with generational Blessings/curses.

Related

Posted in Conserving Power, Maturity, Personal Growth and Development, Models of Success, Organization and Structure, Stewardship, Strategy | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

The Blessings of Flow

Readership: All

Over the past week, I’ve had an intriguing and productive email conversation with J.T., the host of Saving Eve, covering some phenomenological interpretations, and possible applications, of Csíkszentmihályi Flow. I’ve cherry picked the gold nuggets from our correspondence to form this post.

There were essentially three topics that we covered.

  1. Flow as a Manifestation or Vehicle of Blessing
  2. The Bifurcated Path to Bliss
  3. The Red Pill is a Toolbox for Inducing Flow in Marriage and Feminine Sexuality

Flow as a Manifestation or Vehicle of Blessing

JT: I was glad to see that you were interested in the concept of Flow, and enjoyed the post you did on it the other week. Especially the idea of the connection between Flow and eternity. I too have been fascinated by the topic for the past year or so.

I had a few observations and hunches about Blessing, Flow and spirituality…

SF: I think it is important to put together a full, concrete description of Blessing, because this is one of those nebulous concepts that few people, even Christians, understand. It took me decades to figure it out, and I’m still not very confident about what I understand about it.

JT: Eastern Orthodox scholar David Bentley Hart writes an interesting footnote in his New Testament translation after choosing to translate what is normally rendered ‘blessed’ as ‘blissful’:

makarios: ‘blessed’, ‘happy’, ‘fortunate’, ‘prosperous’, but originally with a connotation of divine or heavenly bliss.

JT: Perhaps there is a connection between what the Bible describes as being ‘blessed’ and what we would call being in a state of Flow?

SF: Blessing and Flow both have spiritual and eternal characteristics. I can totally believe that experiencing Flow, and reaping the benefits thereof, is one important manifestation of being blessed. Flow could even be a propitious vehicle of blessing. (Not sure which, maybe both.) However, there are many other ways to experience Blessing, so I am hesitant to believe that they are synonymous, that is, that Flow is the same as being blessed. I wouldn’t say that if a person doesn’t get into Flow, then they aren’t blessed.

JT: I agree. Perhaps it would be helpful to distinguish between objective and subjective aspects of Blessing? For example, a man could be objectively blessed with a beautiful and sexually eager wife. But until he learns to reach that inner Flow state, he is not fully experiencing the subjective benefits of his Blessing.

SF: ‘Objective and subjective aspects of Blessing’… Yes, that’s it. Also, I thought of differentiating between the STATE of being blessed (there’s a long theological word for this that I can’t remember), and the EXPERIENCE of being blessed.

The Bifurcated Path to Bliss

JT: The Apostle Paul makes a clear distinction between the joy of married life and the joy of remaining single. Hence his recommendation that if you had the same ‘gift’ [of celibacy/singleness] as Paul did, it is best to remain unmarried, as you cannot effectively blend the two desires.

This sharp distinction between marriage and singleness only makes sense to me from a Flow perspective. Flow is an immersive experience, but constant interruptions would break the state.

It seems to me that Paul is suggesting that some people have the ability to experience a state of Flow solely from their relationship to God. But having a wife would interrupt that Flow.

Sexual men, on the other hand, would experience this state of Flow with their wives… which symbolizes the relationship of Christ with the church. And this state would only occasionally be interrupted by times devoted to prayer.

SF: Two elements of Flow include ‘intense focus’, and ‘freedom from distraction’. There is wisdom in preserving both of these elements in order to maximize the Flow experience. One interesting aspect of Flow, is that as long as one is in a state of Flow, one remains unconscious of that fact. But at the moment one stops to ponder their experience of Flow, one falls out of Flow. This summarizes the dilemma of ‘overthinking’ anything, as well as the hazards of multitasking.

If we take the relationship between God, man and wife as a linear hierarchy, as described by Snapper in his post, Marriage Geometry, then a man’s relationship with God is a focus ‘upward’, while the relationship with a wife is a focus ‘downward’. It’s difficult to ‘look up’ and ‘look down’ at the same time, without becoming cognizant of one’s focus, and thereby losing Flow. So I think St. Paul is just saying that there is no way to get around this dichotomy and have the best of both. You just have to choose one or the other and build your life on that.

JT: The ‘upward’ vs. ‘downward’ focus concept is a great way to explain it. The downward focus is more about representatively living out the heavenly joy of Christ and His bride (the church). The upward focus is about experiencing the communion directly and personally with God.

SF: You’ve described the spiritual significances of the ‘upward-downward’ thing well. Either way, it’s about glorifying God with one’s life.

The Red Pill is a Toolbox for Inducing Flow in Marriage and Feminine Sexuality

JT: Both Proverbs 5:19 and the Song of Solomon suggest that a married man should be in a state of sexual Flow. There is much more than simply ‘doing the deed’. There is challenge, disorientation, a loss of a sense of time, a high level of concentration, subconscious direction, etc. In other words, it seems that God’s desire is that a married couple remain in perpetual state of arousal and sexual bliss which symbolizes eternity.

It’s not too difficult to get a man on board with having lots of sex. But a woman is easily deceived and derailed from this state of happiness. But through the Red Pill, we are (re)discovering what makes a woman tick. Perhaps the ideal Biblical goal of Red Pill philosophy is not merely to deal with our ‘woman problems’, but to remove her from the folly of the world, and draw her into a state of perpetual marital bliss.

SF: Funny you should mention this. Just this morning, I had the idea that the whole goal of the Female Imperative, and by extension, Feminism, is a misguided attempt to maximize the female experience of Flow, Blessing, and Spiritual Efficiency* surrounding sexual relations and procreation, which are the two things most central to a woman’s identity.

The Red Pill not only picks apart the mechanics and motivations of the Feminine Imperative, but also points out all the costs, faults, sins, and mistakes inherent in the Feminist viewpoint, and shows that man is needed to impart a holy, successful, accurate, and balanced pursuit of the comprehensive Spiritual Efficiency between a man and woman in marriage and resulting family. The main fault of the Female Imperative and Feminism, is that it selfishly seeks to maximize the joys and benefits to women, without considering the overall costs to men and society. It therefore fails the Spiritual Efficiency test.

One problem with the proposed implementation of Red Pill theorems to induce a state of blissful, sexualized Flow in a female partner, is that not all women can, or want to be drawn into marital bliss, and to make matters worse, the influences of Feminism destroy the ‘raw materials’ of joyful wifehood coming right off the ‘production line’.

I would agree, of course, that Red Pill seeks to remedy this state, but as of now, we’ve only made advances in understanding the problem. But on a more hopeful note, identifying the problem is half of the solution. I believe that it’s only a matter of time before younger generations get enough Red Pill insights to see how it supersedes Feminism in both theory and application, towards achieving Flow, Blessing, and Spiritual Efficiency for all, including sex and marriage!


* Spiritual Efficiency is another topic that is covered in a separate post, Wisdom, Spiritual Efficiency, and Flow (January 26, 2018).

Related

Sigma Frame: A Study of Csíkszentmihályi Flow (December 29, 2018)

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The Satanic Persuasion Formula

This is an original featured guest article written by J. T. Anderson from SavingEve.net. It covers a simple, yet profound theory of game strategy based on an exegesis of Genesis 3 (the temptation of Eve, which led to the fall of mankind). An emphasis is placed on the destructive nature of this particular game strategy. This deconstruction serves to expose the works of darkness, according to Ephesians 5:11-13:

11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them12 For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret. 13 But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light, for whatever makes manifest is light.”

Readership: All


In this post, I’m going to tell you how studying Satan will make you a better husband.

Specifically, I’m going to show you how Satan leads women astray and spoils your happiness. But once you’re able to recognize the early signs of satanic deception, you’ll be prepared to counter it.

Whether your wife is a feminist, a cold fish in the bedroom, or just an all around pain-in-the-ass… it’s probably the result of satanic rhetoric that’s quietly slipping in past your radar.

Sadly, I haven’t seen much serious discussion on this topic in the church, so I’m hoping this article might be a tiny spark that will help trigger a larger discussion.

So let’s dive right in. The text we’ll be examining is Genesis 3:1-6. The pattern of the first deception has been playing out over and over throughout history.

The process of deception unfolds in four phases…

Phase #1: The Restrictive Re-frame

“And he said to the woman, ‘Indeed, has God said, “You shall not eat from any tree of the garden?”’”

Christians often misread this text and miss the point entirely. (The serpent is a crafty one.)

I’ve heard multiple preachers and bloggers teach that the serpent was asking Eve if God really said what he said. Something akin to a Bible trivia game.

So Christians mistakenly think that the way to counter the serpent is simply by knowing what the Bible says. We point to the Bible and say “See! God DID say that!”

But both the serpent and Eve knew about the commandment. There was no point in debating that.

What the serpent is doing is re-framing the command.

What was once a worldview of abundance (“From any tree of the garden you may eat freely”), is now reframed as a worldview of scarcity and restriction (you can’t eat from any tree).

In Robert Cialdini’s book, Pre-suasion, he defines an important persuasion concept called “target chuting.” In response to how a question is phrased, the brain will instinctively create a “chute” to pull up information that confirms the question.

For example, one man could ask another, “It sure is great to have a woman, isn’t it?” And, unless the other was currently frustrated with his wife, he would naturally agree “Yes, I am glad that I have a woman.” And his brain would pull up all kinds of good memories about his wife.

But if a man says to another man, “Women sure are a pain-in-the-ass, aren’t they?” He would, again, agree and his brain would provide him with plenty of examples to confirm the assertion.

This is precisely what the serpent is (maliciously) doing with Eve. He prompts her to focus on what’s missing rather than on the abundance of good things in her life.

And this framing is the perfect set up for the next phase of deception…

Phase #2: The Consequence Denial

“The woman said to the serpent, ‘From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat; but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said,You shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die.’”

“The serpent said to the woman, ‘You surely will not die!’”

The serpent has aroused Eve’s curiosity, but there’s a problem:

What about that whole dying thing? That doesn’t sound too fun. Maybe we better not…

But the serpent maintains the frame by denying the consequence.

Fear is the strongest motivator for human behavior. If the serpent is going to lead Eve astray, he must alleviate her fears about this new opportunity he’s pitching.

Of course, he has no proof. But, as any keen observer of politics knows, what one lacks in facts can be made up for with audacity!

The serpent’s denial is so brazen that Eve instinctively submits to his frame. One who is that confident surely must know what he’s talking about.

Of course, truth always wins over falsehood in the long-run, so the serpent has to shift her focus to something more interesting…

Phase #3: The Conspiracy (Status Suppression)

“For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

It’s natural for human beings to want to increase their status. We all want to be more intelligent, more beautiful, more powerful, etc.

And there’s nothing wrong with these instincts. That’s why they can be used so effectively in deception.

The serpent has a tough sell here. The stakes of deviance are high and all the evidence is on God’s side.

So what does he do?

He changes the focus away from the facts (which are boring) and onto Eve’s personal interest… namely, increasing her status.

The serpent suggests that the fruit will make her wise. Who wouldn’t want to be wise? There’s nothing wrong with that!

And now that we’ve recognized this source of wisdom, who is preventing you from gaining it? Why, it’s God himself of course!

Really, God’s commandment is holding you back from reaching your potential!

This is far more intriguing than discussing the nature of death and whether or not God actually meant what he said.

Now, with Eve’s attention held captive, the serpent is ready to make his offer…

Phase #4: The New Opportunity

With Eve’s fear alleviated, she is in prime condition to try something new. All the serpent needs now is to offer her immediate pleasure, and an immediate increase in status.

And luckily for the serpent, the fruit is just the thing:

“When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate.”

Immediate pleasure with no fear of consequences? Done deal!

Now that the decision is made, the serpent can slip away and let the consequences unfold. His job is done.

The Formula

In summary, the satanic persuasion formula is:

  1. Restrictive Reframe – prime her mind to focus on what’s missing or on what is restricted
  2. Consequence Denial – confidently deny the consequences of deviance and change her focus to…
  3. Status Suppression – suggest that she is being held back from reaching her potential by the oppressive authority placed over her
  4. New Opportunity – with her fear alleviated, offer her a new opportunity that gives her immediate pleasure and a (supposed) immediate boost in status

You can observe this pattern play out over and over. It’s about all that Satan can do. He has no truth of his own and the path of death is a tough sell.

The only thing he can do is make the path of life seem so restrictive that any alternative with an element of immediate pleasure is attractive.

Often, Christians are unable to recognize Satan’s deceptive work until it reaches Phase 4. We then respond by doubling down in preaching against the dangers of short-term pleasure.

But by then it’s too late. The response is reactionary and misguided. And all the preaching against the “pleasures of the flesh” only serves to reinforce the restrictive frame that Satan wanted in the first place.

Religious Oppression and Temptation

The most prominent arena of Satan’s craftiness is in religious rhetoric.

Most Christians are taught the Bible through a restrictive filter. Instead of seeing, “you may freely eat of anything except…”, we can only see, “you may not eat…

Clever people then take these restrictive interpretations and pass them along as catchy religious slogans, further cementing the restrictive view of God’s word in the minds of God’s children.

If you’re familiar with the nature of deception, it should be obvious why this restrictive rhetoric is so dangerous.

  • The daughter who believes God only cares about a woman’s ‘modesty’ and ‘chastity’ is primed to embrace the ‘sexual liberation’ of the modern age, or else assume a frigid, prudish stance on sex.
  • The son who believes God hates wealth is primed to be led astray by materialism, or self-inflicted poverty.
  • The wife who believes God only wants her to be a ‘housekeeper’ is primed to be led astray by feminism, or else ‘do her duty’ with the abject hopelessness of a slave’s mentality.
  • The husband who believes God just wants him to ‘control’ his sexual urges is primed to neuter himself and let his family be led astray by more confident men, while simultaneously succumbing to lust and a guilty conscience.

The more restrictive one believes God’s word is, the more likely he or she will be led astray.

And Satan delights in this.

But God is a God of abundance. And his yoke is easy.

Scripture, in its proper frame, is never burdensome. It is liberating and sensible.

But that frame will be constantly attacked and tested by the serpent’s rhetoric. Dealing with this rhetoric is what I like to call a ‘spiritual fitness test’.

In a follow up post, I’m going to describe a framework I believe Christian husbands can use to counter this Satanic deception.

But the first step is awareness:

Can you see how God’s word is being reframed all around you? How what was once liberty has been flipped into a restriction?

If so, you are witnessing the work of the serpent.


Related

For the “how to’s” of countering Satanic deception in your marriage, check out J.T.’s blog at SavingEve.net … a sexual strategy blog for Christian married men.

Posted in Discerning Lies and Deception, Guest Articles, Models of Failure, Persuasion, Psychology, Strategy | Tagged , | 10 Comments