A Case Study of a Carousel Rider in Regression.
Readership: All; Men;
Author’s Note: The contents of this series is a summary taken from my personal journal.
Reader’s Note: The theme for the month of August is “Snickerdoodles – Case Studies of Female Failures”. This post is installment 3 of a series.
* Proper nouns have been changed to protect the author from the guilty.
Length: 2,300 words
Reading Time: 8 minutes
The Amiable American
Rhianna* met an American guy online. She told my wife she didn’t have any goofy impression about us or about any other American guys or American girls in her contacts, so she wanted to go see him.
As soon as they first met, he said to her, “I am so hot under the collar! I really want to hug you and kiss you!”
She rolled her eyes, indicating that she thought this was goofy, and she smugly said, “I didn’t really want to do it, but I did it anyway.” But then her expression shifted to feeling really proud of herself. Her expression lit up and she told us, “See I told you! All the men get a crush on me just after one sight of my body!”
My wife was confused because she initially thought Rhianna told her all these details because she was unhappy. But in fact, through the discussion, my wife found out she was quite excited about the whole affair, and she just wanted to brag about herself.
Rhianna told us the American guy touched his finger tips to Rhianna’s fingers while he was talking to try to make her concentrate on what he was saying. He also embraced her around the waist while they were walking around in public. These gestures touched her heart somehow, so when he invited her back to his apartment and asked her to have sex, she agreed. This happened on their first date.
We asked her, “Why don’t you say no?”
My wife was somewhat surprised when she replied just as I had predicted – that she doesn’t really feel anything that happens is wrong, or “too far” past her boundaries, so naturally, things eventually progress to the bedroom.
Rhianna made one statement that made my wife believe she was more interested in sex than anything else. Rhianna said she can always know the exact moment the man “gets hard” / “toughens up” / “grows firm” for her, meaning that his masculine virility and confidence show through, but it could also imply the state of his rod. (I don’t know of a direct translation.) She said after that moment, the men always became more confident and strong, but also more agreeable and compliant. She said when this happens, “I know I can have [sex with] him if I want…”, so it obviously gives her confidence/ego a kick. I found it interesting to learn that she doesn’t need to be in a private setting with a man for this realization/connection to kick in. Apparently it happens perchance, even when they’re fully clothed or out in public.
No matter who she was talking about, the American, the Australian, the Canadian, the French guy, the four German guys… she always talked about this moment of realization like it was the main climax of her story, and whenever she came to this part of her stories, she became so proud as ħɘ11 of herself, breathing heartily, swinging her shoulders, and tossing her hair.
After hearing and seeing all this, I was also convinced that Rhianna was more interested in sex than anything else, but not the act of sex itself, per se. She wanted to feel the power of her own sexual authority over men and get herself off on that, and she didn’t really care what she had to do to make that happen, or even what particular man she was with. She also didn’t care about the consequences, and she had no idea about how to take responsibility for that desire, nor how to nurture it into something that would last.
The day after their first date, in a few messages online, the American guy posed some serious questions to her about a lot of things. The questions about her past seemed to make her self-conscious and anxious, and so she thought the American guy judged her seriously. The Hamster started turning and she told us with a smirk that this American guy is so stupid and arrogant. (More Psychological Projection) Then she proudly showed us a picture of him.
Being an American myself, I recognized him as a regular happy-go-lucky guy, probably of Irish descent and of Southern origins, and probably not a bad choice for her to marry (if she was really serious about that) – but I didn’t like the way she dismissed his questions as being judgmental, and her calling him stupid. I wanted to start banging my fork in protest, but I didn’t have one on hand. I had the impression that she is more of a predator than a potential victim of being “used” by such a man. Cougar badge confirmed.
Just two days after this, she dated three other guys in a single day! We were incredulous, so she told us she doesn’t really care about dating those guys, she just wanted to “go there and practice her English” because she’s determined that one day she will immigrate to the United States or some other English speaking country. I doubt that those guys only met her to “practice” speaking what was probably their native language. They were looking for friends (or more), but she wasn’t interested in that. I suspect that she was scoping them out, but they didn’t measure up to her standards, so in her mind, they were relegated to the “language exchange” category.
My wife said to me privately, “She thinks all those men are unique to her, but no one is special to her. How can I describe to her that all those other men’s behaviors show that they are not marriage minded, but this American guy is actually serious about having a relationship? If she rejects this American guy, then I think she’s pretty dumb.” I had to agree.
Then one day not more than a week later, Rhianna told my wife she found a German guy (number 5?), and then all the talk about the American guy stopped completely.
The Germane German
Rhianna told us the reason why the German man she met is in Bigtown — he has a very good job with a big German company, and he’s had this job for 26 years. So she said she’s got to go to Bigtown to find a job because this guy is quite handsome.
She only talked with this guy online a few times!
Their talk escalated like this. After they had a light warm-up, it led to some suggestive bantering. Then the guy sent her pictures of his nude body and then she quickly sent some of her own back to him with the message, “I have a funny new picture too!”
The guy responded, “Oh! This photo is so sexy!!! When did you take this photo?!?”
She told him she just went to the beach with her ex-boyfriend (another hasty, messy, made-up story). Then he asked her about this ex-boyfriend, and she started to bulverize in an attempt to escape this topic. “You know, a lot of men always ask me if I have a boyfriend, if I have any friends with benefits, if I have any sexy photos with previous boyfriends, or something like that. They just want to know my past…”
I cajoled, “If the past doesn’t matter, then you should forget about management and find an internship with a modeling agency!”
The incongruence of my quip went right over her head. She answered, “No, I tried that before and it is too dirty for me. I am a respectable, professional woman.”
Then she showed us the nude picture of herself that she sent to him. Seeing that picture really made us doubt everything she told us about her being a Christian woman looking for a husband. So my wife asked her, “Why do you send this type of photo to a man you just met online and chatted with only a few days? What’s the purpose? What kind of relationship do you want to have from him? Don’t you think you are giving those guys a tip of the hand about having sex?”
Rhianna was embarrassed by our reaction and became very angry. She dropped a cold shadow and said, “Don’t criticize me! I am trying to overcome my fear of trusting men! I don’t need to listen to your flapping jaws.”
My wife answered, “What is your response to a man’s request for a sexy photo from you? Giving out nude photos of yourself doesn’t help you trust men. You just like to give those sexy photos to them because you want them to think you’re hot. It’s very much like a 12 year-old-girl flashing her budding breasts to boys.”
Rhianna countered, “You’re so old fashioned! I have a beautiful body, and I am not ashamed to show it off. I have a lot of pictures of my beautiful bottom and men love to see it!”
My wife shot back, “You just told us you were professional. You said you were respectable. So when you show your beautiful bottom to those guys, are you really thinking about finding a job in Bigtown? Are you really being respectable?”
Her cold gleaming eyes started twitching. So my wife told her, “I’m not criticizing you, I’m charging you to be responsible with your life. I’m telling you the truth — your actions are very different from your words.”
We didn’t hear anything more about that particular German man. But within a week, she had some other news to report.
The Impervious Italian
Rhianna* met a Jamaican guy and an Italian guy online, so she went to Bigtown to meet them. She said the Jamaican guy works for an NGO and the Italian guy is a manager at a large international company. After she arrived in Bigtown, the Italian guy asked her to go to his house at the beginning, but she didn’t want to go there without first meeting the Jamaican guy, comparing the two men, and gauging her prospects. The Italian guy sensed her hesitation and said a few things to her to change her mind very quickly. We asked her what he said. She said the guy just said to her, “I think your place is better.”
So then she had to rev up the hamster. She asked that guy, “You told me you want to have a long-term relationship and you don’t want to rush… Then you asked me to come to your apartment…???”
The guy said it’s because he’s busy and will be working late. He said, “I won’t have sex with you if you don’t want it. I won’t force you.” So she went to the guy’s apartment late at night. Just as you might expect, things escalated, but then she put on the brakes because she was still wondering about the Jamaican guy. The Italian guy sensed something was off, and as you can imagine, he was frustrated and angry, so then he asked her to leave.
The next day the Italian guy sent her a message and told her, “I don’t need to suffer from this [green light followed by a rejection]. I will not contact you anymore.” Then he blocked her number and she felt humiliated, à la Tingles popped up and she was hooked. The Jamaican guy was no longer responding to her texts, probably because she took too long to respond to him while she was messing around with the Italian guy. So then with both men out of the picture, she felt sad and desperate.
She called my wife asking her to talk with her about this. So my wife spent over 7 hours to talk and pray with her. After my wife got off the phone, I asked her to tell me what’s going on. She relayed to me all that is written here and concluded that Rhianna doesn’t really want to hear what we said. She just wants to release all her emotions and make herself feel better.
After this talk, Rhianna continued to send my wife a barrage of text messages, at all hours of the day, all throughout the week. Most of the subject matter concerned her present involvement with the “hawt” Italian guy who turned out to be about 10 years younger than her. He kept distancing himself from her, and he eventually blocked her on social media. This drove her nuts, and she was determined to get back together with him. I was thinking, this Italian guy is playing her @ss like a banjo, and that is exactly what she wants!
After that day, Rhianna thought my wife was her best friend. She texted her all the time, every day! She asked my wife if she could come to our house every day, only just to talk about men and sex with her. My wife started to feel annoyed with her, because she always asked her the same questions and she never really listened to her. But of course, she didn’t tell her her true feelings. She would simply neglect responding to her calls and messages.
The drama never ended.
Meditations on the experiences described above eventually culminated in a slew of posts.
- Σ Frame: Why do Christian women have the reputation of being whores? (2019 February 23)
- Σ Frame: Hitting a glorified nerve at Patheos (2019 March 4)
- Σ Frame: Christian vs. Non-Christian Women – A Negligeeable Difference (2019 March 20)
- Σ Frame: What is glorification? (2019 March 23)