It won’t be immature rebellious women!
Readership: All
Theme: Cultural Demise
Length: 1,300 words
Reading Time: 7 minutes + a few minutes of video
Men’s Altruistic Nature is Redemptive
In Men’s Altruistic Idealism in an Age of Apostasy (2023/7/24), I described how altruistic idealism is a very common trait inherent in Men. Men expect, hope, and strive for the ideal, both for themselves and from women, even though Men are deeply broken and these ideals are thus out of reach.
Going further, this characteristic nature of Men is not limited to Men’s stance towards themselves, women, and romance. It also appears in Men’s attitude towards his fellow man. This is most obvious among Red Pill content creators and Men in the Manosphere who are waking up from the Matrix. Men have been wronged in ways that they do not fully comprehend, and the conditions that we now live in have now made it appropriate and right to be empathetic towards Men. Thus, we can now observe a growing concern for Men who have been indelibly wronged.
For example, consider the following case studies.
Case Study 1 — “No One Cares”
Here, The Thinking Ape describes the growing empathy for men as a new “movement” of sorts that is increasingly pointing out the disadvantages that men suffer from. He takes a very negative view of this, citing men’s basic role in society and saying it will not actually make any difference. Although he may very well be right, he comes dangerously close to adopting a victim mindset.
The Thinking Ape: The “New Men’s Movement” (2023/7/28) Length: 10:23
Case Study 2 – Better Bachelor becomes a Secular Minister
Over the past year, Joker at Better Bachelor has shifted his overall stance. He used to be more cynically focused on women and society, but lately he has made a subtle shift towards focusing on his male viewers themselves. As a result of this change, his popularity has surged.
For example, take a look at this video from Joker. (The first few minutes are sufficient for readers short on time.)
Better Bachelor: But… but… Who will pay for what women want? (2022/4/13) Length: 24:48
Joker says (at 0:30),
“When you start diving in and reading between the lines, all of a sudden you start realizing the real reason society freaks out about men staying single.
They don’t really care about men staying single, they worry about the repercussions of men staying single. Again, it’s not about the poor guys. It’s about, “Oh, what’s gonna happen to the rest of society?”
Then he goes on to review an article to show that nobody cares about men.
The Black Pill is the Current Red Pill
Likewise, most of the popular Red Pill voices come from this same perspective. Some are dignified and reasonable (e.g. Alexander Grace, Casey Zander, Iron Disciples, Rev. Jesse Lee Peterson at The Fallen State, Joker at Better Bachelor, Kevin Samuels, Dr. Orion Taraban at PsycHacks, Phillip Scott, Stage in the Sky, Thinking Ape), while others are profanely crass (e.g. Fresh and Fit, Poor Man, Rollo Tomassi, The Red Man Group, Whatever), and everything in between (e.g. 33 Secrets, Dhar Mann, Greg Adams, Man Talk, MHD, MEN, MTR, Strong Successful Male, Taylor the Fiend).
As an aside, the widespread expectation among Men for women to exercise their non-existent agentic capacity towards being “understanding comforters” of the male plight is why so many female online personalities have jumped on the Red Pill and Trad-Wife bandwagons — and it’s not because they truly care for Men, but because that’s where the $$$ is.
But whatever the ethical system or philosophical flavor or socioeconomic status or subculture that is portrayed in any of these channels, for every one the message is, “Women are careless, cruel, heartless, promiscuous, scavenging, self-centered Vagabonds. Society, law, and life itself are stacked against men. Men are getting the shaft in every way imaginable. There has been a dearth of strong male role models…
…and NOBODY CARES!”
In most all of these case studies, the natural response that is provoked in the hearts of the male audience is, “So who will take care of Men?” The absence of a satisfying answer inevitably leads one to the Black Pill.
The Cynically Compassionate Voice of the Black Pilled Manosphere Speaks to Men’s Deepest Needs
This message is not just sensationalism contrived for clicks and cash. This message generates $$$ because it resonates with the generation of men I described above.
One commenter articulated this common experience when he wrote,
“I realised that I never had role models to look up to in all of my life as a disciple. There is no man who is out and up there showing himself to be, at least, competent in managing his wife, family and household. There is no importation of wisdom on how to deal with females, specifically wives and their frequent spells of emotional upheavals. I don’t need an older man to avail himself as a mentor but just by short conversations and casual sharing the imparting of wisdom can be possible.”
It is not unreasonable to believe that he is speaking for a whole generation of men.
Black Pill advocates, apostles, prophets, and content creators are responding to men’s needs and they are doing men a great service by pointing out these bitter truths in an empathetic way that edifies men who are waking up from their Blue Pill delusions.
From a superficial assessment, we might conclude that Joker, The Thinking Ape, et al. are merely Black Pilling men with hopelessness, but the fact that men need these kinds of talks is telling of men’s general concept of masculinity and of themselves. From a more comprehensive view, this is only the first step of a long process which involves guiding men to face their situation, forsaking their false hopes in society and women, and ultimately working through the 5 Stages of Unplugging — which is what men really need the most.
The way out of this mess is for Men to recognize women as being the weaker vessel, come to terms with their deeper assumptions and expectations of women, get their inner game together, and assume the mantle of a Head (1 Corinthians 11:3,7-9; 1 Peter 3:1-7). Of course, this will be a looong slog through hell, but still, we see men like Joker and The Thinking Ape are making some incremental progress on this.
Epilogue
We could think of the current Men’s sphere as four groups.
- The last remaining starry eyed Blue Pill rubes.
- Churchianity is The Beta Factory.
- Black Pill communities are the half-way house.
- Christian Red Pill communities are the Beta Hospital.
As time goes on, more and more Men are having their eyes opened to the reality on the ground, hence the continually growing popularity of Black Pill media.
Just like the last of the Greasers passed through in the early 1970s (20+ years after the social phenomena’s heyday), right now, the last of the Blue Pillers are becoming old school and are slowly fading away. The Red Pill, as it was once known a decade ago, is now embarassingly naive with respect to its cocksure hopes for viable intersexual relationships. Now, the entire Manosphere is drifting into Black Pill territory, and for good reason. Compared to the general populace, Black Pillers see reality more clearly in this regard.
Meanwhile, Men are deeply uncomfortable with the truth that women are NOT their equals, morally and otherwise, partly because it requires them to stop idolizing women as their superiors and put away their lusts for feminine sexual authority, and partly because this puts the onus on Men to initiate a proactive ambition to take their place as Heads.
This is where we as a society are right now, and Joker’s message and others like it is what men need to hear.
Yes, my Manospherian Mugwarts! “The best time to be a player” is coming to a close. We have now entered into The Classical Age of The Epic Black Pill, The Great Spiritual Depression of the 21st Century. The Hard Times (and weak men) are here at last!
To answer the titular question, it is Men who will take care of other men — Men who place their trust in God to take care of us all. The emergence of strong Men is coming soon to put things in order, once again.
A Note of Caution: In recognizing that women lack moral agency and are hypoagentic, content creators and Men in general need to be careful that we do not react by going to one of the opposite extremes of either becoming hyperagentic, nor adopting the victim mindset characteristic of W0ke / Progressive Feminism.
Related
- Σ Frame: The Dispensation of the Red Pill (2018/4/7)
- Σ Frame: Wallowing in the Red Pill (2020/1/29)
- Okrahead: Against Bitterness — Red Pill Redemption (2022/9/7)
- Okrahead: In a Hopeless World… Be the Hope (2022/9/14)
- Σ Frame: Sitting on the Fence (2022/9/26)
- Σ Frame: The Quiet Desperation of the Autopilot (2022/10/1)
- Σ Frame: Men’s Role in the Mess (2022/12/21)
- Σ Frame: Red Pill Authenticity: The Spirit of Headship (2023/4/28)
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Beta Hospital sounds like a soap opera.
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Or a Wayans brothers parody skit.
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I miss “In Living Color”.
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I am currently in the depression phase trying not to be sucked into the abyss after being violently ejected from the Blue Pill just under a year ago. Every morning I wake up to the terrifying reality of being completely alone half of the week or alone with my children in a small house that I was first married in 17 years ago while my wife has the comfortable house I built with my own two hands. This morning barely clinging to the Psalms for hope. God please help me to make it just today. I did everything the church told me and have been forced to divorce my wife in order to have any enforceable frame. It surely is not good for me to be alone as a man. The Church has refused to help for years and continues to enable my wife’s sin even in the face of her return to extreme alcoholism and rebelliousness. I have removed myself from association with the church except for a few friends and can have no fellowship with the church. I am isolated and alone while there have been absolutely no social consequences for my wife. Same friends, same families spend time with her and my kids and I am discarded from their lives even though I sired my children, and built and facilitated the home and life she has. What reason do I have now to pursue wealth or provide for her when it has all been split, destroyed and fed on by the lawyers. I will try to continue developing the few talents God has given me and hopefully use them for His kingdom. My Faith is being tested “for real” now and upon examination has been found to be existent but barely alive and very weak.
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Brother,
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
I went through the same thing just last year 17yr marriage nuked by wife. (3 yrs of my life taken by crazy ex and lawyers, not to mention a lot of my net worth). Kids are alienated from me the whole nine yards.
If you need someone to talk to, have Jack connect us. Happy to chat or email.
Life is gonna suck, hard, for a while, but it does get better. And I don’t mean that as a platitude, it really does.
Dive into Job, that man went through the meat grinder too. And then Ecclesiastes.
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I did everything the church told me and have been forced to divorce my wife in order to have any enforceable frame. It surely is not good for me to be alone as a man. The Church has refused to help for years and continues to enable my wife’s sin even in the face of her return to extreme alcoholism and rebelliousness. I have removed myself from association with the church except for a few friends and can have no fellowship with the church.
This is the most unforgivable aspect of the agony being visited upon men: the not mere neglect of, but malice shown toward men by the Satan-coopted skinsuit that is the “church” today.
You can at least take some cold comfort in knowing that Hell is going to be teeming with churchians, with an especially toasty place being reserved for their “leaders.”
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Depression in your situation is completely normal. Don’t beat yourself up over it. If you keep yourself out of the pit it will just be a phase. You’re doing the right thing by clinging to God during your troubles. You will find in time that this will pass, that even if your faith started out as weak that it will be increased, and that gradually your life will improve and hers will deteriorate. Ask God daily for patience, and you will wake up one day ten miles on the other side and not even realize it, and that He led you through it.
Whiteguy1 is right, you are not alone. Nor are you broken or a failure. The system is designed to break you. Don’t let it. Reach out to some people and see who calls back. You’ll be surprised in both directions. Count either one as a blessing.
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It sounds like you’ve suffered a lot of betrayal. Unrepentance is a guarantee that they’ll do it again, so please consider getting away from the people who betrayed you. You’re in a fight, and the first rule of any fight is “protect yourself at all times”. Or, as Jesus put it, be shrewd as a serpent.
Please consider accepting whiteguy1’s offer. You need other men around you who’ve suffered similarly.
God bless you, brother.
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@Oscar,
God will avenge and vindicate. Therefore, it’s imperative for those who suffer injustice to Pray for said Vengeance on those intent on unrepentance. But also for them to repent if there is a possibility for them to repent.
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Prayers for you, brother. Been there. Persevere, it will get better.
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RIght now, western civilization is at the upper left hand corner of the last diagram, on the arrow above “weak men create hard times” and pointing to “hard times create strong men”.
We aren’t really more advanced than we were in 1723 or 1923. All we have now is gadgets that take us from one place to another faster, make us talk to each other faster, keep us alive longer, and enable women to have sex with more attractive men without immediate negative consequences. Those 4 things are all that’s changed in the last 300 years, or 3000 years, really.
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“In most all of these case studies, the natural response that is provoked in the hearts of the male audience is, ‘So who will take care of Men?'”
If this in fact true, and I suspect it is, then I know where the problem lies and it is squarely between the ears of these men. Men used to have the mindset of Roddy Piper from the movie “They Live”,
“I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick @$$. And I’m all out of bubblegum.”
JFK laid out the same masculine mindset in what is probably the most famous line from his inaugural address, “Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country.”
God created men to be proactive doers whose purpose was to rule over and care for God’s creation. We are not the ones who are to be cared for, generally speaking, but who are able to not only care for ourselves but have enough capacity to care for a family as well. The rub is if there are women worth caring for and this is where black pill is the logical conclusion of many men.
Joker from Better Bachelor is a great example. Listen to him talk about his male neighbors who own land near his acreage in some of his videos. They are all self sufficient and have the capacity to care for a wife and family. But many of them don’t see the point given the current state of the western woman so they care for themselves and effectively trade help with neighbors and buddies based on what each is good at.
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Honestly I think that men have to realize that women have a certain role in our lives which is more limited than we’ve expected from them. Yes we’re supposed to share our lives, build family, grow and glorify God together. But there’s something seriously missing.
What’s wrong is that men have expected women to be their close friends, confidantes, etc. Not that you shouldn’t be close to your partner and friends on some level, but this idea is flawed. Men need male friends and need to share their lives with other men. Women were never meant to for example be involved in sports, politics, religion, etc., on the same level as us. God didn’t call them or equip them for that. Women simply cannot be a counsel or support in many of the ways that men ask of them. So men are naturally miserable when they forgo male friends in order to spend time with women (which is very common) or expect women to be their only support.
P.S. The same thing goes for women too, they need female friends.
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This is a great comment that deserves more thought. When God created Eve He did so because he looked at Adam and said that it was not good for Adam to be alone. God recognized that there was something in man’s make up that would benefit from the presence of a woman who was committed to being his help.
This is where the fun part of hashing out what the intended benefit(s) are under God’s design. Was the woman created to reflect our sin against our creator (Christ : Church :: Husband : Wife) and in doing so cause introspection that brings us closer to God? Was she manual labor to free him up to accomplish more in his area of purpose? Is she a better representative of some of God’s softer qualities so that a married couple better reflects God’s attributes to the world and their own children? Is she to be enough company to stave off the feelings of loneliness and isolation? Does she fulfill the innate drive that men have to care for people put under their sphere of management and protection?
As important as what she was created to be for a man, what was she not created to be? This may be the more important question to answer as each man may need certain qualities in a woman which would create exceptions to the norm, but the bible puts some specific limits on what women are not to do.
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Yes I definitely think it needs to be talked about so I will hopefully write about it in the next week or two.
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I am not sure that women need too many other female friends. In my experience, women spending time with other women tends to cause trouble. The Apostle Paul agrees.
The bible says that a woman’s place is in the home taking care of the home and her family (Titus 2), not being away from it too much, “as they go around from house to house. And not merely idle, but also gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention. Therefore, I want younger widows to get married, bear children, keep house, and give the enemy no opportunity for reviling.” (1 Timothy 5:13-14)
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Hey Jack, would you mind deleting this comment? I put it in the wrong place. Thanks.
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Thank you for your responses. Job has come to mind…. He lost so much more than I have and many prophets of God had their lives forcibly taken from them. The sick nature of today’s world is that Matthew 10:36 has become true, “and a man’s enemies will be the members of his household”.
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DD,
I have a couple thoughts based on what you’ve revealed about your current circumstances.
You have more control over your isolation than you think. Every chance you get to take a small step towards meeting new people is one you should take. Expand your comfort zone a little with each small step and before you know it you’ll have a community of people around you.
When you removed yourself from your social network of church and friends, it was a tantamount admission that you were wrong and she was right. What she tells them is the truth because you are not there to contradict what she is saying. Go reinsert yourself into you old friend group and church and do so with the mindset that everything is normal except you’re not married anymore.
If your wife has a true substance abuse issue with alcohol, be prepared to pick up the pieces if and when her life falls apart. And by picking up the pieces I mean getting your house you built back and providing stability for your kids. She’ll probably have to hit bottom before she has any hope of change, so let her.
Do the mental work to accept that your ex wife’s behavior is how bad wives act. Because of this, you can work through the bitterness and anger to the point where she doesn’t matter to your life anymore and you can move on. I liken it to having a wolverine as a pet and getting clawed up and bit. You can be upset that you are in your current circumstance having to deal with the wolverine, but you can’t be bitter about the wolverine’s actions because that is what they do.
Finally, a word of encouragement. The neighborhood I live has had it’s fair share of divorces of couples that had been together about as long as you and your wife were. Generally speaking, the husbands had it tougher in the beginning but have recovered after a couple years and appear to be doing better than their ex wives. So even though it is hard, keep striving to build for your kids and for yourself as you don’t know what opportunities may present themselves to you in the future.
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Exactly. My sister or my dad told me one time, that I just escaped earlier so I could build a soft and secure place for my kids once they escape the madness. This has helped me ‘know’ that the lonelyness and isolation is just God’s way of letting me lean on him while at the same time keeping the distractions down so I can actually build something worthwhile.
I’m still amazed when looking back at how many of my projects and ideas died in the first hour simply because I had to deal, fix, repair or soothe some nonsense that my crazy ex created.
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whiteguy1,
I’m still married, to a very changed Mrs. RPA, and looking back I can say with the confidence of experience that women who are not helpmeets the way God intended are giant boat anchors on life for men. The amount of time, energy, and an absurd quantity of mental energy given to dealing with a difficult wife cannot be understated. Proverbs 21:9 and 19 are VERY real y’all.
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Careful, or the Millennials will accuse you of making Boomer bootstrap speeches.
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RPA,
This reply is deeply appreciated.
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Personally I think mixing Christianity into the Red Pill was an extremely effective disruption PsyOp to both harm the RP (succeeded) and Christianity (consequentially). And I care for both. Because I grew up with the RP and I got to know a lot of nice Christians thanks to this disruption.
I came to the conclusion that believing in empirical praxeology (data-driven) and an almighty intervening god (by the book) is mutually exclusive. I have to decide which one to drop. However mixing these incompatible world-views into one derailing the most influential RP communities made this disruption strategy frighteningly effective. It means that we underestimated the enemy and they are still one step ahead.
Unlike others who got red-pilled later, I successfully avoided the co-habitation and Christian marriage script by going off-grid at mid 20s. By mid 30s, I understood that the RP served its purpose. Since then I get the attention of younger women, who don’t want to have sex. Like at all. They want a man for something, but not for a heterosexual relationship. They are now married to their smartphone.
I like my Christians but churches are diametrical to my relationships, especially my intersexual relationships. They are literally sabotaging them with what I would call “marriage enforcement”. I attend church with a Christian girl, and they just go full “So when are you going to engage with your Christian girlfriend?” Anything I may have had going is dead by this point.
The Western romance / relationship / marriage script seems to be fully obsolete now.
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All Truth is God’s Truth. Hence the falsehood of so called Churchianity needs to die.
And where the Empirical and by the Book come together is that of the literal fact of Jesus’ Resurrection.
And also that all the Prophecies of the Old Testament that don’t have to do with the end of the World have all come true.
Since Christianity is the Truth. Christianity will come out stronger. God’s people will come out Wiser. And whatever cancer depending on falsehood will die.
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Where I live, the average age of church attendance is over 60 and churches play by the woke book or get their bank accounts suspended. Pastors like to be a backdrop for baptisms, weddings and funerals, because that’s all it was the past 50 years, but most people don’t care. When the attendance is gone (already happened in rural areas), churches simply close and the buildings turn into landmarks or museums.
Practicing Christians are a sub 1 % demographic. By practice/attendance (not yet nominal) Islam is the majority religion quickly out-breeding anyone else.
That’s the empirical data I have to work with.
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@Dead Bedroom Dating
Yes. And Jesus only started with about 12 and later 11 Apostles. And with a few Christianity started to grow into the Behemoth today.
I won’t give up on the Church yet. The falling away is a temporary state of affairs.
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Thanks to the disruption, there are no male spaces and support structures anymore, beside maybe middle east clans on motorcycles, who follow a different religion. (They are not nominally Catholic like the cartels in Latin America.) Everything else just gets disrupted.
Our remaining churches are (not so) filled with world-lovers, who liked to follow a middle-class American dream life script, which became completely incompatible with reality after the first oil crisis already. When climate change religion goes into full force fully outlawing that lifestyle including weekly gatherings permanently, it will become obvious.
In an energy-based society, you adopt the religion of who has and provides access to affordable energy, and my own observation of the current flavor of Christianity tells no difference. I understand the ideas of the New Testament, but nothing observable in reality reflects those.
I loosely follow the American evangelical scene with churches being beta factories trying to get men into marrying single mothers. However these desperate measures are just part of an overall decline. Evangelicals are slightly behind the curve, because they already ran out of debt-free virgins with no tattoos, but not out of born-again single moms yet.
This continues leading to churches being completely unable to reproduce biologically within the body, because everyone is just grannies. Which is the reality where I live since the 1990s. It’s like Rapture already happened and those were the ones left behind.
This (clergy-frightening) process is one of the reasons, Pentecostals within all denominations liked to prophesy about mass revivals since the beginning and during the 20th century. The most entertaining of those churchian predictions were Bill Clinton supposedly being the Christian savior figure – instead he turned out adulterer.
So when those mass awakenings never happened, Pentecostals moved to trying to impress YHVH with piousness, so these can finally happen. And I’m rooting for them eager to see, what happens down the line.
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@Dead Bedroom Dating,
The New Testament is actually true and reality does reflect it. In that God has no grandchildren as you observe. Each generation must receive the Gospel afresh. And every generation doesn’t have the same suitable soil for the Gospel to spout.
As for the so called “Great Awakening” they are great awokenings. Real conversion takes time.
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As for Bill Clinton being some kind of savior. I have a feeling those so called Churches aren’t Orthodox in their theology.
So if they are indeed dying, this leftward drift is exactly why in terms of accelerated decline. They died out more completely.
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It’s almost as though there’s a clue in that statement….
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Of course, no Western church follows Orthodox theology and never will. A red pilled praxeologist has no problem with accepting this reality and working with it. The latter is what the RP is about.
My pious Christian friends, while living within their BP bubble, are concerned with their bible, but not at all with medieval infighting within Christianity about apostolic succession. While the successful disruption of the manosphere destroyed every corner of free speech completely using this fringe question.
BTW: Most Western Christians follow academic theology, using the historical-critical method, which is in itself a red-pilled approach to theology. I gained really useful insights in understanding where we are now.
And yes, I live in the West and deal with what I find there, I didn’t follow the travel / move to EE / SEA hype in the ‘sphere either. A sigma frame means not going after what some alpha chap tells you is now the new and hot thing.
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Clues and more clues.
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Lots of thoughts here. This lines up with what I’ve been saying for a while, and that is that men need to forget about women entirely and work on themselves. If a woman wants to follow you and add to your life, great, but don’t chase it because it’s becoming less likely by the day.
Game and the Red Pill ultimately failed because it was female-centric, and everything female centered goes to sh!t. I think Black Pill is a stage men have to pass through to release their desire to catch and serve women. The Wall Speaks is a great guide for this.
Ultimately, both Black Pill and the men’s improvement sphere will fail as well, because at the end of the day we need to be God-centered. Male improvement and enjoying the decline will work for a short time, but there will still be a God-shaped hole in most of these people. Some will find their way back, some will not. Our job will be to welcome, find a place for these men, and earn their trust. It will not be easy, but it should be fruitful.
One thing I noticed about guys like Joker is that they are real. They are not trying to sell you on this idea that they are the Supreme Alpha and they have it all figured out. Instead, they say, “Here are my war stories. Here are my scars.” They are willing to be vulnerable and not sell you something unbelievable. You could have a beer with Joker. You would want Alexander Grace as your neighbor. You would not want Tate or the Fresh & Fit guys walking around in your home. That distinction matters, a lot.
As to the women? They made their bed. If our sisters do not want to follow us in Christ, we need to leave them be. They made their choice. They decided their God resided between their legs. Some, like the men, will repent and try to come back, but our response should be the same one they gave us: Christ does not owe you a spouse. You become a Christian for its own sake, not because it will win you a husband. That is a fair and loving response.
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Worshipping the creature rather than the Creator is basically an ultimate failure. From God we get Materiality.
Earth is to be shaped and patterned according to the Heavenly Pattern. As the Ark is the Earthly miniature of God’s Throne Room in Heaven. Where the High Priest (Jesus) comes into the Holy of Holies into the very Throne Room of God the Father.
When God’s Spirit and Glory manifested between the Cherubim on the Ark. God is replicating His presence on the Throne in Heaven. The rest of the Tabernacle / Temple is a miniature of the Cosmos.
His Word impregnated the void, which is also likewise filled with God, gave rise to Creation.
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I think it’s good that young men are getting a realistic look at how women and society views them and they can make decisions based on reality instead of the fairy tales that were sold to older guys.
When the mainstream tells guys they aren’t making enough money for women, the clear message is women see men as a walking wallet and you can decide if you want to try and spend your life being a wallet for a woman. Your choice.
It’s important to not romanticize the past. My 80 year old father and others spent long hours working at jobs they hate for a lot of wives that were indifferent toward them. This wasn’t Leave it To Beaver.
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RPA and non colored guy,
The long game is the game, yes. I am used to implementing solutions quickly but must wait for the medicine to slowly bring about change that will create a place of safety for my children. I am sorely deficient as a male in the nurture department. Not only must I provide, protect, work, and lead my children, but now I have to put on an apron and fill out all the feminine responsibilities of parenting. It will never be complete. Men are asked to sacrifice and when that doesn’t work we are asked to sacrifice more as a solution to the problem we did not create. Fine, I’ll do my best praying to God for His salvation everyday.
In regards to the “reinsertion”: I consider my former church the interconnected machine world of the Matrix that Neo wakes up in. Hirelings and swine no longer worthy of my pearls. I actually limit my physical proximity to these folks (church and school where kids still have a social network that I am not currently going to rip them from) because I want to brawl. They have refused to help or act on Biblical principles for years now and I’m done putting my head down and taking the blame. When forced to interact with these folks I purposely hold my head up high and do not apologize for my existence… and they know my beliefs or will hear them if I am asked. I am not a member of their “cult of nice” and about a year ago have been deemed “unapproachable” because I exhibited some anger. But I have always been reasonable and willing to do the hard work on myself. I have been rudely awakened to the fact that it doesn’t matter how much time I’ve clocked at the Beta factory… There is no credit for loyalty or compliance, only continued compliance. I still have one friend at the church because he at least listens to me and I to him, but our relationship is a friendship that exists with or without that church body. I look around for “reinsertion” opportunities, not seeing them.
Last thought, high suicide rate among our young men coming back from deployment. Think about it: men who see right and wrong and used extreme prejudice to eradicate evil coming back into a society that straight jackets that and puts a man at the beck and call of the whims of women and children.
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Luckily being a chef isn’t an inherently feminine profession.
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I hear you, I can make the basics but how many professions and trades do I have to fulfill? I am a carpenter, plumber, electrician, painter, roofer, evaporative cooler repairman, concrete formsetter, framer, general handyman… I install minisplits on my properties and troubleshoot AC problems, I cut trees and haul trash to the dump, whatever needs to be done. I maintain my own home, pay all the bills, change the oil in my cars, do basic car repair, help homeschool my children, go to my kids sports, take them to church, manage my own household financials, and now I have to do my own bookkeeeping, buy my own clothes, do my own laundry, cook and clean with the kids, do my own property management, pay legal fees, have sex with myself, fight with the soon to be ex wife about shared costs associated with the kids, deal with the above 100 degree summer heat, mediate my children’s constant bickering, deprogram the kid’s world system programming, be an expert theologian who can rebut false churchians, suffer through court ordered “Personal Awareness” classes so that I don’t go to jail for 6 months, read the Bible, etc.
I know…. “Dont’ be a victim.” And “Farm out some of those responsibilities.” Do you know how much it costs to pay people for property management? And they will spend my money with no qualms and make a mess of it so that I’ll have to clean it up. I am downsized and may liquidate more financial obligations.
I realized a while back, the more skills I obtain, I just spread myself thin. Sure I can have a set of gauges to check the freon in the AC but I won’t buy them because now if I’m gonna use them I just bought myself more headache. And 17 years of doing all and more of the above just to see it destroyed overnight.
“Take my yoke” says Jesus…. and He has been faithful. Lately He’s been giving me just as much as I can handle.
LOL, I’ll add chef to the list: Fried eggs, mac and cheese, cereal, sandwiches, corn dogs, microwave broccoli, and Little Caesar’s. It’s what for dinner.
Sorry Info, it doesn’t take much to break the dam over here.
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Don’t be afraid to seek help. At least in regards to particular tasks if you can.
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Ha! So this sounds like a typical Tuesday for ya!
Here is something that will bake your noodle some…
You were doing all these things anyway PLUS dealing with a alcoholic adult in the house having DIRECT access to your wallet… Sooooo now she has purposely removed herself from the equation…
So how is this a bad thing?
— I know, I know, you’ve built all sorts of things, life, home, family, etc with her and she’s taken a bunch of it, but in reality you were the one who built most of it, so why can’t you build it again?
As a point of reference, lemme tell ya how much I got kicked when I was down.
Early on she accused me of being a p*do’ at my church and pulled my kids from the youth group. Thankfully, it was quietly checked and I was cleared, and the young girl in question got into serious trouble with her parents. Most of the church treated me like a pariah for a couple of years and the men for sure steered well clear of me, so I get it. (FYI I still attend this church and people are coming back around.)
During the divorce, the ex stole my password and gained access to all the documents between me and the attorney I had on a cloud drive, she also gained access to my text messages and shared information that endangered a cousin with her ex.
When the dust settled, I lost my house and all the equity in it, more than half of the apartments we had, lost my dog, my oldest daughter left for college and I haven’t spoken to her in over 18 months, my youngest won’t say more than 50 words to me at a time when I try to see her. I spent over 140K on legal bills, and it took 999 days from the time she filed to the judge signing the divorce papers to end it.
It’s been almost a year since everything got done, but to take inventory of what’s happened since May of 2019:
— Got a new job at smaller engineering firm with higher pay and bonuses.
— I started a side photography business.
— I’ve sold some of my art, as well as been paid for event and corporate photography.
— I learned how to use a 3D printer and have an Etsy store that I make a little cash with every month.
— I have designed, built, and now sell camera lens mounts using 3D prints.
— I have invented a new kind of culvert (for levees), I think, still got to do the testing.
— I’ve made progress on a old idea of mine that I wasn’t able to touch for 25 yrs.
— I’m looking into starting a second side business of cattle grazing.
— I’ve got a new girl, 14yrs younger than me, is a pediatrician, likes to wash my clothes and do the dishes AND loves to bake bread for me. She also comes to church with me.
— I’ve got more money in my checking and savings account now then I ever had during my 17 yrs of marriage, and this is even with 20-25% of my salary for child support coming off after taxes!
You got this brother.
I will share this quote again out of a fun science fiction book I read.
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whiteguy1,
You didn’t have to go through all that just to prove that I was right. But I appreciate your willingness to be a case study. 😉
“I’m still married, to a very changed Mrs. RPA, and looking back I can say with the confidence of experience that women who are not helpmeets the way God intended are giant boat anchors on life for men. The amount of time, energy, and an absurd quantity of mental energy given to dealing with a difficult wife cannot be understated. Proverbs 21:9 and 19 are VERY real y’all.”
I need to add a ‘whiteguy1’ addendum to the “boat anchor broads” principle (BABs for short).
Now that you are building life post divorce, can you imagine where you would be if your ex had been a true helpmeet all those years? Would you have been able to build your career faster? Would your design creativity been unleashed? It is certainly interesting to think about given your accomplishments in the last 4 years.
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If you keep telling men that they have agency in their lives, the hope thieves will accuse you of making Boomer bootstrap speeches.
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RPA, yep I think about that often, of what it would have been like if she had actually been a helpmeet… but water under the bridge.
And she was no boat anchor… she was poking holes in the boat and then complained about us taking on water!
Oscar,
Lest anyone accuse me of the capital offence of being a boomer, I did not get through that hell without a lot of help from the Lord, my best friend (that I met at the gym no less), my family, especially my sister and brother-in-law who I was able to re-connect with in a meaningful way. My parents helped float me and loan me money when it was super tight and my dad was there to listen to my rants, bitch sessions, and laments through it all. Oh yeah, my entire side of the family has been alienated as well.
No man is an island, and I’m not some sort of super human stoic who took all of it in stride. I’ve wept in public during all this at least once and I have had righteous anger spill out along with some really colorful cursing.
So my desert brother, keep on keeping on. It gets better for sure.
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Didn’t respond to this when posted. Your comments are immensely encouraging. I too am picking up where I left off before boarding the marriage slave ship. I am capable of working hard towards goals… just want them to be God’s goals this time around.
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