“Falling in love” with her places you at her behest.
Readership: Christian Men
Length: 1,500 words
Reading Time: 5 minutes
“Hot chicks tend to be more rebellious because they can get away with it. On top of that, rebellious women (whether hot or not) tend to be more sexually available, and sexually adventurous, which – let’s face it – is exciting to most men.”
In this post, I’ll relay a case study I found at reddit/RPChristians about a man who “fell in love” with a woman who is unsuitable for marriage, and then I’ll Frame this man’s experience from a Red Pill perspective that will make it more easily understandable from a Christian viewpoint.
Actually, RPChristians is full of stories like this – Christian men who “fall in love” with a hottie, and then suffer from confusion and have doubts about their faith. Then they come to RPChristians looking for an answer. Unfortunately, a rational explanation and some good advice is not going to solve their problem, because it’s too late. They’ve already gotten high on the p00n hooch.
So first, here’s the story.
Case Study: Husky Viper
A younger man (husky-viper) posted this story on reddit/RPChristians about a month ago.
He has a follow up post here.
TLDR: He “fell in love” with a young woman who is obviously an unbeliever and is therefore unsuitable for pursuing a marriage with. Now he’s in a quandary because his ego is invested, his libido is entrenched in the relationship, and he’s psychologically obsessed with her.
Most of the responses there have been about how he should get away from her, and this would be the standard Christian advice.
The secular RP response would be [my paraphrase],
“Don’t be lame. Hone up your game, maintain frame, bang the dame, and don’t take the blame!”
Men will usually expect to feel for a woman what Husky Viper feels about this woman. Men are just like women in this sense, in that they strongly desire to follow their feelings, instead of their faith. Then, like Husky Viper, after stumbling into this, they are faced with the difficult task of playing the mate missionary, trying to “make her become a Christian” and so on, or otherwise, at least someone worthy of a Christian marriage. It’s just like Christian women who want to take the same approach with Chads.
Good luck with that!
But the reason why she is unsuitable is not the reason he, nor anyone else thinks. The reason she is unsuitable is not because she is worldly, an atheist, a Mormon, a feminist, has blue hair, has had N partners in the past, is a single mother, or whatever other reason might be posing a psychological roadblock — all the things that come to mind whenever we are warned with the verse, “Do not be unequally yoked” (2nd Corinthians 6:14) in church, or from reading about vetting qualifications in the Manosphere, and so on.
No. All that tripe is hogwash. The real reason she is unsuitable is simply because he’s obsessed with her, and she is not obsessed with him. It needs to be the other way around.
The reason it needs to be the other way around is because if she is really into him, then there’s a chance that she might change her mind about any belief that she holds, and change her ways about any habit which doesn’t fit the stereotypical Christian life of faith.
Another reason it needs to be the other way around is because that would make it a Headship or Tingly Respect type of relationship structure, by definition, which is what would be necessary for the relationship to have a chance at glorifying God.
In marriage, it is more important for a man to have sexual authority over his wife for several reasons, including,
- It satiates her fleshly nature, leading to less drama and more peace in the home.
- It reduces the wife’s inclination, willingness, and overall ability to stray or rebel.
- It makes it easier for him to rule over his household.
But the way it is with Husky Viper (and others like him), we’re looking at some type of relationship structure that is below the Male Submission line (in the graph below), and who knows which one it might develop into?
Intrinsic Sexual Authority
Scott’s description of the Meet Cute phenomena is a situation where the man has sexual authority over the woman.
In contrast, Husky Viper’s experience is a great description of how a woman has sexual authority over a man.
I talked about Sexual Authority before.
“Sexual Market Value (SMV) as the Manosphere has described it, is a subjective, backward way of attaching a quantitative handle on one’s intrinsic sexual authority, for the convenience of discussion. That is to say, when we speak of someone’s SMV, we are basically talking about how much sexual authority that person can command.
Sexual authority is not explicitly limited to sexual intercourse and sexualized intersexual liaisons. It also extends to envelop one’s ability to garner attention, investment, popularity, and favor. Sexual authority enhances one’s social prowess and enhances one’s overall quality of life.”
The difference between sexual authority and SMV is that SMV is a generalized rating that most men will intuitively agree upon, while sexual authority is the overpowering emotional and visceral effect that one person has on another. Thus, it is quite possible that a person who is ostensibly a poor choice of a mate could have sexual authority over a Christian. We see this dynamic all too frequently, as all the stories at RPChristians show.
In addition, many worldly women have learned the tricks and techniques that a woman can use to snag a man’s undying love and devotion. This is what makes them overtly attractive – and dangerous!
Why is love always backwards?
When a man wonders why he can’t “fall in love” with a “nice Christian woman” to marry, he’s usually thinking with the wrong head, and looking in the wrong pool of eligibles.
“…when a man and woman are “just friends” it’s usually the man who wants to be in a romantic relationship but the woman does not. And generally, similar reasons apply as to why she’s happy with the situation. She is already getting many of the non-sexual benefits of a boyfriend or even of marriage without having to actually date him. It’s almost certain the woman in this friend zone situation is well aware that the man has romantic feelings for her. That is why I categorize these types of relationships as exploitative.”The Masculinist (Aaron M. Renn): How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone (2020 November 16)
Not only is it exploitative, men actually hunt and hope for such experiences!
Remember the axiom, Men love ideologically!?
In fact, the church fully endorses this perverse relational archetype, as Anon pointed out under Deep Strength’s post, The friend zone is the same as feminism in the female life path (2021 January 12).
“Unfortunately “friends first” is often pushed in the American churches as the best way to go about seeking a mate. “They were friends first!” is an exclamation I’ve heard more than once from a proud parent, or pastor. In at least two cases it was painfully obvious to me at least that the girl was settling for a man, rather than head-over-heels crazy.
“Friends first” is possibly just another version of “courting”, which worked for some and failed for others. To reiterate, it’s not a bad thing per se, but when it’s pushed as the bestest way to seek a wife, it’s very flawed.”
Yes, just as the church feeds feminine fantasies leading to doom, the church also coaxes the male fantasy of female pedestalization by way of idealizing the “falling in love” experience as being concomitant with the “Friends” archetype. This heresy follows the popular 90s sitcom and exacerbates the sex-specific weaknesses that are already present in men and women.
Men, especially younger men, have a natural (sinful?) habit of seeking out women who command sexual authority over them. It’s entrancing. It’s intoxicating. It’s obsessive. So men naturally (and quickly) “fall in love” with such women.
The problem is when Christian men prioritize the “in love” experience of being obsessed with a woman as a prerequisite for considering a woman for marriage!
This is essentially idolatry!
As a word of hope, it is possible for a nominally low SMV man to have a great deal of sexual authority over a particular woman who just so happens to have the right “vibes”, or “chemistry”, or what have you. Instead of looking for love in all the wrong places, men should look for IOIs to judge his own sexual authority and choose appropritately.
- Reddit/RPChristians: How to Know if You’re in Her Frame (2021 January 8)
- Christianity and Masculinity: The friend zone is the same as a feminism in the female life path (January 12)