Social Authenticity Proof: Giving Women Attention

Anonymous testimonies of faith within the context of intersexual reciprocity.

Readership: Men; Christian Men;
Theme: Giving the gift of yourself to others.
Reader’s Note: This post contains a collection of reader’s viewpoints and testimonies that have been shared with me privately through email. Lightly edited for ease of reading.
Length: 2,600 words
Reading Time: 9 minutes

Introduction

An elderly lady once told this little story in a conversational English class at my church.

“When I was a teenage girl, I hated to receive attention from men.  It made me feel dirty and disgusting.  Then one day, an older woman told me, “[Those men] love you so much!  Why should you hate them and treat them badly just because they love you?  Instead, you should be nice to them.” I thought she was right, and so I changed my mind about this. After I married and grew older, I started to realize more and more how stupid I was for hating men when I was younger.”

Yes, all the world is an oyster in the eyes of a young woman, and yet, she didn’t discover this until later in life because of her queer distrust for men. I’m sure she regrets having that attitude because it cut her off from the joys of being the object of the constant favors and the fawning attentions of men. I might even speculate that she’s annoyed with herself for nipping her own hypergamic instincts in the bud. However, she’s also stated on other occasions that she’s very content with her marriage and her grown children are well adjusted and relatively successful. All in all, she’s done rather well in life.

I find three things remarkable about her testimony.

1. An avoidant distrust for men kept her pure throughout the turbulent post-adolescent stage.
2. Her distrust for men didn’t hurt her chances for having a satisfying and successful marriage, and even helped her because of (1).
3. How much times have changed since this lady was a young woman.

Her story offers a glimpse through the female lens for us to get some perspective on the social expressions of masculine faith conveyed in the remainder of this post.

Anonymous Truths

Since October of 2020, I’ve received several email messages from readers and fellow bloggers who told me they have some things to say to other men, but they can’t find an appropriate context in which to say it.

After collecting these messages into one document and studying their “secrets”, I found a common theme in four of them about how women crave male attention. The interesting thing about these messages is that there is another theme running underneath this main theme (which they may or may not be aware of), and that is how trusting God and living through faith frequently seems to come off as “inappropriate” or offensive.  So with these similarities in mind, I will present their statements here as a collection.

Some of the messages seem to answer questions that are brought up in other messages, so I’ve arranged the order of these messages accordingly.

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“Over the past 30 years, I’ve found that women are absolutely addicted to male attention, but they are painstakingly particular about how that attention is shown. I actually find a lot of joy in giving women this attention that they need and crave, but I’ve had to learn how to do it so that I don’t get bitten by their implacable peevishness.  See, sometimes women get the wrong idea, and can make your life ћә11.  That includes my wife.  I don’t see anything wrong with giving attention to other women, as long as there is no impropriety. But it makes her jealous. She had a hard time with it when we were younger. […] Then something unexplicable happened. I don’t know what changed, but after talking with an older married woman at church, she grew to be at peace with this. […] Now she is thankful to have a husband who is “considerate of other women’s emotional needs”.”

[Jack’s Note: Wow! I’ve had the same experiences, including the older woman talking with my wife. Women want a charming man who is attractive to other women, even though it makes them jealous and possessive at times. They need an older woman to help them see that this emotional tug-of-war originates from within themselves, and not from the man who triggers this dichotomy of feeelz. Only then can they be thankful to have a man who can arouse such feelings.]

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“Personally, even though I am married, I still like to tease women and flirt with them.  But that’s about as far as it goes.  I make it clear that it is just for fun, and I make the boundaries clear.  Women intuitively understand, and a few of them play along. I do this mostly by paraphrasing RP adages and applying them to women’s observed behaviors.  This ticks women off, but they love it at the same time.  […] When I was a younger Blue Pilled lad, I thought this kind of behavior was uncouth and rotten.  But since getting married, and especially after taking the Red Pill, I’ve learned to embrace the ironies of being a sexual human.  I don’t believe there is anything wrong with this, and I’ve found that people really enjoy the authenticity.  Believe it or not, it’s also made my marriage better!”

[Jack’s Note: I do this too (paraphrasing RP adages to tease women), and yes, it “works” just like he says. I also went through a crisis of belief and had to let go of some BP notions before I could square this with being a Christian.]

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“Alright, here is something I would never mention on a blog post because it’s the kind of crap that gets me in trouble with the wife. But I think readers might want to know this is a thing.

I still flirt with random women in public, and I do it JUST TO SEE IF I STILL CAN!

I am not trying to cheat. I am not trying to get a divorce. I just like it, and I can’t explain it any other way.

A garden variety example might be a cute girl at a check out. If I detect even the slightest bit of IOI from her, I will look her right in the eyes and say something like “You’ve got the best smile I have seen all day.“

If it “works”, they will do a bashful giggle, twirl their hair, their eyes dilate, you can even see a tiny bit of glistening on their lips if they get a little wet.

Then, I just walk away, having satisfied myself that I am still capable of this.

TRP community would argue that this is “game”.  But how is it game if I didn’t learn it from somewhere?  It’s just totally normal for me.”

[Jack’s Note: This is the element of charisma within game. You either have it or you don’t, and if you have it, you can’t explain it.]

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“From reading Σ Frame, Do What’s Right [now defunct], and Radix Fidem, I’ve picked up how important it is to be living life from the heart.  One thing that gave me headaches and confusion is that whenever I started “getting into the groove” of living the heart-led way, I found it “natural” to behave inappropriately, like going back on my word, saying mean (but truthful) things, being careless and inconsiderate in general, bossing people around, and being flirty with women. I also got more IOIs from women, and this increased my temptation and decreased my will to resist.

Because the heart-led way seemed to go hand in hand with increased temptation and uncouth behavior, it made me wonder whether I was really on the right track. If I was, then I couldn’t understand how to deal with this.

Overall, all this bothered my conscience because on the surface, it seemed like I was becoming less Christ-like and less agape loving. So if I followed my conscience, then I had to back away from the heart-led way. I couldn’t be certain I was on the right track. I think this was the thing that, in the past, made me hesitant to embrace the heart-led way with confidence. I also suspect this is the thing that led me to reject exploring the heart-led way earlier in life. I’ve always been very conscientious.”

“For months I struggled with this, wondering if this a common experience with the heart-led way, or is there something odd about me?

Then in April [2021], I read NovaSeeker’s post, Juxtaposing the Temporal and the Eternal, and Jack followed up with a post describing how following the Rules and Trust in God are fundamentally opposed. Somewhere else, Jack wrote about how believing in Christ opens up a parallel paradigm, and then things started to click.

Through reading these posts, I realized that even though I was discovering the heart-led way, I was still thinking on a carnal level, trying to follow “rules” that my legalistic conscience had put in place long ago (probably during my childhood). Walking in faith requires me to be able to step outside my conscious self, to find that higher moral awareness that can express the real me. I think this is what Jack calls “spiritual authenticity”. I should not resist the groove of living in faith, thinking it to be merely a slide into immorality, but instead, I have to get used to what is flowing inside of me during my time in the groove and think in terms of what assets are now available, and for what purpose. There has to be a sense of mission that guides the use of whatever opportunities come out of it. After accepting this about myself, I’ve found that my inner Game comes quite naturally now, and it lures women out of nowhere. Not that this is a bad thing; it simply needs guidance and direction.

Since I realized this and started to trust God in this way, I have certainly screwed things up at times. Nothing too serious, except once, a female coworker reported me for h&rassment. Funny thing is, I never played any mind games with her or even interacted with her that much. But I do think she could feel something different about me. She misread my kindness, or maybe she was envious that the other women actually enjoyed my attentions. I’m not sure. This accusation was resolved after a couple other female coworkers voluntarily came forward and spoke up in defense of me. After it blew over, things resumed as normal, except there were fewer people who really trusted that coworker anymore. I eventually realized that no one took it very seriously to begin with. I mean, they had to take her seriously as a matter of principle but it was more of an annoyance than anything else. Overall, I’d say living in the groove of faith made me rather popular, and this won out in the end. I’ve come to view stuff like this as persecution for flaunting my new found authenticity as an expression of faith (Mark 10:29-31). And the outcome increases my faith that God will protect my budding faith, if that makes any sense to you.”

[Jack’s Note: I’m pretty sure he’s on the right track now.]

Conclusions

What these men have described is never openly discussed, but it is normal. Women love to receive attention, and men love to give it to them, But maneuvering the exchange can be very tricky.

As Christians, it’s well established that it’s wrong to spread sex around, but it’s not wrong to be attractive to people who really don’t have a clue about what that attraction should accomplish, and whose intentions are not at all appropriate.

I don’t believe flirting is wrong. It can be, at times, nothing more than a social lubricant. You have to discern when it’s okay to use that tool and how. You really need to be able to draw boundaries in this sense, and do it smoothly so that you don’t turn the blessing into a curse. I, too, have never faced more temptation than when I am “in the groove”. But there are clear boundaries between culture, nature, and nurture, and we become more aware of these boundaries through faith.

Σ Frame Maxim 23: The key to maneuvering intersexual social transactions is in recognizing God’s glory in everything.

When your heart of faith rules your day to day walk, everything inside of you is reordered. The masks we wear must come off. You need to recognize all of what’s been planted inside of you, some from God, some from culture, some from nature, and some from nurture.

The heart-led way exposes you to your true nature. If you don’t know what’s in the basement, you can’t clean it up. Your mind may not like what’s down there, but you need to fully assess what is there before you can seek the Lord to give things their proper value and place. Doing so doesn’t require that you surrender to everything that’s crawling around down there. This is why we must learn to pray all the time about every little thing. Over the long term, you eventually learn what God can do with what’s down there.

Cultures vary on how we should handle that self-discovery. A major hallmark of Western society is the inhibitions we are taught to place on ourselves, all the while entertaining the notion that “law, reason, and order” is what makes us more civilized and humane. Every other culture laughs about this. We aren’t allowed to be that self-honest.

A lot of what we assume is good and proper is little more than shaming ourselves and each other into conforming to ever changing mass social “rules”, and those who can do so successfully are given a hollow pat on the back for being a “good person” or a “good citizen”. Conversely, a lot of what we assume is our “human right” or even “God given right”, is simply the case that we’ve swallowed some popularized notion without due consideration.

One of the biggest steps in faith we take is when we realize that the boundaries and liberties we have allowed other people to draw for us don’t calculate by God’s estimations. These false boundaries most often take the form of a self-limiting comfort zone, and the false liberties lead us astray from the glory and righteousness of our faith. Sometimes they do turn out to be correct, but you have to find your own path back to reinterpreting them according to your own understanding, so that you’ll know for yourself why it is correct. This also helps knowing when and how it can be applied appropriately.

What God is looking for is a genuine love for Him and His ways, not whether you have the ability to actually perform. That doesn’t excuse sin, but it does put sin in proper perspective. You can’t truly live in this body and still avoid it! So what we need is a mechanism for handling the inevitable. We have to learn how to be moral janitors who are competent at cleaning up our own messes and trusting God with the outcome. And then we learn from the messes.

It takes a different kind of discipline altogether to walk through that fire without getting burned. But we need to know what is lurking in our subconscious being and how to handle the temptations God allows. It’s better to know, even at the risk of moral failure, than to hide behind artificial restraint. That’s the Psalm 139 experience.  It’s also the shift from legalism to agape.

Related

• Crash the Matrix: The Püssy Bubble is Popping (2020 March 24)
• Derek L. Ramsey: What to do if a woman hits on a married man (2020 July 17)
• Σ Frame: The Objectification of Reproductive Potential must deliver an Ego Rush or else it is Chauvinistic. (2020 November 18)
• Σ Frame: Women Crave Male Attention (2021-07-26)