More insights on the magic of Charisma.
Readership: All; Men;
The Link between Charisma and Mood
In A Revised Understanding of Game (2020 September 14), I discussed how charisma is an intrinsic element of Game.
The backbone of solid Game is charisma combined with a steady maintenance of healthy socio-spiritual boundaries (AKA “detachment”). Everything else about Game can be summed up as a technique, a strategy, or an asset.
So what is it about charisma that makes a man so charming?
Ed Hurst once described charisma as “an ability to draw others into your own world”, meaning that others can “read” your personal identity through your self-expression and without a lot of explanations and arguments, and can intuitively know how to blend into your frame of reference. This soul connection is also intriguing and enjoyable for all.
Yet, charisma must be expressed through actions and behavior. Part of it is attitude, part of it is detachment (drawing boundaries), and part of it is in maintaining an upbeat mood. Even the most positive, indomitable attitude is not necessarily attractive, and can even be a turn-off at times. Detachment tends to be rebuffing and isolating. So mood must be the element that draws others in, specifically a mood that is energetic, friendly, patient, and inspiring. I want to add kindhearted to this list of descriptors, but I think this only works with men who have a very high testosterone, and it only appeals to certain kinds of people/women.
Another word used to describe mood in psychology is Affect. Below, I’ve summarized a few factoids about Affect from Infogalactic: Affect (psychology).
- Affect is the experience of feeling or emotion.
- Affect is a key part of the process of an organism’s interaction with stimuli.
- Affect is one of the three main divisions of psychology, namely Affect, Behavior, and Cognition, also known as the ABC’s of psychology.
- Affective states are psycho-physiological constructs which vary along three principal dimensions: valence, arousal, and motivational intensity.
- Valence is the subjective positive-to-negative evaluation of an experienced state. Emotional valence refers to the emotion’s consequences, emotion-eliciting circumstances, or subjective feelings or attitudes.
- Arousal is objectively measurable as activation of the sympathetic nervous system, but can also be assessed subjectively via self-report. Arousal is a construct that is closely related to motivational intensity but they differ in that motivation necessarily implies action while arousal does not.
- Motivational Intensity refers to the impulsion to act. It is the strength of an urge to move toward or away from a stimulus. Simply moving is not considered approach motivation without a motivational urge present.
- Science has shown that a person having an Affect that is high in motivational intensity also has a narrow cognitive scope, whereas having an Affect low in motivational intensity broadens one’s cognitive scope.
The Link between Mood and Attraction
Long time readers of the Manosphere have observed that Women are attracted to Jerks. Could it be possible that having a ZFG dramaticized* Affect is seen by other Nice Guys™ as being a jerk, while women only notice the Detachment and the Affect? It has been speculated that women are blind to the motivations of men, and so that leaves Valence, Arousal, and Impulse, which are presumably interpreted as signifiers of health and vitality.
The link to attraction makes sense if you think about it, because a person’s Affect is one of the first things we notice, and it makes the biggest impression. It is easy for us to see that wimmin want a guy who can entertain them and give them the Feeelz, but what we cannot see is that a man’s Affect is probably the main outward characteristic that the female intuition latches onto when sizing up a man.
All this explains why basement gamers, dreamy geeks, and other low-energy dudes are not attractive, while athletes, performers, h0m0sexuals, and impulsive criminals are.
“Women are wired to connect on an emotional level. Men could easily regard women’s need for the Feeelz as an annoying weakness, but if a man knows how to handle a woman’s emotions, then this can become his greatest strength. The problem is that most men have never been taught how to motivate a woman by creating the Feeelz for her. Women, even the best of them, will never teach this skill to men. Men must learn this from other men.
Many women don’t seem to understand what men want, and what makes a man happy. So a man needs to clearly state his purpose and express his enthusiasm in order to shift the emotional context into a “clean” state. Otherwise, the woman may feel like her submission is a dry duty, without any joy, purpose, or sense of connectedness.”Σ Frame: Washing Her Clean (2019 October 21)
Overall, the influence of the man’s mood (or Affect) in a relationship, combined with a supportive Frame, is hypnotizing to the woman. In terms of the Push-Pull dynamic, Detachment is the Push, and a dramaticized* Affect is the Pull. This hypnotic state is conducive to several vehicles, including attraction, submission, obedience, and her willingness to endure the unpleasant aspects of the discipline that is necessary in washing her clean, according to Ephesians 5:25-28.
If a man can dramaticize* his emotional interaction with people/women, then this might be the trick to switch one’s charisma on, and induce an increased level of attraction.
* Note: I’ve invented the word “dramaticize“ to emphasize motivation and initiative, and also to be distinguished from the connotation of the typical, annoying, feminine drama that is conveyed in the word “dramatize”.
- Σ Frame: On the Authenticity of Appearance and Avatar (2018 November 21)
- X-Splat: Every 5 years you are a new person. One of them winds up being a loving grandpa type. (2020 February 6)