Washing Her Clean

Acts of love can be enriched by including positive emotions and inspiration.

Readership: Married Christian men


After studying the concept of “unclean” in a previous post, I went back to see how this might apply to a marital relationship.  The following familiar passage stands out in a new light.

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.  24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.  28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.  29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.  30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. ~ Ephesians 5:22-30 (NKJV)

In art and literature, water symbolizes emotions.  The figurative idea of “washing” means to allow emotional experiences to renew one’s Frame of mind and outlook on life, and this is related to sanctification.  This contrasts with the concepts of “unclean” and “defiled”, which is when emotionally charged experiences change one’s disposition in a negative or unsuitable manner.

Men can be “washed” by learning new things and exploring new methods, hence the emphasis on the “Word”.  Women also find renewal this way, but often times, not in the right way.  Instead, they tend to get caught up in the emotional experience, and lose sight of where it is taking them.  Here in this post, I wish to point out how men can use emotional experiences to coax a woman in the right direction, instead of allowing the woman’s own emotions to hold sway in the relationship, perhaps to its own destruction.

Acts of Love can be Enriched by Including Positive Emotions

In this passage, have you ever noticed that the commandment for wives to submit to their husbands comes first (in verse 22), before husbands are commanded to love their wives (in verse 25)?  Ladies who want to maintain their marital relationships should take note of this.

But should husbands wait around until their wives get the feeelz, and start submittin’ like a kitten in the missionary position?  When a man’s patience runs thin, then skip to Step 2.

Husbands are commanded to love their wives.  But this kind of love is distinct from the obsequious pussy pedestalization that is encouraged by Churchians and denigrated by Manospherians.

No, the Christ-like sword of love that husbands should extend to wives is characterized by the hard work of living with a woman who is frequently worried and anxious about many things.  She may even regress to having a p!ss poor attitude and a lack of respect.  The husband should not let his marriage degenerate into a Pygmalion Project, but instead, is to take up his cross wife and try his hand at inducing a little Tingle into the situation.

man and woman laughing

In loving the wife, verse 26 elaborates on the application of love by stipulating that it is the responsibility of husbands to “wash their wives clean” unto sanctification (?!?).  The previous injunction to wives to submit to their husbands in all things includes his work in washing her clean.

I presume that the task of becoming clean is a real challenge to women.  The daily household cleaning, the changing diapers and wiping up children’s vomit, as well as the marital duties of lovemaking (if done right), all contribute to her unclean state.

Many women chafe at these tasks, given the hard work involved and the unclean nature of the work.  Some Feminized women might even claim that it is “beneath them” to do so.  Nevertheless, it is up to the woman to find joy and purpose in these undertakings as a wife, as dirty as they may be.

Joking aside, the husband’s task of washing his wife clean with the Word hints more to the spiritual and psychological state, than the physical.  Here are some small, but very significant actions towards improving her state of being.

  • Giving her a sense of dignity.
  • Providing the outline of a clear purpose.
  • Teaching her to talk and behave in a respectable and dignified manner, worthy of Christian reputation.
  • Maintaining an attitude of thankfulness, appreciation, and a mutual reciprocity.
  • Building an environment of love and respect.
  • Encouraging her to dress in attractive yet modest attire.
  • It would be a grand gesture of much appreciated generosity to perform the grungiest and most unusual tasks for her. This would encourage her to retain a sense of security and self-respect in the face of daunting challenges out of the ordinary.
  • Not to downplay the wife’s concerns in a derogatory manner (unless a neg is appropriate and necessary), but to help resolve those issues which caused her to be anxious in the first place. Sometimes this can be easily solved by taking action to fix something minor that needs corrected.

A Woman’s Emotional Weakness can be a Man’s Strength in the Relationship

Women are wired to connect on an emotional level.  Men could easily regard women’s need for the Feeelz as an annoying weakness, but if a man knows how to handle a woman’s emotions, then this can become his greatest strength.  The problem is that most men have never been taught how to motivate a woman by creating the Feeelz for her.  Women, even the best of them, will never teach this skill to men.  Men must learn this from other men.

Many women don’t seem to understand what men want, and what makes a man happy.  So a man needs to clearly state his purpose and express his enthusiasm in order to shift the emotional context into a “clean” state.  Otherwise, the woman may feel like her submission is a dry duty, without any joy, purpose, or sense of connectedness.

For example, sometimes, a bothersome fight or argument can be avoided simply by telling her in calm, plain language, what you want to do, and why.  She will find it easier to relate, respect, and submit, if she knows what your goals are, and that your underlying purposes have a beneficial emotional effect on you and your relationship.

Another way to describe this technique, is to create or develop an iconic expression of your personality, which will cause you to become more emotionally inspiring in her eyes.  Yes, this can be exhausting work, but it gets easier with time.


A man shouldn’t just be doing this to impress chix in the hope of getting laid, but he should be developing his personality and skill set according to his own life trajectory.  Having a better relationship is only one benefit of growing in maturity.

On a deeper level, sometimes the problems that crop up in a relationship are because of her false notions about things, and her unrealistic desires.  At those times, the battle lies only in her mind.  In this case, the husband should present an alternative assessment of the situation, backed by reasonable logic, provided she’s in the mood to hear it.  The most important thing is to not succumb to her doubts, fears, psychological defense mechanisms, and subtle power plays.  It’s a little tricky for most husbands to do this.

If this is the case, don’t admit her argument, but instead, improvise and introduce your own Frame of mind.  This may require you to become a “temporary MGTOW”, “go to your cave”, invent a new stratagem, and then come back out to effectively deal with her problemata.  Similar to Soft Dread Game, the time you spend away from her will make her more eager to patch things up after you return.

During your down time, you may need to wash yourself clean first, before you deal with the work of washing her clean.  If you are chronically sad, pessimistic, or low energy, then it will be more difficult, if not impossible, for you to grab the she-wolf by the tail and spin her (mind, heart, and body) to your mutual advantage.  This is why other Manospherians strongly encourage sports, weight lifting, and in general, leading an active, exciting life of your own.


Men, don’t listen to envious sad-sacks who mock you for being a fun-loving, emotionally transparent man, who say that you’re being a faggot or just peacocking for pussy.  Those are the men who are too proud, too lazy, too hopeless, or too low SMV to compete with you.  Kick them out and get new friends who appreciate your authentic self.

If a man can share his inner aspirations with a positive emotional affect, and let his girl tune into his wavelength, then from her perspective, she will be experiencing sanctification in the relationship, meaning that she’ll feel connected, content, and she won’t be hypergamsterbating dreams of having a better relationship with another man.

Best wishes!


About Jack

Jack is a world traveling artist, skilled in trading ideas and information, none of which are considered too holy, too nerdy, nor too profane to hijack and twist into useful fashion. Sigma Frame Mindsets and methods for building and maintaining a masculine Frame
This entry was posted in Attitude, Authenticity, Courtship and Marriage, Holding Frame, Joy, Leadership, Love, Male Power, Maturity, Personal Growth and Development, Models of Success, Personal Presentation, Purpose, Relationships, Sanctification & Defilement, Self-Concept, SMV/MMV, Sphere of Influence, The Power of God and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Washing Her Clean

  1. This was good. I don’t have much to say about it, but it feels like it’s a good direction.

    Liked by 1 person

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