Moulding a wife is like trimming a shrub.
When I was much younger, my grandfather often paid me some money to do some odd jobs for him. He would always help me get started. For example, when I painted his garage, he showed me how to open the paint can without damaging the seal, how to stir the paint thoroughly without spilling a drop, how to hold the brush, and how to apply the paint so that it would be smooth and glossy after it dried. Then he would sit in a lawn chair and watch me work to make sure I was doing the job properly. He always paid me really well, and I was thankful for the experience and his instruction.
One time, when I was about 10 years old, my grandfather paid me some money to trim the shrubs in front of his house. But this time was different. He just gave me the electric trimmers and went into the house. He didn’t watch me work as was his custom. This was my first time trimming shrubs so I really didn’t know anything about it, and he hadn’t given me much instruction. I worked on it a long time. I didn’t think I should cut any of the larger branches, so the overall shape of the shrub turned out to be asymmetrical, lumpy, and misshapen, based on the natural structure of the branches. I simply trimmed the shrubs to be smooth and round. But after I was finished, he was unhappy with my work because I did not cut the shrubs into a square shape as he had wanted.
Now that I have my own shrubs, I understand what he wanted and how he felt. What my grandfather failed to teach me in this instance is that before I begin trimming, I should have an idea of what the shrub should look like when I’m finished.
In The Karate Kid, Mr. Miyagi teaches Daniel how to trim a bonsai tree.
Daniel: I don’t know how to do this stuff. I don’t want to mess it up.
Mr. Miyagi: Close eye. Trust. Concentrate. Think only tree. Think about a picture down to trunk to pine needle. Wipe the mind clean, except for tree. Nothing exists, whole world, just tree. […] Remember picture? Make like picture. Just trust picture.
Daniel: How do I know if it’s the right one?
Mr. Miyagi: If it comes from inside you, it is always the right one.
I’ve learned that moulding a woman is kind of the same way. You need to have an idea of what she should be — what God made her to be — and shape her in that way. You need to trim with care and precision. And as I learned from the experience of trimming my grandfather’s shrubs, sometimes you have to lop off some big ugly branches in order to teach her propriety and make her attractive.
Moreover, instead of playing the “nice guy” who swallows the “all wimmin are princesses” narrative, it would be much wiser for a man to be more critical and demanding of a woman, especially in the beginning stages of the relationship. The Manosphere describes this approach as “making her qualify herself”. If she can’t, or absolutely won’t, then a man might be wise to give her an explanation about why she is unsuitable, throw her back, and wait for another to come along.
If you’re already married, then moulding her will be more difficult because you have a history of ingrained habits to work through. You’ll still need to become more critical and demanding, but you’ll also need to be patient, graceful, and loving, and know when to back off when she’s reached her limit. It may take a while to see fruit, even years.
- Σ Frame: The Challenge of Demanding Excellence (2018 March 11)
- Σ Frame: Revealing Her Unencumbered Beauty (2018 June 26)
- Σ Frame: Washing Her Clean (2019 October 21)
- Σ Frame: Teaching our daughters well is the early foundation of successful wife moulding (2020 February 14)