I have heard a few other church going married men quote the old proverb, “Happy wife, happy life”, but their quip carried the implied undertone that these men had to tolerate all their wives’ childish behaviors, serve their whims, and not do much of anything without their “approval”, as if there would be some very unpleasant “consequence” that would befall, if for one minute, their wives failed to be sufficiently pampered. (Consequences included things like their wives suddenly getting a bad “headache” just before bedtime for a few days.) I saw these men as indentured servants for meager sexual wages, and I pity them. They are not experiencing the full measure of joy that God intends for us to experience in marriage, and neither are their spoiled wives. These are the deltas who need bolstered by the augmented “man up” schoolmarm lecture on a daily basis from their wives and the feminist churchianity sermons. But as long as they remain collared and bridled by their comfort seeking women, they will never know what it truly means to man up from the biblical perspective.
Meanwhile, another single, frustrated, middle-aged man confided the following sentiments.
“I need to find a girlfriend there, bud. I’m tired of fighting my way through life and never being happy. My life is nothing but work, stress, and haggling with stupid people. I’m just tired of putting on this mask that I wear every day and going through life alone. I’m just sick of it. I just want a pretty girlfriend to share things with, and I want one who’s not toxic, demanding, or all screwed up. Is that too much to ask for?”
Actually, considering the current marriage marketplace, it is. These days, it is truly hard to find a glorified Christian marriage.
I sometimes wonder which of these two types of men has a better existence. Is it (1) having a sense of purpose and the comfort of routine with the ball and chain princess wife, or is it (2) waiting patiently, but hopelessly, for someone who might bring a little true joy into your life?
Moreover, the woman’s emotional disposition sets the stage for the mood of the whole relationship, or else, if single, the desire for one. That is real power. What is common in nearly every marriage, is that the wife uses the marriage setting as a vehicle with which to exercise her own female power.
True female power is largely based on the fact that she fills a need in the man’s life. A woman who has a man with no needs, or a woman who cannot fill those needs, is a woman with no real power. It is this same power that makes the delta man founder and grovel at the demands of his soft pussy willow wife. It is the benefits of this same power that the single man hopes to avail of, in finding a girlfriend or wife, but the same man is also deathly (and wisely) fearful of being on the brass end of a woman’s abuse of that power.
Yet, feminists claim that women have no power, or have less power than men do. It is a bald faced lie. Women have perhaps even more power than men do. But it is not a forceful, authoritative style of power at the threatpoint of death, defeat and ignominy, as men’s power is. No, instead, it is a vulnerable, breathy, inspiring style of power at the threatpoint of not attaining the blessings of life. But modern feminists discard their power under the helm of feminist ideologies which assign a sense of shame to those who willingly provide for the needs of others. Some even go so far as to deny this God-given power, which is the ultimate foolishness, the kind only made possible by deceit. They attempt instead to wield the clumsy and destructive power of a political and physically domineering force, in masculine style. By focusing on this foolishness, they fail to exercise their own natural good powers, and by withholding their power, they bring destitution to men and destroy the children. For the most part, men have stood by, observing women behaviors and scratching their heads, thinking, “What the h*ll is she doing?” Women, in return, have laughed at men’s apparent “ignorance”, and carried on with their rebellious sideshow of their social experiment in masculine power.
Women, like children, like to test the limits, and are drawn to rebel. Women can easily use their sexual power to be sexually promiscuous as a very fun way to rebel. Hypergamy, “riding the carousel”, abortion and frivolous divorce are all examples of female power liberally unharnessed and run amuck, much like fistfights, crime, and the carnage of warfare are the pursuits of male power to the fullest extent. Both types of abuses of power have similar effects in deadening the persons soul. The female military draft, transexuality, and men having babies are all expressions of power being usurped by, or superposed onto, the opposite sex.
How can women use their power to bless men and children, instead of denying their power for the benefit of no one (not even themselves)?
This week, I found an old, but very inspiring post from Dalrock, “Newsflash: My marriage still doesn’t suck!” He asked people to share stories of their happy marriages in the comments. I found some great ideas there about how a happy wife brings a happy life, not only to her husband, but also to herself and her children. One commenter, slwerner, who was apparently an older gentleman married for many years, wrote,
“I believe that there is a strong correlation between overall marital satisfaction and the level of respect/admiration that a wife has for her husband.
Of course, there are those instances in which it’s the husband who expresses the dissatisfaction with the wife, but it seems to me that, in the aggregate, men find it much easier to be content with the situation they have, and the wife they’ve chosen – so long as their wives don’t express dissatisfaction.
…when one reads accounts of unhappy husbands, even when they complain about their wives having gained weight, let themselves go (etc.), the one common denominator always seems to be that theirs wives constantly nag and complain. While I have nothing to back it up, my guess is that those same men would be able to find contentment, if those wives made no other changes than to cease their nagging and complaining, even with a less than (physically) perfect wife.
So again, I put it out there to be challenged, marital contentedness is based more on the wife’s level of respect for her husband than any other of the multitude of possible factors.”
“I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. The wife is the key to marital satisfaction for both partners. Men tend to define themselves by what they do. This translates into men blaming their dissatisfaction with their own lives on themselves and the choices they’ve made (or on others outside the marriage). This takes the focus off the wife and places the responsibility for his dissatisfaction elsewhere. Wives are seen as companions and partners who help reduce the stress of home life. Thus anything the wife contributes is a positive that increases his satisfaction. If she becomes unhappy, then he becomes unhappy, but he probably still views her as an asset even if he thinks things could be better.
The woman’s focus is different. whether or not she’s willing to admit it, she married her husband because of what she thought she could get out of him (provision, safety, status, children, stability, love, etc.). Any failure by him in any of her chosen tasks for him results in disappointment and dissatisfaction. Her failure is that she married a man who could not provide what she wanted, therefore everything becomes his fault. Her task is to “change” or “improve” him. When this proves impossible, she opts out.”
It has been noted before that wives are adverse to pleasing their husbands, and that is most true when speaking of selfish, pagan, unbelieving wives. But do these wives realize that they are merely withholding their power for the entertainment of watching others squirm with their unmet needs, that she would have otherwise provided for? Many wives have similarly pagan notions that wielding their feminine power by lowering the boom will succeed in extracting that last bit of “love” out of her husband. But husbands will not respond by automatically increasing their value through learning game, or earning more money, etc., as a result of this behavior from wives. All it does is teach husbands that their wives are unreliable and cannot be trusted. But in the case when others come to see a woman as reliable and trustworthy, these women complain that they are “being taken for granted”. It’s a no win situation if you’re married to one of these pagan women!
Eds. note: Being taken for granted”, in that regard, should be interpreted as a supreme compliment on the quality and reliability of her impeccable skills in creating life, and how much she is needed.
Christian women, on the other hand, know that it is important to be reliable and trustworthy, so that their husband can be confident that his house is in order, and thereby able to concentrate on his work and be productive. Children also need a reliable and trustworthy mother in order to feel secure and grow in an emotionally healthy way. Compared to pagan women, who focus on entertaining themselves by playing with the effects of their power on humanity, Christian women focus on the outcome, the growth, the benefit, the blessing, not only for themselves, but for all within her sphere of influence.
Another crucial difference here, is that pagan women are deeply anxious, especially to have their own needs satisfied (while at the same time, hypocritically withholding the needs of others, as mentioned earlier). Whereas, Christian women have the faith to see their own needs met, and a deep inner sense of serenity, peace and joy, which enables them to wield their power to meet the needs of others.
So here, we come to the point that truly happy wives are happy on their own merit, and not because of a husband who jumps through hoops to meet their list of high maintenance demands, and all those other must-haves which wives pose as nebulous requirements for them to be haaappy. (By the way, these things don’t actually make women happy.) In other words, these happy wives, who have good marriages, possess their own internal joy which they selflessly share with their husbands and children. They are not spiritual and financial parasites, only thinking of their own comfort and needs. They have a certain degree of emotional maturity, and as such, they are understanding, forgiving, compassionate, and seek peace and love in the home, rather than drama and control.
From this perspective, “happy wife, happy life” is indeed true. Marrying a woman who is chronically unhappy does not bode well for future marital happiness. But on the other hand, taking a wife who is truly joyful, grateful, mature, and respectful is a good move towards building a secure and happy home, even though she might not be a proverbial 10.
Perhaps we should expand the saying for the sake of those delta boys who take pride in their hoop jumping to read, “happy, intelligent, emotionally mature, grateful, joyful, respectful, reliable, trustworthy wife = happy life”. But unfortunately for their marriages, I don’t think their wives would be warmly receptive of this message.
- Pushing Rubber Downhill (feat. Adam Piggott): Happy Wife, Happy Life (February 29, 2016)
- Desiring God (feat. Greg Morse): ‘Happy Wife, Happy Life’, and other misleading advice to young husbands (June 19, 2018)
- Spawny’s Space: Happy Wife, Happy Life (October 28, 2018)
- Christianity and Masculinity: Happy wife, happy life should be sanctified wife, joyful and peaceful life (April 11, 2020)