Competing in the secular SMP displaces obedience to Christ and destroys the blessings thereof.
Readership: Christians; Christian Men;
Theme: Perspectives on the Topic of Attraction; Redemptive Headship and Masculinity;
Length: 1,000 words
Reading Time: 6 minutes
This week, the comments have been inundated with observations and viewpoints related to attraction and mating market dynamics — a spillover from last week’s mini-series. In this post, I’ll attempt to comprehensively summarize the greater points of this subtopic in applicable terms.
Ultimately, Men and Women are locked in a competition for the highest SMV/MMV mates. This is the natural expression of the flesh that is manifested in secular culture. Christian men and women are called to holiness and sanctification (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8), and so sex is (supposed to be) off the table as a method of competition. This puts Christian women at a disadvantage in the secular SMP, much like the Beta factory of churchianity places men at a disadvantage.
Hormones and the inexperience of youth blurs the distinction between the Flesh and the Spirit. Christian Men go along with the secular competition when they focus on hot / sexually active / activated women, and pass over virginal Christian women who are less so. (Catacomb Resident’s point can be applied here to mean that Christian Men should not go along with this.) Women go along with this competition when they seek nonChristian higher SMV men outside the church.
Secular women, once they reach a certain point, want very much to lose their virginity and thereby break into the SMP and gain a stronger edge in the competition. Because of the Flesh nature, most Christian women are just as eager to do the same, but they have a (dwindling) number of social and psychological obstacles that make this sociosexual identity transition more tortuous. Secular Feminism vilifies Christianity for making it more difficult for women to be sexually liberated and thereby join the competition (among many other stated reasons). For these same reasons, some women in the church reject Christian sexual mores and leave the church during their rutting phase to make their “season of singleness” more conducive to their own prerogatives of landing and/or bedding a high SMV/MMV man, while others who are less ambitious or who have a lower SMV go along with it (for a while). A very small number recognize the value and importance of sexual purity, but many of these also get swept away by competition envy, cultural currents, temptation, the delay in marriage, and their desire for exclusive high SMV male affirmation and attention.
When Christian sexual mores have been rejected, the SMP defaults to the natural mating selection, which includes “running the gauntlet”. (This is the context Thedeti is describing.) Both men and women use the gauntlet as a method of vetting bonding potential and “sexual compatibility”. The difference between men’s gauntlet and women’s gauntlet is in the matter of goals that revolve around their respective priorities and sense of urgency.
Men’s motivations for running the gauntlet are to…
- Primarily to get sexual access / expression / release.
- Establish / present themselves as sexually viable.
- Some men do it to “claim” or identify with a choice mate.
- A much smaller number do it to make themselves “visible” as marriage material.
Women running the gauntlet have the same four motivations, but with more variability in terms of their priorities on a case by case basis. In general…
- Secular women prioritize (1) and/or (2) or maybe (3), and generally postpone (4). However, the age of the woman and the SMV of the male affect the order of these priorities.
- Christian women (presumably) prioritize (4) over (1) and (2). (3) is generally neglected or is rolled into (4). However, many Christian woman are known to behave more like secular women, especially once the cat is out of the bag.
In addition, the pool of high SMV men that women target is much smaller, and because these men have more opportunities, fewer of these men are marriage minded. The ones who are get fished out of the pool quickly.
Unfortunately, a woman choosing an accomplished, more mature, and older man who is marriage minded is culturally unacceptable to both Christians and non-Christians alike.
“A virgin guarding her status has nothing to do with activation. It’s about how she values her status as a virgin.”
…is true up to the point where she chooses to value her competitive engagement in the SMP (i.e. running the gauntlet) more than she values her virginal marriage potential. If she loses her virginity outside marriage, she becomes sexually “activated” as an active participant in the “natural” / secular SMP competition. There’s no going back. And as a young woman ages, this competition pressure intensifies. As RPA describes…
“In today’s western society, once a woman is into her mid-20s and still a virgin they end up in a selection boondoggle. The men who value virginity in their bride enough to be pure themselves and also pass women’s attractiveness filters get locked down early and are no longer in the dating pool. The remaining men who pass women’s attractiveness filters are men who look for hookups and/or sex while in a dating relationship.”
The nature of sexual purity, as contrasted with a sexually activated state, allows the sexually pure person to receive less attention and sexual objectification in the secular SMV. This “invisible” state is actually the protection of God over the obedient. As such, the mating competition should apply differently to Christian and secular women, but currently it does not because of many reasons. Here are a few.
- The centrality of sex in secular culture.
- Most women seek out and enter into a sexually activated state.
- Churchianity is not markedly different from the gynocentric world system.
- Both men and women are approaching the marketplace with similar goals as their secular counterparts, i.e. Men want a hot-to-trot foxy babe, and Women want a hawt, high SMV man. These goals are seen as non-negotiable must-haves by both Men and Women.
- The secular world appears to offer potential mates with higher SMV’s on the average than what is commonly found within the church.
- The MMV of a potential mater is not a significant consideration until later in life, statistically about ~10 years after the first sexual experience on average.
- There is no patriarchal structure of authority that would help guide young people towards marriage.
We all know how this works out. Without sexual purity, marriage is debased, and families are destroyed. Obedience is necessary for sanctification to occur.
I am somewhat dissatisfied with this discussion, because I was hoping to see more discussion of redemption instead of attraction and SMP dynamics. Most of the arguments this week have focused on secular SMP dynamics and there has been little emphasis and no distinction of how this relates to applied Christian morality and marital sanctification. Perhaps that’s because it doesn’t, or perhaps it’s because we have no working model of how young people are to rectify the desires of the flesh with God’s prerogative of sanctification. I’ll take this as a sign that redemption needs to be further explored.
In the comments, readers may like to consider whether all the discussion on this topic relates to redemption, and if it does, then how.
- Σ Frame (Thedeti): The Unsolvable Problem of The Modern Sexual/Relationship Market (2022-2-7)
- Σ Frame (Jack): On Curating a Christian Culture of Attraction (2022-8-18)
- Christianity and Masculinity: Objective and subjective attraction measures and what the Church can do about it (2022-8-18)
- Σ Frame (Thedeti): The Delusion of the Good (2022-8-19)
- Christianity and Masculinity: Biblical Christianity is both good and attractive while Western Christianity is not (2022-8-19)
- Σ Frame (Jack): On Clarifying a Christian Culture of Attraction (2022-8-24)
- Catacomb Resident: Desire versus Desire (2022-8-25)
- Σ Frame (Jack): Only Hunky Monks can find a Sanctified Marriage (2022-8-26)
- Christianity and Masculinity: What sexual attraction does and does not do (2022-8-28)
- Σ Frame (Jack): Rowena’s Breakdown of Female Attraction (2022-8-31)
- Christianity and Masculinity: The differences between sexual attraction and sexual arousal (2022-9-1)
- Σ Frame (Jack): Roundup on Attraction and Marital Sanctification (2022-9-2)