Can sexual attraction be trained or taught?
Theme: Masculine Authority and Responsibility
Length: 1,800 words
Reading Time: 10 minutes
Can Sexual Attraction be Trained or Taught?
Yesterday’s post, Respect makes all the difference! (2022-8-17) contained one reader’s testimony about how respect for the right kinds of men can impact a community in positive ways that extend to future generations.
In the comments, deti wrote,
“I don’t buy her story or her belief that real actual SEXUAL attraction can be trained or taught.”
A big part of this problem is Western culture’s current obsession with sex and sexual attraction, which is essentially a glorification of the flesh. Another problem is our thinking that sexual attraction is statically and subjectively dependent on certain indicators of attractiveness dictated by the wider culture.
If sexual attraction cannot be trained or taught, then how do you explain the following?
- Men caught up in p0rn and masturbation cannot feel attraction towards regular women, no matter how marriage worthy they might be.
- Men who have sex with many women cannot deeply love and appreciate any one woman (i.e. a wife).
- Women steeped in romance p0rn (e.g. 50 Shades of Gray, etc.) come to see regular men as common, obtuse, and unattractive.
- Women who rode the carousel during their budding years of sexuality become alpha widowed and can never be satisfied with submitting to one man (i.e. a husband).
It’s rather obvious that there is some conditioning going on in all these situations — a conditioning that shapes what one is attracted to.
“She — and others, including you, Jack — might want to believe that, but wanting to believe something won’t make it true no matter how hard we want it.”
I believe it is true based on my own experience. Let me explain.
Case Study – Learning to Love a Different Type of Woman
Everyone in my family is very tall and thin, including the women, so when I was younger, I could never take short women seriously and this included Asian women. I thought they were cute, but I was not really attracted to them. This cut down my perceived pool of eligibles significantly.
After I moved to Taiwan, I was forced to face this propensity and reassess what was most important to me, because Asian women are shorter and less buxom on the average compared to white women. Over time, I found that I was most attracted to those women who displayed respect for me and treated me right, even if they were not very attractive according to the culture’s standards of beauty (which is very different between Eastern and Western cultures) or even to my own concepts of beauty. It was disconcerting to feel attracted to women because of how well they treated me, especially women whom I deemed incompatible or not very attractive. I resisted this for a long while. But over time, I discovered some blessings in this. It taught me to appreciate my own masculinity and respect myself more. (Most Western men never experience this from Western women.)
After dating several Asian women and then being married to one for a while, I now find Asian women to be more attractive than white women. Part of this is because of Western women’s slide into disrespect, depravity, and obesity over the past 20 years, but part of it is because I have had many more positive interactions and good memories with Asian women than I ever had with white women.
These days, I don’t find white women attractive at all any more. I can recognize that they are beautiful, but I can’t take them seriously because they don’t arouse me or move me.
All these changes required me to depend more on God and myself, and less on feelings of familiarity and inspiration from others. It wasn’t easy, and it took years to develop, but I learned that the overall interaction I have with a woman has its own dynamics of attraction that can supersede the raw prevaricating desires of the flesh (i.e. male lust, female hypergamy).
You Breed What You Feed
Thedeti goes on to write,
“This sounds to me like negotiating desire, which we have learned cannot be done. A woman cannot learn how to be sexually attracted to a man. A woman cannot be trained to desire a man sexually whom she does not naturally sexually desire. She either desires him or she doesn’t. She either is attracted to him or she is not.
Most women are not sufficiently sexually attracted to most men to the degree they will be willing to stay with that man for 20, 30, or 40 years or more. They just aren’t. Nothing anyone can do will change that.”
Deti is accurately describing female desire in the context of approaching a mature woman who has already sampled the smorgasbord of the pen!s platter and has developed peculiar and deeply ingrained affinities for certain men who are well-endowed by various interpretations of the term. Sorry, but it’s too late by then. A woman like this has already been defiled (or sanctified, depending on the context, who you are, and how you look at it). Coram Deo, she belongs to another man (or men). As far as marriage minded Christian men are concerned, a woman like this is spiritually lost and gone to Hellenism, and should be vetted out of the list of mating potentials. The unworkable problem is that most all Western women are this way, and this is because this is what family, church, and society has been feeding them since their Disney days.
Virginity before marriage is important for precisely this reason — because a woman’s first taste of d!ck is the one that sticks in her subconscious libidinous memories until the day she dies, and this influences her subsequent and consequent assessments of all other men – whether she admits to it or not, and whether she likes it or not.
This applies to men too. Men might hold certain notions about a particular woman, but as soon as he sinks his magic wand into her genetic puddle, he’ll be singing a different tune. This is why men often change their opinion about a woman after truly “knowing her” through coital congress. Most men are aware of this, and this is partly why men have much lower standards for sex than for marriage. It would serve men well to recognize that sex is undeniably spiritual in nature, and to prioritize standards for marriage first and foremost.
We must Replace our Biologically and Culturally Inspired Hope for Satisfying the Flesh with a new Hope for Holiness and Sanctification
“Please, stop giving men and women false hope. It’s wrong. It’s cruel. Better to be honest with men and women, and tell them there is no hope for most of them.”
“Hope is not a strategy.”
It depends on what we hope for.
If a man is completely given over to the hope of having a pouty faced, raven haired, s1ut-eyed c0cksucker with beautiful bountiful bouncing b00belicious mammary glands and a heart-shaped @ss hopping up and down on his erect salami in an explosion of unbridled passion, then I’ll advise him to give up his notions of being a Christian (at least for the time being), and direct him over to the secular Manosphere.
As it is written,
1 It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you…
2 And you are puffed up, and have not rather mourned, that he who has done this deed might be taken away from among you.
4 In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when you are gathered together, along with my spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ, 5 deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.1 Corinthians 5:1-5 (NKJV)
This is not to say that a Christian man can’t have the same, but he won’t find it as long as he’s floundering in the turmoil of obsessive lust.
You breed what you feed.
Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? 2 You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask. 3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures. 4 Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.James 4:1-4 (NKJV)
If, on the other hand, a man is protecting his eyes, placing some boundaries on his relationships, and is working on developing his inner man and pursuing his purpose in life, then he stands a much better chance of attracting a woman who will be doing her best to distract him from all this with the fruits of her flesh and loins – and he’ll have better opportunities to marry well and cash in his chips.
The Red Pill has given us a full understanding of the evo-psychological factors and dynamics of sexual attraction. The RP lore is well-developed, highly commoditized, and quickly gaining mainstream status in its advancement across society at this time. This information allows us to fully and clinically recognize all these inclinations and behaviors as part of the fleshly nature, and reconsider how it is to be dealt with from a Biblical perspective.
The overall message behind Juliana’s testimony poses the challenge for us to do the following.
- Reframe what the Red Pill teaches us about sexual attraction and behavior as being the Biblical equivalent of “the fleshly nature”.
- Reassess what culture teaches us about attraction and how to regard it and respond to it.
- Look beyond the acutely enthralling but utterly fugacious initial feeelings of attraction.
- Return our attention to the mechanics of interaction and the fruits thereof as the ultimate indicators of the value of a relationship.
- Create a “culture of attraction” (for lack of a better name) which focuses on (1) how to assess and properly deal with the feral urgencies of evolutionary psychology, and (2) how to properly satisfy the eternal longings of the human soul according to wisdom.
To begin with (and to repeat this from the previous post), we need to do what we can to foster a respectful church / community / family / social environment having hallmarks similar to what Juliana has described — one that is characterized by a mutual respect for men, a respect for the right kinds of men, and teaching women by example to do the same.
We also need to focus our attention on, and give positive feedback to those women who should rightfully have it, and not to those who go attention wh0ring for the same.
We should also discourage honor and respect from being shown to those types of men and women who are prone to only garner respect or attention respectively according to those worldly standards which are contradictory and stand in stark contrast to God’s ordained order. We also need to explain to others that this is an inclination of the flesh and how it is detrimental to our spiritual and social lives.
- Individuals should increase sexual polarity to embellish Biblical gender roles, thereby glorifying God and increasing natural attraction.
- Work to restore the male honoring biblical doctrine of men alone being the likeness and glory of our Father and Son Godhead, while wives image Christ’s church.
- Teach “that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with braided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (that which becometh women professing godliness) with good works… to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” (1 Timothy 2:9-14; Titus 2:3-5)
- Work to restore men’s rights, especially to discipline their wives and children.
- Work to take men’s rights back and establish masculine authority and masculine domains of influence.
- Deny and remove women from positions where they can effectively teach and usurp power over men, especially within the church.
- Honor virginity and shame the sexually immoral.
- Work to correct “White Knight” and “Simp” men for their foolishness.
- Resist letting Satan, apostate churches, or women, reframe your view or set your priorities.
DeepStrength wrote a response, Objective and subjective attraction measures and what the Church can do about it (2022-8-18), which offers some further observations about the nature of attraction.
DeepStrength’s post, Why do most societies have 90-95% marriage rates (at some points) (2021-7-29), offers a description of how male dominated socioeconomic conditions help foster female attraction to males within a patriarchal styled hierarchy.
- Σ Frame: Sexual Compatibility is dependent on Sanctification (2020-3-2)
- Σ Frame: The Alpha Widow Syndrome – A Manospherian Allegory of Defilement (2020-3-4)
- Σ Frame: Humility and Defilement (2020-6-17)
- Σ Frame: Sanctification and Sexual Compatibility (2020-6-19)
- Σ Frame: The Red Pill and Blue Pill as Paradigms of Sanctification and Defilement (with a mathematical analogy) (2020-11-15)
- Σ Frame (Red Pill Apostle): Dating in the Lion’s Den: Relying on Faith when the options are daunting (2021-12-13)
- Σ Frame: Towards a more complete appreciation of Sanctification (2022-1-10)
- Σ Frame (Scott): How do we teach young women about their own nature? (2022-6-18)