If a lady can learn to respect the ‘outer man’, and love the ‘inner boy’ of the man in her life, she stands a good chance of keeping his heart indefinitely.
Readership: Pink Pilled Women in a heterosexual relationship
After one of my classes this past week, I had an insightful discussion with one of my students. I would describe her as very bright, but insipidly garrulous, annoyingly outspoken, and having some strong, underlying feminist sympathies which she is apparently unaware of. However, she is not an outspoken SJW type.
She told me about her boyfriend back in her home country, and that she is expecting to get married to him after she graduated with her M.B.A. She is 23, and he is 27, and he is already established in a fairly high-paying, white collar career.
Overall, she was happy and enthusiastic about getting married. She said her fiancée loved her very much, but she didn’t love him quite as much as he did. I told her that it’s not such a big deal if she isn’t crazy about him, but what is really important is that she truly and deeply respects him. I told her that if she respects him in an authentic manner, then her feelings of love will grow over time, and so will his for her.
I was happy that she was marrying young, instead of choosing the careerist shrike path in life, and I wanted to push her further in this direction, knowing that it would likely lead to her greater happiness. I decided not to touch on the obvious issue of her materialistic motivations in marrying him. I wanted her to listen to me, and take my words seriously. If I labeled her as a gold-digger, it would only offend her and push her away.
I asked her why she didn’t love him very much. She had one main complaint about her boyfriend. She said,
“Sometimes he acts so immature, like a little boy!”
She found this trait to be so ridiculous and annoying, and she talked at some length about how much trouble it is for her to deal with this trait, and the disappointment she feels as a consequence.
After she said this, I recognized that this is a complaint that most women commonly impute on men – that all men have a ‘stupid, selfish little boy’ hiding inside them. Women usually label this incorrectly as ‘immaturity’. It is a misnomer because they are not referring to genuine immaturity, in which a man refuses to get a job and take responsibility for his life, or when he avoids dealing with his problems and blames other people instead, etc. No, they are referring to the way females regard the emotional nature of fully mature men to be as idyllic boys.
Going back to the conversation I had with my student, I told her exactly how it is with men.
“Lena, all men have this ‘little boy’ inside them. It is not a mark of immaturity. It is an aspect of being human. It is not something he will ever ‘grow out of’, so to speak. He will always have that little boy inside of him, because that’s who he really is, in an emotional and spiritual sense. But men only reveal this side of themselves to those people they are closest to, the people they truly love and trust.”
“If your boyfriend is showing you his ‘little boy’, then that means he is being completely open and transparent with you. He is showing you every emotional nuance and need within his heart. For a man, this behavior is a form of emotional vulnerability that is rarely seen because it is a deviation from the male code of conduct. To do this, a man has to put away his social image of masculinity, and that makes it the ultimate act of trust in you. I don’t need to tell you that trust is the central and most important element of any kind of relationship.”
“My point here is this – if you ridicule or embarrass him for showing that ‘boyishness’, he will recoil in self-defense. And if you do that a number of times, then he will never love or trust you again.”
“So my advice to you is this – and I hope you will listen to me very carefully and take this to heart – if you choose to marry this man, then you need to love that inner boy, and respect that outer man. You must do both. If you can do this, you will have a very happy marriage. But if you do not do this, you will have a very miserable one. Please listen to me here, and never forget this.”
Now, I know her fiancée probably has his own Blue Pill problems with oneitis, pussy pedestalization, etc., and he probably has some blind white knighting going on as well. But I can’t make the decision for them to get married or not. All I can do is make them aware of what they’re getting into, and what will be required of them.
I do think she took my words to heart, so I just have to trust that this young couple will grow into their new roles as husband and wife, as men and women have done since the beginning. I also tend to believe that getting married, as risky as it may be, is probably a better choice than postponing marriage, or not marrying at all.
- Sigma Frame: Question: Why Should a Woman Change Herself to “Get Along” with a Man?(October 6, 2009)
- All Things Bright And Beautiful: Don’t Ruin Your Husband’s Love Toward You By Failing to Support His Mission (April 9, 2018)