The Meet Cute phenomenon is an organic form of Headship!
Readership: Single Christians
A Meet Cute is a Tingly Respect structure
Earlier in February, Scott introduced us to the Meet Cute phenomena.
- Σ Frame (Scott): Probabilities (2020 February 24)
- Σ Frame (Scott): Opportunities (2020 February 26)
- Christianity and Masculinity: Meet Cutes – Are they common? (2020 March 13)
Recently, Scott took down his original video for several personal reasons. So I need to describe the Meet Cute idea for those who haven’t seen the video.
A Meet Cute is when a woman is genuinely and uniquely attracted to a man, and initiates a relationship by giving him frequent Indicators of Interest (IOIs). She may or may not be aware of her IOIs, and in fact, it’s more innocent (and better) if she isn’t. Men are usually clueless about detecting a woman’s IOIs, so they need a little guidance from other men on this.
Moreover, the basic formula for a Meet Cute is…
- The man has true Authority over the woman.
- The woman is willing and eager to become the man’s Helper.
- Serendipitous timing.
Thus, the structure of male authority and the female Life Path required for Headship are well established right off the bat. The challenge for both the man and woman is to get out of their heads and recognize this.
The Meet Cute is monumentally important because Headship is excruciatingly difficult to attain. In the first post listed above, Scott insisted that Headship in general, and male sexual Authority in particular, can only be achieved and maintained if it was there in the initial and developing stages of the relationship. He makes this claim as a psychologist and counselor with many years of experience. Recently, he rephrased this concept into an axiom. (I’ll call this “Scott’s Axiom” from now on.)
“It is more or less impossible to generate true, heart pounding visceral attraction from a woman who was lukewarm about you in the first place.
And that which follows heuristically:
If you marry a woman who was not out of her mind (e.g. breaking the rules for you that she sets for other men) be prepared to deal with the consequences of that at any point later in the marriage.”
Scott phrases this Axiom from a man’s perspective. It might be more true from a woman’s perspective, but most women are unable to articulate visceral authority in this way. Instead, they go mushy on the Feeelz.
A Meet Cute signifies a Christian relationship structure
As discussed before, the Meet Cute phenomenon is a manifestation of authentic male authority over a woman who willingly submits to that authority. Since I first heard Scott’s description of the Meet Cute, I’ve slowly come to recognize that this is actually a very Christian-like approach to get into a relationship, and for several reasons.
- It conforms to the Headship structure, which is the only structure that constitutes a Christian marriage.
- The woman is in a better logistical position to choose her Head and submit to him willingly and joyfully, than a man is to choose his Helper and hope that she is totally “on board”.
- The relationship develops naturally and organically.
- It allows both the man and woman to express their true personalities.
- It allows all the nuances of the relationship to be discovered and developed with authenticity and passion.
- It allows the relationship to develop along the lines of shared values and interests, rather than objective assessment and cognitive analysis.
- The authentic, heart-felt interaction is conducive to humility, trust, respect, and spiritual maturity. (This is discussed further in the following section.)
- I’ll speculate that redemption and sanctification are in the works for those who follow through to marriage.
Anyway, this authority does not arise from something the man does. It happens because of an inherent set of qualities that the man possesses, but has little direct control over. It also depends on the superposed gestalt of the relationship.
For example, consider the following gif and ask yourself these questions.
- Which pairing glorifies God as a couple?
- Which man would inspire her to get real and grow?
In The Motivation of Desire (2020 December 1), I wrote about how women need a visceral authority in order to grow and mature. This is also true for men too, except that men need to develop social status and sexual authority and also submit to God’s authority. These are the aspects that are omitted from other discussions about masculinity around the ‘sphere. There’s a lot of talk about LAMPS, working out, developing your career, self-improvement, etc., but no one addresses how these things affect a man’s sexual authority nor his spiritual state.
For the unmarried man who seeks to be married, or the married man who wishes to move towards a Headship structure, developing sexual Authority and charisma is the whole point of these endeavors. Confidence has received a lot of airplay, but this is only the outward manifestation of authority. To gain authentic authority, a man has to…
- Dig deep in his soul.
- Trust God with whatever he finds there.
- Become authentic in his self-expression.
- Find and pursue his God-ordained purpose in life.
- Exercise discernment in his awareness of IOIs coming from eligible women.
- Vet her by questioning her attitudes about Headship, and checking her habits of submitting to authority.
A young person should also remember that the Headship structure is what makes it a Christian relationship (by definition), and not whether either the man or woman are actual Christians. If you find a Meet Cute, you’re practically already there!
Due to popular demand, Scott has made a new video about the Meet Cute phenomenon. (2021 January 5)