…like whether they are attracted to cruelty?
Theme: Identity, Image, and Impressions
Author’s Note: This post was coauthored with Jack.
Length: 1,300 words
Reading Time: 4.5 minutes
Are Women attracted to Cruelty?
It’s pretty well known in these parts that women are strongly attracted to the cocky funny jerk.
I was kind of a cocky jerk in high school. I turned out ok, but I noticed early on in life that I could manipulate girls into doing pretty much anything I wanted with the right combination of boyishness, cruelty, smart-@ssery, and aloof demeanor. It was fun.
Now that I have two daughters, I have a different view of this phenomenon.
Some years back, Sunshine Mary wrote a post about how she observed her 13-year-old daughter clearly starting to “tingle” for a boy at the pool who was kind of a cocky jerk, launching water balloons at the girl, aiming them right at her @ss. She liked it, and SSM could see it.
I remember she wrote about how she discussed this proclivity with her daughter. But I don’t remember much else.
Which reminds me, speaking of “equality” and introspection, has anyone on here ever met a woman who is willing to confront why they are attracted to power, money, and cruelty, and what they are doing to teach their daughters this is not good?
It’s important to inform our daughters how and why they might become unlucky in love.
The money and power are easy to understand when it comes to why a woman is attracted to them. A man with a bit of Game might understand how being a jerk can be endearing to women. But with the cruelty, it’s a little harder to see.
Red Pill Apostle noted that when a man is able to get away with being cruel without consequences it is an indicator of status and power which we know attracts women like flies to honey.
Red Pill Apostle also said that women are attracted to like kind, which is another way to describe Deep Strength’s Law of Reciprocality (not to be confused with reciprocity). In this view, women are attracted to cruelty because it is a way for them to justify being cruel themselves without mentally accepting responsibility for their actions. This reduces the cost the other person pays in their minds so the cruelty doesn’t seem as horrible as it really is.
But the thing is, since this is a site for men, how do we discuss this with our daughters?
Or is it mom’s job?
Different Sins for Different Wins
My point in bringing up the money, power, cruelty thing is several fold.
My contention is that the curse has implications beyond just men toiling and women trying to usurp.
I believe that the sexes, in the aggregate, have (naturally occurring) greater challenges with different sins and different categories of sins. I have run afoul with a clergy friend over this issue. Basically, individuals are drawn into certain sins that enhance their chances of getting a short term payoff in an area of life that is strongly desired. This has vastly different implications between the sexes, such that they contradict each other and run amok. Rollo describes this standoff in his Cardinal Rule of Sexual Strategies:
“For one gender’s sexual strategy to succeed the other gender must compromise or abandon their own.”
But as Christians, we are called to take a longer view, which means that we need to help young people jump these hurdles so that they can arrive in marriage without too much damage.
I believe that we (the current “civilization” that is) are very good at identifying and explaining to men what their innate challenges to being a good person are. It is a constant droning on in the ambient air of scolding and finger waving at us about aggression, immaturity, irresponsibility, sexual passions, etc.
But we never do this with girls!
What about vanity? What about pettiness?
What about the long list of solipsistic tendencies Deti mentioned that really should be brought under check?
- Emotional dysregulation (The self-arrogation of the “right” to express their emotions however, whenever, wherever, and upon whomever, they want. Commonly known as vomitpuking negative emotions all over someone.)
- Laziness, sloth
These are things that everyone has the potential to struggle with, but I think it’s pretty easy to observe who has trouble fighting these urges the most.
Jack has been hammering on feedback lately. Feedback is the point of communication that we all operate in relation to, and in reaction to one another. So a quick primer/reminder on Operant Conditioning is appropriate at this point. This is the usual go to in behavior modification, disciplining, and training.
There is a hierarchy of effectiveness that works for everyone (male or female). It goes like this, from most effective to least:
- Positive reinforcement (rewarding for good behavior)
- Ignoring (literally ignoring the bad behavior — this is sometimes called “negative punishment” but I consider it a totally different animal)
- Negative reinforcement (withdrawing something negative to reinforce good behavior)
- Punishment (negative consequences for bad behavior)
We do this for boys all the time. We praise them when they take their aggression and channel into athletic competition, or academic achievement. But do we praise little girls for taking their natural instincts and doing something good with them? I can’t think of an example of this I have seen, ever.
Most behaviorists will use the axiom, “we praise and reinforce the behavior we want to see more of, and we ignore the behavior we want to extinguish”, and that is fine, to a point. But you cannot ignore a toddler running into a busy intersection. Likewise, you cannot very well ignore your teenage daughter running into todays SMP. You get the idea.
Revealing Women’s Nature Obliquely
Results vary from case to case, but probably one of the worst things we could do is give our daughters a long dry sermon about sexual sin. We might think we’re giving them some valuable advice, but they’ll view it as a punishment for having normal desires. It’s hard to address these issues head on when they happen, because women get “offended” and deny everything by default.
Is there another way?
I think one effective way to teach our daughters (and possibly wives too) about their own nature is to bring their attention to interesting or humorous analogies, using memes or anecdotal stories.
For example, Oscar shared this humorous meme.
Along the same vein, Jack shared this video from the Babylon Bee.
As an aside, that meme and the Babylon Bee video depict exactly the kind of response I think some people are hoping for in the case of hard reset. However, depending on how “hard” it is, we may see something like warlords hoarding 99% of the women using nothing but their cruelty and power, and the rest of men out in the cold. The current technologies are the wildcard in that scenario. Who knows? Maybe it will work out, or God will cause the end of the world first.
“When my daughters were around 10-12, I asked if they remembered how much they liked Barney the Dinosaur. They sheepishly acknowledged it. Then I asked if they would have been glad if they had gotten Barney tattoos when they were younger. They got the point that what seems cool at one age might be unbelievably stupid when you are older. They are 30-ish now and never bought into the tattoo scene.”
The point here is that from these types of media, our women can get a better appreciation of what men bring to the table, and why traditional roles and values are appropriate and fitting. It may not shake them out of being attracted to jerks nor completely null their interest in worldly trends, but it should at least make them more aware of their own nature, and maybe serve as an ice breaker to open the topic and get them willing to talk about such things.
I’m curious to know if any fathers here have found any other methods or techniques for broaching touchy subjects with their daughters and/or expanding their self-awareness?
- Σ Frame (Jack): Ladies Should Respect the Man and Love the Boy (2018-6-28)
- Σ Frame (Jack): A Girl Becomes a Lady (2017-12-26)
- Σ Frame (Jack): Teaching our daughters well is the early foundation of successful wife moulding (2020-2-14)
- Σ Frame (Jack): Unlucky in Love? (2022-3-9)
- Σ Frame (Jack): Name it to change it! ()