Readership: Men and women in relationships;
The sin of pride emanates from the deeper heart, and is commonly expressed through the ego. As a result of this association, the ego has garnered much criticism as a semblance of self-centered pride. This perspective has become so engrained in the English language that it has become difficult to discern the difference between haughty pride and the ego. For instance, the adjective Egotistical has gained the negative connotation of being self-aggrandizing and rude.
While the ego may indeed have some ugly characteristics, it is even worse to have a dysfunctional or under-developed ego.
A less myopic and more honest evaluation of the ego will simply identify it as a central defining feature of human psychology.
A more complete evaluation of the ego must recognize that it acts as a CPU of the soul, processing and distributing the information coming from the heart, mind, conscience, superego, id, and libido.
To live in the Spirit, the heart and mind need to have a strong connection. However, between the heart and mind, there is no direct path of interaction. There must be an intermediary that connects the two, and it must also connect to reality. This is the primary spiritual role of the ego.
You may have also noticed that those who have a poorly developed ego are usually shifty and morally corrupt on a deeper level. This is also the reason why evil people condemn those who have a healthy robust ego as being proud and arrogant.
When faith in Christ, and the attendant spiritual discernment are added into the equation, the ego is able to be healed and/or is transformed from being an incorrigible knob of self-emulation, into a vector of morality, wisdom, and the fulfillment of God’s will on Earth.
Moreover, the ego cannot simply be put away, “swallowed”, or eliminated somehow. It is a part of our soul that must be included in the process of redemption.
The Male Ego as the seat of Marital Contentment
Once we have established a proper understanding of the ego, it is apparent that a man needs to have a healthy ego for marital contentment and growth to occur.
Ed Hurst once wrote the following message , directed towards Christian wives, about the value of protecting and nurturing the husband’s ego.
“Ladies, you don’t have to call him “master and lord,” but if you don’t treat your man like one, you will incur God’s wrath.”
Women will, of course, scoff at this admonishment and label it chauvinistic. But such a reaction stands as a testament of their own perdition.
“Joke all you like about the fragile ego of men. No man is perfect, and precious few can actually pull off the Alpha Male act consistently. Yet, every man has it in him to be more of that. A woman suffering from feminist lies will not bring that out of him. Sure, laugh at the foibles of male imperfections. But if you fail to cater to your own man’s self-image as a man, you are destroying your own life.”
In fact, if we consider all the things that wives are commanded to do in marriage, we can observe that most (if not all) of them serve to protect and nurture the husband’s ego. I believe this is not a coincidence.
“Your man’s ego is a sign of his imperfection; [the wife’s] imperfection is treating [her husband’s] ego as something evil and sinful. If you can’t resist poking holes in it simply because you happen to know it’s all part facade, you are provoking God’s wrath on your home life. If you do so in front of others, you are begging for the worst God has warned He will do.
Your shalom depends on building him up publicly, and at home. Not in the fakery of an inflated ego, but your mission is to encourage his self-confidence against the world.
A Meet Cute may be a giant Stroke to a man’s Ego
A Meet Cute experience, preferably one that continues over time, might be able to satisfy a man’s need for a soul-gratifying ego trip.
But a Meet Cute is not so necessary if the woman has the will to be spiritually obedient in building up her man’s ego. But this takes self-discipline — something which most women have neglected to develop. I would say this habit, and the will to be faithful, is the deeper essence of true commitment.
Derek and Jason have maintained that commitment is the fundamental element of a successful marriage. However, without the continual nurturing of the man’s ego, leading to the integration of the soul of the man, commitment is merely a prison sentence. This is essentially what many men married to spiritually immature wives have found in marriage. This is also the reason for MGTOW — Men Going Their Own Way to discover other avenues of ego expression and fulfillment.
Failure to deliver is what we expect from everyone, including the person in the mirror, but every good thing [a wife] can possibly have in this life depends on building up your man’s reputation. If he gets better at delivering because you support him, you are contributing to your own welfare because you are pleasing God.
It’s not as if you can’t help him when he’s misinformed about something, but if you don’t learn the ways of women who help drive their men to greatness, you’ll destroy him and yourself. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out a routine by which you get his attention and fix a mistake without shooting him down in front of others. We see so little of that in America, it’s no surprise our nation is coming apart.
So in other words, there are other ways in which the necessary aspects of ego relevancy can be achieved. If a Meet Cute quality enthusiasm isn’t present in the woman, then her emotional stability, her spiritual maturity, and her honeycraft skills become absolutely necessary to form a healthy union.
If a woman wants to improve her marriage, she must actively nurture her husband’s ego.
Hear the word of the Lord: Ladies, disrespect for your husband equates to slapping God in the face. If he’s a genuinely bad man, the starting place is recognizing you were stupid enough to marry him.
When you confess to God your own sins, you make room for Him to forgive and heal and start fixing the sins of others. Again, only a fool is absolutist in thinking no one can escape a dangerous marriage which traps you in sin, but if you don’t understand the generalities first, you can’t appeal to God for exceptions. If you embrace this teaching […] you may well save your own life and make it easier to see the path of departure from this life into the one Above.”
Mocking and antagonizing the male ego is a very effective strategy of Satan to insult and destroy the glory of God in man. When a woman attacks a man’s ego, she is destroying his confidence and reputation. She is also attacking the integrity of his soul by tearing down the main channel of communication between his heart and his mind.
Those women who make a habitual game of tearing down men’s ego’s just for the he11 of it are bad, evil women. I recommend that men should reject such a woman as a potential wife if she does not correct her behavior after having it made clear to her that such mischief is of the devil.
Men who are already married to a woman who makes light of their ego can use the insights contained in this post to demand a better response from her. Let her know that her disrespectful and evil behavior is not only an offense to you, but also to God.
- Radix Fidem: Husband and Lord (2012-6-19)