Reevaluating the Centrality of the Male Ego

Readership: Men and women in relationships;

Introduction

The sin of pride emanates from the deeper heart, and is commonly expressed through the ego.  As a result of this association, the ego has garnered much criticism as a semblance of self-centered pride.  This perspective has become so engrained in the English language that it has become difficult to discern the difference between haughty pride and the ego. For instance, the adjective Egotistical has gained the negative connotation of being self-aggrandizing and rude.

While the ego may indeed have some ugly characteristics, it is even worse to have a dysfunctional or under-developed ego.

A less myopic and more honest evaluation of the ego will simply identify it as a central defining feature of human psychology.

A more complete evaluation of the ego must recognize that it acts as a CPU of the soul, processing and distributing the information coming from the heart, mind, conscience, superego, id, and libido.

To live in the Spirit, the heart and mind need to have a strong connection. However, between the heart and mind, there is no direct path of interaction. There must be an intermediary that connects the two, and it must also connect to reality. This is the primary spiritual role of the ego.

You may have also noticed that those who have a poorly developed ego are usually shifty and morally corrupt on a deeper level. This is also the reason why evil people condemn those who have a healthy robust ego as being proud and arrogant.

When faith in Christ, and the attendant spiritual discernment are added into the equation, the ego is able to be healed and/or is transformed from being an incorrigible knob of self-emulation, into a vector of morality, wisdom, and the fulfillment of God’s will on Earth.

Moreover, the ego cannot simply be put away, “swallowed”, or eliminated somehow.  It is a part of our soul that must be included in the process of redemption.

The Male Ego as the seat of Marital Contentment

Once we have established a proper understanding of the ego, it is apparent that a man needs to have a healthy ego for marital contentment and growth to occur.

Ed Hurst once wrote the following message [1], directed towards Christian wives, about the value of protecting and nurturing the husband’s ego.

“Ladies, you don’t have to call him “master and lord,” but if you don’t treat your man like one, you will incur God’s wrath.”

Women will, of course, scoff at this admonishment and label it chauvinistic. But such a reaction stands as a testament of their own perdition.

“Joke all you like about the fragile ego of men. No man is perfect, and precious few can actually pull off the Alpha Male act consistently. Yet, every man has it in him to be more of that. A woman suffering from feminist lies will not bring that out of him. Sure, laugh at the foibles of male imperfections. But if you fail to cater to your own man’s self-image as a man, you are destroying your own life.”

In fact, if we consider all the things that wives are commanded to do in marriage, we can observe that most (if not all) of them serve to protect and nurture the husband’s ego.  I believe this is not a coincidence.

“Your man’s ego is a sign of his imperfection; [the wife’s] imperfection is treating [her husband’s] ego as something evil and sinful. If you can’t resist poking holes in it simply because you happen to know it’s all part facade, you are provoking God’s wrath on your home life. If you do so in front of others, you are begging for the worst God has warned He will do.

Your shalom depends on building him up publicly, and at home. Not in the fakery of an inflated ego, but your mission is to encourage his self-confidence against the world.

A Meet Cute may be a giant Stroke to a man’s Ego

A Meet Cute experience, preferably one that continues over time, might be able to satisfy a man’s need for a soul-gratifying ego trip.

But a Meet Cute is not so necessary if the woman has the will to be spiritually obedient in building up her man’s ego. But this takes self-discipline — something which most women have neglected to develop. I would say this habit, and the will to be faithful, is the deeper essence of true commitment.

Derek and Jason have maintained that commitment is the fundamental element of a successful marriage. However, without the continual nurturing of the man’s ego, leading to the integration of the soul of the man, commitment is merely a prison sentence. This is essentially what many men married to spiritually immature wives have found in marriage. This is also the reason for MGTOW — Men Going Their Own Way to discover other avenues of ego expression and fulfillment.

Failure to deliver is what we expect from everyone, including the person in the mirror, but every good thing [a wife] can possibly have in this life depends on building up your man’s reputation.  If he gets better at delivering because you support him, you are contributing to your own welfare because you are pleasing God.

It’s not as if you can’t help him when he’s misinformed about something, but if you don’t learn the ways of women who help drive their men to greatness, you’ll destroy him and yourself.  It doesn’t take a genius to figure out a routine by which you get his attention and fix a mistake without shooting him down in front of others.  We see so little of that in America, it’s no surprise our nation is coming apart.

So in other words, there are other ways in which the necessary aspects of ego relevancy can be achieved. If a Meet Cute quality enthusiasm isn’t present in the woman, then her emotional stability, her spiritual maturity, and her honeycraft skills become absolutely necessary to form a healthy union.

Conclusions

If a woman wants to improve her marriage, she must actively nurture her husband’s ego.

Hear the word of the Lord: Ladies, disrespect for your husband equates to slapping God in the face.  If he’s a genuinely bad man, the starting place is recognizing you were stupid enough to marry him.
When you confess to God your own sins, you make room for Him to forgive and heal and start fixing the sins of others. Again, only a fool is absolutist in thinking no one can escape a dangerous marriage which traps you in sin, but if you don’t understand the generalities first, you can’t appeal to God for exceptions. If you embrace this teaching […] you may well save your own life and make it easier to see the path of departure from this life into the one Above.”

Mocking and antagonizing the male ego is a very effective strategy of Satan to insult and destroy the glory of God in man. When a woman attacks a man’s ego, she is destroying his confidence and reputation. She is also attacking the integrity of his soul by tearing down the main channel of communication between his heart and his mind.

Those women who make a habitual game of tearing down men’s ego’s just for the he11 of it are bad, evil women. I recommend that men should reject such a woman as a potential wife if she does not correct her behavior after having it made clear to her that such mischief is of the devil.

Men who are already married to a woman who makes light of their ego can use the insights contained in this post to demand a better response from her. Let her know that her disrespectful and evil behavior is not only an offense to you, but also to God.

References

  1. Radix Fidem: Husband and Lord (2012-6-19)

Related

About Jack

Jack is a world traveling artist, skilled in trading ideas and information, none of which are considered too holy, too nerdy, nor too profane to hijack and twist into useful fashion. Sigma Frame Mindsets and methods for building and maintaining a masculine Frame
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13 Responses to Reevaluating the Centrality of the Male Ego

  1. Sharkly says:

    When a woman attacks a man’s ego, she is destroying his confidence …
    And then he is less likely to lead boldly, and more likely to follow her leading. It is an evil and rebellious struggle for the supremacy and control.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. ramman3000 says:

    “Derek and Jason have maintained that commitment is the fundamental element of a successful marriage. However, without the continual nurturing of the man’s ego, leading to the integration of the soul of the man, commitment is merely a prison sentence.”

    I agree that commitment is essential, but not the sole factor.

    In speaking to this second (counter)point, Jason and I have both noted many times on other forums that a husband and wife must actually like each other. One possible ironic consequence of the cultural promotion of “sexual compatibility” is couples who are sexually compatible, but don’t actually like each other.

    I suspect that the coronavirus will highlight this. Lots and lots of marriages will get stronger because all that time at home with family is healthy and rewarding… but it will also mean more divorces as trapped couples realize that they don’t really like spending time with each other.

    Of all of the married people on this forum, it seems that Ed has landed most strongly on a marriage of shared purpose. They seem to be truly unified in their goals, and that goes well beyond mere commitment. As mundane as it sounds, such a marriage is not possible unless the couple likes each other.

    If you like (not love) your spouse, you are much less likely to undermine him.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. larryzb says:

    “Those women who make a habitual game of tearing down men’s ego’s just for the he11 of it are bad, evil women. ”

    That is one of the traits of a feminist these days. But, I wonder if women can change. A woman who has these bad habits is going to have to want to change in order to make the conscious effort to do so. It won’t be easy. Men, when they are dating, must avoid this kind of woman.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. cobaltsheath says:

    To go along with what Jack said about men’s ego, allow me to confess something.

    I’m married, but earlier this year I got involved with a woman. Before anyone asks: we did get physical but there was no sex, and we are not together anymore. The fact that I was able to get a conventionally attractive woman, who was half my age, very interested in me is an ego boost in itself, but she also knew the exact right things to say to me to make me feel like I could take on anything. True, maybe half of the feeling was from the “new relationship” high that hits in the first few months of getting to know someone, but she was giving me something the wife hadn’t in a very long time. Of course I was going to eat right out of her hand.

    Getting to know her past and how she was raised, I could tell she had a lock on knowing exactly the non-sexual type of encouragement she needed to give to men to get what she was looking for. Whether she genuinely meant it isn’t the point…the facts that she said those things and I reacted to them a certain way is a solid demonstration

    There’s many in the RP sphere who say we should be in a place where we don’t need ego validation. There’s a lot of truth to that, but most men are nowhere near there, myself included. We want to hear how hot and manly we are, and even if we are secure enough in who we are that we don’t need anyone’s approval, it’s still nice to hear.

    Like

    • Jack says:

      @ Cobaltsheath,
      I am suspecting that you were played somehow, especially since you didn’t have sex. Women who know how sensitive the male ego is, know exactly what they’re doing. I’ve heard women talk about how easy it is for them to “manipulate” men through a little ego oiling, and that they refuse to do it because it makes them feel “guilty” (WTH???). Unfortunately, I’ve never heard any women speak of this as a form of spiritual obedience nor as a method of improving their marriage.
      Women are a lot like kids in this regard. When they want something, they can put up a great performance, but if not, they will make as little effort as possible without getting into trouble. I think this is why women respect @$$holes – because they won’t let women play these lazy games.

      Like

      • cobaltsheath says:

        “I am suspecting that you were played somehow”

        True, at least in the 2nd phase. When I first got involved with her, she didn’t know I was married nor my money situation. She initiated a lot of the physical stuff we did, and talked plenty about sex. I was hesitant, but if I gave in I’m sure we would’ve.

        She eventually found out I was married and wanted to cut things off. A few weeks later she reinitiated contact with me and heavily implied her sex drive was really messing with her head. She didn’t care that I was married, eventually. We went on more dates and we got more physical, but I could tell she was holding back. After a while I started to get a clue…I told her I wanted sex, she wasn’t ready to do that, and she wanted a relationship I couldn’t give her. Surprise, surprise. We cut off from each other again, but there was a lot of grace in the matter, as I’ve said, because I held back from sex in the initial stages.

        Like

  5. bee123456 says:

    My parents had a bulldog’s commitment to keep their marriage together, so they never divorced. They stayed married until death, but the commitment masked a poor marriage. My mom was rebellious, unsubmissive, and disrespectful even though most people thought she was a fine Christian lady. She taught Sunday School, volunteered in the church office, read her Bible every day, etc.

    My mom’s unsubmissiveness carried onto the next generation because she modeled and taught her daughters to also be rebellious wives.

    Commitment can help hold things together through rough spots, but I think a wife’s reverence, and submissive attitude, and a husband’s love are a better foundation.

    Like

    • Sharkly says:

      Commitment can help hold things together through rough spots, but I think a wife’s reverence, and submissive attitude, and a husband’s love are a better foundation.

      A shared belief on, and fear of, Jesus Christ is to be our foundation, however, we need every good thing that will join us together.
      My mother was a nurse, and had been schooled regarding the Florence Nightingale effect. She warned me never to marry anybody out of pity. She said, “Once you’re in a fight, all that pity goes out the window.” The same is true for the wife’s reverence and submission that you mentioned above. You wouldn’t be fighting if she wasn’t already refusing to submit to you and was refusing you the reverential treatment that you merit by your higher order creation and your station over her. At those times of trial, when the two aspects, you mentioned above, are gone, and she is in rebellion, that is when you will really need her personal commitment to marriage, and the social pressure to maintain a dignified family, and any sort of other pro-marriage influence over her that there is, to have its effect. Sexual attraction always helped me personally. Even when we were fighting I still found her attractive and would hate to lose out on reaming that pussy. I understand some men aren’t able to feel sexually attracted to their wives while they are fighting, but I’ve never been one of those. It is good to have as many pro-marriage influences as possible to resist all of the anti-marriage influences that saturate our generation.

      Like

      • bee123456 says:

        Sharkly,

        “A shared belief on, and fear of, Jesus Christ is to be our foundation, however, we need every good thing that will join us together.”

        That has not been working for decades now. 35% divorce rate in Evangelical churches is appalling. Have you ever heard a sermon, or seen a Beth Moore or Kay Arthur Bible Study, connecting “fear of Jesus Christ” to being submissive and reverential as a wife?

        I have written comments before; just because a woman is a regular attender/member of your church does not mean she is good wife material.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sharkly says:

        Bee,
        LOL You know I’ve never subjected myself to Beth Moore or Kay Arthur, or listened to any other woman’s Bible teaching, except to correct it. If a woman comes on the Christian radio station I’m listening to and says more than a few words, I switch the station. If I hear the name Swaggart, even mentioned, I switch the station. And usually I’m talking back to the radio half of the time I hear a sermon, correcting the guy. I have a long commute, and I listen to the radio when I’m not praying. Sometimes I get so disgusted and bored with the beta-male pussified pastors on the radio, that I have to listen to some Rock ‘N’ Roll to clear my palate. The cunt-ery music is now straight-up cunt-worship, and so I can’t listen to the new stuff.

        Bee, I was agreeing with you, sort of. I think we need every help we can get to keep marriages together since we have lost the truth of God’s word, and the fear of God, and have been taught female-supremacy instead. Any divorce rate above 1/2 of a percent is almost unheard of in the first 1900 years of the church. The churches of our generations are dens of iniquity. Some even have a money-changer/ATM in the lobby, I’m not kidding. My marriage would likely have lasted longer if we had never gone to church. My wife might still be under the mistaken impression that the church still frowns on divorce, if she hadn’t gone and seen it excused and celebrated. And heard sermons where every churchian wife is portrayed as a victim and every churchian husband is portrayed as abusing his authority any time he uses it. SMH

        Liked by 2 people

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