Summary: Women hoping to change bad boys into decent men, men trying to save a ho by marrying her up… In God’s view, it’s nothing more than the blind leading the blind in a grand denial of Christ.
Foreword: I only stumbled across the Manosphere after I had married for the second time, and then gradually, everything made sense. I’ve had to learn these things the hard way, and I’m passing it along so that others might not make the same mistakes.
The inspiration for this post came from Wintery Knight’s article, Why Are So Many Women With Good Careers Being Forced To Freeze Their Eggs? (2019-7-20).
The Savior Complex
“…once a woman reaches 30, she’s actually chosen not to marry, and not to have children. Marriage is something that men are willing to do with women in their early 20’s. They want a woman to commit and invest herself in his life early. They don’t commit to a woman who has spent her 20’s running up debts, traveling, being promiscuous, etc. The pattern of selfish behavior that women get into damages their ability to be good wives and mothers later.”
Then WK goes into the reasons behind this behavior in the remainder of the article, which covers how women choose good looking bad boys in the hope of “changing them”, AKA the Savior Complex. Another variation of the Savior Complex is when men choose to marry smoldering carousel riders with the intentions of transforming them into decent wives. The latter is known in the Manosphere as playing Captain Save-a-ho.
The Savior Complex is a common, but very evil form of idolatry, because she wants to be his savior, not Christ. God certainly uses relationships to bring people closer to Him, but when we choose the person who makes our reproductive organs throb and swell, and then start a Pygmalion project to Chaaange™ that person into someone who “pleases God” or some other absurd justification, we have entered into the synagogue of the Most Low. We might have the notion that we are in control and we are changing the other, but in fact, we are the one being changed and controlled, because we’ve already bowed the knee to Lust, Covetousness, and/or Envy. (I use the pronoun “we” because both men and women are guilty of this.)
There were many good comments under WK’s post, including this one from Earl,
“What attracts them to ‘bad’ men is that these men are ruled by their passions and not right reason which often comes from living a fearing God/moral way of life. Hence these type of men produce the ‘tingles’… and they are easier to control (an immoral man has as many masters as he has vices). Now some women find out after the fornicating and fact that a man ruled by his passions can also be very abusive, objectifying, domineering, and controlling themselves.”
Long story short, women are drawn to bad boys because they are bad themselves.
What’s App? Me Badoo Twoo?
The big realization for me was that I am (or was) bad too! This is why I had always been attracted to bad women, and they to me!
Now, I wasn’t a Chadwick embarking on mass Beelzebub formication. I was another kind of bad, maybe worse by some estimations. My immaturity, desperation, frustration, lack of discernment, and my heavy reliance on conscience, were a witches brew of characteristics and conditions which proved to be a latent form of evil.
I had the foolish notion that women who tolerated and forgave my weaknesses really loved me, when in fact, they were only high on an ego kick of controlling me through those same weaknesses. Now, I recognize this too, to be a variation of the Savior Complex.
In another nuanced particular, I had the Churchian idea that I had to play the Savior to her, since I was the man in the relationship. So she played the Savior by allowing me to play the Savior. Although through doing so, she remained firmly in control of the relationship, and milked the cow for all it was worth.
Deception cloaked in denial, all done to prop up our codependent life of sin. But denial requires one to be unaware of the Truth, on some level.
Yet, Truth comes eventually, and I know this to be true, because as I slowly grew out of those weaknesses, they grew mad as ћǝll because they could no longer control me. Then they blamed me for pretending to be “someone I am not” earlier in our relationship. They said I lied to them, and ironically, I now see that this much was true, although the blinders of idolatry had made me out to be a sincere and honest liar at the time. And to add insult to injury, I had learned some of their habits, and had started to control them in return.
I was also wrong about what kinds of characteristics would make a good wife. The things that I thought were important (e.g. socio-economic-political fit, personality, attraction or “chemistry”, and even professing to be a Christian – which is nothing more than a cognitive assent to having faith in Christ, similar to Churchianity – and which might not represent the true state of her soul) don’t really matter that much, and I wasn’t very well aware of the things that really mattered (e.g. Heart Trust, spiritual compatibility or “vibes”, shared values and life goals).
I naively believed I was doing right by getting married. I just assumed that things would work out if I was “obedient to God’s will” by getting married. I expected God to do a lot of the things necessary to make my marriage work out, but actually, God wanted me to take responsibility for those things. As you can see, my Idol-Blinded Faith was my Achilles heel.
Extra-marital Sex as a Locus of Control
It is the nature of women to desire a man. But women’s desire to control a man is part of her fallen nature. Since sexual desire is perhaps the only area in which women genuinely have visceral power over men, especially younger women with younger men, it is a no brainer solution for her to combine her desire for a man with her desire to control a man simply by applying her thighs to the stud.
“I mentored a brand new Christian who had had an abortion before becoming a Christian, and she flat out told me that women like men who can be controlled through premarital sex. Men who refuse premarital sex are usually also trying to lead the woman into marriage, which requires her to grow up. It makes perfect sense why the bad boys are deemed preferable.”
The majority of women I’ve dated have tried this with me, including the two that I married. Women like this will reject a man if sex doesn’t happen by the second or third date. There are men like this too – men who’ll dart if she’s not putting out. Men and wimminz like this are looking to either control or be controlled by the Pizzle Itch or Tingles, respectively.
In this scenario, you might imagine that a woman thinks of a man as a kid’s wind-up toy. The first part of the game is to determine his winding style and strength. This exercise allows her to become familiar with, and “own” her Poozle power. If she shows a little bit of cleavage, or a lot of leg, will that get him wound up? Maybe a bare-breasted titty show might get him to see things her way. Not enough? Some popsicle slurping will surely get him to conform to her wishes.
The challenge is an integral part of the game. If he gets too excited from a gesture too small, then a gaming broad might throw that small fish back into the pond and go fishnet stalking for a bigger challenge. She’s hunting for the high SMV man that can hold out for the grand finale. Men who can get a lot of action from many women are under less compulsion to toss their load, and are more likely to hold up to her sexpectations.
You might think that someone having a low pressure cooker type of self-control might serve as evidence that he/she is an unreliable, promiscuous player, but instead, in Tinderworld, it’s taken as a preselected confirmation that he’s a big fish.
Many women have the onerous idea that love must necessarily be dramatic and controlling. Other women are only humbled and “fall in love” with a man when they realize that they need him, but they cannot control him. Until that point is reached (if ever), she’ll be wanting to master his heart by playing in the pudding.
I’ve even heard Millennial males advise each other to masturbate before going on a date as a way to relax, and to safeguard against looking too desperate.
Lies beneath lies… Lies which are patently unavoidable when the whole system revolves around the carousel of sexual idolatry.
Lord, why should my life be wasted by growing up in this mess, in times like these?
The Grand Eliminator of Marriage
It is commonly believed that women dream about getting married, but truth be told, they only dream about marrying a hunk so wealthy, so well hung, and so high up the MMV ladder that they couldn’t refuse. They dream in vain. It’s not just Western Feministas either; it’s the same way all around the civilized world.
Any woman who postpones marriage until her 30’s is not that serious about it. If their desire for matrimony were truly authentic, then women would be getting married in their late teens and early 20’s, instead of blowing their financial and spiritual inheritances on college and tourism. As it stands, marriage is little more than a Plan D that is only seriously considered after all other opportunities have been either explored to their fullest possible extent, or else lost to the Wall.
But why is marriage so unpopular that it takes a back seat to everything else in life? As WK notes, most women avoid marriage because that would require them to “grow up” – that means to forsake their opportunities to fornicate, to willingly put responsibility over having fun, and to live a life that glorifies God rather than to indulge in an O-fueled rebellion.
Even the few women who have “grown up” are often times worse than their baby twisted sisters. For example, some women who appear outwardly obedient and are actively seeking marriage are only doing so because they have a self-serving purpose, such as gaining influence, money, or citizenship.
Since women are intuitively familiar with using sex as a method of control, one might think that they would continue to flex their perineal muscles even after marriage, which might actually be helpful in terms of marital closeness and bonding. But this seldom happens because marriage changes the ontology of the relationship. Before marriage, she had no sense of responsible agency, only the thrill of passion, affirmation, and the illusions of liberty and control. But after marriage, all these motivations vanish. Familiarity and selfishness kill the passion, the affirmation is a done deal, and her notions of liberty are transformed into adultery and thereby become a liability.
In short, all her previously dearly held idolatries are eliminated in one fell swoop. The true nature of her depraved spiritual state is revealed in all its gory, leaving her floundering for some other idol to grasp on to. Concerning her mistaken sense of control, this too is affected. She becomes acutely aware of the consequences of her actions, and the relevant responsibilities. With this information added into the equation, she now seeks to evade this responsibility, and so her desire to be ruled over begins to kick in, but the relationship has already started off on the wrong foot with her in control, and now she’s stuck with a man who has been selected for his inability to take the lead. Her continual depraved grasping, now amplified to ћǝllish proportions, will all but guarantee he does not succeed in leading.
Not long ago, there was some debate about the nature of sanctification in marriage. If sanctification means being farther from idols and closer to God, then marriage truly offers the opportunity for a growing state of sanctification. However, it won’t be agreeable to those who have grown comfortable with the ecstatic pleasures and painful yearnings of sexual idolatry.
All this explains why fewer and fewer women are getting married, and why so many marriages have a rocky start for the first 2-5 years, and why 50% of them end in the divorce courts. In other words, many of these 50% can’t swallow the sanctification medicine of marriage, and prefer to return to the idolatries of their youth. Among the other half of those who stay married, there’s a large number who are merely tolerating it, while empowering themselves to “stay faithful” by dreaming of the Asherah poles of the past.
- Laughing at Feminism: Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong (2019-8-10)
- Wintery Knight: Even Alpha Male Bad Boys Are Disappointed By The Sexual Revolution (2019-8-10)