The new form of Game.
Readership: Men
Theme: IOIs and Vetting
Length: 300 words
Reading Time: 2 minutes
In A Revised Understanding of Game (2020/9/14), I pointed out that the essence of Game lies in a man’s Charisma, his discernment, and his skill in drawing boundaries.
Recently, I noticed that the current mating market among the younger crowd coming of age (Gen Z) places a significant emphasis on Charisma, which is now referred to in common parlance as “Rizz” (a shortened form of the vernacular “ChaRIZZma”).
Charisma is not something that can be developed through one’s own efforts or willpower. However, young people are recognizing that Charisma is an important part of attraction and they are discovering that one can showcase whatever Charisma one might have by emphasizing affect display, authenticity, mood, having an upbeat positive attitude, and through various non-verbal forms of communication, such as displaying IOIs and what is being called “unspoken Rizz”.
If someone has “Rizz,” they are considered attractive or alluring because of their charm or their charismatic way of communicating. Apparently, a person can still have “Rizz” even if he/she is not considered objectively attractive, just as I described in Sex Appeal is not strongly correlated with Beauty (2021/4/30).
“Rizz” has been added to the dictionary, defined as…
“Rizz is a slang term for skill in charming or seducing a potential romantic partner, especially through verbal communication. It is most commonly applied in the context of men pursuing women, but not always. It is typically used in the exact same way as the older slang term game.”
Yes, showcasing one’s Charisma is now the current manifestation of Game, which IMO, is more authentic, honest, humble, and straightfoward compared to how Game was typically practiced by Xers and Millennials over the past decade.
A general search for “Rizz” on YouTube turns up a large number of shorts showcasing how to flirt and display IOIs. However, it should be noted that “Rizz” also includes the overall impression that is made.
Related
- Christianity and Masculinity: Understanding Attraction (2014/1/31)
- Σ Frame: Mood can be Hypnotizing (2020/10/16)
- Σ Frame: Social Authenticity Proof: Giving Women Attention (2021/12/10)
- Σ Frame: Imposing Masculine Presence (2022/6/10)
- Σ Frame: Sexy (2022/10/10)
- Trendzified: What Does The “Rizz” Means on TikTok 2022 (2022/10/25)
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Σ Frame 
On these pictures I see social media people clearly wearing a mask. Wearing masks is all about extracting resources in transactional circumstances (like a job interview) and preventing emotional connection creating a bond.
Emotional connection is the underpinning of any real relationship.
If anything notable happened at all, then Zoomers completely lost it by turning themselves and humans they date into another type of consumer good. Which is what happens, when you start selling yourself online.
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The pictures are trying to show the unintended overall impression that can be created by Unspoken Rizz. The first picture communicates charm and is alluring. In contrast, the “blonde rizz” tries to be alluring, but communicates she’s a dumb bimbo. The third picture, also tries to be alluring, but with the toilet in the background it fails.
Whether you’re selling yourself online or just meeting people in public, Unspoken Rizz is noticed.
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The toilet in the background chick is motioning someone to follow her into a public bathroom stall. There’s one way she wants this to be interpreted.
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RPA,
Yes, she wants the picture to be interpreted that way. But does it accomplish that goal? I notice in addition to the toilet her eyes are closed, she’s not smiling, and her expression makes her appear to be possibly upset about something. She could even be motioning to a maintenance person after complaining about a lack of paper towels, etc.
I think her Unspoken Rizz would better convey her message if she were standing in front of a partially opened door with the word “Ladies” visible while having a smile and wide open eyes looking right at the viewer of the picture which she would be motioning to follow her inside.
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They all communicate “fake” to me. They are all just presenting masks. There is nothing real on the pictures.
Of course if your whole dating is masks, you won’t even recognize the issue. You need to spend a lot of time with people and build trust, before masks can be dropped.
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It’s TikTok. Of course it’s fake.
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Joe2,
It communicates that, even if the image isn’t perfect, and that is all it needs to do. Remember, this is female game, not male game where the stars have to line up with the lunar cycle her cycle for there to be a chance (unless he’s really hot and then the gravitational pull of his jawline and broad shoulders is enough to make everything align just right.)
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Rizz = Game 2.0.
For men, It’s just Game. Be handsome, be interesting, be fun, be attractive, don’t be unattractive, don’t be on the spectrum, don’t show negative emotions.
For women, it’s just… existing while looking good. For women, Rizz is be nice, be pretty, don’t get fat, be available.
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The 3 women in the bottom set of pictures are all advertising sex. On the left she’s the traditional homemaker, but sexy with her midriff showing. The middle picture is blatant show of skin in a short dress to advertise the goods. The picture on the right is implying adventurous sexual activity.
All 3 are playing the age old tactics that women use to attract men. Don’t be ugly or slovenly and indicate you are open to sex. That is female game in a nutshell.
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“Charm is deceptive” says Proverbs 31:30, written during a time of patriarchy. That proverb is a correction to my first reaction reading this, which was, charm seems only needed for a dating situation and I thought dating was done. When I think of getting to know a woman in a church and family situation then I think the long spans of time and different situations minimize the impact of charm, but that wasn’t even true in the times of King Aguar and Solomon. Prayer, wisdom, and faith are needed in the best of situations. Hooking up by app or at the bar as they do now, is the worst of possibilities.
Jax, FYI, I heard Kevin Deyoung once say the average church is around 50 or so people, and his at the time was 400 or so, which he informed us makes it a small portion of churches. I don’t know the definition of a megachurch, but 700 is still a very large church. My current one is around 600 attendees total, with over two services. I don’t see a guy standing a chance here. Tons of young kids, in their 20s, and college students here, but it’s very rare to see people from the youth marry each other from this church. The elders I know aren’t even interested in setting up their kids, daughters especially, with other church kids. Always left up to the kids, but there are plenty of events for them to meet each other.
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surfdumb,
I believe weekly attendance > 2,000 qualifies as a megachurch.
I’ve only been at my church for a little while, but I’ve heard of plenty of youth marrying each other here. However, it seems like the women are discouraged from dating men who attend but aren’t members of the church (which I am not, and don’t know if I want to be). I know for certain that they are discouraged from expressing overt interest in men. As such, it’s not unusual for men there to be dating women from elsewhere.
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Sure, that policy provides the single women the excuse for avoiding and distancing themselves from the single men while the real reason is they find most men 80% unattractive. Rest assured, the top men in the church, members or not members, do receive interest from the women.
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Joe2,
Yeah, that was the consensus over at RPC. Christian Brad Pitt would receive attention whether or not he were a member. However, leadership has basically admitted to their reputation as relationship gatekeepers. As in, they won’t facilitate relationships but they’re all too happy to c*ck-block.
So, I’m left with a dilemma. Do I become a member of this church that meets the criteria that Jack enumerated (although I disagree with their eschatological and soteriological beliefs) and see if any doors open as a result? Or do I go elsewhere, keeping in mind that this is one of the few criteria-meeting churches in my city?
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Jax,
Here are a few things for you to think about.
If you join a church, you must submit to the leadership of that church. You have to be all in.
Have faith. Make a move and trust that God will eventually respond somehow.
Keep praying, reading the bible, attending church and tithing regularly.
Try this. Make a private appointment with the pastor. Tell him you are looking for a Christian wife and to start a family. Ask him what you have to do for that to happen. He’ll respond in either one of two ways.
(1) He will take you seriously and tell you what you have to do. These things will not be ways to meet or attract women. They will be things you need to do to earn the trust and respect of the church leadership so that they won’t c*ck-block you. Probably something like attending regularly, joining a men’s bible study, or serving in the church in some capacity. It may take a year or two of your dedication before things start happening.
(2) He will not take you seriously. In this case, he will probably ask you lots of questions about other things, and give you a long winded talk about your relationship with God, blah, blah, yada yada…
Either way, you’ll know whether to spend any more time at that church.
Get busy living…
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Jax,
Joining this church could be a big mistake for you based on what you wrote her. Either you don’t line up with their interpretation of scripture in the wiggle room areas (the vast majority should overlap though), they are blatantly off what scripture teaches or you are.
I’ll stick with the first two options for my take. If you join you’ll find yourself lukewarm at best being a member, for numerous reasons, and that will easily be seen by all the members who are fully committed. This will not improve your chances with the single women who attend and the staff will still cockblock you because they’ll sense you don’t really fit in.
The older I get the more I see the value of being in community and like mindedness with those who I go to church with. I’ve attended churches that seemed to fit the profile but that I was out of sync with and eventually I resented going and found it easy to find ways not to be involved. If being part of a church that fits with scripture and feels like family is important to you and if marriage is important to you, then pull an Oscar and do what it takes to make those happen for yourself.
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I joined a Calvinist, post Millennial church even though I’m neither of those things. The church is close to both my wife’s and my families, it has one of the strongest Christian communities I’ve ever seen, and young people there marry each other in their early 20s and have lots of kids.
I figured that would give my kids the best opportunity to find a good spouse.
So what if I disagree with the church on a few non-essentials of the faith?
Calvinism and post Millennialism are well within the spectrum of Christian orthodoxy, and I’m happy to admit that I could be wrong. The community is more important to me than intellectual agreement.
Every man has to decide for himself what his priorities are, choose accordingly, then live with his choice.
I pray you’ll find your path.
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RPA,
Thank you for the response. In summary, they follow the theology of John MacArthur. They read the opening chapters of Genesis literally; I’m openminded. They hold to Calvinism; I believe that God wants everyone to willingly turn to Him. They are dispensationalists (pretribulational rapture, premillennialism); I see covenant theology and preterism.
I thought that these were considered “wiggle-room areas” as you said, but they teach them as if they are the only acceptable views. I probably belong in a Southern Baptist church (based on the Baptist Faith & Message), but not many young single women are found there. Here in Jacksonville, they either are not churchgoing or they attend contemporary megachurches. This church is one of the few that don’t fall into that category and yet count single young women among their attendees.
Relocating has certainly crossed my mind. I know many of the RPC guys are in Ohio. I’m not familiar with Oscar’s story.
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Jack and Oscar, thank you for your insightful responses.
Jack, a private interview with an elder is required for membership, so that would be a good opportunity to do what you have suggested.
Oscar, prioritizing is good advice and that’s why I haven’t ruled out this church despite my disagreements. I think people here mostly marry in their mid-to-late 20s, not unlike the world. There are unmarried women here in their early 30s. I myself am 29 but (naturally) not interested in them. Heck, I gave a woman close to my age (27 going on 28) what I thought was a charitable chance. She was the one, whom I mentioned in another post, who told me that she was never interested despite going on two dates. At least they didn’t cost me anything other than time.
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Jax,
These are certainly within the wiggle room areas, although I have found that there is a vast difference in worldview if Calvinism and Arminianism are carried out logically. Neither changes God’s commands to us as his kids though, so they end up being more intellectual discussions that are fun over a beer.
If I were 29 again and knew what I know now, I’d not look at women my own age or even within a couple years of my own age. A 5-7 year age gap is perfectly acceptable and would be ideal by the time you are in your mid 30s and she’s in her late 20s. If you have any desire to have a family then you want the fertile years of her 20s not the geriatric pregnancy years of her 30s. (34 is when pregnancies are considered geriatric for all you feminists sitting in the back of the class.)
This may mean establishing yourself at the church of your choice based on the theological and cultural fit, while dating women who go to the bigger non-denominational churches. You would have to look for her character, her willingness to be taught and her willingness to follow. If a prospective woman would be willing to leave her church to attend yours that could be one of the indicators of how she’ll be as a wife.
At a certain point, you have to fish in the pond where the fish you want to catch are.
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Which means that if you want to have one child, you have to get the ball rolling before 30. Two children, ~27. Three children, ~24. You get the idea. And don’t forget that mate hunting / courtship / dating takes some time, maybe 2-3 years. And don’t forget that women’s SMV drops after 25, hurting her chances to find a HVM. So basically, a woman who wants a good husband and family should spend her early 20s husband hunting, not whatever else they’ve got in their heads.
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Jax,
The short story is that I had a good paying job at an aerospace manufacturer in Kansas City, MO, with a big house on 12 acres, but as my kids got older I started to realize the importance of Christian community.
My wife and I decided we needed to move. After visiting the church in 2021, we chose this place in the Pacific Northwest. I took a big pay cut to work in a whole new industry, and we moved 4 adults, 7 kids, 2 giant dogs, and 4 chickens 1600 miles to join people that were already building the kind of Christian community we wanted to be a part of.
It’s all about priorities. If something is a big enough priority for you, you’ll figure out a way to make it happen.
God bless you!
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RPA,
Not to go down a rabbit hole, but I lean toward provisionism.
I definitely agree on age gap. My asking her out was an aberration, because I felt an unusual compatibility with her. I probably won’t make that mistake again. I find that my desire for marriage and family waxes and wanes depending on what options lie before me.
Unfortunately, there’s no good way of going about dating women at the large nondenominational churches. Most are Sunday-morning “Christians.” Their very attendance brings their character into question. And these churches are filled with Chads by whom they’d rather be pumped and dumped than made a wife by guys like me.
At some point, I just wonder if Florida culture is worse than elsewhere.
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Jax,
I went to UF for grad school. While I thoroughly enjoyed my time in FL, I did get to experience the culture a little (there is a reason “a Florida man” memes exist) and it has its own unique flavor. I would not necessarily call FL worse or better, but different. Atlanta has it’s own culture that is distinct from GA outside the beltway. Neither of them are better or worse overall so I tend to think of things in terms of fit.
Personally, I avoid Atlanta like the plague and seem to fit much more easily with people that are more in the ruburbs (edge of rural suburb line) or rural areas. But I’ve been married for a couple decades so my priorities are going to be a little different than yours.
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Jax,
Jack mentioned at your private appointment the pastor (elder) will either take you seriously or not take you seriously.
I think there is a third way he can respond. Once he learns your age, 29, he may say something like if you never had a serious girlfriend by the time you are in your late 20’s then marriage is unlikely to happen and it’s not God’s will for you.
Nevertheless, he may point out there are single women in the church near your age or slightly older who are available. If you say you’re not interested in such women, he may become defensive and begin questioning your judgment.
As a result of the meeting, he may not even want you as a member thinking you will be difficult to control and he may even hint or suggest that you look elsewhere.
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RPA,
I visited Atlanta once, a decade ago to tour Georgia Tech, and I was not impressed. I imagine that it has gotten worse, as is the natural course of things.
I guess I’d like to believe that there’s some easy solution, like just move to this place and you’ll find your 18-22 year-old bride who sees your worth. But that is somewhat delusional thinking at 29 today. I think about how different my life would be if I hadn’t had a lukewarm Catholic upbringing, or if my dad — a powerlifter back in the day — had emphasized the importance of building strength when I was a teen.
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Joe2,
I have had serious girlfriends, but only one since I became a Christian (kind of — the four-month relationship that ended when she found my accountability report). But I can definitely see that other scenario playing out, although there was a marriage earlier this between a 28 y/o and 19 y/o.
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RPA and Jack,
I’m third (and last) born of my family. I was a geriatric pregnancy according to that definition. My mom had me when she was 35. I was blue when I was born due to a lack of oxygen. I (seemingly) turned out okay in the end, but it definitely makes me wonder.
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Jax,
“I’m third (and last) born of my family. I was a geriatric pregnancy according to that definition. My mom had me when she was 35. I was blue when I was born due to a lack of oxygen. I (seemingly) turned out okay in the end, but it definitely makes me wonder.”
There may have not been any lasting medical conditions due to the geriatric pregnancy, but where I think where the damage can occur is in never having experienced the love and upbringing of younger parents.
Being raised by parents in their 40’s vs parents in their 20’s makes a difference. There may be more financial stability, but older parents may be more set in their ways and lack the optimism of younger parents starting out in life. And to children, 40’s is not old; it’s ancient!
I don’t know how this eventually all sorts out.
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I don’t see how any of this is new. People have always liked charismatic people, for better and for worse (see Gilgamesh, King David, Alcibiades, etc.).
As for “game”; everyone has a different definition of the word, which renders the word meaningless.
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Applies to any buzzword of the moment in our ADHD society.
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I need to introduce my middle kids to that movie soon.
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Friday is family movie night at our house. It is a mix of movies the kids want to see or ones that Mrs. A and I watched as kids and loved like the Indiana Jones movies. Princess Bride is one to add to the watch list.
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Same at my house! Come to think of it, I don’t think we have a movie picked out for tonight….
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We watched The Princess Bride, and now my 13-year-old and 11-year-old boys are driving their mother crazy with quotes.
Mission accomplished.
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Looks to me like “Rizz” is just female desperation due to men giving up on their games. Note all the example pics are femcells.
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There is no such thing as a femcel.
Any celibate woman is a volcel. Any woman not having sex, is not having sex by her own choice. Any woman who is having sex, is having sex by her own choice.
Any woman with a low N, chose that. Any woman with a high N chose that.
Women are the sexual selectors. They choose who gets sex, when, where, how, and under what circumstances. Never forget that.
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Some women are just really unattractive
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And dudes will still bang ’em, just not the dudes those women want.
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The really unattractive women just have to be the last one standing at the bar when last call happens. Beer goggles are real and for a majority of men so are dry spells.
There is a joke about scooters that is derived from women with less than desirable looks. They are fun to ride, but don’t let your friends catch you on one.
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Technically, “incel” men are “volcels” too, by the standard of sex alone: even the most unattractive men can purchase a prostitute (watch Cops – you’ll see). Their celibacy is confined to the sense of not being able to attract a woman for a sexual relationship, rather than a simple paid tryst.
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@RPA
Going by this logic, there are no Incels too. Just find ugly, obese, drunk woman with no self-respect and self-esteem that no sane person wants to touch. I am sure there are more than enough woman like that for Incels.
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More Aaron Renn on the current culture.
Aaron Renn: The End of Moral Standards (2023/9/28)
Christian women don’t observe Christian sexual morality and have not for at least 4 decades now. It’s just that now we’re actually talking about it because people in public life are no longer held to those standards.
1987 — Gary Hart drops out of the presidential race for having an affair.
2016 — Donald Trump elected president despite having been prerecorded talking about women, saying, “Grab ’em by the p_ssy”.
2023 — South Dakota Governor / family values champion / Trumpkin Kristi Noem is reported in the Daily Mail as having had a years long affair with former Trump operative Corey Lewandowski.
No one, not even Christians, observes Christian sexual morality. This is why women view Christian men as simp chumps — because a lot of Christian men actually observed Christian sexual morality and thought they were “valued” because of it. They discovered the women they were pursuing didn’t observe or value that moral stance at all — and in fact were, and still are, flouting it left and right.
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When I was in college in the late 1980s most Christian women weren’t observing Christian sexual morality – especially Catholic women. If she liked you and thought you were hot, she’d hop in bed with you and use artificial birth control, Catholic faith be damned.
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Back in the late 1980’s, young Catholic women in my area were practicing something that could be characterized as “full disclosure” the purpose of which was to eliminate surprises and disappointment.
Very early in the relationship (perhaps on the third date), the Catholic woman would initiate and on her own volition appear in her birthday suit and request that you check her out. Likewise, she would want to see you in your birthday suit so she can see the goods and check you out to her satisfaction. There was absolutely no P in V sex.
These Catholic women were husband hunting and knew time was short. The thinking was why waste time by letting a relationship progress when there may be some sexual concern that could be discussed and possibly resolved now rather than being discovered later in marriage and causing unnecessary stress. Another viable option would be just to end the relationship and move on.
I have no idea what the 2023 thinking is.
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@ joe2
Never heard of such a thing. In my neck of the woods, if a woman got naked with you, something sexual was definitely happening. A woman getting naked with you was the mother of all IOIs, and if you did not initiate sex you’d never see her naked ever again.
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I would have seriously considered converting. 🙂
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This circles back to my recently repeated point. If the majority of (as close to “all” as is statistically possible) women, whether or not they call themselves Christians, are promiscuous slores who despise Christian sexual morality, why would even the thirstiest of Christian men who are steadfast in their adherence to such morality want to spend any amount of effort, money, or time pursuing them? An even more important question is why would any Christian man think that any such women (which is to say any women at all) are fit to serve as an example of anything moral?
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P_ssy makes men stupid.
Admittedly a lot of men don’t care about whether women are moral standard-bearers. They care about getting p_ssy.
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At least 85% of unmarried Christian women are not virgins
At least 30% of Christian women have been divorced (and most of them are “dating”, i.e. having sex, and thus committing adultery)
At least 40% of divorced women are remarried (and, according to Christian morality are adulterous bigamists)
At least 80% of married Catholic women are in marriages where either they or their husbands use artificial birth control or were voluntarily sterilized (thus violating a central precept of Catholic sexual morality)
At least 80% of Catholic single women had premarital sex and used artificial birth control (thus violating both traditional Christian sexual morality and Catholic morality)
This whole thing, including the Renn piece, are a description of everyone just wanting to have sex with whom they want, especially women. Women are the drivers of current-day sexual conduct. Women decide who gets sex, when, where, and under what circumstances. So I blame this primarily on women.
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Just most so-called Christians, aren’t really christians. They just follow whatever the crowd tells them to do, and it isn’t necessarily limited to women, albeit they have even more propensity to do just that.
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From Renn’s article:
We already have that where I live. Don’t think that means everyone will love you. The World will hate you, just as it hates Christ, and as your community becomes more effective, they’ll hate you more.
Regardless, this is how we win, through simple Christian living and obedience to God.
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Catacomb Resident’s latest post is about this same topic. Here are some excerpts from the last 3 paragraphs.
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Off topic hilarity: don’t be this guy.
OutKick: British Pilot Snorts Coke Off Topless Woman, Parties & Gets Fired Before Flying Home to UK: Report (2023/9/27)
On the other hand, if you’re going to flush a lucrative, high status career (and probably a marriage) down the toilet, I suppose you should at least have an entertaining story to tell.
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“Retarded” comes in many different packages. This is just one of them.
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YOLO!
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Red Forman has a message for this guy.
Source
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The older I get, the more I relate to Red Forman.
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