Her visceral attraction to him and the contextual situation matters more than you might think!
Author’s Note: This post is based on my previous comments about this topic.
Length: 900 words
Reading Time: 3 minutes
The Recipe for a Meet Cute
Last year, I wrote about the Meet Cute phenomenon in a couple posts, Probabilities (2020-02-24) and Opportunities (2020-02-26). For reasons unknown to me, it made huge splash, so later in the year a post was dedicated to the Meet Cute concept.
I never described the ingredients of a Meet Cute, so maybe it would be good to explain this for academic purposes.
1. The woman must find the man exceedingly attractive.
…enough to where her subconscious is short circuiting any rational filters on her behavior.
Jack wrote up a list of Indicators of Interest (IOIs). This is quite an impressive list on territory that has been well covered. But even this is incomplete, in my opinion, because it cannot convey the deeper metaphysical connection that you experience when a woman feels this way towards you. As a Christian, I can say that being in touch with the visceral experiences of living by faith can bring this out. Jack and Ed call this charisma. I’ve never thought of myself as being charismatic, but from hanging out in the Men’s sphere, I can see how that’s definitely true. I’ve also learned that this comes rather naturally for me, but most men are not very much aware of it. Those men who are like this need to learn what IOIs look like and get in touch with that side of their psyche, and this can’t really be “caught” by reading Jack’s list. That’s why I say that Jack’s list is incomplete.
Getting this visceral “vibe” from her is really the key. If you try to approach a woman and “have” a Meet Cute with her, and the only ingredient present is that you think she is hot, then any approach vector you take will be taken as creepy and all that goes with that.
Jack also wrote a post about how A Man’s Ability to Read IOIs Depends on Having a Firm Grasp on His Personal Archetypal Mythos. Again, I never thought of this until I read this post, but I think it’s true. And again, I have to say that it only scratches the surface of the issue. I have a theory that guys who grow up with parents who are deeply in love with each other (i.e. his mother experiences a visceral love for his father that makes her loopy, as I described above) have a huge head start in exercising these key metaphysical traits like charisma, confidence, detachment, discernment, and so on, which seem to be key vectors of a man’s character that attract IOIs. Discernment definitely falls into this category, and Jack mentioned this as one of the 8 Things that Increase Discernment. Rites of Passage can be an important part of this process of maturity, but it’s not enough. If my theory is true, then this offers further evidence that divorce has transgenerational destructive effects. &
2. The woman must be acceptably attractive to the man.
Here, were talking at least one millionth of a millimeter above the threshold of that particular man’s attraction floor. If it is any higher, then he’ll get “wowed”, lose focus, and screw it up. (See Jack’s post about How to Develop an Attitude of Detachment.)
That formula looks something like this:
Of course, that threshold varies slightly from man to man. For one man it might be 6.77777771. For another man it might be 7.1234567. All men have a different floor, but where that floor is doesn’t seem to matter too much. What matters is that she is barely across the threshold.
Once these two ingredients are met, you can proceed to the next part.
3. The meeting is spontaneous.
This part is where the magic of the Meet Cute actually gets fun.
It is spontaneous. You cannot plan it. You cannot pick her out of a crowd and then do cold approach with the idea that you might “get lucky”. Your friends can’t “set you up on a date”. Your “wingman” can’t contrive a meeting somehow. It just happens, and it happens when you least expect it!
When you look back at the story, it seems almost like fate. As I have said before, this is the story you tell your friends at parties about how you met. Everybody loves to hear a story like that. Because it’s cute. Hence the name, “Meet cute!”
All the rest is “cultural crap that has conspired to ruin normal male/female interactions.”
Meet Cutes are Risky these days!
The biggest problem associated with ever finding a Meet Cute these days is that the culture has made this into a scenario that is “problematic” (for those inclined to use such a stupid term). It wants to recast one of the greatest experiences a man can have into a cause for shame and possible legal retribution against him.
An Anonymous Reader summed it up well in a comment.
“I can confirm from tiny observed samples that many girls in their early 20’s are easily creeped out by social situations that we older people regard as normal / no big deal. Such as the elevator interaction spelled out – please get your mind around the fact that to many 24-year-old interns, talking to a stranger in the elevator at work is creepy, nearly as creepy as if the man had started taking off his clothing. Social skills are atrophied or never developed in the world seen through a phone screen.
All of this is turning out to be a gigantic fitness test. The man who dares to just say things gets more attention than one might expect. There is a visible craving at the unconscious level in the 20-something women for masculinity while at the same time they have the superficial level programmed in a very different way.”
It remains to be seen whether the Meet Cute will survive the ’20s intact, or if meetings will shift to be totally online, or if intersexual liaisons will become transactional.
I am a firm believer in the formula I described above.
We took our annual family photos at Christmas and in between the staged shots, the photographer caught this one. Totally unplanned. My wife is 48 years old, we’ve been married for 14 years, together for over 15 and she still looks at me like this without being asked to.
“Scott’s Axiom” is real!!!
I write these things because I believe there are many other men who would do well to follow this formula to have a functional marriage.
- Σ Frame: List of Female IOIs (2020-03-30)
- Σ Frame: On the Significance and Value of the Meet Cute Experience (2020-04-03)
- Σ Frame: Hopelessness (2020-04-06)
- Σ Frame: The Ability to Read IOIs Depends on having a Personal Archetypal Mythos (2021-06-21)