The Recipe for a Meet Cute

Her visceral attraction to him and the contextual situation matters more than you might think!

Readership: Men
Author’s Note: This post is based on my previous comments about this topic.
Length: 900 words
Reading Time: 3 minutes

The Recipe for a Meet Cute

Last year, I wrote about the Meet Cute phenomenon in a couple posts, Probabilities (2020-02-24) and Opportunities (2020-02-26). For reasons unknown to me, it made huge splash, so later in the year a post was dedicated to the Meet Cute concept.

I never described the ingredients of a Meet Cute, so maybe it would be good to explain this for academic purposes.

1. The woman must find the man exceedingly attractive.

…enough to where her subconscious is short circuiting any rational filters on her behavior.

Jack wrote up a list of Indicators of Interest (IOIs). This is quite an impressive list on territory that has been well covered. But even this is incomplete, in my opinion, because it cannot convey the deeper metaphysical connection that you experience when a woman feels this way towards you. As a Christian, I can say that being in touch with the visceral experiences of living by faith can bring this out. Jack and Ed call this charisma. I’ve never thought of myself as being charismatic, but from hanging out in the Men’s sphere, I can see how that’s definitely true. I’ve also learned that this comes rather naturally for me, but most men are not very much aware of it. Those men who are like this need to learn what IOIs look like and get in touch with that side of their psyche, and this can’t really be “caught” by reading Jack’s list. That’s why I say that Jack’s list is incomplete.

Getting this visceral “vibe” from her is really the key. If you try to approach a woman and “have” a Meet Cute with her, and the only ingredient present is that you think she is hot, then any approach vector you take will be taken as creepy and all that goes with that.

Jack also wrote a post about how A Man’s Ability to Read IOIs Depends on Having a Firm Grasp on His Personal Archetypal Mythos. Again, I never thought of this until I read this post, but I think it’s true. And again, I have to say that it only scratches the surface of the issue. I have a theory that guys who grow up with parents who are deeply in love with each other (i.e. his mother experiences a visceral love for his father that makes her loopy, as I described above) have a huge head start in exercising these key metaphysical traits like charisma, confidence, detachment, discernment, and so on, which seem to be key vectors of a man’s character that attract IOIs. Discernment definitely falls into this category, and Jack mentioned this as one of the 8 Things that Increase Discernment. Rites of Passage can be an important part of this process of maturity, but it’s not enough. If my theory is true, then this offers further evidence that divorce has transgenerational destructive effects. &

2. The woman must be acceptably attractive to the man.

Here, were talking at least one millionth of a millimeter above the threshold of that particular man’s attraction floor. If it is any higher, then he’ll get “wowed”, lose focus, and screw it up. (See Jack’s post about How to Develop an Attitude of Detachment.)

That formula looks something like this:


Of course, that threshold varies slightly from man to man. For one man it might be 6.77777771. For another man it might be 7.1234567. All men have a different floor, but where that floor is doesn’t seem to matter too much. What matters is that she is barely across the threshold.

Once these two ingredients are met, you can proceed to the next part.

3. The meeting is spontaneous.

This part is where the magic of the Meet Cute actually gets fun.

It is spontaneous. You cannot plan it. You cannot pick her out of a crowd and then do cold approach with the idea that you might “get lucky”. Your friends can’t “set you up on a date”. Your “wingman” can’t contrive a meeting somehow. It just happens, and it happens when you least expect it!

When you look back at the story, it seems almost like fate. As I have said before, this is the story you tell your friends at parties about how you met. Everybody loves to hear a story like that. Because it’s cute. Hence the name, “Meet cute!”

All the rest is “cultural crap that has conspired to ruin normal male/female interactions.”

Meet Cutes are Risky these days!

The biggest problem associated with ever finding a Meet Cute these days is that the culture has made this into a scenario that is “problematic” (for those inclined to use such a stupid term). It wants to recast one of the greatest experiences a man can have into a cause for shame and possible legal retribution against him.

Deep Strength had an interesting post over at Christianity and Masculinity that brings this out. In it, he covered two articles that show just how far society has regressed into troglodyte form.

An Anonymous Reader summed it up well in a comment.

“I can confirm from tiny observed samples that many girls in their early 20’s are easily creeped out by social situations that we older people regard as normal / no big deal. Such as the elevator interaction spelled out – please get your mind around the fact that to many 24-year-old interns, talking to a stranger in the elevator at work is creepy, nearly as creepy as if the man had started taking off his clothing. Social skills are atrophied or never developed in the world seen through a phone screen.

All of this is turning out to be a gigantic fitness test. The man who dares to just say things gets more attention than one might expect. There is a visible craving at the unconscious level in the 20-something women for masculinity while at the same time they have the superficial level programmed in a very different way.”

It remains to be seen whether the Meet Cute will survive the ’20s intact, or if meetings will shift to be totally online, or if intersexual liaisons will become transactional.


I am a firm believer in the formula I described above.

We took our annual family photos at Christmas and in between the staged shots, the photographer caught this one. Totally unplanned. My wife is 48 years old, we’ve been married for 14 years, together for over 15 and she still looks at me like this without being asked to.

Scott’s Axiom” is real!!!

I write these things because I believe there are many other men who would do well to follow this formula to have a functional marriage.


This entry was posted in Attraction, Authenticity, Charisma, Choosing a Partner or Spouse, Confidence, Courtship and Marriage, Desire, Passion, Discernment, Wisdom, Female Power, Fundamental Frame, Game Theory, Glory, Holding Frame, Indicators of Interest, Love, Male Power, Models of Success, Personal Presentation, Psychology, Purpose, Relationships, Sexual Authority, SMV/MMV, Strategy, The Power of God, Vetting Women. Bookmark the permalink.

33 Responses to The Recipe for a Meet Cute

  1. Oscar says:

    ….please get your mind around the fact that to many 24-year-old interns, talking to a stranger in the elevator at work is creepy, nearly as creepy as if the man had started taking off his clothing. ~ AR

    Our culture is degenerating into a bizarre mixture of Muslim-like prudishness and pagan hedonism.

    Liked by 6 people

    • thedeti says:

      I hadn’t thought about it this way, but you’re right. OASIS is a symptom of this – a culture drenched in sexuality and many people having illicit sex, all of it taking place completely behind closed doors or online, with varying amounts of money changing hands.


      • anonymous_ng says:

        Deti, can you enlighten me as to the meaning of OASIS?


      • Jack says:

        OASIS = Online Amateur Sex Industry and Socialization
        A prominent example is OnlyFans.
        Novaseeker and I covered this back in January and February of this year.

        Liked by 2 people

      • anonymous_ng says:

        Thanks Jack. I looked around and then of course, found it in the next post on this blog, – Women Crave Male Attention.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. redpillboomer says:

    “It is spontaneous. You cannot plan it. You cannot pick her out of a crowd and then do cold approach with the idea that you might “get lucky”. Your friends can’t “set you up on a date”. Your “wingman” can’t contrive a meeting somehow. It just happens, and it happens when you least expect.”

    This is exactly what happened to me. Item 1 and 2 on the list were met as I sort of found out that night, but DEFINITELY realized it when we went out on our first couple of dates. She was coy upon meeting at first, shy, but definitely feminine and subtly flirty. She let her older aunt lead the way and do most of the talking.

    This third item on your list, when I read it, was the most interesting to me. I met this girl when I was sitting down at a restaurant after a church service. She and her 37 year old aunt had attended, but I did didn’t see them during the service. Found out later, she definitely noticed me. The church service was for singles held on Saturday night at a large church in a good-sized mid-western city. Everyone went out to a restaurant about a 1/2 mile down the street after the service. Just as an aside, I found out later the restaurant gave 15% of the proceeds from the church group back to the church, sweet deal for the restaurant, and the church, as there were about 200-300 singles attending on any given Saturday night.

    Anyways, I got my meal, and sat down by myself perfectly content to be by myself, if it came to it. As I recall, I wasn’t in the best of moods that night and I was okay if no one sat at my table. It more than likely wasn’t going to happen because of the size of the group, and the number of tables in the restaurant, not the biggest of places. We took up a good portion of it, pretty much the whole place really.

    Well, ‘Meet Cute’ and her aunt sat down at the table and started a lively conversation with me, especially the aunt who wouldn’t shut up. The aunt was 37 years old and not bad looking, was divorced and had three kids. Even with my ‘blue pill’ mindset, I was was like, “No Way!”, even though she was the one doing all the flirting (cue all the Manosphere posts & clips about the post-wall, divorced woman with three kids). Her niece on the other hand was 21, good looking, nice figure, although I didn’t know exactly HOW nice because she was dressed quite conservatively that night (a dress and blouse). She let her aunt do most of the talking. I wasn’t even trying to flirt back with either one of them because of my mood. I will admit, the aunt, even though mouthy, did loosen me up a bit from my bad mood. I started to talk with both of them; but really I was playing off the aunt to talk to her niece.

    Later I found out from her niece (my eventual girlfriend/fiancé/spouse), what she was thinking though the course of that evening when she saw me at the service. It was your items 1, 2 and 3 above. We got married a few months later. Yes, I know, violated all the “Manospherian rules” about waiting a year or two to see her true colors in relationship. So, I was fortunate, but it worked out and we just celebrated our 32nd wedding anniversary on July 22.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Lastmod says:

    So we’re back on this.

    Coming from someone who has never “met cute” and pretty much now never will….. I again will agree with Scott, as much as I don’t want to. Not because he is “wrong” (he isn’t), but for the fact that it is indeed over, and men who don’t have this, or a combination of social skills learned at tender / critical ages in their teenage years probably never will have this. Scott has mentioned he is saddened by this. He is not gloating about what he has and what “I” or others don’t. His previous postings about this and comments state this plainly, Factually and with a heart.

    Also. This was the capstone. He didn’t tell men who didn’t have this to “pray” and “get confidence” or “learn game” or get a masculine pursuit… [You know, rebuilding antique cars, throwing a football like Eli Manning, and just everyday guy stuff… You know, playing golf as good as Tiger Woods… Being a leader in church… Becoming a pilot on weekends as a hobby, easy stuff… Stuff women find hot… Very easy to do. No problem! (sarcasm)]

    He didn’t say these things because he himself knows that, for many men, this will never happen. No matter how much Game, how many books read… He gets it. He said it in a respectful way. He didn’t double down on false hope, not play the pitch of “Its very simple… Just do this / Obviously you didn’t try hard enough / You must like being miserable.”

    As for everything else he mentioned… Well, it doesn’t apply to me, really, anymore (if it ever did).

    Will “Meet Cute” survive the 2020’s??? Yes. It will. For men like him and others it will. Though I do believe the frequency of this happening will decrease. It won’t be as common.

    For all those people who have had a “meet cute”, or have indeed “met cute” in the way Scott has put it down, Happy for you…. But please, when / if in the future you are speaking to men in your church (in an effort to “un-Blue Pill” them, or whatever), if he is over 25 and has never had a girlfriend, then teach him or help him in his career. Allow him to be useful in church (not just cleaning up after the married or couples fellowship… It’s a slap in the face to single people in church). Be a friend. Not a Sunday-church-friend… but indeed reach out.

    Don’t play this false hope on him that he too can have all this, if he just does x, y and z.

    I will close with this. He mentioned the impact, and results he got by saying this to people on blogs and perhaps in his private practice. Why did it spark? Because there is much in that could indeed be true, and it resonates as a potential theory. I’ll leave you geniuses here to figure that out.

    Going to bed early…. was out in Watts until 3 am dancing to soul / R&B at a small bar. Slept in, but still tired. I am not 25 anymore for sure. Heavy and super rare soul played off vinyl. Black club / bar but had no problems (cause didn’t look for any) 🙂

    From 1966

    As you were

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Oscar says:

    I operated more on the Boomhauer method.


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  6. cameron232 says:

    What I think Scott is trying to say can be summarized thusly: “If she’s not attracted to you from the beginning, she probably never will be.” Guess what??? Even this doesn’t guarantee the continuation of her attraction to you. Some (Liz) will say that’s not the experiences they see or have, or that Scott’s exaggerating, (e.g. “…unless she’s breaking all the rules for you…”), etc. Well, Scott’s telling you how to have the best chance at it “working” long term. Risk mitigation. The risk isn’t just her divorce raping you or whatever. It’s her stealing your youth, your friends and I’ll just say it outright – it’s the opportunity cost to you – that you could have found another woman who actually wanted you.

    Nova has mentioned how women’s attraction can be temporarily elevated in response to a perceived opportunity. “Women love opportunistically.” He mentioned how this is what is responsible for the “lesbian death bed” – why so many lesbo relationships tank after a couple of years or whatever.

    So this makes the Meet Cute all the more important, because even with this experience, her attraction to you might be temporary. What happens when she “owns” the opportunity (you)? “Wedding cake is the best libido killer.”

    I can really see why it is that so many men are opting for girlfriends instead of marriage, and then “nexting” them when they show any signs of this sort of thing.

    Paraphrasing Rollo, “If you won’t make me feel loved and desired then some other woman will. There’s a proportionately larger number of women available to me as I get older, even if they aren’t 23 year old peak SMV. Bye.” I don’t condone this, but the logic is kinda hard to argue with.

    BTW, men don’t have to be an “alpha” to do this . A greater beta that takes care of himself can do this at least into his 50s, maybe 60s. After that, you’re probably too old to care.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Red Pill Apostle says:

      Cameron – Opportunity cost is the absolute correct way to assess men’s commitment. I wish that I had a better understanding of this when I was dating Mrs. A. Basically, a man’s commitment is massively valuable due to the responsibility and risk that a man takes on by marrying. It is interesting that our culture holds women up as the prize to be won in marriage, completely inverting the value of a man committing to marriage and a woman committing to marriage (Proverbs 31:10).

      If you are a single man reading this, know that you need to vet a woman harder than you can imagine to verify if she’s worth it. To know if she is worth it, you have to be grounded in the truth of what marriage entails biblically, because only then will you be able to compare the potential costs to yourself to the benefits you may receive. What is at stake are the best years of your life given to a woman who doesn’t care, or worse, and potentially your future too.

      Liked by 2 people

  7. Elspeth says:

    My husband and I did not have a meet cute. Short version.

    He is a couple years younger than me, but we had a mutual female friend. She was heading to his house; actually his parents house. People would show up there to hang out with him on their porch and hear his “profound” thoughts I guess.

    When I saw him I thought he was beautiful, and he expected to be able to just win me over in his usual fashion. In fact, my friend actually said, “Nope. You can’t talk to her like that. She’s not like that.”

    And I said, “It’s okay. I wouldn’t ever date a teenager.” He was 19 to my 21. It was nearly a year later before we got together. He was still a teenager.

    No movie style meet cute, but it worked out. I’m not disagreeing with Scott, but it’s not always cut and dry. What’s beneath the surface doesn’t always instantly manifest.

    Liked by 2 people

    • cameron232 says:

      Absolutely but your first thought was “He’s beautiful.” For his sake, it would have been better if there had been a visible sign that you thought he’s beautiful. But also, being a top male (and not a marginal male like most of us) it’s not like he had to worry whether or not the visible sign was there. When you have an abundance mentality from being endowed with natural attractiveness you probably don’t have to worry much about these things.

      Liked by 2 people

      • thedeti says:


        “When I saw him I thought he was beautiful.”

        That’s all you need. Nothing else really much mattered. Also, E said, “He thought he would win me over in the usual way.”; her friend said, “won’t work”. SAM proceeded to go ahead and do it the usual way a year later, and it worked.


      • Scott says:

        “For his sake, it would have been better if there had been a visible sign that you thought he’s beautiful.”

        As sure as I sit here today, she did. It was unconscious and avolitional. They all do it.

        Its kind of the point.

        Liked by 3 people

      • Elspeth says:

        @ Scott:

        You’re probably right about involuntary signaling. My initial reaction was pretty visceral, but I was pretty overt in my refusal to go there. Neither common sense nor self-preservation were discarded. Until I couldn’t stand it anymore and they were. But that took nearly 10 months I think, which I assumed by definition, bucked the meet cute recipe.


      • Scott says:

        My first wife felt like that about me for about 6 years before we went out on our first date. I had no idea until she finally told me she was waiting for me to finish up with all the girlfriends and finally come to my senses and pick her.


      • Scott says:

        And I would add, that in the context of this discussion, that level of crazy about me was NOT ENOUGH to ensure lifelong marital bliss. Total commitment, literally saving herself for me until I came to my senses for 6 years. Waiting for me to grind through girlfriend after girlfriend, on the sideline watching. Still blew up the marriage when she became “unhappy.”


      • Scott says:

        Absolutely the most psychological pain I have experienced. The worst of the depression lasted about a year (severe weight loss from not eating, suicidal thoughts was the worst of it). There was another rebound of it when I left the army the first time and re-entered graduate school. I almost dropped out of the program from so much missed classes and clinic time.

        Liked by 2 people

      • cameron232 says:

        Yeah they can tear you up inside pretty thoroughly can’t they?


      • Red Pill Apostle says:

        Scott – Your comments on your first wife and your feelings and experience after the divorce are a little too close for comfort for me. Mrs. A adjusted her life plans for me, but instead of blowing up the marriage when she became unhappy she took mere withholding and opted for unilaterally enforced celibacy. The psychological pain, frustration and hurt from this is very real and bled into all areas of my life. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone and I am sorry you went through it.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Scott says:

        RPA — its difficult to image a world where clergy — in a loving, supportive of marriage kind of way — would call this out and say “it is a sin to without physical attention from your spouse as a form of punishment. You need to figure this out and get back to normal marital relations as soon as possible.”

        Liked by 1 person

      • Red Pill Apostle says:

        Scott – If a member of the clergy ever called women out for not trying to satisfy their husbands there would be a line of men around the block waiting to get into that church every Sunday. You don’t even have to qualify the behavior with “as a form of punishment”. Simply “not feeling like it” or “not needing it to be happy in marriage” is just as much a woman tearing down her own home as the woman punishing her husband. The difference is merely in the perceived pleasantries of the message’s delivery.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Oscar says:

        @ Scott

        its difficult to image a world where clergy — in a loving, supportive of marriage kind of way — would call this out and say “it is a sin to without physical attention from your spouse as a form of punishment. You need to figure this out and get back to normal marital relations as soon as possible.”

        I’ve heard clergy say that at a Calvary Chapel church.


    • thedeti says:

      “When I saw him I thought he was beautiful.”

      Um. That’s a meet cute.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Elspeth says:

        Is it though? It doesn’t really fit the template as I understand it via your typical romcom. But it sort of plugs into Scott’s recipe.


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