This post covers the moral challenges that men face in raising daughters, the dilemma that daughters face in coming of age, and some key points in raising daughters with discipline, confidence and purpose.
The text is arranged as follows.
- The Stage of Society
- The Moral Burden of Fatherhood
- Put the Shame where it Belongs
- The Father’s Strategy
- Beware of Virginity Pledges
For those readers who wish to abbreviate their reading time, the 13 Disciplines advertised are listed under Section 5: Discipline.
1. The Stage of Society
Amid all the squabble about ‘racism’, ‘sexism’, reproductive ‘rights’, and so called ‘equality’, I’ve never heard feminists lecture anyone about raising better daughters, or creating better marriages. However, I have heard feminists say things to the tune of, “Feminism creates better men”.
I believe there is a kernel of truth in this, but it’s not what they think. It’s true that men will react, and will have to adapt, to the chokehold that Feminism has had on society. No self-respecting RP man would allow Feminism to continue to evolve unchecked into madness and anarchy. In fact, the PUA community, the Manosphere, MRA’s, MGTOW’s and the rise of Game, are all evidence of men’s reactions to Feminism’s influence on society.
However, the definition of ‘better men’ will not be the feminist’s definition, that is, where all men defer in self-avowed fealty to women, with alpha studs who f*ck at their feckless call, and beta men who earn, serve, and supplicate at their whim, whenever they are needed, and who go away silently when they are about to be cuckolded or frivorced.
No, Feminism creates men who are ‘better’ at playing the Game, inflicting the shiv, dealing with the hamster, seeing through the lies, bypassing the sh!t tests, better skilled at extracting p00n, more efficient in shaving off parasitic females, and able to identify loopholes and exemptions from mandated ‘regulations’.
Then comes the prophesied Reset, as foretold by Manospherians.
2. The Moral Burden of Fatherhood
Now, at some point in this awakening, Red Pilled men who are fathers of daughters, hit a phase in which they become aware of how other Red Pilled men might affect or influence their daughters. Specifically, they get a shiver of fear when they suddenly realize that their beloved daughters are potential notch counts for alpha males practicing Game.
It’s a legitimate fear, because the feral human being is fundamentally directed towards the augmentation of self-interest. Not only are men looking to score, but daughters are also looking to shinny around. That’s just the natural scheme of procreation.
Of course, most fathers carry the hope that their daughters would remain chaste, and aspire to become loyal, faithful wives for self-respecting and righteous men. Of course, we know that most daughters (these days) will not, but still, fathers have a sense of responsibility about the upbringing of their daughters. Especially, fathers experience an intense pang of failure when they find out that their daughter’s moral constitution has been compromised, or has become questionable.
My own father once told me, one of the most disappointing experiences of his life was when my younger sister divorced her husband after four years of marriage. Dad found that experience to be even more heartbreaking than when his own wife of 28 years (my mother) left him. I tried to tell my father that Mom had a bigger influence on my sister’s decision than he did. It was obvious to me that she learned this behavior as a consequence of seeing her mother ‘next’ her father while she was an adolescent, which is, by the way, the worst possible age for a young person to experience a parental divorce. But this did little to assuage his guilt over the matter, because the family legacy is larger than his own life. Such is the burden of being a father.
3. Put the Shame where it Belongs
A few years later, after my first wife left me, my father gave me some defiant advice.
“Don’t let anybody try to put you to shame for being divorced!”
That was a King’s X RP wakeup call!
Women who frivorce their husbands, bring a lot of shame on their husbands and children. We often hear a lot of moxie encouraging such women not to be ashamed of their selfish choices, yet, we never hear any encouragement for husbands and children who are actually on the receiving end of the shame.
Where’s the ‘equality’ in that? Or the other word that women like, ‘fairness’?
Ultimately, I believe that mothers have more of an influence on their daughter’s de facto sexual proclivities than do their fathers. However, the father wields a powerful influence in the structure of his formal directives, and his approval or disapproval, which send a clear message about the appropriateness of her decisions.
There are some daughters (and mothers too) who intuitively know that their values and decisions are not approved by the father, and they may keep such activities as much of a secret from him as they can. But whether they choose to retain covert operations or not, the nuanced implications of his Frame on their choices will always weigh heavy on their hearts. This is not to be underestimated.
4. The Father’s Strategy
The feminist may dismiss the father’s good judgment as being ‘the heavy hand of the oppressive Patriarchy’, and by reverse judging his judgment, they might escape the immediate shame of disobedience, especially when society is accepting of such behavior, but they still fall under their own condemnation. Even when mothers manage to separate the children from the father, his memory will continue to inspire hope and confidence in the children’s hearts. The father’s influence is essential, and inescapable.
A daughter who has a good relationship with her father will take her conscience more seriously, and although she may or may not follow the father’s directives to the full extent, she will nevertheless respect his wishes, and make some effort to honor them. If she steps out of line, she knows it, and she can return to it if she wishes. It is this boundary that the father creates, which gives the daughter a sense of security, self-esteem and dignity. A wise father knows that his word creates the Frame in which she lives, moves and breathes. If the father is lovingly involved in her life from early childhood, then his Frame forms the backbone of her psychological identity.
Frame is the name of the Game!
Red Pilled men with daughters might find it easy to get swept away with their anxieties over the responsibilities and potential risks that nubile daughters present.
But men with daughters should not be viewing the future with the fear that their daughters will be swept away in a torrent of antagonistic reveling, or that they will not be able to cope with these evil times. Instead, fathers should have the mindset that their daughters will learn and grow in step with the challenges that the times present.
Choose to place hope in the next generation!
Thus, fathers should not be afraid of other Red Pilled men, but instead, should accept the real possibility that a Red Pilled young man, who is about 5-7 years older than your daughter, and who has shown that he’s ready to settle down, would probably be a better husband to your daughter than a whimpering Blue Pill Betaboy. Embrace it as a positive development in your family legacy.
Quietly do the work of discipline, and rest in the calm assurance that your loving efforts will have the intended effects. May you fathers be rewarded according to your faith.
Let’s take a look at what the scriptures have to say about discipline.
“Train up a child in the way he [she] should go, and when he [she] is old, he [she] will not depart from it.”
“9 Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. 11 Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”
From verse 9, it is evident that fathers can gain respect when they correct their children, even though it is implied that a father’s discipline is not nearly as righteous as that of God’s. (Based on my experience, I will posit that this can apply to wives as well.) Verse 11 affirms our experience, that children (and wives) will never be happily receptive to discipline, but that it is necessary for their own edification.
Disciplining a child is like pruning a fruit tree. Without discipline or pruning, the organism grows wild and tangled, and bears little fruit. But with regular discipline/pruning, the organism takes on a better form and bears more fruit. (See John 15:1-8)
As a Red Pilled father, your task of discipline is to…
- Present a clear and consistent Frame of mind, within which her behaviors and other family affairs may be evaluated. It is never too early to start exercising discipline. As soon as children are able to walk and get into things, parents should be teaching them what is appropriate behavior. Do not indulge their selfish temper tantrums, but punish them instead. Get into the habit of calmly and patiently explaining the logic and reasoning behind your Frame, and keep repeating that message until they ‘get it’. Daughters (and wives) bond to men when they submit to his frame. Chances are, your daughter will become attracted to a man who has a Frame similar to yours, whether she, or you, like it or not. So get your Frame in order, and broadcast it to your family. There are no laws against holding Frame, and there never will be. It’s an inalienable right.
- Exercise fair and purposeful judgment. Do not punish her in your anger. When exercising discipline, calmly talk the matter through with her first. Make sure she understands (1) what she is doing wrong, (2) how to do things right, and (3) why she is being disciplined. She doesn’t need to agree to the discipline, of course, but if she doesn’t clearly understand these things, then your discipline will only create resentment and rebellion in her. If she does understand, then you have given her a clear choice in the matter, and this tends to bring spiritual liberty and growth, no matter what she chooses.
- Teach your daughter to respect and appreciate the man in her life, starting with the first and foremost – you! Any form of poor manners or disrespect should be shut down deftly at the first sign. If she learns to respect her father while growing up, then it will be all the easier for her to learn to respect her future husband. This one trait alone will do the most to ensure her transition into a blissful married life.
- Be an imminent presence in her life. Attend her family-oriented social events. Introduce yourself to her friends. Even if she doesn’t live with you, or see you very often, you can still establish the connection, and emphasize the fact that you are always a source of stalwart security, and that you’re available to her at any time. Tell her that you are only a phone call away. Daughters need to know that they are not shut out of their father’s life.
- Don’t make your home environment a stressful one which she would rather escape from. Instead, give her an alternative ‘safe space’ from the world – one with a healthy balance between clear rules and expectations, and warm love and support. Knowing how most fathers are, I should emphasize the former.
- As much as possible, form solidarity with her mother with respect to rules. If she knows that whenever Dad says ‘no’, then she can always ask Mom for a ‘second opinion’, etc., then this dynamic will erode your authority, as well as her discipline and sense of security. It might help to explain this to her mother, and point out that her cooperation in this realm will be easiest and best for all involved.
- Groom her for a groom – not for the seemingly inevitable sex education of ‘college’, ‘finding herself’, or for playing the field. Talk to your daughter from an early age about marriage and family. Educate her towards preparing herself accordingly. Most young women are drawn to this instinctively. Nurture that instinct, and don’t neglect it.
- Do what you can to surround your daughter with positive influences, such as happily married women, and daughters of happily married women. (Boxer discusses this important effect here.) Your opinion sets her frame. Don’t hesitate to express your concerns about her possible peer choices of questionable influence.
- Give her the ‘Pink Pill’. Teach your daughter how men think, and what men want and need. Teach her to appreciate the benefits that masculinity can offer her (such as the Tinglies), and not to dismiss it as ‘toxic’.
- Be aware of your role as a father in shaping her self concept. Make sure she understands that her SMV is always greater than her MMV, and that she will have to make a tough choice about what she wants to do with her life – either to invest in her MMV and work towards building a family life, or else cash in on her SMV and live an independent lifestyle – and that she cannot do both. If she will choose the former, and show herself to be a ‘wall’, then help your daughter to assess her true SMV/MMV, and to identify guys on her same MMV tier to choose from. If she will choose the latter, and show herself to be a ‘door’, then make sure she understands the responsibilities and consequences of such a lifestyle, and that she will have more difficulties in love. (Song of Solomon 8:8-9)
- Don’t suffocate her with the rule of law. Let her grow to appreciate the real purpose of retaining her sexual purity until marriage. Emphasize that keeping her virginity (or not doing so, depending on her social background) is not to be done as a proof or signal of her virtue (or social acceptance), but as a conservation of her MMV bargaining power, and as a cumulative test of her competency as a faithful wife, and by extension, her eligibility for a preferred marriage, rather than a default ‘settle’ment.
- Destroy the superficial Alpha-Beta dichotomy in your daughter’s hypergamous head by teaching her how to discern the differences between a Blue Ball Pill Beta Boy, a trustworthy Red Pill man, and a PUA ChadWick EdCad. Make sure she understands the pitfalls of choosing either the Smurf or the Chad, as well as the challenges involved with getting along with a worthy man.
- Talk about all of the above. Don’t just assume that she’ll learn it by osmosis, or by going to Church. She is already being constantly pelted by feminist/sex propaganda from popular culture, TV, internet, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Facebook and her peer group. Don’t let these influences become the majority voice in her head. It helps to talk about these things frequently and in a casual manner. If you try to condense it all into one big serious ‘talk’ with her, it may have the opposite effect from that intended.
6. Beware of Virginity Pledges
At a token glance, the whole endeavor of the Virginity Pledge movements appears to be a wise, sound way to reinforce the importance of remaining sexually pure in a young girl’s mind. But since its inception, we have found the opposite to be true. Here are several reasons why.
- Taking a virginity pledge tends to set up the false notion that retaining one’s virginity sums up the whole prerogative of what is required for one to be blessed. It does not. Making virginity the goal is like an athlete having the idea that he can win the decathlon merely by never smoking. It’s necessary, but not sufficient. Fellow blogger, SFC Ton, can attest to this.
- Saving one’s virginity, especially when consciously done as a proof and/or signal of virtue, depends largely upon one’s strength of willpower, and therefore bypasses the grace of God. It would be far better for a young woman to look forward to marriage in faith and hope, and guard her heart against any temptation that might disqualify her from reaching that goal.
- Virginity pledges tend to go against the Lord’s command not to make vows to God. Such vows weigh one down with additive ‘responsibilities’ that create additional psychological and spiritual burdens, and repress one’s Liberty in Christ.
- There is the possibility that making an inner vow may be an act of spiritual rebellion against the grace of God, which becomes a doorway to spiritual bondage. See here for a more in depth understanding of this phenomenon.
- The shadow of the law magnifies temptation and revives the sinful nature. See Romans 7. Consequently, those who take virginity pledges will face greater temptations to forsake the commitment.
- The emphasis on virginity plays right into Satan’s false dichotomy by presupposing a restrictive rhetoric. See J.T’s article, The Satanic Persuasion Formula, for a more detailed explanation.
- Finally, statistically based studies have revealed that virginity pledges have little sticking power, and hardly any benefit. See the following sources for more information.
- New York Times (feat. Lawrence K. Altman): Study Finds That Teenage Virginity Pledges Are Rarely Kept (March 10, 2004)
- Janet Elise Rosenbaum, “Patient Teenagers? A Comparison of the Sexual Behavior of Virginity Pledgers and Matched Nonpledgers”, Pediatrics (January 2009): e110-e120.
- Landor, L. G. Simons, “Why Virginity Pledges Succeed or Fail: The Moderating Effect of Religious Commitment Versus Religious Participation”, Journal of Child and Family Studies 2014 Aug 1; 26(3): 1102–1113. doi: 10.1007/s10826-013-9769-3
- The Atlantic: The Unintended Consequences of Purity Pledges (May 4, 2016)
The Manosphere is pretty good about picking through a woman’s characteristics to determine whether she might become a worthy wife or not, but we need to stop having a ‘consumer’ mindset about women, and start picking up the logistical slack in the supply chain. That is, we need to improve the ‘wife factories’ – homes in which such Godly women (future wives and mothers) are raised and molded.
I know that sounds like a tall bill in this day and age. I don’t write these things to come down hard on fathers, and I don’t pretend to know every father’s circumstances. I’m just stating some things that should be obvious facts, because in these evil times, it’s so easy to lose sight of what is ‘normal’, healthy and right. Namely that, if possible, we should try to achieve something better for our children. To do that, our Frame and conscientious discipline are the primary means which should serve us (and them) well.
In short, it is my plea for each man to do your part to create the world in which you and your loved ones wish to live. With the times as perverse as they are, this might require some men to become social revolutionary, hero figures in the lives of their sons and daughters. If you are called to this, I urge you to step up to this challenge and make your mark in your family legacy!
For Dad’s who think they’ve got it together
Every father has the implied duty (to his progeny) to present his future son-in-law with an asset, rather than a burden to be gotten rid of. So basically, RP fathers should be trying to create young women who would fit the Manosphere’s prescription of an ideal woman to wife. An abridged description of such a woman can be extrapolated from the posts listed below.
- Sigma Frame: How does a Woman Attract (and Keep) a Husband? (October 5, 2009)
- Sigma Frame: 16 Qualities of an Irresistible Woman (December 1, 2017)
- Christianity and Masculinity: Review of Vetting, Virgins, and New Information on Virginity Pledges (January 7, 2018).
For Dad’s who are struggling
I believe you are the majority of my readers. My heart goes out to you. I’ve been there.
A word of consolation: Just because a father leads, doesn’t mean that daughters will follow. However, if a father doesn’t lead, then daughters are not likely to have any trustworthy male figure to follow. They are left to the vices of whatever woebegone figure might appear into their lives.
It should be noted that the mother unit plays a profoundly influential role in this. If the mother unit follows, then the children will be ten times more likely to follow. If the mother unit doesn’t follow, then the house is divided, and the father will be fighting an uphill battle in the home.
If this is your problem (a rebellious wife), then don’t let anyone put you to shame. Instead, assign shame where it belongs, and retain a sense of dignity in being a father. Don’t give up hope! Keep praying for yourself, and your children, and let them know you love them.
For those men who are not (yet) fathers
It would help sober up the cad in each of us, if we viewed any potential lay, or p0rn figure, as another man’s daughter, and as another man’s future wife, and not just a piece of wet meat. I know it’s hard, but it’s a form of self-discipline worth pursuing.
To put some teeth into this idea, I’ll just offer up the fact that it is not uncommon for many married men to get the idea of inflicting serious violence on their wife’s past heartbreakers. But fortunately, most men do not act on these feelings.
Also, how would you feel about yourself if you were the father of the girl you’re seeing? One day, you may also be a father. Remember, what comes around, goes around. You are building up a treasure (or punishment) for yourself that no man can take away, not even yourself.
[Eds. note: This advice may not apply to incels. My apologies. Go work on your Frame and Game for now, and once you get some momentum going, you can adjust yourself accordingly.]
Fathers, do not be dismayed. Carefully craft your Frame, and present it in a clear, calm manner. Keep your shoulder to the wheel, and carry on…
Take each day as it comes. Cherish the moments. Keep the faith.
Your daughter and future son-in-law will thank you one day, and they will cherish your memory forever.
- The Family Alpha: Dads & Daughters (December 7, 2015)
- Donal Graeme: Groundless Fears Of Men About Their Daughters (September 2, 2016)
- Dalrock: Scaring away the competition (February 1, 2017)
- Dalrock: A very long season (part 1). (July 3, 2017)
- Dalrock: A very long season (part 2). (July 10, 2017)
- The Family Alpha: Your son is your heir, that doesn’t make your daughter the spare. (July 11, 2017)
- Wintery Knight: Daughter Of Single Mother Explains How Absent Father Ruined Her Life (August 17, 2017)
- Dalrock: If she has enough self esteem she won’t tingle for Harley McBadboy (December 7, 2017)
- Save USA: What Parents Can Do To Win Their War On Parental Alienation (December 18, 2017)
- American Dad: Deep Strength’s Analysis of the Picture (January 8, 2018)
- Spawny’s Space: Must All Teen Girls Become Sluts? (January 18, 2018)
- Wintery Knight: Daughter Of Single Mother Explains How Absent Father Ruined Her Life (January 18, 2018)
- Saving Eve: As a Father, This Scares the Sh*t Out of Me… (January 25, 2018)
- Spawny’s Space: Race To The Bottom (January 26, 2018)
- Notes From a Red Pill Girl: Another Kiddo Tale (January 27, 2018)