Some insights on cross-cultural relationships.
Readership: Western expat men in relationships with Asian women.
Some Taiwanese girls have a little dream… “Mom, I wanna marry a foreign boy.”
Her mother replies, whispering, “So did I…”
But still, Taiwanese parents always say that their children are crazy for wanting to marry a foreigner!
A young expat in Taiwan says, “I’ve been going out with my girlfriend for 9 months, and she still hasn’t told her parents.”
Some Taiwanese girls won’t tell their family that they are dating a foreigner because they know their family would not approve, and they are too ashamed of their boyfriend and too afraid of their family to make a stand. But they continue to see their boyfriend anyway because they want a little thrill, and they want to brag to their friends about it. The girls who act this way will probably never marry their foreign boyfriends. When they get tired of him, or when they decide that they want to marry someone, then they will dump him and go find someone else who is more “acceptable” to their family and society.
Another thing is that, in Taiwan, getting married is like marrying the whole family. It is difficult to decide whether you want to marry into her family, if you never get to meet them. The downside is the simple fact that if she won’t tell her family about you, there is a good chance that it is because she knows they cannot accept her with a foreigner, and if that is true, then they will probably reject you and try to undermine your relationship with her, should you two decide to stay together anyway.
On the other hand, if a Taiwanese girl does tell her family about her foreign boyfriend, then she is also putting pressure on him to get married soon. But if he doesn’t marry her, then in addition to being broken-hearted, she also becomes a disgrace to her family. To make matters worse, her desirability to Taiwanese men in the future is severely reduced, and the stereotype of foreigners being playboys is reinforced.
So, in summary, the stakes are high, and we are risking our very lives and future progeny. Maybe your girlfriend is just waiting for you to make it clear that you want to marry her, or maybe she is just playing around for fun. You won’t know which one it is until you try to change the status of your relationship.
This is the trouble for the foreign boyfriends; it is difficult to tell how faithful, reliable, and trustworthy their Taiwanese girlfriends are, whether they have a serious and realistic mind about the relationship, and whether they are actually mature enough to be ready for marriage. The different cultures teach us different expectations for marriage, and very few people find a match in this respect. If you talk to your girlfriend about some of your respective expectations for marriage, it will probably help you determine whether your relationship is worthy of permanency.
So there are some supremely big risks there, which in the end, cause many people to decide not to marry outside their race/culture. But it’s better that you know what you’re getting into, so that you can think about it clearly and seriously.
Σ Frame: Cross-Cultural Relationships and Dating in Taiwan (2016 October 17)
You raise some important considerations.
I made a poor choice, and part of that may have been that my parents didn’t give me enough good advice, part of it may have been that I ignored some good advice, and partly that the churchians gave me some really bad advice.
My parents were somewhat against cross-cultural marriages, they said that: “while opposites may attract, just being male and female will likely present more than enough differences to overcome”. “Often the children are not fully accepted by either side, and they can sense that.”
The churchians taught me to “man-up” and marry a whore! That forgiveness and wishful thinking will magically assure that the void of morality in a wicked whore’s wicked heart will be refilled by her with Christian virtue in direct contradiction to her previously established bad character.(Warning: It didn’t work out that way for me.)
Even though my wife was White like me, her family was not God fearing, and the cultural differences caused by that are stark. My parents were both Christian missionaries, my Mom was a registered nurse, while my dad was a radio engineer, with degrees in both physics, radio engineering, and additional seminary training. My wife’s family is exactly like what you see on the Jerry Springer show. They never needed any education because they already thought they knew it all, and they think they only get smarter as they drink themselves into liver damaging stupors.
My wife claimed that she got “saved” at 29 years of age and had changed her ways, and didn’t want to be like her family and her past, and I was a fool and believed that. Apparently she hadn’t met Jesus, so much as she had met “the wall”, and suddenly wanted to ensnare, saddle, and use a responsible man to ride into respectable motherhood, after riding the cock carousel until jumping off at the last second as she was about to be thrown off the ride, and sticking the landing by capturing an unsuspecting catch like myself. I really could have used some red-pilled coaching back then. I passed over some wonderful women to finally settle on my psych-med guzzling recycled virgin. Doh!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sharkly, I appreciate reading your back story. Unfortunately, there are too many men who, only after marriage, suddenly realize that a woman’s emotional maturity and sexual purity is much more important than what everyone lets on.
Going back to the theme of the OP, are you saying that you wish you would have not listened to your parents and had explored relationships with women of other races?
LikeLiked by 1 person
No, I can explore the traditions, cultures, and idiosyncrasies of others without marrying into it just for exploratory reasons. If I married somebody from a dissimilar background, it would be because I felt I’d “burn” without having them. I’d marry them in spite of the cultural differences, not because of them.
I once worked with People With Disabilities(PWD) and they had their “Devotees” who had a fetish or strange attraction to PWDs. Some PWDs thought it was creepy, others didn’t care, if it brought them a better romantic selection than they might otherwise have. Disabled women often would ask if I would consider a relationship with a disabled woman, and I said, that I might, but that I was not unnaturally attracted to a relationship with a disabled person. I had to be nice and polite to my customers, but I really felt like a disabled partner would be quite a burden, that I wasn’t really ready to volunteer to bear.
I guess what I was trying to say, was that I wished I had the manosphere back then to give me good advice and insight, like you are trying to share. All I knew was the blue-pill advice that my parents and the churchians had filled my head with. Just basically, if she’s White and says she’s saved, that’s all that matters, you can work out the rest after you’re married. Apparently that had worked for them. I was not so fortunate, and the landscape under us has shifted. I do not intend to let my sons loose in the world with as little and as erroneous instruction about finding a wife, as I was given.
We both claimed to be Christians, we both wanted to marry each other, I figured she’d submit and I’d lead, as I’d seen my parents do, and it would be happily ever after. I was completely blindsided by the nuclear shit tests that began starting on my wedding day.
Also related to the original post, even if they say they want to ditch their culture and run off with you, don’t believe it. As they say, “you can take the monkey out of the jungle, but you can’t take the jungle out of the monkey”.(no particular race is intended in that analogy. I say this because some of you racists will assume the monkey must signify a particular race) My point being that you do end up marrying the whole family and marrying into their culture, even if you were promised otherwise.
Pingback: Concubinage | Σ Frame