50 Shades of Discipline in Marriage

The book, Fifty Shades of Grey, has sold over 125 million copies worldwide, and has topped best-seller lists around the world. It set a record in the United Kingdom as the fastest-selling paperback of all time. It is the highest-grossing sex film in the U.S. and Canada, and we know that women constitute the vast constituency of fandom. The success of this book and film cannot make the truth any clearer:

Women desperately want to be disciplined! They fantasize about sexual coercion!

As we already know, women want to be loved and desired, and discipline is a very powerful way to instill feelings of love within their hearts. When a man disciplines his wife, he is also loving her! She will agree with this, because from her perspective, she feels loved when he lays down the law and plays the Dread Game. And, we all know how important the feelz are to women!

There are many passages in the Bible which clearly state that love and success is associated with, and expressed through discipline, and this is applicable through many types of relationships:

• God disciplining nations. (Deuteronomy 4; Judges 2; Jeremiah 31:18)
• God disciplining believers. (Job 5:17; Hebrews 12:5-8)
• Discipline within the Church. (1 Corinthians 5:5; 2 Corinthians 10:1; 2 Corinthians 13:2; 1 Timothy 1:3; 1 Timothy 1:20; Titus 3:10; 2 Corinthians 2:6-8)
• Kings and Generals disciplining soldiers. (Joshua 7:10-26; Judges 21:5-12)
• Parents disciplining children. (Proverbs 10:13; Proverbs 13:24; Proverbs 19:18; Proverbs 22:6; Proverbs 22:15; Proverbs 23:13)
• Self Discipline. (Leviticus 7:22-27; Proverbs 12:1; Proverbs 23:12; 1 Timothy 4:7)

Judging by the success of Fifty Shades of Grey, I presume this Biblical principle can legitimately be extended to apply for husbands disciplining wives. Let’s consider this perspective from the Biblical view.

Proverbs 3:11-12; Hebrews 12:5-6 (NKJV)

My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, Nor detest His correction; For whom the Lord loves He corrects, Just as a father the son in whom he delights.

Proverbs 3:11-12; Hebrews 12:5-6 (NSFV*)

My daughter, do not despise the chastening of your husband and lord, Nor detest his correction; For the wife who is loved is brought into line, Just as Christian Grey subjugated the virgin Anastasia Steele and taught her BDSM.

Proverbs 13:24 (NKJV)

“He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.”

Proverbs 13:24 (NSFV*)

“He who flagellates his rod hates his wife, But he who loves his wife, shags her promptly.”

Hebrews 12:7-11 (NKJV)

⁷ If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? ⁸ But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. ⁹ Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? ¹⁰ For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. ¹¹ Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Hebrews 12:7-11 (NSFV*)

⁷ If a woman endures chastening, then her husband is dealing with her as with a wife; for what wife is there whom a husband does not chasten? ⁸ But if a woman is without chastening, of which, only feminists have refused to become partakers, then she is a short-term pump-and-dump, and not a wife. ⁹ Furthermore, women have had alpha-cad boyfriends who corrected them, and they paid them respect. Shall women not much more readily be in subjection to their lawfully wedded husbands and live? ¹⁰ For their alpha-cad boyfriends indeed for a few days chastened those carousel riders as seemed best for their selfish purposes, but husbands chasten wives for their own good, that they may yield sandwiches, bare-back sex, and child bearing, with honor and glory. ¹¹ Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

* New Sigma Frame Version

Remember husbands, you’ve got to out-perform all your wife’s previous lovers in the way of authoritative discipline, in order to own her… heart, mind and soul… lock, stock and barrel. She will never tell you the details of those experiences, so you’ve got to blow past the furthest expanses of her imagination. Let’s start with Christian Grey’s example, since we know that will definitely get a woman’s attention. Here are a few takeaways from the film.

• Insist that your wife sign a non-disclosure agreement forbidding her from discussing anything you do together. Don’t talk to her until she signs it.
• Inform her that the second contract will be one of dominance and submission at Biblical proportions not seen since Medieval times. There will be no romance, and no contrivances with her relatives, only one of dutiful, daily carnal knowledge. Make sure the contract forbids her from touching you without an invitation, or making eye contact with you. It should also include a list of specific foods she may eat, and the total number of calories she may consume in one day.
• Buy her a mobile phone for her to use to communicate with you, and to make appointments to see you. As a token of trust and good will, be willing to listen to her hard and soft limits, and then dismiss them out of hand, saying that you will take that into consideration “IF it becomes necessary”. Tell her that the grounds for “necessary” are subject to your discretion, not hers.
• Spank her bare butt whenever she is speaking brashly or is disobedient longer than 10 seconds. Use push-pull and the Shogun method to turn her on, and make her confused, so that she continues to be gratefully dependent on you.