On the Definition of Virginity

Has our modern culture confused us about what it means to be a virgin?

Readership: All;

This post is the second in a series of articles that examine several aspects of the Purity Movement.  For an introduction to this study, please read the first post, Picking through the fruit of the Purity Movement (2020-4-20).

What is a virgin?

Richard P posed the following question at Spawny’s Space, in response to a previous post concerning the the Purity Movement of the 1990’s, The Sin of Prioritizing Purity above Marriage (2020 January 17).

“What is a virgin?

You do know that “virgins” can get pregnant, right?  You do know that the clear pre-ejaculate liquid contains sperm, right?  That the pre-ejaculate liquid can impregnate a “virgin” if it can get past the hymen, even if there is no p in v and the guy does not ejaculate, right?  You can bet that many girls know this.  And therefore there is a logic to a “virgin” requesting a pregnancy test before she has an x-ray.”

Adam chimed in on this point.


I liked what [you wrote in] your feedback for Gunner and Jack.

What is a virgin?

The technical definition is a woman who has not had sexual intercourse.

The biblical definition is a woman who is pure of body.

In the modern world a woman can have sucked off 50 different men on separate occasions but is technically still a virgin as she has never had intercourse.  However, she is not pure in body.  Thus, she is not a virgin, at least not in the spirit of the term.”

Adam gets the point.  It was touted as a “Purity Movement”, but it turned out to be a “technical virgin who could still get pregnant out of wedlock” movement.

surprise pregnancy

A True Virgin is Holy

Richard P gave us the technical definition of a virgin.

Adam P gave us a more complete definition of a virgin.

Both of these definitions concern the flesh.  But we are not merely fleshly beings.  We were originally designed to be spiritually attuned to the things of God.

Let’s think about this again.  What does it really mean to be a virgin from God’s perspective?  Do you honestly believe that the virgin Mary, mother of Jesus, was just a technical virgin?  If that were true, then maybe Joseph was Jesus’ father after all.

Or do you think a virgin must certainly mean a Biblical virgin?  That is, never “knowing” a man in any sense, but nevertheless, she may be in debt, have tattoos, and obsessed with Tumblr c0ckamania?

No, I believe God has a higher standard for what qualifies as true virginity.

So to take this a step further, the spiritual definition of a virgin is one who has never been defiled.  This kind of defilement begins when the mind becomes consumed with the lusts of the flesh.  But over time, it is eventually manifested in unclean behavior, e.g. dirty jokes, profane speech, masturbating to p0rn, etc.  If one is given sufficient opportunity, this can lead to defilement through illicit sexual relations.

Is it possible to be a virgin, and yet one defiled?

We may not be surprised to learn that sexual immorality most certainly introduces defilement.  But interestingly, a sexual union is not always necessary for a defilement to occur.

11 It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person.

15 But Peter said to him, “Explain the parable to us.”  16 And He said, “Are you also still without understanding?  17 Do you not see that whatever goes into the mouth passes into the stomach and is expelled?  18 But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person.  19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander.  20 These are what defile a person. But to eat with unwashed hands does not defile anyone.” ~ Matthew 15:11-20 (ESV)

In other words, the dankness that makes one spiritually unfit and undesirable originates in the heart and mind.  Having a heart inclined toward evil, a mind focused on the flesh, and a nasty mouth that spews filth is enough to render one defiled, and this stands true in the total absence of male genitalia.

I covered defilement in a previous post, What does it mean to be Defiled? – Part I (2018-12-9).

“Similar to being uncleandefilement also includes the spiritual aspect – that is, certain experiences affect one’s state of mind, and emotional disposition, such that one becomes unfit or unable to have certain other experiences in life, including personal and spiritual maturation.

In other words, a person who is defiled cannot think objectively, and they have developed subjective biases.  They possess certain emotional predilections and peculiar affections.  The end effect is being more psychotic and less real, more emotional and less rational, more given over to sentiments and less so to education. Essentially, more feeelz, less faith.

Now we add to this understanding, the fact that defilement is rather permanent.  It becomes a part of one’s constitutional identity of the soul.”

Our total ignorance of purity, uncleanness, and defilement leads us to quibble and quarrel about what it means to be a virgin, as if it were a grey area!


It is philosophically simple to define virginity according to whether a woman has had any sexual experience with a man.  But to those of us who are spiritually minded, such a definition is naive, if not legalistic.  To those who are more mature, it should be obvious that sexual purity leading to spiritual and marital sanctification is the core value of virginity.

In regards to the Purity Movement, we cannot very well talk about “retaining one’s virginity” as a goal, as many religious types are wont to do, because it is a result of one’s faithfulness in being obedient to God and remaining spiritually undefiled.  It would be better for us to observe these practices as indicators of one’s purity, instead of “virginity”.  Even setting up the goal to “be pure” is prone to become an idolatrous and legalistic distraction from the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit.  The real goal is Christ, and to abide in Him.

The point of discussing defilement in this essay is that it is the starting point of how one’s sexual purity is lost.  That is, when the mind becomes obsessed with the desires of the flesh, namely, burning with sexual desires, continual temptation, tempestuous lust…  Then it is only a matter of time before the body follows suit, resulting in sexual liaisons which may be illicit if engaged outside of marriage.

For the majority of young people, this focus on the flesh is wholly natural, extremely enjoyable, and is accepted as a part of our physical maturation.  As such, these desires and temptations are unavoidable, and therefore become an impetus to marry.  But if a formal marriage cannot be achieved before the culmination of desire overwhelms the mind and will power, then sexual impurity and sin is the eventual outcome.  This conclusion emphasizes the importance of marrying while young.

However, even a timely marriage to a virgin is no safeguard nor guarantee against defilement.  There have been some (e.g. blogger SFC Ton comes to mind) who married a virgin who (sometime later) became scurrilous and/or sexually promiscuous.  On the surface, such cases offer support to the claim that virginity is relatively meaningless.  But this conclusion does not agree with other data that shows a direct correlation between the woman’s N count and the probability of divorce.  Ultimately, the obsession with the flesh leading to spiritual defilement is the cause of the breakdown in one’s sexual purity.  Moreover, virginity as defined by an intact hymen is the proof of one’s past sexual purity — at that particular time.


About Jack

Jack is a world traveling artist, skilled in trading ideas and information, none of which are considered too holy, too nerdy, nor too profane to hijack and twist into useful fashion. Sigma Frame Mindsets and methods for building and maintaining a masculine Frame
This entry was posted in Purity Culture, Sanctification & Defilement, SMV/MMV and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to On the Definition of Virginity

  1. Scott says:

    My first wife, 1994 was a “technical” virgin on our wedding night. It was really important for her to be able to say that.


  2. ramman3000 says:

    I don’t disagree one bit that defilement goes way beyond the hymen (see Matthew 5:27-30). I have often regretted the acts of defilement, but never regretted purity. I have had cause to regret non-physical acts of intimacy.

    There is value even in mere technical virginity. Moreover, there is no question of its biblical importance, being emphasized over all other aspects. “Technical virginity” is so not-not-important that it has led to murder and other serious consequences.

    The two things are not mutually exclusive. It is important that we don’t treat them as if they are.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. okrahead says:

    It’s a venn diagram. All true virgins are technical virgins; not all technical virgins are true virgins.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. thedeti says:

    This addresses part of the post and gets to some, SOME, of the spiritual dimensions of the issue.
    A virgin is a woman who has not “had sex”. Conversely, if a woman has “had sex”, she is not a virgin.

    If a woman has touched a man’s genitalia for the purpose of his, her, or their, sexual gratification, she has “had sex”, and therefore is not a virgin. If any part of her body has come into physical contact with a man’s penis or testicles for sexual gratification, she has “had sex”, and therefore is not a virgin.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jack says:

      Deti, I suppose this is a good definition of a true virgin. Although contact with male genitalia would indeed introduce defilement, there are other things apart from this that would defile a person too. For example, viewing pornography arouses fleshly desires and bends the mind to focus on the flesh. Gay porn is really popular among women, and this causes women to develop a very unhealthy view of men. Likewise, porn also teaches men to objectify women and regard them in an unrealistic manner. These activities would lead to defilement, even when one is alone and fully clothed.


  5. SFC Ton says:

    The only way to escape the Game is to not play.

    What women want in a man doesn’t much varry. That potential virginal bride is still going to demand the highest tiered man her looks and attitude can command. Her virginity isn’t an escape route post marraige either. It will, perhaps, hedge your bet but to what degree? You’re going to need to maintain your frame, social standing etc etc and be the kind of man who can and will quickly replace her with a higher value female if you want her to behave correctly.


  6. Sharkly says:

    Virginity is very important. Keeping defilement to a minimum is important. And Self-Control is not just a fruit of the spirit, but a key for keeping both of those things. We need to raise kids who fear God and are self-controlled. Often self discipline is first learned from a father’s discipline. Kids learn to discipline themselves and deny themselves to avoid their father’s discipline.
    We need to raise well adjusted kids who don’t fear sex, but fear God instead, and can consequently flee from evil.
    I’d like my sons to grow up to be able to have a heartfelt talk with a young woman, to take her by the hand, to give her a hug and a kiss, to sweep her off her feet, but then be able to restrain themselves and stop before they lose out to their natural urges, to be able to enjoy what can be enjoyed without fear, while fearing God enough to save sexual activity for marriage.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Jack says:

    I’ve reached a conclusion here. The real task of retaining one’s virginity is in keeping one’s self undefiled. If one can remain undefiled, then sexual purity should be a natural consequence. But as defilement accumulates (over time), it becomes more difficult and more unlikely to avoid sexual sin.


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