Bridal Charades

Modern church marriages are a gynocentric fantasy parade with no practical usefulness to marriage itself.

Readership: Christians
Theme: A Mini-Series on Church Policy and Sacramental Marriage
Length: 600 words
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Throwback to the 50s — Not the 1950s

While I was writing Are Common-Law Marriages the most Biblical? (2023/6/3), I was amused to imagine most grooms would be delighted to have a marriage just like what is described for the Biblical Patriarchs and was enjoyed by most of humanity before the modern age.

Imagine what it would be like. All a prospective groom needs to do is to cut a deal with the bride’s father, celebrate with a joint family supper consisting of grilled meat and spirits, and then get straight down to the butt end of married life — the ins and outs of the bump and grind, followed by a simple life in a clean home with daily meals well-prepared.  No fake frills and no big bills.  Hymens, not diamonds.  No rented limousines having the faint residual odor of the previous customer’s binge barf. No bachelorette’s parties to sweat over.  No bridal showers to be ignored.  It’s not even hard to imagine that most men, having the piquant premonition of pumping prime poon at the end of the day, would willingly forego having a bachelor’s party too.

Having these quaint pleasantries in mind, I had to ask myself, is it right for us to look at the Bible’s descriptions of marriage and conclude that it is archaic, primitive, and unrefined by our modern materialistic accoutrements?  That now we need a pompous ceremony in a grandiose church with stained glass windows and a 200-year-old pipe organ playing canons, cups and crowns, diamond rings and white dresses, plus full legal licensure and the sanction of the church… All to ensure marital sanctity and the blessed continuity of our lineage?  It seems like more trouble than its currently worth.

Or because it is primarily women who want a large, expensive, and extravagant marriage ceremony?  And why?  In the female psyche, a modern marriage is mostly a figment of delusion flushed out in the herd’s affirmation of the bride’s inestimable worth. In reality, it is little more than one more grandiose life experience to be had, and then afterwards the husband is discarded in favor of her “independent” lifestyle supported by alimony.

Or because this charade is now the social norm?  Because if we don’t play charades, then we’re seen as either inelegantly impoverished or mean or stingy and we would be publicly excoriated and humiliated for denying Princess from having her “Big Day” and all that.

What is the Purpose?

As it is, the modern church-based marriage with all its bells and chimes is just another materialistic embodiment of gynocentrism which, like diamond rings and so on, specifically caters to and glorifies brides, wastes extravagant amounts of money placing husbands and fathers in debt, and actually distracts from the actual substance of marriage itself.

The most practical use of a wedding dress in the 21^st century.
H/T: Patriactionary

What is the significance of a white wedding dress when only 4% of brides are virgins?  It’s just one more lavish expense that will be worn for one day, and then sold or mothballed for the next few years.

If we are honest, social customs attuned to affirming feminine delusions of grandeur do not contribute to marital stability and sanctification.  The 33% divorce rate among church wed couples is not something to be conserved in our faith tradition.

How about cutting out anything that does not directly contribute to the quality and sanctity of the marital union, and prioritize making sure those things that do are firmly in place?

Related

• News 24: More Christians Divorce Than Non-Believers According To Statistics (2012/1/9)
• Francis-Tan, Andrew and Mialon, Hugo M., ‘A Diamond is Forever’ and Other Fairy Tales: The Relationship between Wedding Expenses and Marriage Duration (September 15, 2014). [DOI]
• Σ Frame: Fake Knights and Phony Princesses (2018/3/14)
• Σ Frame (Red Pill Apostle): How Feminism Erodes Marriage (2021/11/8)
• Radix Fidem: Radix Fidem and Weddings (2023/6/3)