She Needs You

Having an abundance mentality is indisposable to a man.

Readership: Christian men, husband’s, fathers, and those called to be such.

I came across this post in Ed’s archives. It contains a message that needs to be repeated.

Do What’s Right: She Needs You (2012 March 30)

There is no short course in having a shepherd’s heart.

The quintessential man is a shepherd. He doesn’t need the sheep; they need him. There are blessings and rewards for getting involved, for tying yourself to their needs, but you could live without them. In fact, it’s easier to be a predator. But in the grand moral sense of how the universe operates, if you really want the best of what’s available, you’ll take up the often thankless task of shepherding.

Fundamental to the whole thing is your own sense of need. If you are needy, you are a sheep yourself. You’re a little boy who still needs his mommy, still nursing at the breast. You aren’t fulfilling her needs, because you drag on her inner resources too long and the sabbatical rest is denied. These are all symbols conveying a very deep truth beyond clinical discussion. If you haven’t taken responsibility for the things demanded of you, if you haven’t first demanded satisfaction of what you need from yourself, you can’t let go and stand alone.

If you can’t stand alone, you can’t do anything for anyone else which matters. It means you don’t matter. You’re a problem, not the solution. Being a man means having some answers which come from inside you, answers which outweigh and justify your demands. It means doing what only a man can do. Don’t mistake that for simply doing your job, honoring your contracts, etc. Those are fundamental human moral obligations, not manhood itself. Pulling your own weight is just the starting point. There is something unique in taking the responsibility for the welfare of others, but even more rare is feeling the pain of failure. It’s ownership, not of all the outcomes, but of all the losses you can’t possibly prevent. It’s the power to face the weaknesses, failures, sorrows and still willing to try again.

More, it’s the dire need to keep trying because you can not let yourself quit. You’ll always be capable of miscalculating and quitting too soon or not soon enough, but those are incidental to the inner necessity of commitment to a sense of mission you simply can’t abandon. You are saying, “Screw the cost; I have to do this.” If you can really get hold of that, let it get hold of you, then you have whatever it is manhood is supposed to mean.

This is that very something women need. This is what calls to them. It really has precious little to do with measurable accomplishments, though some are silly and shallow enough to think that’s what matters. If so, they don’t matter. Because a real woman is looking for a real man. If you can scrape off the silly Victorian and Germanic-feudal notions of “real man,” just as she must reject the same mythology about herself, you might get somewhere with this. A man does not need a woman, but everything which calls to him is exponentially better with her support. The survival imperative of passing on your genes is a poor shadow of what really matters eternally. Rising above mere instinct means you’ll draw on all of hers.

Your fire of commitment is her warmth in a cold and abusive world.

I can’t justify any of this with pure logic. If there is nothing in a man or woman to find this vision compelling, we have to let them wallow in the lies. Manhood itself includes an ineffable awareness that certain things depend entirely upon him or it all goes to Hell. He has to accept that burden as part of his redemption from the Fall. She has to get behind him, or she has no hope, but he has to be there first. Her taking the lead in deep spiritual matters is why we are fallen in the first place. It’s not her mission, not her place, not her wiring. The pinnacle of her hope is her man’s commitment, and damn the failures. Indeed, for both of them, the only thrill worth having, the only joy possible, comes from embracing this vision.

It is not just doing, because performance scores are deceptive; nor is it fitting some definition (AKA, “being”). It’s living it, something worth dying for. Live it, man.

About Jack

Jack is a world traveling artist, skilled in trading ideas and information, none of which are considered too holy, too nerdy, nor too profane to hijack and twist into useful fashion. Sigma Frame Mindsets and methods for building and maintaining a masculine Frame
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7 Responses to She Needs You

  1. AngloSaxon says:

    “A man does not need a woman, but everything which calls to him is exponentially better with her support”

    Don’t agree. There are things a girl can do for you that you can’t get anywhere else.

    Liked by 1 person

    • JPF says:

      Outside of things related to sex and children, what does a man need from a woman?

      A man’s friends can give better friendship (or perhaps easier friendship) than a woman. A man can work far more efficiently/effectively with another man. He’ll be more reasonable (usually).

      I think women are lucky God saw fit to give men such a strong desire for things related to sex; without these, women would have little chance of a husband.
      Can you imagine any eunuch putting up with the financial, emotional and time drains of a wife? How many eunuchs ever marry?

      Like

      • AngloSaxon says:

        A eunuch must not marry! He would subject a woman to a life of celibacy! Female company is very different to male company, big difference between a wife who is your companion and a male friend.

        Liked by 1 person

      • ramman3000 says:

        “Outside of things related to sex and children, what does a man need from a woman?”

        See my comment below.

        “How many eunuchs ever marry?”

        None. Jesus stated that eunuchs are celebate and cannot marry. See “Towards a Definition of Marriage” and the ensuring combox discussion and links. A marriage can’t be created without sex that is potentially procreative if divinely determined.

        Liked by 1 person

    • ramman3000 says:

      I agree with AngloSaxon.

      A man needs a woman for marriage. In “What Constitutes Biblical Marriage“, I listed six reasons implied by Genesis 2 in the ‘one-flesh joining’ of marriage. These are things that only a woman can give a man when she becomes his wife.

      1) Metaphorical one-flesh joining: teamwork or shared purpose
      2) Literal one-flesh joining: permanent spiritual bond that mirrors the relationship with God.
      3) Children
      4) Blood ties (extended family)
      5) Sex
      6) Relationship permanence

      “This is that very something women need….A man does not need a woman.

      Ed has (correctly) placed a lot of emphasis on the first item, but he is wrong that this is the only reason a man needs a woman. From the moment of Creation, God intended man and woman to pair bond for life.

      But even in this, Ed (and many in the sphere) view this as a largely unbalanced arraignment where the man gets the benefit of support from his wife and the wife gets the joy of supporting him. But a one-flesh joining takes two partial pieces and makes one piece. It makes no sense to say that the wife gets one thing and the husband gets another. They are one. A unit. It is a team of one where every every purpose, every decision, and every deed benefits the unit.

      Like the parts of a real body (or the church body), a husband and wife have different roles to play. But like the body, all the parts are essential to the whole. One cannot say “I’m a foot, but since I’m not a hand, I don’t belong” or “I’m an ear, but since I’m not an eye, I don’t belong.” Indeed, the parts of the body that we think are less important are those given the highest honor and receive special care. All parts take care of each other. The support that a wife brings to the man is just as essential to the body as the support a man brings the woman.

      This is orthogonal to the roles of a husband and wife within a marriage.

      “The survival imperative of passing on your genes is a poor shadow of what really matters eternally.”

      This is where I diverge from Ed on a metaphysical basis. God is creator. Creation is as fundamental to the nature of God as are love and truth. ‘Passing on your genes’ as a cold Darwinian evolutionary stance completely discounts the metaphysical and spiritual importance of creation as an sacred act.

      Liked by 3 people

  2. wodansthane says:

    Fine post, just make sure that you don’t get confused about whom you are supposed to be serving, and where she stands in the chain of command.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: How to Develop an Attitude of Detachment | Σ Frame

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