Not carelessness, but conviction.
Readership: All
Theme: Consolidating Masculinity
Length: 1,700 words
Reading Time: 9 minutes
Men’s Inherent Gynocentrism
It has often been said that “Women are the gatekeepers of sex.” It would be better for us to regard the phenomenon behind this axiom with a little more self-awareness. Sex and sexual reproduction are areas within a woman’s domain of authority and sphere of influence. Likewise, commitment, husbandry (and all that involves), and making things happen are areas within a man’s domain of authority and sphere of influence. Thus, when men are obsessed with poon and desperately looking for a handjob, they are thinking like a woman and they naturally fall under women’s domain of authority. It is an inversion of the Christ : Church :: Husband : Wife structure. Therefore, “Women are the gatekeepers of sex” is only true for men who want through the gate, but can’t get in. It is a frustration to be expected of the idolatry that it is.
The previous post, How to Assume the Missionary Position, posed the question, Are you on a mission for God, or for Gynocentrism? To aid the reader in answering this question for himself, I laid out the differences between Men’s, Women’s, and God’s prerogatives. In conclusion, Men need to get their heads out of the gynogutter when thinking about how to assume the Missionary Position. I’ll admit, this can pose a formidable and continual challenge for some men, especially younger men.
In addition to this, Men also need to stop prioritizing and being concerned about women’s opinions and reactions. This is just as important as purging poon from the prefrontal cortex, and perhaps just as difficult.
One reader wrote to me privately, saying,
“It is my observation that whatever topic is covered here at Σ Frame or elsewhere around the ‘sphere, the discussion in the comments ALWAYS ends up with some variation of…
- “How will women respond to this?”
- Anger and frustration that women do not respond properly or as desired.
“As deti pointed out recently, any topic about Men’s self-development, or his MISSION, or HIS finding CONTENTMENT should have ZERO comments about women and their nature.”
Yes! Men are in the habit of looking for affirmation and feedback FROM Women. Instead, Men need to start giving constructive moral feedback TO Women and placing demands on them. Men need to STOP looking for wimminz approval. Wimminz are NOT godz. 99.999% of women will only distract you, waste your time, and lead you away from God and the truth. Men need to FIX their eyes on Jesus, NOT dat plump back end. Men need to LOOK to God, NOT camel toes and cleavage. Men need to learn what pleases the LORD, NOT how to curry favor with the walking wombs. We need to wean ourselves off the teat. This is a habit Christian Men absolutely MUST DO!
As long as a man is beating around the bush, FOOLISHNESS and SIMPDOM will be his default settings.
Unfortunately for everyone, for the past few decades, churchianity has taught Men to place Women’s wants and needs first, and to adulate the V (which is idolatry). It has taught young men to place women on a pedestal. It has taught fathers to make their daughters into educated harlots and liberated sex symbols.
In addition to this, or rather as a result of this, the average Christian man is not intuitively FOLLOW-able, partly because this image has not been presented as a Godly archetype. Thus, it is no wonder that Christianity is flailing and failing as a catalyst for forming Godly marriages.
Women are Followers
Instead of thinking that “Women are the gatekeepers of sex”, a more Christian approach would be to recognize that Women submit to their Head, whether it be the big head, the little head, the head of the herd, the head of the house, or the Godhead.
But one thing remains. Men can lead and pursue his own Mission and Purpose, but Men cannot choose which women will accept / choose his Headship and Follow along with him. This is essentially why the Meet Cute dynamic, as a selection model, is wholly dependent on the woman’s interest in the man.
As we can observe from women’s attraction to Chads, a man doesn’t even need to have a strong faith to have authority over a woman. A woman will follow a man as long as he is confident and he is going SOMEWHERE in life. You see, women’s attraction to Alphas / bad boys / Chads can be boiled down to one simple fact — He is NOT following her. He is NOT ogling her. He is NOT Googling her. He doesn’t give a flying flip about her demands. A woman is attracted to a man who is NOT following her but who expects her to follow him. In this sense, Pagan Chad is actually conforming to the Christ : Church :: Husband : Wife structure! (Not necessarily because of his inherent qualities of leadership or sense of Purpose, but primarily because women desire to submit to Chad’s sexual authority — because it Feeelz gooed and satiates their fleshly desires.)
But if a man is constantly obsessed with peter poking poon, then his idol is the V and his confidence goes down the Rube Tube. HE is FOLLOWING after the inverted structure and the Worldly System, and thus, he has to Compete therein. If he is always LOOKING BACKWARDS to see if a girl is following Him, then in essence, he is not making much if any progress going forward. Both of these stances are CONFUSING to women. It is like a dog chasing its tail and licking its @ss. The @ss stinks, and at some point the tail gives up and wags off.
Women’s inborn propensity to FOLLOW is a necessary part of the equation. Without it, a woman is reduced to being a Brassy, Independent, “I don’t need no man”, Boss B!tch. Her FOLLOWING is not unnatural nor is it wrong. But it becomes a disaster when women follow after their fleshly desires without any consideration of the consequences, and/or when they follow men who have ungodly purposes and follow them into sin.
The Proper Mindset for Men
The interesting paradox here is that if a man is not a top SMV looker who can compete well within the Worldly System, then Looking to God and His interests offers the BEST chance for a man to get a woman to follow him.
For a Christian man, his focus should be,
- “This is my domain of authority.”
- “This is my sphere of influence.”
- “These are my talents and gifts.”
- “These are my skills.”
- “This is what I am working on.”
When a man meets a girl, his focus should be,
- “Does she identify herself as being subject to my domain of authority?” OR does she identify me as being an expendable pawn under her authority?
- “Is she a suitable helper to me in my Mission?” OR is she chasing after any of the various Worldly Life Scripts?
- “Does she make an active effort to help me in my Mission?” OR is she only thinking of what she can get out of me?
- “Is she humble and teachable?” OR is she a hasty haughty hamster hoe?
- “Does our relationship glorify God?” OR is it one dramatic and embarassing Sh!t Test after another?
- “Does she respect me and give me IOIs?” OR is she giving out IOCs and treating me like a little boy?
Men do not need to know the specifics of their Mission in life, but they must have a general idea of what it IS and what it is NOT, then COMMUNICATE these things to her and see if she is on board with that. The vetting is to see if she will be a suitable helper and whether she can actually fall into that role. As deti pointed out, she needs to be ready for this NOW. If she is NOT, then she will try to make herself and her own issues, prerogatives, and problems into the Mission. If she is NOT ready, he moves on. If he doesn’t for any reason related to her, then he is regressing from his Mission and Purpose.
The Correct Way
- Man follows God and pursues his Mission and Purpose in life.
- A Woman notices and places herself within his domain of authority.
- The Man COMMUNICATES to the woman HOW he is following God.
- The man and woman discover a SHARED PURPOSE.
- The girl either helps him — in which case they get married — or she is a headache — and he moves on — alone if need be.
- After marriage, the Wife follows God by following her Husband and helping him in that journey. Any extra job / ministry on her side is done under the authority of her husband who must clearly evaluate if such job / ministry does not reduce his authority; brings glory to Christ AND does not impede her duties / responsibilities as wife / mother.
- Children follow BOTH (with Father being Head and God being ULTIMATE AUTHORITY)
If there is one thing Christian men need to remember, it is that being PURPOSE ORIENTED is a powerful force that will elevate his faith and carry him towards the culmination of his true LIFE PURPOSE. Even if a man hasn’t yet figured out what his specific PURPOSE is in life, if he adopts the internal habit of being PURPOSE oriented in all his thinkings, actions, and dealings with others, then this one thing alone can totally transform how he is seen by others, including and especially women.
This kind of attitude matches what I’ve described in the past as determination and detachment. From outside appearances, following Christ appears to be more or less the same thing as the secular concept of detachment, except for Christian men, this follows from being focused on God and his ordained MISSION and PURPOSE. The secular man is detached because he’s spinning several plates on his pole, or else he doesn’t really care. The Christian man is detached because he is focused on multitasking God’s work, and is NOT enthralled by poon nor the things of this world.
Remember, ultimately, for a Christian man, his Mission and Purpose is to MAKE CHRIST KNOWN.
Exit Questions
- How has God uniquely called you to establish HIS Kingdom on earth?
- Is He well pleased with you? If not, what needs to change?
Related
- Σ Frame: She Needs You (2020/7/1)
- Σ Frame: How to Develop an Attitude of Detachment (2020/7/10)
- Σ Frame: Determination and Detachment (2022/4/2)
- Σ Frame: Imposing Masculine Presence (2022/6/10)
Σ Frame 
Yes, the catch-22 with meet-cutes is this:
If you walk around desperately hoping to catch a girls eye so she shoots you that subtle but not-so-subtle IOI leading to your next LTR, you will be waiting forever.
As soon as you stop caring whether or not one happens, they start.
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And you have to REALLY not care. You can’t just pretend to not care, which is what game teaches.
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Depends on how good of an actor you are, and how attractive to the opposite sex in other ways. Some females enjoy a man who pretends not to care, even when they know he’s pretending… IF he’s sufficiently attractive to them otherwise.
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That sounds exhausting. I don’t like pretending to be something/someone I’m not.
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Every healthy, well-adjusted person (male or female) has this dual nature that seems contradictory, but really isn’t.
1) I’m valuable simply because I exist.
2) I’m not perfect, there’s always room for improvement, and I have a responsibility to God, myself, and others to continuously improve.
If a person has both those attitudes, they probably had a pretty good childhood. If they’re missing one or both, their childhood probably sucked.
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This is what Gavin McGinnes (cultural Christian) meant when he suggested that Christianity (as a worldview) reconciled Gods infinite greatness with man’s infinite smallness, and changed the world.
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There is a third. It has to be modeled by the parents. If children are given the first two points, but are not shown how it works in the daily grind, then the lesson will remain a mental exercise and may not extend to the inner beliefs of their heart. In this case, it is more difficult to learn these things because there is a mental block that presumes that these things are already in place.
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Crap, I failed to tie those two thoughts together.
This is where “be yourself” is good advice, but incomplete. If you follow the red pill grifters and become a dancing monkey, you’ll get laid, but you won’t be able to maintain a long term relationship, much less a marriage, because no one can consistently behave in a way that is inconsistent with their character for long. It’s exhausting. When the real you inevitably comes out, she’ll hit the eject button. So yes, you should be yourself, but that’s not enough.
If, on the other hand, you have the self-confidence that comes from knowing you’re valuable, and you also continuously seek self-improvement, that kind of person is attractive to everyone, not just women. Remember what Cane Caldo said; women are attracted to men that other men respect. Pretty much every man respects other men who are confident, but humble enough to continuously pursue self-improvement. Add to that a sense of mission, and the man will really stand out from the crowd.
If a man does those things, then looks around at the women he’s attracted, and he picks a virtuous one, now he stands a good chance of having a good marriage.
And yes, people who had a crappy childhood can get to that place. I’ve seen it. Christians derive their self-worth from knowing they’re created in God’s image, that God loved them first, and that God gave His only begotten Son for their sake. For the Christian, self-improvement is sanctification. And, of course, God gives the Christian a sense of purpose and mission.
None of this is easy, of course.
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@Oscar
Because we are made in God’s Image. The more Godlike. The more truly Human we become.
This is why despite the limitations of Being that God had to endure in a Human body. Joining of God and Man as One in Jesus Christ worked so well.
Theosis makes Humanity more Human.
Jesus as the Spirit who is enfleshed in a Human Body with his Human nature.
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OkraHead says:
Oscar says:
There are important lessons from this exchange.
1– All of us, and I mean all, are now something we weren’t 10 years ago. That development started with first thinking (taking thoughts captive), then acting in a manner in line with our thoughts and finally realizing we’d achieved the change we set out to make. The line about pretending to be something I’m not comes off like a chick excuse for not doing something, and in fact it is but expressed with high frequency in the form of “being true to myself”.
2– Change/pretending until behavior actually changes and becomes natural requires much hard work. For a man, achieving indifference to women’s outward beauty and overt sexuality is certainly a worthy endeavor. Whether that outcome is achieved through the more secular Thought –> Action –> Belief –> Reality course, or the more Christian centric concept of a man’s pursuit of God’s purpose for his life causing him to prioritize a woman’s inward beauty and her ability to help him over how much the thought of bedding a hottie makes his pee pee tingle.
The most powerful organ for change is nestled in the six inch space between a man’s ears. Often change starts with reframing how a man thinks about himself and his situation. The majority of the time thinking changes before he’s every accomplished anything, hence the old sales mantra, “Fake it till you make it!”
So this…
…is right, but getting here starts with pretending between your ears until it’s believed.
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@ RPA
You’re reading crap into my writing that isn’t there.
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This is really an excellent vetting outline! What I can see happened to me 34 years ago, just before I met my wife to be, God flipped this switch on inside of me. I’ve mentioned before I had two other Christian girls that I THOUGHT were right for me, however I was not fully focused on 1-5 below, and neither one of those nominally Christian females was answering the six questions for women below with a positive affirmation.
When I got rejected (Thank God!), somehow God got it over to me in the midst of my pain, suffering and misery to just FOCUS exclusively on those five things below and I did. Then He brought me my “Meet Cute.” I intuitively knew she was different from the other two, however I could not have articulated it back then. She was an affirmative answer to the six questions below. No wonder it worked out and the other two did not.
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Which, perhaps, explains why the U.S. finally tipped over in 2020, exactly 100 years after giving womyn the vote.
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Oscar,
I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not in order to ignore a woman. In fact, I could give numerous (female) references who will tell you it comes naturally to me.
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Right on cue…
After writing a post on detachment, Ash Pariseau at Dames That Know came out to rebuild the narrative.
She lists several behaviors of men that all fall into one of two categories: 1) He’s desperate for sex, or 2) he’s simping.
Only one behavior shows masculine dominance.
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All the answers were simping!
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I agree with Jason. Was all I have. No options. Beta simping. I would probably b with my first gf had I known serving her won’t help and being my natural harsh hard self is why she was there in the first place.
I am currently working on a beta who’s simping so hard for his gf it’s nearly intolerable and she just keeps pushing his boundaries. He thinks, “If I show her how much I love her, she won’t leave.” Endless gestures. They don’t even have a relationship. It’s turned to worship. “Look how pretty this girl is! WOW!!!”
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Off topic: Tom Brady retired for realsies this time!
It’s almost as though he went back to the NFL just to provoke his wife to divorce him. Remember gents, no matter how hot she is, some dude is tired of her crap.
Also, attraction doesn’t keep marriages together. Virtue does.
Now let’s see if he stays retired.
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He probably got myocarditis from the shot, so he has to retire again.
Remember gents, take her hiking on the first date to check for myocarditis shot clot damage. You don’t want to get too serious and then have her drop dead on you or into a coma like the King of Thailand’s daughter who is still unconscious after 3 weeks.
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