A proactive and responsible stance towards life, with God’s blessing, eventually leads to Contentment.
Theme: Consolidating Masculinity
Length: 1,200 words
Reading Time: 6 minutes
False Concepts of Masculine Contentment
Contentment is often regarded as more or less equivalent to Complacency. This is far from the truth. Perhaps this false identification is made through observation, as we generally see that discontented people are the most agentic, for better or for ill, so it is easy to assume that contented people are not, or less so. For example, compare discontented liberals, who are always on the warpath, with stuffy conservacucks, who philosophize and do nothing. This impression is misleading because both Conservatives and Liberals are rather discontent with the political climate, but they respond in different ways. Liberals believe they need to create change, while Conservatives think they need to prevent change, which comes across as doing nothing whenever Liberals manage to advance their agendas.
While Contentment is not the same as Complacency (as I will describe in this post and the next), the association of Discontent with Agency is true. Discontentedness actually serves a God ordained purpose to drive a man to action. But it is not good if a man responds to discontentedness with either of the following.
- Complacency — Complaining, losing hope, succumbing to self-pity, and becoming dejected.
- Negative Ambition — Pushing himself to accumulate more accomplishments and possessions with no sense of mission or purpose.
Going back to the previous example, although both Conservatives and Liberals are intensely discontent with the current political standoff, Republicucks often fall back to the first option, while SJWs and other liberals concentrate on the second in a vain effort to create a utopian world.
The best response is the positive variety of Ambition, which is, as I described before, a desire for continual improvement and the freshness of creative development. Contentment comes when that creative change has been realized in a well-functioning form. So a positive Ambition, or proactivity, is a necessary precursor to achieving Contentment. Thus, Contentment is rather the result of exercising Agency, that is, doing the opposite of remaining Complacent.
A man would do well to know which reaction he is predisposed to doing.
As to the first, if Contentment is translated to mean Complacency — just to let things be and not seek to better oneself (e.g. to be fruitful; to be sanctified; to become like Christ) — that is NOT the true meaning of Contentment.
As to the second, if Contentment is translated to mean Worldly Success — just to conquer all competition, overcome every obstacle, make more $$$, get more stuff, and not see any purpose to it all (e.g. to enhance one’s domain for the glory of God; to provide an environment in which others can find peace and be sanctified; to become an inspiration and role model to others) — that is also NOT the true meaning of Contentment.
Contentment and Mission
For Men, Contentment is always linked to one’s MISSION. A man’s Mission is how he is going to emulate Christ in his own personal way and thereby make Christ known within his sphere of influence. It is unique for each man.
A man’s MISSION must be combined with his PURPOSE in life — finding the place that God has put him in — his legacy — creating influence and drawing respect — through competency, achievements, growth — so that he may use that influence to glorify God and make Christ known. This essentially boils down to a man’s WORK for the Kingdom.
A man’s Mission may or may not coincide with his Career. Jesus was a carpenter, Matthew was a tax collector, and Paul was a tentmaker, but that was not their Mission. But if a man’s Mission overlaps his Career, then he is greatly blessed. Jesus grew up in the Temple, Matthew could read and write, and Paul was trained to be a Pharisee – thus garnering experiences and skills which helped them fulfill their Mission.
Case Study 1 – Career = Mission
A married female reader shared with me that her husband’s brother is a doctor. He told her sons that his mission in life was clearly defined. He said, for most of his education and career, he felt like he was traveling on a highway with signs giving directions at regular intervals. He now works as a missionary doctor in India. Even though he does not make much money, barely enough to live on, he has an immense sense of peace and Contentment about his work.
He also knew what kind of wife he needed. She needed to be faithful, responsible, intelligent, and able to live without very much attention or oversight. Eventually he found one, but it took her a while to learn how to be the wife of a doctor.
Many if not most men do not have a clear path in life. The way forward is not so evident. For some, God only reveals the next step.
A Biblical example of this type would be Joseph, the son of Jacob. He had a clear dream about where he would end up. He did not have any idea of what he would have to go through to get there, and this was probably for his own psychological good. Another example is Moses. He did not realize that going to the Promised Land would take 40 years of wandering in the wilderness, but he had daily manna as his provision.
Thy Word is a light unto my feet and a lamp unto my path.Psalms 119:105 (KJV)
The light does not show the whole path. Just where to place your feet next. Men who are in this type of situation need to accept that this is just God’s way of working in their lives, and that it is a fundamentally different way from those men who have a clear vision. Men in this situation may find it more challenging to attain Contentment, as the daily challenges are often dissatisfying and repletion only comes after many years of travail.
Case Study 2 – Climbing the Cliff
In the same email, the lady stated that, unlike his brother’s, the path was not so clear for her husband. She said at the time they met, he only knew some generalities. He knew a life staring at a computer monitor sipping coffee was not for him. He wanted to start a business and he wanted to mentor younger men. He was not at all clear on his Mission and how it would work out. But he did know what he was NOT cut out for, and he knew what kind of wife he needed. Figuring out the rest has been a step by step journey.
He was not on a highway as his brother described, but more like climbing a cliff wall. There was no clear cut direction — just up or down!!! He could only feel his way to the next ledge, and if there was no ledge, he had to drive a spike to support himself.
Even for many years after they married, he was still on the climbing wall, feeling his way up. He had some setbacks along the way, but he kept climbing. She felt uneasy about the financial insecurity and future uncertainty this created, but she decided early on that she must trust in the Lord more than in her husband’s income. Now, they are rather well off.
In summary, attaining Contentment involves avoiding complacency and agentically choosing to submit one’s self to God as opposed to pursuing self-interest or worldly things. In the next post, The Path to Contentment (2023/1/18), I will describe the details of how this works.
- Radix Fidem: The Simple Life (2010/9/30)
The Manosphere Simp problem:
The popularity of women like Pearlythings. Is just pathetic.
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Coincidentally, I was just going to write a post on this from the women side of things.
Looking forward to it.
Excellent commentary video; thanks for that.
Interesting point . . . how many of us are willing to put it on the line to move things forward? Nearly everyone has a vested interest in the status quo. That is, not to change their own level of comfort. Social and political opponents (esp. the left-leaning liberal type) rely on the others’ sense of fair play and reluctance to risk their lifestyle — their livelihood. Those in the west (esp. those of us in the U.S.) are too comfortable to commit to real change. It is the difference between the Apostle Paul and Judas. Paul put it all on the line and gained everything. Judas, on the other hand . . .
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After the Gillette anti man commercial was exposed for YouTube lying about the down votes and views I don’t trust their numbers. Men do not want to watch pearly things. They have deleted endless mgtow channels to the point I wouldn’t b surprised all left are govt disinformation. If they can subtract down votes they can add viewers. Men generally don’t want life advice from women anyway. All these people are grifters at best.
I thought of Jesus’ “upside down economy” as I read this. The way to be exalted is to be humbled. The way to be first is to be last, and so on. In our backwards world, contentment is often viewed as complacency, and people who lack goals or aspirations often couch this in the language of contentment.
One of the things — the many things — I appreciate about my husband is his intense energy, combined with his love of life and his appreciation for where we are on life’s journey. You can be purposeful and reasonably driven and also be content. These are not mutually exclusive.
Men love these gals because for the most part, men have hope. In spite of themselves (so my man says), men love women and want to love women. For all that is written about Eve’s rash move that plunged us all headlong into sin and death, she was deceived. 1 Timothy 2 makes it crystal clear that Adam was not deceived. He followed her, even at the expense of his soul. It’s in the DNA?
So when a woman seems to get it, hope is stirred. My man also points out that even when she gets it she will never be able to fully appreciate the man’s position any more than a man can fully appreciate a woman’s position.
ducks and covers
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The truth is that men and women cannot discuss intersexual dynamics in any meaningful way, meaning women will never ever understand what men go through. Men can understand what women go through, though. We understand it intellectually even though we haven’t experienced it. Women can neither experience what men are or do or have to do, nor can they really understand it.
Men understand this particular issue better than women do. I have been through this at way too many women’s blogs, Hookingupsmart and Bloom among them. I and others repeatedly and painstakingly explain something and then they seem to get it; only for them to be back at square one a couple of weeks later. Or, as Bloom would do, they throw up their hands and go on emotional tirades about how they just don’t get it.
It’s really a spectacle. It’s also the last part of the Red Pill I have to get down. Because, yeah, you all bamboozle us men with false hope that you’ll actually get it and understand it; and then when you don’t, it’s “Curses! Foiled again!”
Men and women cannot discuss intersexual dynamics and male-female relationships in any real meaningful way. Which is a major reason why men should just demand what they want and ruthlessly cut any woman out of their lives who fails to deliver on it.
Okay transwoman. At least most of us have the humility to know we can’t possibly fully understand what the other sex goes through.
Once again my man proves superior.
Way to miss the point.
The point is that men are better than women are at intellectually understanding something even when they have not experienced it.
And there’s your hyperemotional overreaction and name-calling. Typical.
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Call it emotional all you like, but this line of thinking is precisely how the theater of the absurd has taken over public discourse.
You said men can understand what women go through. That is ridiculous. You cannot intellectually grasp the feelings of a woman. Period.
I cannot intellectually grasp the feelings of a man. Period. I can -and do!- sympathize with a lot. But I know I can’t truly get it. How could I?
You though, more than any commentator I have ever read repeatedly insist that you fully get what women are thinking and feeling. I’ve only ever seen one other group of men do that.
Stop putting words in my mouth. I didn’t say men FULLY understand what women go through. I said men understand what women go through better than women understand what men go through. I said men can understand it intellectually. Men understand things intellectually by examining them, observing them, and drawing conclusions from observations. No, of course we cannot get inside a woman and experience what she experiences. We CAN, and DO, however, understand what women go through by watching them go through it and by observing and examining speech, conduct, facial tics, and other outward manifestations.
If you’re going to take issue with me, take issue what what I ACTUALLY said, not what your emotions concluded I said.
And once again – this exchange shows how men and women cannot discuss intersexual dynamics in any meaningful way.
I very carefully explained something, and carefully chose my words. Elspeth pounced all over me, called me names, and derided me.
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This may be a tangent, but something I came across today regarding women’s agency. They want men to fix problems they have created (in this instance, it was pron/OF) and someone said that men cannot fix problems until they are allowed to openly criticize them in public. It’s a retort that needs to be used: if you want us to solve it, you have to let us talk about it. If not, deal with it yourself. Let the wailing and gnashing of teeth begin.
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I don’t know if this is the right approach, but when my kids create a problem and expect me to solve it for them I usually tell them, “You created the problem, you solve it.”
Speaking as a father, this approach is not helpful. It is not helpful because children (and grown adults too) who create their own problems usually do so because they are incapable of doing otherwise. Thus, they are incapable of solving their own problems. When my children were younger (under the age of 8 or so), The way I usually dealt with this is to sit them down and talk it over, Thinking Ape style (see an example in the video below). I’ll explain what happened from a neutral objective viewpoint, talk through how they created the problem, ask them to brainstorm what they could have done differently, and guide them towards a better understanding of themselves and the situation. This approach is very effective. Part of the reason it is effective is because even if they don’t understand what I’m talking about, they can still trust my authority and recognize that father cares and knows best. This has a calming effect that puts to rest the deeper insecurities that are below their subconscious awareness but which do much to exacerbate their problems.
I’m not talking about 8-year-olds.
I think the same applies for adult 8-year-olds, but it only works if they trust you and they are teachable.
Adult 8-year-olds are a lot harder to deal with than actual 8-year-olds. I haven’t mastered that art. Actual 8-year-olds are cool.
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Deti. Women can’t understand the male perspective partially because they don’t have empathy for male pain. I noticed the women who support child support being abolished is always because it is taking away options for other women it’s not because they thought it was unfair. If men didn’t think about what was unfair for women they would have died years ago.
We see them struggle and have empathy for them and help them. But they almost completely do not have it back. A woman has no choice when her husband is struggling she has to beat provisions/survival any way she can out of him. Men wanted women, women needed men. Look at how women who don’t need men talk about them like the lowest life form on earth not a 50/50 partner.
The usual caveat applies, “…unless she thinks he’s hawt.” In this case, she’ll bend over forwards to empathize with the slightest inconvenience he might be facing.
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The best you can ever get from a woman in this regard is “Yes, X happened to men and that’s bad. But X also happens to women, 10 times worse, and it’s MEN’S FAULT!!” That’s what E said to me.
Never mind that X happens to women because women choose bad men, literally stepping over the cold corpses of good men to choose those bad men; literally ignoring the alive good men to choose bad men.
And women wonder why men break bad.
And women wonder why MGTOW.
And women wonder why men hate them.
And women wonder why we’re going to hell in a handbasket.
A road and a cliff. I like those analogies. I describe my life more like a maze where the doors shut behind me. I can’t see very far forward, and I can’t go back, but every time I cross a door I have to choose – left, right, or straight forward?
I’ve never heard God speak to me. I don’t blame that on God. I assume He’s speaking to me, and it’s my fault I can’t hear Him. So, I read the Bible, obey, and pray for guidance when I make decisions. Typically the way God guides me is by putting obstacles in my path that channel me in the direction He wants me to go.
It’s frustrating, but I’ve gotten used to it over the years. Now, when I run into an obstacle I think, “alright Lord, what are you trying to tell me?” And I look for other routes.
God deals with us individually. For me, the key is to keep moving forward. I can take a break to rest, but not too long, because inertia doesn’t just apply to physics.
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While I’m convinced God speaks to me, I still have a life experience that echoes what you describe. Hearing from God happens to His liking, not ours. Sometimes I knew exactly what I had to do, but it was typically something I dreaded. Nonetheless, the next branching decision was often where He seemed silent, and it was frustrating. It’s less confusing now that I’ve passed through so very many decision branches. I suppose too many possibilities have been eliminated and there’s not many left.
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The more given the more is demanded. When Israel got God’s visible presence in the Pillar of Fire and Cloud and the miracles done in Egypt and the Desert. God was far more short-tempered.
When the people in the towns Jesus preached in rejected him. Jesus said, “Woe to you”. And those towns were subsequently over the next few centuries completely wiped off the map.
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The reason pr0n, OF and the OASIS exist is because of women refusing their men in some form or fashion. Men don’t resort to these things when their women sate them. If a man cheats, it’s because his wife won’t have sex with him. If a man is in the OASIS, it’s because his wife won’t have sex with him.
Women have no cause to complain about any of this when they won’t do anything to fix the problem.
If women want to solve problems they are going to have to be active participants in said solutions. And that means making themselves available. It means putting themselves out there. It means actively making it clear they want men, are available to and for men, and are looking for relationships with men. It means actually doing things to solve the problem.
The main reason men and women can’t discuss intersexual dynamics meaningfully is because women don’t get it. They actively work to NOT get it.
Men just aren’t allowed to state publicly that they have problems with the dating/mating/sex/marriage market. They aren’t even allowed to say there are things about that market that they don’t like or that don’t work for them.
Men aren’t allowed to say anything about these things. Men especially aren’t allowed to say they want sex, that they can’t get sex, or that they aren’t attracted to some women. Men are not permitted to criticize a woman in particular or women in general, or suggest that women have a hand in the current problems of the day.
Women’s reaction to men’s discussion in this regard are:
1) run screaming from the room while calling men names
2) devolve into the usual “NAWALT” line of argument
3) call men names
4) accuse men of misogyny, sexism, violence, and gr@pe
The most innocent thing women do is stand there with faux confusion and bewilderment and proclaim “But I just don’t get it … all the men I know are out there dogging women out, having all kinds of sex all the time…. I mean, like, whut’s the problem, guyzzz? HuH?”
We cannot have honest conversations about this with women refusing to engage, using disingenuous retorts, or name calling.
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Or, the alternatives are
1) Women stop asking us to talk about this
2) Women stop asking us to solve problems (especially ones they created)
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Women altered society so that men cannot speak freely about their problems with women. We cannot talk in public or in private, except in atomized units. If we cannot talk, we cannot solve problems. This gives women free reign to sin and act with maximum irresponsibility. Women know this and that’s precisely why they did it. If we are to take back our rightful role as patriarchs, the first step will need to be the right to speak freely amongst ourselves, women’s feelings on the subject be damned. If women will not stand aside and allow that, we must refuse and let them fall into the pits of despair they created. No quarter.
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We are allowed to call out and correct women, but there will be a price. In a workplace situation it may be too big a risk to call down the wrath of HR, so don’t do it if you need the income.
Domestically and socially it is safer, but not safe. I have been kicked out of several fellowship groups.
Not too long ago my wife (very devout, daily Mass, multiple Rosaries every day), accused me of thinking something that I was not. I lost it and told her that mind reading is not a fruit of the Holy Spirit. If she imagines that she can read minds, it is the whisper of a demon.
Silent treatment, day 10 starting now.
Practically she isn’t saved if she doesn’t repent. Isaiah 58 speaks of Religion, Ritual, but without Righteousness.
All the Sacrifices at the Temple mean nothing without actual Righteousness in Day to Day. And in her case, daily Mass and multiple Rosaries every day is without avail since she doesn’t actually believe God nor obey Him and hasn’t repented.
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Ten days of silent treatment? Nope.
“Wife, you need to get over your faux offense. Now. Or you need to pack your things and find somewhere else to stew while we get lawyers and end this thing.”
I have a different take. Ten days of silent treatment is ten days of blissful peace and quiet. Meanwhile, she is welcome to stew and fret and suffer from the lack of attention — until she sees herself more clearly and gets over it.
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Deti, I apologize for the name calling. Sincerely. It wasn’t meant a direct insult, but it was still inexcusable. I should have articulated the line of thought that motivated the reaction rather than reducing it to name calling.
While there will never be full understanding on either side, there is such a thing as good faith, and I think there has been good faith demonstrated, even by some women who were ultimately unable to fully appreciate the plight of men the way you wish they would.
I have witnessed the gamut of what men suffer. I was raised almost solely by a man, surrounded by brothers, married into a family of men (widowed dad, several brothers). I’ve witnessed unfaithful wives, wives cuckold their husbands, men being repeatedly dragged back into court for more money purely out of spite. I watched my dad carry the full burden of providing and making a household for his kids. I’ve seen women place their kids above their husbands, deny them sex, all the things. I have cried real, literal tears for and with men who endured stuff you guys only write about here in the sphere. But I’ve seen it up close. I’ve seen way too much of good middle class husbands gradually phased out into roommate status. I sympathize. Greatly. But fully recognize I can’t possibly fathom the depths of the burdens these men have faced.
I cannot even begin to guess at what Liz has seen after 25 years as a military wife. I know it doesn’t even scratch the surface of what other people have seen; even me.
But I had also seen very good wives be cheated on. I’ve seen women have to bear financial provision loads because either their men were lazy, or because the men simply decided (a direct quote I heard a man use), “Helpmeet means she helps meet 50% of the needs.” His home, his castle. But he also expected a household run as if there was a full time homemaker in it. It caused of a lot of stress.
We have heard men — from their own lips — say their wife was a good, available woman but they simply were not mature enough to appreciate her or monogamy was not their cup of tea. Seen a couple of women who were with men (the only man they’ve EVER been with) for decades, suddenly facing the reality that their husbands have lived a double life. How a woman processes this stuff? No man can get that. He can sympathize, but he doesn’t get it.
The biggest issue between you and I, deti, is that I am given to looking at things more panoramic and this is a sphere almost completely dedicated to the horrors men suffer at the hands of feminism broadly and women more directly. We hear from a lot of people, talk to a lot of couples, and deal with people in specific instances, where there isn’t the luxury of, “Well in general…”
Well yeah, in general middle class Christian dudes with cute, sexually available wives aren’t particularly given to mistresses and sexual addition. But what happens when you run across that? Do you say, “Yeah, I know you SAY she was good and available but she must not have been. You’re mistaken, because there’s no way you would have cheated unless she did something to make you cheat! Because in general…”
Was there something she should have seen from the outset? Yeah probably. And the same could be said about a lot of men who suffer in marriages. Generalities are instructive, but specifics are where life happens.
That’s a lot. Sorry.
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You have violated the cardinal rule of getting along with a man.
Thou shalt respect a man at all times — no matter what you are feeling, and no matter whether you happen to think he is worthy of it or not. Even if he is your mortal enemy, respect is paramount in the world of men.
The quality of a woman’s relationship with a man, any man, all depends on how much and how well she respects him.
Ephesians 5:33 and 1 Peter 3:1-6 instruct wives to respect their husbands, but this also applies for any man a woman wishes to get along with smoothly. Aside from the Bible and intersexual dynamics, it’s a basic principle of social etiquette to respect others if you wish to be respected in turn and taken seriously. Men are exasperated with women who don’t understand this.
The very moment a woman violates the cardinal rule, everything she says and does after that is static noise that will be tuned out.
To men, good faith is first demonstrated by keeping things respectful and orderly. Secondly by engaging the argument seriously and sincerely. Men find it amazing how women habitually and impulsively make themselves into static noise, and then complain that men aren’t listening, demand to be heard, and blame the man for not being more loving and understanding. If women truly want to be heard by men, then they will present their viewpoints with dignity and respect.
Feministas will bastardize this foundational ontology to say that men expect women to be doormats. But what they really mean is that they think men are not worthy of respect and women are not capable of self-control. It is vitriolic gaslighting. They fail to understand that no amount of gaslighting will change men’s fundamental need for respect anymore than it will change women’s fundamental needs for love and attention.
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And here, with men and women just talking to each other, with a woman I’m not married to, “respect” does not mean “obedience” or “submission”. It means…
“Treat me like the ‘equal’ you claim you want me to treat you as. Be polite to me and listen to what I have to say. Work with me to achieve a common end. If you want politeness from me, if you want me to listen to you, then you have to give me those things. If you do not give me those things, I will not give them to you.”
It means, essentially, “You want ‘equality’? You want “equal footing”? Then deal with me in men’s currency: Respect, tolerance, and listening.”
Most times what women need to do is stop talking, and stop making everything about them, and stop taking everything so damn personally.
What happens when men and women discuss intersexual relationships is that women talk too much, they make it all about them, and they take it personally such that they conclude we’re talking about them personally.
It might very well be that what is being said applies to them personally, but if that’s the case, that’s not men’s fault. Women’s bad feelings about something being said applying to them personally is not my fault; it’s not men’s fault; and it’s not society’s fault or anyone else’s fault other than their own. Deal with your own feelings about it and stop putting it on us men. We didn’t do any of it to you. You did it to yourselves.
They think certain men aren’t worthy of respect. We now know that the only thing that garners true respect from women is sexual attractiveness. I think Scott has pretty well established this beyond any reasonable doubt. And it’s not that women are incapable of self control; it’s that women believe they should not have to exercise self control because no one has expected or required them to exercise self control. It’s that women believe they aren’t required to give basic respect to men, “basic respect” being common courtesy, listening, and treating others as the “equals” they say they want to be treated as.
Elspeth didn’t do that yesterday. Despite coming here expecting men to treat her as an “equal”, she would not offer me the same courtesy. She instead used her privilege as a woman to slip into her feelings and then attack and shame me and call me names, just like most women will do when confronted with an inconvenient truth. She did the usual things — attack my masculinity, compare me unfavorably to her “superior” specimen of a man, and hold me up for public ridicule. Hell, she might as well have just said “Incel!” and “You’re just a bitter small d!cked loser who isn’t getting laid!” In effect, that’s EXACTLY what she said, just in different words. In doing so, Elspeth showed herself to be little better than most other women participating in these fora, and demonstrated my point perfectly.
Elspeth, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Shame on you. Shame. Shame. Shame.
This is one of the things I really liked about Kevin Samuels. He did not put up with one ounce of this sh!t from women. He called it out every time women did it to him. He identified it, called it out, and told women they needed to stop it immediately or he would disengage and kick them off his platform. And he demonstrated how you deal with it — you identify it, call it out, and calmly yet firmly correct it and tell them to stop it immediately or be gone.
We as a society have collectively done this to ourselves. We as men have put up with it for far too long. The sole reason we’ve put up with it is because p_ssy makes men stupid. Men deal with women like this for two reasons — because (1) we stupidly bought into the notion that women can and do deal with men on a good faith basis and on equal footing using logic and reason without resort to emotion; and (2) we believe the lie from women that if we just deferentially listen to them and give them what they say they want, they might have sex with us and accept us.
And because calling women out and expecting women to deal with us on “equal footing” is “not nice” and “mean spirited” and “Well, I just don’t like your tone” and “You’re just being harsh” and “You’re so mean.” When we expect women to actually do what they say they want to do and deal in logic and reason, they accuse us men of being “mean” and “not nice” and “rude” and “disrespectful”.
It’s all just so much bullsh!t.
Elspeth. The innocent loyal divorced women who’s husband’s mysteriously cheated on them I know them too. I just call them divorced women and don’t listen to their sob stories or separate them into categories. I’m almost 40 I’ve never heard 1 divorced woman take %1 responsibility for her divorce ever. Same with dating never once was it her fault she’s got standards and he’s a bum – the end.
Women have absolutely no problem living like this and they can do what they want. But they can’t get me to believe them. When 1 woman steps up and says I was %100 to blame for my marriage failure my ears will open for a minute. We hear this everywhere men bad women good. She made him bacon and eggs for breakfast gave him his morning blowjob before work was gonna have tacos for dinner and he just never came home? Yeah whatever!!! If he wants to pay child support rather than live with her she’s a terrible person until proven otherwise.
“She made him bacon and eggs for breakfast gave him his morning blowjob before work…”
Technically and legally oral sex is categorized as “sodomy”. I’m not against it but it’s curious how something that was completely shunned in our grandparents generation is now openly embraced by this generation, even by Christians. Not just embraced but expected. Its because of porn only. Can you picture grandma and granddad getting down like this? Even mom and dad? I’m not against fellatio and cunnilingus but just from a socio-cultural perspective the change in sexual mores is interesting.
If you read the Bible instead of whatever else your reading you will find no laws about not having sex with your own wife. You mean to tell me it’s just fine to watch your grandparents have sex otherwise? Wtf! They offered the sodomites two virgin girls to do anything they wanted with and they refused. Maybe your the sodomite. Sex isn’t just for procreation and virginity isn’t a thin membrane. Any sexual contact removes a woman’s virginity. I have bad news for you. Catholic girls are well known for passing out blowjobs like candy. These phony unbiblical rules are what got our society in this position not a man having sex with his wife.
locustsplease I’m all for healthy sexuality shared between spouses despite my own upbringing in the Church which provided no sex ed, tried to get it kicked out of schools and the hushed tones around sexuality in my family. Just pointing out how expectations have changed culturally due to the mainstreaming of porn.
There are about 1mil abortions in America every year. There were about 1mil the first year it was legalized. I think they are bluffing on american clean living past. In the 60s women could b as big a hoe and no evidence. Today they have a social media trail to look at. Before u had to take their word for it. Things that were going on today were going on 1000s of years ago its nothing new. Women not having sex with their husbands and marriage delayed to nearly 30 is the problem. A few hundred years ago till the beginning of time people got married as teenagers. Now our communist education system prevents that.
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For the record, I have not responded to any of this because -as has become something of a winter tradition- husband and I were away for a few days . The holidays, while fun, also call for recovery time.. I only saw the responses this evening.
I have not slicked away in shame, 😆. However, there really isn’t anything I could say in response anyway. Appreciate other perspectives, though.
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I don’t need to fully understand or “get” it, the “it” being how a woman processes through some “horror”, real or imagined, that some man allegedly did to her. All I need to do is understand “it” intellectually.
No. We have endured it too. And your minimizing what we’ve been through just reinforces how you don’t get it and never can and never will.
Oh Gawd. Here we go. The NAWALT line. “I’m not like that! The women I go to church with aren’t like that! Men do it too! You’re just a misogynist! You hate women!”
We can’t talk about anything men have gone through without talking about women’s “plights”. I have already heard all these sob stories from women and about women. I grew up with this stuff. “Anything bad that ever happened to a woman must have been at men’s hands. Men are evil. Men are sex crazed horndogs. Men are abusers. She would have stayed with him if he hadn’t been so terrible.” Yeah yeah yeah. Blah blah blah.
I don’t care. I don’t need to hear another stupid story about how awful men are. I grew up having it bashed into my head every day for over 20 years how terrible we are. I don’t need to hear it anymore.
Too bad our fathers were so bad at teaching us the generalities so we could understand the specifics of what we were living in. That’s not my fault.
I only went there because you claimed men only ever cheat with clear justification. Sometimes that’s true. But it isn’t always true was my point. Had nothing to do with crying NAWALT, and everything to do with the realities of human sin and frailty in both sexes. But that’s off limits. Sorry again.
My apology still stands whether you accept it or not.
Have a good weekend.
We just can’t ever talk about ANYTHING having to do with men’s problems, without ALSO talking about women’s problems.
See what I mean?
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No, what’s “off limits” apparently is ever talking about what men want and need, without ALSO talking about what women want and need. What’s apparently “off limits” is ever talking about women’s faults and imperfections, without ALSO talking about men’s faults and imperfections.
We’ve had 70 plus years of hearing all about men’s faults and sins and evil. “The Evil That Men Do” has been discussed, dissected, and talked about ad nauseam ad infinitum. It is now time to talk about women’s faults and sins and evil.
Why did you need to point that out? Unless it was to soften the blow of Deti’s argument, which is exactly why you said it. Consciously or not, that was the purpose.
Men are tiring of listening to women. Deti is right; we have done nothing but listen deferently to your collective concerns going on a century now. All it has gotten us is heartache, confusion and misery. If you’re not going to make some sense, we’re going to stop letting you talk at all. If that’s the future you want, so be it. You were given more than your fair chance, and you’ve foolishly squandered it.
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Of course that was the point. That is one of the main points of “Men do it too!” argumentation — “Women aren’t the only ones who are bad” and “If we are going to talk about women behaving badly, we must also talk about men behaving badly.”
And, of course, “You holding a mirror up to me showing me how women behave makes me feel bad. And that’s mean and not nice. So I’m going to remind you of how men are bad too. Take THAT! And THAT! And THAT! You’re just a big meanie! Stop making me feel bad!”
I was going to write here that I was OK with letting them talk; just so long as I get to talk too and they really listen to me and hear me. But I’m beginning to think the solution is “stop talking and make a decision =- either get on the train and follow me; or stay here and find some other way.”
That’s the choice Christ offered His followers. He didn’t try to persuade anyone. He just showed them Who He was and is; and said, “Follow Me”, and let them make their own choice. “Here’s Who I am and what I’m about. Here’s what I will do. Here’s My plan. I’m offering you a chance to be part of it. Follow Me.” Left unsaid and implied was “or, don’t follow Me. Your choice. It’s up to you.”
I already have looked at the more panoramic. I already know about all the bad stuff, real and imagined, women have “suffered” at men’s hands. I’ve heard all about it. In fact, for the first 40 years of my life that’s literally all I ever heard about. So, with all due respect, I know at least as much about this as you do. So I don’t need to talk about it anymore.
What I do know is that for every woman whose man did her dirty (which man SHE PICKED, mind you) there’s another story no one ever wants to hear, and that’s the man’s story. Why did he lead such a “double life”? What drove him to it? Hmmmm? I bet I know. And why couldn’t you women see it? Where’s your vaunted “women’s intuition”?
I am so incredibly tired of hearing “but but but men do it too” and “he’s such a sh!tbag” from women. WOMEN F_CKING PICKED THEM. Not to mention, if the guy was such a sh!tbag, then WHY IN THE H_LL DID SHE PICK HIM??
And most of the time, women were stepping over neomaxizoomdweebies (your word) and poindexters and nice men to jump into bed with sh!tbags.
So, candidly, I don’t want to hear any more about bad men, men with “double lives” and sh!tbags. Women picked them. Women have all the social and sexual power, and increasingly, more of the political and economic power. Women have literally everything in society now. And we are seeing the men you pick. So no more complaints about “bad men” when those are the men you pick.
So have I. So has the whole frickin’ world. According to The Narrative, all of us men are Like That. That’s the BEST thing the world says about us. The worst things the world says about us is that we are the cause of all problems in the world and that if we just gave everything to women and let them run everything, the world would be a much better place. The world is fast in the process of doing just that. What has it brought us? 90% of men with nothing, women giving the top 10% of men everything. Which will plunge us very, very fast into another Middle Ages with a feudal economy, serfs, slaves, landowners, and mass abuses.
So, yeah. I know all about that. Every marriage I ever heard of ending from about 1975 to 1990 was caused by an eeeevil man. Yeah yeah yeah.
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