Complacent energy kills all attraction.
Targeted Readership: Men
Theme: Consolidating Masculinity
Length: 1,800 words
Reading Time: 9 minutes + 13 minute video
Men can be very aggressive about life. But only when circumstances demand it.
Women can be very aggressive about sex. But only when hypergamy motivates it.
When things are going well, people fall into habits and get complacent and lazy.
This post will cover one of the biggest hindrances to Men becoming actualized.
Complacency Will Ruin Your Life
Coach Corey Wayne: Complacency Ruins Attraction (2017/6/5)
Here, Corey tells the story of a male viewer who read his book for a while and picked up enough tips to attract a girlfriend into his life. Then after about two years, he got complacent, lost focus on his purpose, gained weight, and became needy and unattractive. Then his girlfriend dumped him unexpectedly and he fell into a tailspin. One night while he was drinking and feeling sad about himself and his life, he saw Corey’s book on the shelf and started reading it again. He came to realize that the reason why his previous relationship failed was because of his complacency. Once he realized this about himself, he did what he could to recover, and he completely turned his life around in only four months. He was able to attract a new woman into his life and he also improved his relationship with his daughters.
“It’s another great example of failure to follow the fundamentals and the consequences, and the successes that quickly manifest once you start applying them properly.”
He quotes the guy’s email saying…
“When you love your life, you naturally will take better care of yourself. You’ll eat better, exercise more, work harder and have a more positive and optimistic attitude towards life and the challenges it naturally brings. Life will feel more effortless because of the natural enthusiasm you have for enjoying your life and the people in it. The happier you are, the more attractive, approachable and desirable you will be to your romantic partners. Romantic success is the result of having a fun and exciting life that you’re proud of. Happiness is contagious and attracts other happy people. Do what makes you happy, even if you have to do what sucks temporarily as a means to an end to get from where you are right now, to where you want to be. With enough time, patience, practice and repetition, you can build the life and lifestyle you’ve always wanted.”
The Under-Addressed Problem of Complacency
Corey Wayne may be a Red Pill grifter, but he’s right about the problem of complacency. Casey Zander had a better video on this subject, but he deleted it for some reason. Zander’s video described how complacency and sincerity are two traits that are big turn-offs to women, emphasizing that complacent energy kills all attraction. Yes, complacent ENERGY is the thing! Even if a man is not actually complacent, if a man carries a low-energy, laissez faire stance towards life, women can feel this and it is a big turn off, not only to women, but to everyone in general.
So if complacency is a real and widespread problem among Men, then why is there a vacuum of Red Pill voices that address this issue? I’ll guess that grifters WON’T cover this topic precisely because this is a key issue for men.
Let me explain.
Maybe you’ve known some dishonest doctors who pass out a lot of big pharma sponsored pills that only cover symptoms — or so it is claimed. They’ll never mention the adverse long-term side effects. Meanwhile, they’ll take the kickback from the drug companies for promoting these pills and drag their feet in giving their patients the treatment they truly need. Why? Because if they did, their patients would actually get well and then they’d have less income from both the patients and big pharma!
Likewise, if grifters started addressing the real issues that keep men trapped in a state of dejection and complacency, such that these Men adopted a forward attitude, then their lives would change for the positive so much that grifters would lose their subscriber base!
It’s that powerful!
Dealing with Complacency
As Corey’s reader demonstrated, complacent energy shuts down the waterworks indefinitely, but let’s be careful not to get sidetracked by the p00n. It’s not just about attracting women or even currying SMV dominance. Men need to look beyond their urgent desire for snatching thatch and appreciate this aspect of attraction for what it is. Women are attracted to men who have their lives together, so we can regard women’s attraction as a litmus indicator that a man has done so. OTOH, a complacent energy sends the opposite signal and women are highly attuned to pick up on this.
Like I said, many Men would fare better if they would step up their game and be more proactive about living their lives, but the problem is that many men don’t know how to squeeze that ambitious zest for life out of themselves. So they lumber through life having to accept less than what they’re cut out for and thereby rack up many frustrating experiences just to come to a place of disappointment and regret. And yet, they feel like something was/is holding them back and they’re not sure what it is.
Think about it. How many Men do you know who are decent hardworking chaps who can put on a smile and introduce some levity when the occasion calls for it, but then when no one is around, they sit around feeling very sad and kind of frustrated, disappointed with themselves and how their lives are going (or for older men, how their lives have turned out), despite all their diligent efforts to work hard and stay close to God.
They may even wonder to themselves (as I have done on occasion), “God has always known that I’ve been seeking Him. So why couldn’t God have done more to help me to grow more spiritually mature and do better in life?”
Well, maybe it’s because of complacency. I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s only so much God can do. God has to wait for something to happen with us. We have to do something first in order to give God something to work with. Adopting a more proactive attitude towards all of life is a good start.
This may be men’s biggest blind spot – not knowing what kind of action is appropriate, when it is necessary, and why (i.e. having a purpose for doing so). It’s the male version of Female hypoagency, which at its root, is a form of spiritual immaturity.
Based on the account of Adam’s complacency in response to Eve’s sin, I would go so far as to say that ALL of men’s spiritual malingerings have a lot to do with complacency.
This applies to myself too. Looking back on my life, I can see that I’ve have many opportunities to reach certain goals throughout various seasons of my life, but these chances escaped me for reasons unknown to me. Looking back, I see that it’s because I was waiting on God; meanwhile, He was waiting on me.
Having a firm grasp on the Bible and the Red Pill helps immensely, as does knowing one’s self and knowing how things are supposed to be. For many men, much of complacency is based on spiritual pride — of believing that we are self-sufficient and that nothing needs to be done to advance our state of affairs in life, or worse yet, that nothing can be done. Some men even believe that ambition is anti-Christian (and yes, it can be in certain contexts). But let’s not reject the good on account of the bad.
Jack’s 10 Tips for Eradicating Complacent Energy
It all begins with simple things that any man can do.
- Initiate action. Don’t procrastinate.
- Form the vision of achieving your Goals
- Keep yourself charged up by pursuing an enjoyable interest (e.g. a hobby, a personal project, or listening to music).
- Go to bed at a timely hour. You need adequate rest to feel alive and energetic.
- Get out of bed immediately upon awakening. Your attitude will follow your action.
- At the end of the previous day, prepare a menial routine task to do as soon as you begin the next day. It could be as simple as laying out your clothes to wear, or as complex as writing down a work order to be called in for the next day. These habits will help kick start your day and get you up and running.
- Always have things to do, places to go, and people to see. Whenever you don’t have these 3 things planned for the day, then change things so that you do.
- Get out of the house every day, even if you’re sick or it’s your day off. Take a 10 minute walk if nothing more.
- Talk to at least 5 people every day. Work the phone. Meet people if possible. Strike up a conversation with the neighbor or a stranger you might meet by chance. Every person counts.
- Be proactive in your social encounters. Initiate contact. Initiate the close.
In short, learn to take each day as a blessing. Be thankful for your life, no matter how fantastic or how lousy it might be.
Readers are invited to contribute other tips in the comments.
It’s hard to identify complacency as a source of inefficacy, as we are prone to focus on activity rather than inactivity. It’s hard to discipline one’s self not to be complacent, as most men prefer to kick back and take it easy. But in fact, complacency prevents men from making progress towards those things that they want most in life. No matter what those things might be, whether it is to make more money, to get out of debt, to finish a degree, to start a business or a men’s group, or to have a girlfriend or a wife and a happy family, kicking complacency to the curb in every area of one’s life is a good move for the better.
Perhaps the biggest risk of remaining complacent is that Men never get a taste of what life could be like for them if they were in a continual habit of stoking that fire in their hearts.
Readers may sigh and groan if reading these words without any hope, but the sooner we accept the fact that complacency may be our biggest hindrance, the sooner we can capitalize on a better life for ourselves, just as Corey’s reader concluded. By God’s grace, being proactive about taking action just might create or lead you to the hope you are missing.
The ongoing challenge for Men is to learn to desire dominant proactivity more than complacency, and thereby get the thrill of being on top of their lives. A man doesn’t even need to be that good at what he does, he just needs to carry a positive energy about it.
- Σ Frame: Epilogue: Counting the Cost (2022/3/30)
- Σ Frame: Moral Agency is Dependent on Spiritual Maturity (2022/12/19)
Notice in the Book of Acts. It’s when Paul is on the move and trying to get into Asia that the Holy Spirit redirects him to Macedonia:
God steers the wheel but we only move in that direction if we are proactive. Even the miracles of God required Moses to act in certain ways. Or to cry out to him as when the Israelites were thirsty and starving before God actually provides the Manna and Water.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Typical Coach Corey Wayne Testimonial:
I too was a hit with the ladies and then out of nowhere I couldn’t even get a BJ at a bar, which most guys can easily get. I don’t know what happened, but I happened to be at a friends house after being dateless for a few weeks, and saw your book on his bookcase. I read just a few pages, and it made perfect sense.
All I had to do was stop simping, vote for Trump, and stop feeling sorry for myself and behaving like a loser Incel.
Not even a week later, I was at a bar and I bedded two hot college aged gals. I am 30 btw, but I look 22. They have friends they introduced me to as well. Now I am back to getting BJs every few nights like most men get. Thanks for all your help in getting my groove back.”
LikeLiked by 4 people
One more way our modern society is evil: it makes ennui very attractive, if not seemingly inevitable. There’s no denying that there is an air of defeat and resignation today, that most people find it hard to get out of bed. But we know that despair is a sin, so we must fight this, and those without God guiding them are going to find it hardest.
One of my heroes as a young adult was John Taylor Gatto, the schoolteacher who researched the origins of modern education. In his travels he interviewed the dean of admissions at Harvard, who told him that what they are looking for is someone with a physical hobby, an intellectual hobby and a social hobby, as this person is most likely to be well-rounded and become either rich or famous (which would lead to good press for Harvard).
I’ve tried to emulate this model and keep all three going, although it’s harder to pull off as an adult. Intellectual for me is easy, as I naturally enjoy reading and learning. Physically, I go to the gym and started riding a bike this year, and in the past did things like disc golf, hockey and hiking, although I struggle with consistency. Social hobbies are where I have the hardest time, so this year I took up ballroom dancing, which has been a success. The key here is that you can swap out hobbies if you get bored with one or it runs its course, and it you should always have at least one of them going on each week. I think some guys (some, not all) think they need to be defined by their hobbies, and don’t want to be “that guy” if they get into something. But if you have several other irons in the fire, and see the activity as a means to achieve a goal, that won’t be a problem. I think it would be almost impossible to fall into a rut of despair if you followed a similar model or mentality.
LikeLiked by 3 people
That’s interesting. Can one hobby cover two categories? For example, ballroom dancing seems to be both social and physical.
I suppose you could, but I prefer not to do that. In my case it’s a matter of purpose: I need an excuse to interact with people and I’m much better one-on-one than in a group setting. Dancing is perfect for that. I’m not trying to win competitions, or replace another hobby with it. If it runs its course, or I need to modify my routine, I guess I could start combining, but I prefer to keep them in separate categories if I can.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Jack, this is a really helpful post. I definitely needed to hear this right now.
LikeLiked by 1 person
An old acquaintance in Fresno does bonsai trees and his goal was to have a Japanese styled garden covering his whole back yard. He lives in the older part of town where the 1920 styled homes have huge back yards. Last I saw him when I was driving up to the Bay Area, I dropped in; it was the most peaceful, beautiful backyard I have ever seen. Rolling low landscaped mounds. A small carp / goldfish pond with a stream that pumps back into the pond and gets filtered. Stone lanterns. Manicured paths. Various smaller stones, shrubs. Flowers. Cherry trees. A beautiful permitter fence done in that stained japanese wood / slat style. Many of his bonsai trees are now taking root, and growing nicely.
The place is quiet, only the sound of flowing water, and it is poetic and inspiring. He converted to Zen Buddhism right before I met him. He is single like me, but has zero problem meeting women. (It’s the good hair and jaw line… It really is!)
When I first met him in 2009, the yard was your typical Oleander shrubs, manzanita, grass, and a concrete slab for a patio. It was a labor of dedication and love and it looks professional. Not a half-baked “Oh, look at my Japanese garden!” kind of thing. From the position of the patio sliding door, to anywhere you stand….. It looks much bigger than it is and it’s so perfect! It looks like it was effortlessly made, and maintained.
You cannot see it from the street. The front of the house is landscaped appropriately for the area, and the home itself is a 1920’s California middle class home. Front room with fireplace, two bedrooms, one bath. A solarium / enclosed back porch and a small dining room / ante room off the kitchen.
An excellent way to live. Even absent the ladies.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good list! Nice reference.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Funny thing about complacency is I’ve seen it affect many aspiring business owner friends. They think they will get started and just hire everyone to work, then they’ll do nothing. And people can sniff this out a mile away and they never keep workers and those aspirations disappear. I’ve got friends who went thru ridiculous problems, nearly unbelievable flops, because they refused to just work and make money themselves. They just want to drive around and watch everyone.
Then there’s me and we all have lazy sides but I am the boss / best employee. I fix everything and save myself 10k a year working on my own equipment. I did well for years and was like semi retired. If I didn’t have a kid I would have a skiff in Florida… I’d go down there and disappear for months. I ended up in the position they want to b in and now they all want to b in my spot and spin their wheels working way longer hours than me.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Sloth is one of the 7 for a reason. It’s hard to work, to plan, to eat right, to get to the gym, to practice a skill or hobby.
Learning to delay immediate gratification in pursuit of longer and more lasting goals is a lifelong struggle.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ll be honest, I struggle with sloth. Some guys seem like it they sit still they’ll explode. That’s not me. I have to force myself to get up and at ’em every day. But, we all struggle with two or more deadly sins. For most men, lust is one. For me, sloth and wrath are the others.
Pingback: The Path to Contentment | Σ Frame
Pingback: A Response to GrifterShifter’s Comments | Σ Frame