Validation

We’ve heard this word tossed around in the Manosphere, but what exactly does it mean?

Readership: All; Men;
Theme: Feminine Submission
Length: 1,750 words
Reading Time: 9 minutes

Introduction

Rollo Tomassi made a major contribution to Red Pill lore with his distinction between Transactional vs. Validational Sex (2018-3-7) stemming from his original postulate, “you cannot negotiate genuine desire”.  Rollo went on to describe many of the problems and pitfalls surrounding Transactional Sex, but to my knowledge, he never explored Validational Sex beyond its evo-psyche association with hypergamy and hormonal estrus.

So here I’ll examine a few case studies in which we’ll see certain patterns surrounding the phenomenon of “validation”.

Case Study 1 – Tobacco Juice leads to Love

Here’s an old story from the post-WW2 era.  This odd story always confused Blue Pilled me, but it makes perfect sense to my Red Pilled sensibilities.

A young woman bought a brand new pair of expensive white shoes that were in fashion.  She wore them while she was out and about town with a female friend.  As they passed a young man chewing tobacco, he abruptly turned his head to the side and carelessly spit right on her shoe, presumably by accident. She was very angry and demanded that he should pay for a new pair of shoes as a replacement.

Long story short, this interaction led to them getting married.

In a sense, this is a bizarre Meet Cute.  Blue Pilled men will be confused and ask, “Why did she fall in love with a man who spit on her favorite shoes and ruined them?”  Red Pilled men know “Chicks Dig Jerks.”  The deeper reason is because he carelessly defiled her and this aroused an emotional response, most notably her desire for an ego affirmation.

Case Study 2 – The Bored Hoe

Cameron232 came across this short Dear Abby message.*  She calls herself a “ho” (!!!) and she even uses the term “validational sex”!  (Evidence that the Red Pill is fully mainstream now!)

Dear Abby,

I’m a ho who’s bored with my hubby.  Can’t make the switch from validational sex to love sex.

Sincerely,

Damaged Goods

Translation: “Bored” means her marriage isn’t “validational”, as Rollo would say.  IOW, there’s no Ego Affirmation in the act of sex.

Case Study 3 – The Dazed H0e

Slate: My Husband Thinks I Don’t Have Sex With Him Because It’s “Typical” for Married Couples (2022-5-18) (Archive)*

“My husband and I have been married for seven years. We’re in our 30s, with two small kids. Our relationship is in a good place. However, our sex life has been lukewarm for years, and despite some haphazard and short-lived efforts to either “talk about it” or even “spice it up” with toys or new positions, I know that my husband is unsatisfied insomuch as he makes frequent “jokes” about how my libido has significantly stagnated since the initial years of our relationship — lots of jokes about how we’re such a “typical couple” in that our sex life has diminished in heat since we’ve been married, and so on.

She gets down to the nitty gritty in the following paragraph.

“Well, I know why my libido has really waned.  […]  When we first started dating, I was in what I call my “sexual awakening” period — I began having sex at a relatively later age than most of my peers, so I racked up a number of sexual partners in a short period of time.”

Slore status confirmed!

Reading through this article gives insight as to exactly what “validation” entails.  [Emphasis mine.]

“And during this time, I came to associate sex almost exclusively with being desired and associating that with a kind of (ill-placed) validation and affirming of self-worth.  Once I entered into my first real loving relationship with my now-husband, I didn’t need the sex anymore to validate his interest in me or my worth as a sexual being.  In effect, I never translated my association with sex as a form of validation to sex as an expression of love.”

~ Dazed and Very Confused

The host is thoroughly confused and responds by glibly urging her to “have more fun” in her sex life, seemingly ignorant of the fact that Fun = Defilement.

Some things we can get out of this…

• The phrase “my worth as a sexual being” is loaded with euphemistic meaning. Her self image is based on being a dominant man’s sexual plaything and she has never developed any personal character aside from this identity.
• She has learned to depend on the libidinous male initiative to get the bed bouncing, which suggests that she never really explored her own desire and sexuality in the process.  IOW, she learned to always be served, and never learned to serve.
• Old habits die hard, and this includes bedroom habits.  The reality is that married sex is nowhere near as libidinally charged as hooking up after a long dry spell.  So this leaves her high and dry (literally), especially after 7 years of marriage and a couple kids.

The thought would never occur to her that she could develop her self-image as a wife and mother, nor that she has her own libido that could be explored and put to good use. But the problem is that (1) these things come from her own initiative and (2) are not defiling enough to be fun.  Alas, she can be defiled no worse, so there is no more ego-affirmation nor fun to be had; hence, the dazed dryness.

Note: There was a discussion about this same article at Patriactionary: Wife confesses in advice column to riding the c0ck carousel, hence why bored with sex with her hubby (2022-5-20)*

Case Study 4 – The Ambitious H0e

Here’s the next correspondence to the “relationship expert” at Slate (same link, further down the page).  This letter conveys the story of a wife who wants an open relationship.  She writes,

“Through many conversations, my boyfriend and I decided long ago that our sex drives and desire for multiple partners differ — I am the one with the extracurricular desires — and that it’s OK by both of us for me to have sex with other people. However, though he denies it, I’ve noticed he seems to get a little jealous or uncomfortable if I reference other sex partners. I do believe him when he says this is not a big issue for him, but I think he chooses to process some of his understandable emotional reactions privately.”

Hamsterbation!  It is a very big issue for him, but he doesn’t have the balls to tell her, “No, you’re mine!”  Probably because the sex is so thrilling and he’s afraid of losing out on that.  IOW, he’s a slave to her V Power.  His hesitancy to enforce a boundary actually increases her sense of insecurity and tips her desire to mess around.  This is revealed when she says,

“When this all first began, I had sex with maybe one other person every other month. It’s now sometimes become once a week, depending how horny I am.”

Here, it should be noted that Men crave sexual variety, but Women cannot have sex like Men.  Women like this are not promiscuous for the variety.  No.  They crave the affirmation of being dominated and the “fun” soul-shock of being defiled again and again.  If this is not done by the same man enforcing boundaries, then she will seek to have it done by a series of men.  Whatever is necessary to humble her.  This humility is what brings “validation”.

As long as he stands by and lets her go on, she will get further into the habit of quickies with strangers – and this will continue until she becomes totally burned out and jaded, or else something happens that puts her in touch with reality (e.g. pregnancy, physical abuse, contracting an STD, etc.).

Fornication is a somewhat reliable source of humility, but it does not endure long and brings an array of negative consequences to the heart and soul.

Case Study 5 – The Revolving Door

Rob Says: She Doesn’t Want You, She Wants To Know She Could Have You. (2022-10-10)

In this post, fellow blogger Rob relays some personal anecdotes about several women he had a fling with.  He ended some of these relationships, and the woman ended some of them, but all the women he mentions popped back up in his life a few months after it ended.  Looking back on these experiences, he observes,

“The only time women have been quasi-serious about “getting me back,” or “staying in my life,” was when I ended it.

Any time they ended it, whether they stayed in contact or not, they were not serious about “getting me back.” They just wanted to know that they could.”

Rob quotes Rian Stone to explain all this behavior:

“She doesn’t want you.  She wants to know she could.”

I’ll go a little further to say that all these women already got the thrill of being humbled / defiled by him, but the ones that ended it got enough Ego Affirmation / Validation out of him to move on.  The ones that he ended came back looking for an ego-affirmation that had been elusive or incomplete while they were together.  They all toyed with him until they got it (women call this “closure”), and then they either casted him aside or else put him on the backburner as a backup orbiter, and then went off searching for another fresh sexperience of Defilement / Humility / Ego Affirmation.

Conclusions

“She’s not yours. It’s just your turn.”

Scott et al. have noted this behavior in wimmin before, comprehensively describing it as,

“Women’s preferred sexual strategy is serial monogamy.”

The reason women have the propensity to become serial slores is because they’re hungry for the validating humility of being dominated and defiled in an ego-affirming manner.  Once the relationship has progressed to the stage in which no more Domination / Defilement / Humility / Ego Affirmation is forthcoming, they’ll move on to the next man, looking for the same all over again.

To sum all this up in elegant form,

Validation = Domination + Defilement –> Humility + Ego Affirmation –> Feeelz of Self-Lurrrve

Put simply, in fellow blogger Jim’s words,

“You are mine!”

Put crassly, CH style,

“The worse you treat her, the more she’ll love you.”

It all goes back to the point I made harder, that Wimmin always have sex on the brain.  To be more specific, they crave the fun humility of defilement. They’ll repeat this behavior because they don’t know God’s love and this Humility is the closest thing to love that they can find (short of repentance).

Ultimately, they’re looking for sanctification (i.e. God and His love and grace), but they’re going about it in the wrong way.  The sad thing is, they will drift farther away from both God’s love and the authentic love of a man the longer they continue in the idolatry of the feeelz.

Disclaimer: Presumably not applicable to non-hoes, but there’s no guarantee.

* H/T: Cameron232

Related

• Σ Frame: What does it mean to be Defiled? (2018-12-9)
• Σ Frame: Apprehending True Humility (2019-4-7)
• Σ Frame: The Alpha Widow Syndrome – A Manospherian Allegory of Defilement (2020-3-4)
• Σ Frame: Humility and Defilement (2020-6-17)