The Glory of Submission and Humility in Helping

It’s not for the charity, but for the inner peace and purpose.

Readership: All; Younger Men; Single Men; Christian Men; Women interested in getting along well with a man;
Theme: Feminine Submission
Length: 600 words
Reading Time: 3 minutes

I received an email from a female reader in response to Red Pill Apostle’s post, The Value of Feminine Humility (2022-10-4). She points out that a truly submissive wife is not motivated to be that way because of all the benefits that RPA wrote about, but rather because she identifies as the wife of a husband with a mission and she recognizes that her best service to God is in helping her husband.

RPA wrote,

“A woman [who is humble and submissive] has the best chance at getting a husband that would do everything in his power to give her everything she wants and anything he thinks she might want.”

She responds,

“While I agree this may be the RESULT, as a Christian wife that should not be my INTENTION.

Christian wives are called to be “helpmates” to their husbands. By being his encourager, respecting him, submitting to him, supporting him and being loyal… that is my DUTY as his wife.”

1 Timothy 6:6 says, “Godliness with contentment is great gain.” How my husband responds is not the point. Whether my husband responds by giving me what I want is irrelevant. If I am not his “helpmate”, then I have failed in my DUTY and I am answerable to God for it.”

“Though I agree with you that usually the results are quite positive.”

She goes on to explain that the real benefit of feminine humility is not the charitability of her husband (although that is a nice bonus), but the glorious shalom of being a Godly woman. She cites this passage…

…rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

1 Peter 3:4 (NKJV)

…and adds,

“The value of feminine humility is that it is, in the sight of God, a great and precious trait for a woman to have. And for a Christian woman, finding favor in God’s eyes is a supremely satisfying JOY.”

“The question is, do I want to please God? If yes, I please Him by following His Will and design for marriage. And for a Christian wife, that means I am to be my husband’s helper. Anything that takes me away from ‘helping’ my husband — criticism, discontent, disrespect — these are all SIN. Sin has to be acknowledged, confessed and turned away from.”

If I’m reading her right, she’s saying that humility and submission to her husband gives her a sublime sense of self-esteem and self-worth that remains undisturbed by anything of this world. If there is any perceived lack of care or generosity from hubby, then this doesn’t detract from her joy.

Tying back to RPA’s essay, the valuable takeaway here is that a joyful woman will naturally receive much better treatment from her husband and others as well.

In the final, this is exactly what Christian husbands want from a wife — a peaceful spirit, gratitude, joy, thankfulness, and making a willing effort to fit in to the larger scheme of things without making waves. Her humility and submission are the keys for her to get in this door. This is not required by husbands (as it is often purported), but by God Himself. Men simply recognize that these traits are important for a woman to have.

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About Jack

Jack is a world traveling artist, skilled in trading ideas and information, none of which are considered too holy, too nerdy, nor too profane to hijack and twist into useful fashion. Sigma Frame Mindsets and methods for building and maintaining a masculine Frame
This entry was posted in Agency, Choosing a Partner or Spouse, Collective Strength, Conflict Management, Conserving Power, Courtship and Marriage, Discernment, Wisdom, Discipline, Enduring Suffering, Female Power, Fundamental Frame, Glory, Holding Frame, Honor, Identity, Inner Game, Intersexual Dynamics, Introspection, Joy, Maturity, Personal Growth and Development, Models of Success, Moral Agency, Paradigms of Religion, Personal Domain, Personal Presentation, Persuasion, Power, Psychology, Purpose, Relationships, Sanctification & Defilement, Self-Concept, Self-Control, Stewardship, The Power of God, Vetting Women. Bookmark the permalink.

38 Responses to The Glory of Submission and Humility in Helping

  1. Bardelys the Magnificent says:

    With this logic, a woman could be a good wife of any husband: rich or poor, in shape or not, even Christian or not. So why would even a “Godly” woman have a laundry list of standards? To ask the question is to answer it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • ramman3000 says:

      “So why would even a “Godly” woman have a laundry list of standards?”

      By the numbers, it is Godly husbands, not Godly wives, who have the largest list of standards in the Bible.

      “a woman could be a good wife of any husband: rich or poor, in shape or not, even Christian or not.”

      Yes, and so too a husband. Why else would Paul say that the Jews, who were hearers of the law, were surpassed by the Gentiles, who were doers of the law, when the Gentiles didn’t have the law? How could those to whom the law was not given be better at implementing the law they didn’t have than those to whom the law was given?

      1 Peter was written to foreign Jews living abroad. The instructions were given to husbands and wives so that they would live among their foreigners without being a stumbling block to them. The list of instructions is for the purposes of evangelism, so that Christians would stand out as shining examples.

      Ephesians, 1 Corinthians, and Colossians similarly have lists of instructions for Gentiles so that they knew how to blend Greco-Roman customs with the Christian way of life, to be a witness. But it was not obvious how to do this. Paul wrote (e.g. in Ephesians 5) that Christians were to be full of light and the Spirit because the days were evil. The instructions to husbands and wives were a part of that. This echoes the holy living amidst suffering that Peter described.

      Like

      • thedeti says:

        Men’s standards are very, very simple.

        Be nice, be pretty, don’t get fat, be available.

        For Christian men add to that

        Be submissive and obedient

        and we’re all good.

        Most women can meet all of these standards exceedingly easily.

        Liked by 4 people

  2. elspeth says:

    “So why would even a “Godly” woman have a laundry list of standards?”

    Because children have to eat, be educated, and be discipled? Just off the top of my head…

    Like

    • thedeti says:

      She can get a man who can get that done with one or two standards, not the ridiculous laundry list that Roissy used to call the “436 point list”.

      Like

      • elspeth says:

        I agree. I am not advocating for the 436 point list, and am on record repeatedly making the point that virtually any two reasonable Christians -of the opposite sex- who are fully committed to the principles of Scripture can have a happy enough marriage. I still believe that.

        But like RPA, I live in the real world where real people are imperfectly walking out their faith. Even the most earnest are going to run into interactions that have some versions of a transactional nature.

        My husband is a lot of things (awesome is on the list), but he ain’t perfect. He would laugh at the notion, as -every once in a great while LOL- he will acknowledge that he’s a big pill to swallow and express appreciation for my willingness to take on the challenge.

        Like

    • Bardelys the Magnificent says:

      I wasn’t aware that 100k a year and being 6 foot tall was required to procure food and properly raise children.

      Liked by 5 people

      • thedeti says:

        This. A man doesn’t need all the sixes to be a decent husband and father. A man doesn’t need to be an absolute perfect SAM-level bull alpha to be a decent man and husband.

        Liked by 1 person

      • surfdumb says:

        Giselle has that and more, but doesn’t have enough of her own career, so say kaput to that marriage. She should read this post, if so, she’d keep a marriage, and have joy from being submissively humble.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Red Pill Apostle says:

        https://www.sportingnews.com/us/tampa-bay-buccaneers/news/tom-brady-gisele-bundchen-divorce-timeline/puozj1oo0qwu9drovsntd2we

        I think Gisele will be able to stick the landing after leaving Tom and Tom will do just fine himself (there will be a line of women waiting for him if he wants one). What I find interesting is that she married the greatest NFL QB of all time, he still loves the game and is still performing at a high level in his mid 40s. Time being what it is, his playing days will soon come to an end, but she’s apparently upset about the risks his career poses to him and the time commitment required for him to still be good at his job.

        Women are rarely ever satisfied and with those few that are it is a merciful gift from God to her husband. I’ll propose that the female laundry list of standards is directly related to the sex’s greater propensity to have a fleeting emotional state where the target of her contentedness keeps getting away from her. The list is due to a lack of being content which shows a general lack of thankfulness for God’s blessings in life.

        Liked by 2 people

      • thedeti says:

        I think Gisele will be able to stick the landing after leaving Tom and Tom will do just fine himself

        Of course. This isn’t Helen HomecomingQueen divorcing Ronnie Runningback, where Helen works in HR at BigCorp and Ronnie’s the VP of Sales. We’re talking about world famous NFL QB Tom Brady (“Oh, please come sexually harass me!!”) and international model Gisele Bundchen.

        Liked by 1 person

      • thedeti says:

        Time being what it is, his playing days will soon come to an end, but she’s apparently upset about the risks his career poses to him and the time commitment required for him to still be good at his job.

        Wait a minute. I didn’t see this before. Maybe this is what Jason Whitlock was talking about.

        So that’s what this is about? This is about Brady working too hard, spending too much time at the office? This is about him spending more time working? This is about him chasing excellence?

        Brady might as well do what he wants – if it were going the other way and he were retiring, Gizzy would be b!tching about her husband getting soft, lazying about, not working hard enough, being constantly at home underfoot, and being an unambitious bump on a log.

        You just can’t win with a woman. No matter what you do it’s never correct or sufficient. Either you’re pushing yourself too hard, or you’re not pushing hard enough. Either you’re too much or not enough. Either you’re doing too much or you’re not doing enough. You’re working too hard; or you’re not working hard enough. You’re never around or you’re always underfoot.

        Sheesh.

        Liked by 5 people

      • Red Pill Apostle says:

        thedeti,

        From what I have read the “this” that Gisele has her panties all wadded up about is his career and the risk of CTE or other head injury (this could be a cover for her wanting the focus on her, but I digress). She basically found a gladiator with model like looks and is unhappy that he is a gladiator and wants to be a gladiator as long as he possibly perform at a level he expects of himself.

        Female contentedness is a gift from God.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oscar says:

        “What I find interesting is that she married the greatest NFL QB of all time, he still loves the game and is still performing at a high level in his mid 40s.”

        How many times have I made this point? I saw this dynamic so many times in the Army.

        Picture GI Joe Superstud with a chest full of medals and badges, and all four tabs on his left shoulder. Women throw themselves at guys like that (to be clear, I’ve never been one of them). One of his admirers finally snags him.

        What does she do then?

        She immediately sets out to change him. “No more dangerous stuff for you, mister! No more jumping out of airplanes. No more rappelling out of helicopters. No more rock climbing. No more motorcycles.”

        At this point, one of two things happens.

        1) He says, “You knew who I was before you married me”, refuses to change, and she divorces him.

        2) He changes for her sake. He becomes miserable, because he’s no longer engaged in any of his passions. She says, “You’re not the man I married anymore” (no kidding, genius!), and divorces him.

        To be fair, Giselle let Tom Brady have a long, distinguished career. Even so, he is who he is, and she married him because of who he is. Why marry a man for who he is, then try to change who he is? What do women think is going to be the result?

        It’s like buying a sportscar, taking it home, whipping out your hacksaw and saying, “I think I’ll turn it into a boat!” How could that possibly end well?

        Liked by 3 people

      • ramman3000 says:

        “How many times have I made this point? [..] She immediately sets out to change him.”

        One of the reasons to marry young, less set in her ways.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oscar says:

        “One of the reasons to marry young, less set in her ways.”

        Um… no. Older women do the same thing.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Kentucky Gent says:

        “You just can’t win with a woman. No matter what you do it’s never correct or sufficient.”

        @thedeti,

        What do you think is the solution? Grin and bear it? Or just hope you find one of the rare women who are humble and grateful for what they have?
        MGTOW? Repeal the Duluth Model? Antiquity-level Patriarchy?

        Like

      • surfdumb says:

        I read it not as worry about his injuries but that she was upset for delaying her career, thought he was going to retire, then came back for another year, and she thought she sacrificed too much already. Wish I had a link for where I read that, but I think it was Outkick.

        If it was about him being injured, she’d get a bad habit, or counselor, or a friend, not divorce him. So I believe what I read got the point correct, she wanted to get the spotlight now. Anti-humility.

        Like

      • naturallyaspirated says:

        Re: The Bradys

        Eve wasn’t content with paradise, and as great as Tom is, even he falls short of paradise.

        (It doesn’t matter that Tom is the best player in the history of the most masculine, popular, and lucrative game in our culture, at the most important position, and looks like a cover model for GQ. IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER when you have XX chromosomes. It’s hardwired.)

        Like

  3. Red Pill Apostle says:

    “1 Timothy 6:6 says, “Godliness with contentment is great gain.” How my husband responds is not the point. Whether my husband responds by giving me what I want is irrelevant. If I am not his “helpmate”, then I have failed in my DUTY and I am answerable to God for it.”

    This is written by a woman who has had one of 3 options happen in her life. First, the Holy Spirit may have guided her to this conclusion allowing her to arrive at her perspective on her own. Second, Godly parents may have taught her biblical truths about marriage and the role of husband and wife within marriage. Third, her husband taught her, however easy or hard that learning process was.

    What she expressed is biblically correct but, due to the curse and sin nature, is not reality. The nature of the marriage relationship is transactional and the nature of those transactions for the vast majority of marriages is highly skewed by a western culture that glorifies wifely rebelliousness against her husband.

    So are men to sit back and suffer the sinful behavior of their wives? Of course they are not. Which means men are to rid themselves of utopian notions of how their wives should act biblically, and deal directly in a transactional way with how their wives actually are. For 99.99% of us that means imposing discipline by withholding those things we would naturally want to give our wives should they be biblically submissive.

    So 99.99% of women fail in their duty and are answerable to God and are not convicted at all about their sin in this area. They don’t even realize their rebellious behavior is a sin. My perspective on the value of feminine humility and submission comes from the reality, not the ideal. (For any of you fathers of younger daughters teach them the ideal. Same goes for fathers of younger sons.)

    Liked by 2 people

    • Rock Kitaro says:

      Gonna have to disagree with your sentiment here. I do believe that a majority of women fail…but 99.99%?, sorry man but I refuse to believe that. Maybe 75-80%? But there’s really no way to truly know.

      The “reality” you speak of may be experienced by a majority of men, but I’ve been blessed to have met too many women who don’t fit that mold. The very reason why I hold on to hope that I might find a woman who expressed as the Female Reader expressed, is because I’ve seen plenty of examples in my real life. A lot of them are married and have been for a long time.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. locustsplease says:

    Just don’t get carried away and call him master.

    Like

  5. redpillboomer says:

    “In the final, this is exactly what Christian husbands want from a wife — a peaceful spirit, gratitude, joy, thankfulness, and making a willing effort to fit in to the larger scheme of things without making waves. Her humility and submission are the keys for her to get in this door. This is not required by husbands (as it is often purported), but by God Himself. Men simply recognize that these traits are important for a woman to have.”

    I pretty much get this from my wife, and it seems she derives her JOY from her relationship to God AND her obedience to God. Her being a good, Godly wife, at least as it appears to me, draws from these sources and not so much from me. It helps for sure that I have a walk of faith with the Lord, and I’m endeavoring to grow in it, but she has her own walk with the Lord, separate from mine, but co-joined with mine via marriage. IOW, If I was out of the picture, say I died, I’ve every bit of confidence she’d continue right along the way she’s going with or without a new husband in the picture.

    What does she get in return from me? Not a perfect husband, but one willing to at least attempt to meet her needs, wants and desires that I either perceive or she occasionally relates to me. For example, every now and then she says, “I’d like you to be more romantic.” Instead of me thinking defensively, like in, “Why the he!! does she have to bring THAT up again?”, I look to see how I can meet her need for romance in a way that she’d like. In part, and I mean this in a good way, I’m endeavoring to RECIPROCATE what she gives me by being a Godly, submissive wife. IOW, I want to do it for her because I get it from her.

    My point I think is this, when a woman/wife is like this with her man, submissive and Godly, her man SHOULD respond with love and affection of all kinds, from the “touchy feely” stuff to other forms of love and affection, i.e. doing stuff that blesses her like fixing things around the house and the like. If the man has any sense about him at all, and some men don’t, I know, I’ve met a bunch of them, then he’ll DO something or BE something that blesses her and leaves her with the thought, “Glad I’m married to him! I wouldn’t want any other man!”

    It seems to me, and I could be wrong, that this is the only real anti-dote to hypergamy. If all women are hypergamous by nature, i.e. all have the innate desire of wanting “the bigger better deal guy or the very best man they can land,” this kind of relationship is the only anti-dote to it.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. lastholdout says:

    A bit off topic from the OP, but something I think y’all will appreciate and enjoy. Eva Cassidy has some beautiful music and the message in this song is sad, but a good lesson for young girls and unspoiled women . . .

    Liked by 1 person

    • feeriker says:

      No doubt Eva has gotten some serious hate mail from feminists for that song. Definitely one that needs to be evangelized to young women (for all the good it’s likely to do).

      Like

  7. Lastmod says:

    Discussed this morning on a Blackpill Forum:

    “Bareback Brady” as he is called will have zero problem finding a new gal. None. Heck, you can even get away with cheating (Deflategate) and because you have a pretty wife, a nice dimple on ‘yer chin, great hair…you pretty much can do whatever you want now. You can stand with former President Obama years ago and talk about how “unions are so important to professional sports players, to make sure they get the outrageous amount of money they deserve, and how unions are standing up for the rights of everyday people!” (like him).

    Countless sports stars in baseball, basketball and other sports (cycling for example), you can cheat and people will STILL love you for it! Pursuing excellence? GTFO. All the sports star needs to do is NOT apologize, do a “woke / woke-ish commercial or PSA” and go on some talk show. No one will care.

    The wife will tell the world of course of all the horrible amounts of “emotional abuse” she went through supporting him, and because of her amazing support, and without HER in HIS life; Brady would not have accomplished one tenth of what he did, even the cheating! With this claim, she will expect about half of his money for the rest of her life.

    She will have zero problem of finding plenty of men to ride the carousel with. her modeling career will get a brief kickstart, but the modeling industry DEMANDS youth, cocaine, diva behavior, entitlement and other trappings. She has them all….but the youth is fading. When her career DOESNT pan out like it did at one time…….guess who will be blamed!!!!!

    Tebow, Bonds, Armstrong, Sosa…….all of these cats have legions of loyal fans who put IMAGE over actual SKILL and none of these stars suffered for their cheating.

    It was YOUR fault they cheated.

    I still cheer for the SF Giants but I no longer go to games anymore. They’re all paid enough for doing little.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Bardelys the Magnificent says:

      Panem et circuses.

      Liked by 1 person

    • ramman3000 says:

      “I no longer go to games anymore. They’re all paid enough for doing little.”

      It’s the right choice. It was institutional capture (e.g. covid lockdowns) and mask mandate requirements that ultimately did it for me. Far, far too few of them resisted to make any difference, and I don’t like giving money to people that hate me and refuse to use their influence to do good. In retrospect, that cheaters thrive in that environment really should have been enough to clue me in.

      Like

    • Rowena says:

      About Gisele and Tom – firstly – celebrity marriages are not usually the normal definition of marriage – a relationship of sexual monogamy. Given both their extensive sexual history – and the fact that his ex was pregnant when they began dating (as per link posted) I have serious doubts that either or both were totally faithful. The cheating happens in practically all celebrity marriages. And BOTH know it. They just choose to ignore it – as long as it is limited to one night stand stuff – it only comes out if there is a divorce.

      According to link – she earns more than him (500 million to his 350) – red flag there!!!! I wonder how alimony will play out if above is true!!!

      I think Gisele will be able to stick the landing after leaving Tom

      I wonder!!! Will there be men wanting to marry her? Of course – she is Gisele Bunchen!!!!

      But look at it from her point of view – she needs to find a guy better looking than Tom Brady; makes more than 350 million dollars – preferably more than 500 million dollars.

      Else she spends the rest of her life being laughed at; the laughing stock of EVERY meme – you gave up Tom Brady for THAT??????

      So how many guys available who make more than 350 million dollars; better looking than Tom Brady – willing to marry a 42 year old woman (sure she looks hot – but pretty much at end of her fertility) with 2 kids (12 and 9 years – heading into teenage years) and one who DIVORCED Tom Brady. Especially – assuming he has 350 million dollars and is better looking than Tom Brady – he can have ANY PRESENT supermodel in her prime 20’s

      She is an IDIOT (thinking she has same MV as her SV which is declining) though she probably has someone lined up – who is an even bigger IDIOT if he wants to wife this one up. As for Tom – she has to paint him as the bad guy – so even if any number of women will be ready to marry him – once he has been through the celebrity divorce ringer – if he wants to put himself through all of that by getting married again – well!!!

      And that is the sad part of this divorce – you have 2 people who supposedly have EVERYTHING that the world offers as success. But in essence both are going to grow old alone.

      Sure – they may have their one night stands and pseudo relationships. Both might even get married again. But they are both going into old age with bitterness and loneliness

      And that is the consequence of trying to make marriage anything out of God’s design which for the record is get married; become one flesh; be fruitful and multiply; face life together; grow old together

      My heart goes out to the kids – 12 and 9 years is such a precious age!!! They deserve better. Does nobody think about the kids these days? Do people still buy that garbage – kids just want their parents to be happy!!! All that money and look at the childhood you are giving them. Its just too sad!!! How many train wrecks do children have to survive before people wake up and realise it is one too many!!!!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Joe2 says:

        My heart goes out to the kids – 12 and 9 years is such a precious age!!! They deserve better. Does nobody think about the kids these days? … All that money and look at the childhood you are giving them.

        Really? I’d bet there are millions of kids (and adults too if they could go back in time to a younger age) who would trade places in a heartbeat. Not to mention inheriting the “good looks” genes of both the father and mother. The kids had a fantastic childhood, one which dreams are made of. Tom is still their father and Giselle their mother divorce or not. Cry me a river.

        Like

      • info says:

        @Joe2

        Except that their upbringing is Spiritually barren.

        Like

  8. feeriker says:

    “Why marry a man for who he is, then try to change who he is? What do women think is going to be the result?”

    What have we been saying here in the ‘sphere, since Day One and ad nauseam, about women and “cause and effect?”

    If women had any grasp of it, or had any grasp of praxeology in general, they wouldn’t do self-destructive things like this on the first place.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. locustsplease says:

    Years ago, I was in a church group with a couple barely older than me. One of the breakups to talk, I ended up with them. I was like, “What is wrong with the wife? She never says a word and looks at him funny.” After knowing them a while, I realized she really respects, admires, and follows him. When he talks, she looks directly into his eyes from the side and listens. That’s it. No rebuttle. Never questions him. Not a word.

    They have the most well behaved children you have seen.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Rock Kitaro says:

    Before I go back to read the other comments, I have to say, it brought a big smile to my face to read that Female Reader’s words. Seriously, if she reads this, THANK YOU!!!

    Man or Woman, honestly, I am so sick of anyone who calls themselves Christian putting so much stock in the reward, this self-centered notion of “what do I get” for obeying God’s commandments.

    Whether God blesses me with the reward everlasting life in the Kingdom of Heaven or not, I really don’t care so much about that! I trust Him. I put my faith in Him that his ways are just, and thus, I trust his judgment of me and everything I’ve done.

    More than anything, it is my honor, my privilege, my pleasure to strive to put God first. Yes, it can be tough because Satan has made it difficult, being in this world.

    But I think, maybe because I grew up in a household where I didn’t receive a lot of encouragement or praise, where I did a lot of great things, random acts of kindness, and self-sacrifice that received no reward or recognition, where people always second-guessed my honest intentions…I love that God sees everything I do. He knows my heart and I know he’s proud. That is my reward. Doing what’s good in God’s eyes to the best of my abilities is what fills me with joy. Making the multitude of angels smile as they see my striving and resisting this world, that is my reward.

    To know that there are women like that Female Reader who exists…Where you do the right thing, simply because it’s the right thing to do…never mind the rewards or the results…God bless her.

    Liked by 2 people

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