How to Tell if Your Date might be an Adulteress

Sniffing out a cheating slore is not an easy task… unless you use discernment.

Readership: Single Men
Theme: Dating and the SMP
Length: 1,850 words
Reading Time: 6 minutes


Back in 2019, Boxer at v5k2c2 (now defunct) and I coauthored a series about older women in the SMP, cougars, divorced MILF’s, and their children. During our private communications regarding these posts, Boxer asked me,

“Did you ever establish any specific “tells” or markers that clued you in to the fact that a b!tch is still married and/or attached? This is an undertheorized topic that could be valuable.”

Aside from her wearing a wedding band and openly declaring her status as a married woman, determining a woman’s actual marital status is not so clear cut. Married women looking to jack a Chad and cuck their hubbies can be extremely discreet about their liaisons, especially if their man is the jealous type.

Back in my younger days of hooting and rooting and hunting for a wife, I always steered clear of married hoes by a wide margin. But you can never know for sure. But looking back, I’m pretty sure I dated a few that would qualify as an adulteress by one definition or another. In answer to Boxer’s question, here’s a list of reasons why I believe so.

Indicator 1: Her Living Environment

The biggest giveaway is that she has a large, comfortable, well-maintained home, two cars in the garage, and children living with her (or other such indicators). Only married women have this kind of home environment. But not every married woman has such arrangements.

Some specific things to look for.

  • Men’s shoes and/or clothing in the closet.
  • Two toothbrushes in the bathroom.
  • Tools, equipment, machines, classic cars, motorcycles, or other things of interest primarily to men.

Here, you’re looking at another man’s domain.

It gets more difficult to ascertain their legal status if they are estranged and have been separated for a long time. So when dealing with any woman, a man needs to get a good mental image of her lifestyle and daily schedule, to see if there’s a chance she might be hiding another man in the closet, so to speak.

And remember… the man she’s hiding could very well be you.

Indicator 2: She is discreet about meeting you

Women love the drama of an affair, however, they want to be firmly in control of that drama. They do this primarily by maintaining secrecy. Women can be discreet in many ways, but here are a few.

  • She’ll want to decide where you’ll meet, and when.
  • She is possessive about her phone, and she uses a screen lock.
  • She’ll frequently want to meet you in strange or remote locations.
  • She’ll wear sunglasses the whole time she’s out with you in public.
  • She’ll be particularly finicky about where she wants to go with you.
  • She’ll only meet you after dark, or at the same exact time every week.
  • She’ll abruptly cancel your meetings and give a plausible excuse why.
  • She’ll never want you to visit her home nor go near her place of work.

If she is secretive about her schedule, or if she only has specific times of the day or week that she is willing to meet you, then she may be hiding something, either from you, or from her husband.

And remember… the thing she’s hiding could very well be her relationship with you.

Indicator 3: She is Glorified

I discovered one quality through discernment that I described in an earlier post, What is glorification? (2019-3-23).

Women display a market value increase when they’re entwined and entangled with the Tingles, and especially after they get sexually imbued with masculine affection. There are many obvious physical indicators, which when combined, lead to a form of glorification.

  • Her face glows.
  • She’s happy and smiling.
  • Her eyes are gleaming with hope.
  • She has a sudden burst of self-esteem.
  • She conducts herself in a more mature manner.
  • She’s more content, and less emotionally needy.
  • She is more confident, especially more sexually confident.
  • She may become more animated and emotionally expressive.
  • She’s dressing up and attending diligently to her hair and makeup.
  • She is self-assured, and she speaks in a more direct, candid fashion.
  • She stops using anger and feigned helplessness as tools of manipulation.

The point here being that both marriage and having an affair can have the same effects on a woman.

Perfect beauty, elegance, hairstyling, and cosmetics.

Applying this concept to the case of a woman already married, rest assured, she has already gained affirmation from her marital status. So she’ll have a confident, calm detachment that a single woman won’t. This is perhaps one of the more obvious traits because it is also very comfortable and attractive to men.

Western churchians like to think that a woman with these traits is emotionally secure and mature in her faith. But these qualities didn’t just appear out of no where. There’s a man, somewhere, who loved her enough to bestow upon her these immaterial blessings, give her a sense of security and value, and make her shine.

The question for men to determine is this: Is that man Jesus, her father, her husband, her Chadwick lover, or you?

Indicator 4: She is Anxious

As I wrote above, a cheating girlfriend/wife will have a confident, calm detachment that a truly single girl will not. But at the same time, she’ll be anxious and her heartlights will never come on.

This anxiety is part of the appeal of her having an affair. Women are drawn to the drama and the uncertainty, as well as the thrills.

If she’s new to the cheating game, she’ll be anxious and worried about getting caught.

If she’s been doing it for a while, she’ll be more comfortable with it, but there’s still an air of untenable uncertainty.

If the man happens to hit a deep nerve in her soul and steals her heart, then she’ll become anxious to branch swing to him, and then she’ll be conniving for a divorce.

It’s also very difficult to discern whether a woman who claims to be divorced has actually filed the divorce papers and has received a ruling. But her anxiety will give her away.

Truly divorced women, on the other hand, are a different kind of feline. They have gained a sense of affirmation and self-assurance from the experience of being married. They will be hip-rearing hedonic and utterly exhilarated to resume dating* and may not feel anxious at all.

The challenge for men gauging her anxiety as an indicator of her status is that men like to believe that she is anxious because she is in love with him, and not because she’s doing something against her conscience. It is a fundamental attribution error. It is critically important for a man to make this distinction, and discernment is absolutely necessary here.

* The word dating is often used as a polite euphemism for engaging in casual sex.

Indicator 5: She’s NOT a clingy pain in the @$$

In the last post, I described how young, unmarried women can be a clingy pain in the @ss (PITA) because of her immaturity and lack of experience. PITA traits are rather nuanced and subject to context, but overall, being a PITA is not the same as being contentious and b!tchy. Being a PITA means that she’s emotionally insecure, socially awkward, and unrefined, which suggests that she’s single and has never been shaped by a man.

Marriage and especially having children gives women a sense of responsibility, status, and security that allows her to grow out of these kinds of PITA behaviors. (Some women actually grow into them, if they really love and trust their husband.)

A married woman who’s hunting for some side meat will not only be less of a PITA because she’s married, but she’ll also try to avoid being a PITA because she wants the peculiar combination of secrecy, saucy drama, discreteness, and control, as I described above. She’s NOT trying to establish a Feedback loop of Heart Trust. She’s NOT desperate to have her non-sexual needs met. She’s just looking for easy, discrete, forbidden thrills. IOW, it’s not about her (for once), it’s about sexploration. She might get really hot and bothered, but she won’t feel humbled enough to see you as her heart’s lord and master. That means true visceral Headship is absent, and this lack of covenant Headship is largely what makes adultery morally wrong.

The weakness of using this marker is that PITA traits are assiduously discriminated against in western societies, and as a result, they disappear rather early in life for most women. So just because she isn’t a PITA is not a fire proof test that she’s stepping out, but it’s definitely something to consider.

Concluding Statements

In addition to sniffing out your dates, these 5 qualities could also be used to ascertain whether your own girlfriend or wife is (or is about to be) a cheating ho. In this context, Points 3-5 are especially important. If she was always a forlorn PITA wearing mismatched clothing with you, and then she suddenly starts dressing hot and wearing makeup (Point 3), starts being argumentative and edgy (Point 4), and stops being clingy and emotional (Point 5), then there’s a very good chance that she’s imbued with the masculine affectation of another man, and is devoting some of her authentic Heart Trust energy to him. If so, then a break up is imminent.

When she’s with you, you see her for who she truly is.
When she’s on the prowl, she presents her best faux image.

The task of telling what kind of woman she is lies in discerning how much Heart Trust she is offering, and how humble she truly is. The woman worth keeping around will have more on both counts.

To figure this out, you have to spend a bit of time and talking in order to give her status a proper assessment. It doesn’t hurt to be inquisitive and critical in this respect, because women will interpret your parsimony as DHV, Command Presence, and a general absence of neediness. They also like it when a man sifts through their heart and life, because giving a woman this kind of attention is a preselection criteria which requires them to “prove their value”. When they can pass through a rigorous examination and be accepted, then it also gives them a sense of affirmation.

I’ve given you a lot to think about here, but really, the answer to Boxer’s question comes down to Discernment.

  • For single/dating men, discernment of Heart Trust is what allows you to read these signs and avoid getting entangled with an attached woman.
  • For those men who already have a girlfriend/wife, discernment of Heart Trust will help you gauge which behaviors are authentic and “normal” for your own woman, and when she makes a sharp deviation from the norm. This will allow you to read the writing on the Wall when her Heart Trust is receding.

Also, getting involved with an attached woman will erode your discernment. So if you don’t have much discernment to begin with, you’re truly well screwed.

About Jack

Jack is a world traveling artist, skilled in trading ideas and information, none of which are considered too holy, too nerdy, nor too profane to hijack and twist into useful fashion. Sigma Frame Mindsets and methods for building and maintaining a masculine Frame
This entry was posted in Building Wealth, Choosing a Partner or Spouse, Conserving Power, Courtship and Marriage, Decision Making, Discerning Lies and Deception, Discernment, Wisdom, Divorce, Female Power, Fundamental Frame, Game Theory, Glory, Holding Frame, Hypergamy, Introspection, Love, Male Power, Maturity, Personal Growth and Development, Models of Failure, Moral Agency, Power, Purpose, Questions from Readers, Relationships, Running the Gauntlet, Secrecy, Self-Concept, Self-Control, Sexual Authority, SMV/MMV, The Power of God, Vetting Women. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to How to Tell if Your Date might be an Adulteress

  1. redpillboomer says:

    “Also, getting involved with an attached woman will erode your discernment. So if you don’t have much discernment to begin with, you’re truly well screwed.”

    I’d also extend this rule to separated and divorced women as well. Just because she’s LEGALLY separated or divorced, does not mean she’s emotionally, heart-wise unattached. The attachment could be ‘longing for him’ in some fashion, or ‘hating him’ in some fashion, or anywhere between those two extremes. At one point in time she bonded with THAT man, married him, and she is FOREVER attached to him no matter what she says or how she acts.

    The Manopshere warns men ad nauseam about single mothers (divorced and otherwise), and this is really good advice — stay away from them. Why?
    Because they come with baggage from their prior relationship. I’ve known a number of men who have been drawn to divorced, single mothers because they occur as ‘easy;’ i.e. easy to get into a relationship with, easy to bed, etc., even for a Beta guy, maybe ESPECIALLY for a Beta male. These men are actually getting into a relationship with some other guy’s spouse; even though she’s not LEGALLY his spouse anymore, it doesn’t matter, she’s still bonded to him.

    All the men I’ve ever known who enter these type of relationships, end up paying the consequences in one way or another: the divorce rate of second marriages is very high, the woman can cuck them in any number of ways, the men end up pedestalizing the wife and aligning their lives around the woman’s, i.e. entering into her ‘frame,’ etc.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Joe2 says:

      I would include widows in the separated, divorced, single mothers group, too. Even though she may be a Christian and is free to remarry, I don’t believe the dynamic changes – she may forever be thinking about him.


      • Red Pill Apostle says:

        Joe2 – The widow does not forget her first husband, but if she is at a point where she wants to remarry, she has enough peace about her loss to consider another man. My wife’s paternal father died when she was a baby. The situation is still harder than having an intact nuclear family, but it’s very different than divorce because none of the bitterness is there, and there appears to be a sizeable difference between sorry and bitterness. Also, for my wife, her stepdad’s authority was not challenged in any way by her paternal father as it would have been had divorce been the reason for my MIL’s remarriage.


  2. Oscar says:

    “Some specific things to look for.

    — Men’s shoes and/or clothing in the closet.
    — Two toothbrushes in the bathroom.
    — Tools, equipment, machines, classic cars, motorcycles, or other things of interest primarily to men.

    Here, you’re looking at another man’s domain.”

    By the time you get to see all of that, you’re probably already screwed.

    Proverbs 26:23-35
    23 For this command is a lamp,
    this teaching is a light,
    and correction and instruction
    are the way to life,
    24 keeping you from your neighbor’s wife,
    from the smooth talk of a wayward woman.

    25 Do not lust in your heart after her beauty
    or let her captivate you with her eyes.

    26 For a prostitute can be had for a loaf of bread,
    but another man’s wife preys on your very life.
    27 Can a man scoop fire into his lap
    without his clothes being burned?
    28 Can a man walk on hot coals
    without his feet being scorched?
    29 So is he who sleeps with another man’s wife;
    no one who touches her will go unpunished.

    30 People do not despise a thief if he steals
    to satisfy his hunger when he is starving.
    31 Yet if he is caught, he must pay sevenfold,
    though it costs him all the wealth of his house.
    32 But a man who commits adultery has no sense;
    whoever does so destroys himself.
    33 Blows and disgrace are his lot,
    and his shame will never be wiped away.

    34 For jealousy arouses a husband’s fury,
    and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge.
    35 He will not accept any compensation;
    he will refuse a bribe, however great it is.

    So, run like hell!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. feeriker says:

    I’ve seen women actually try to weaponize their adulterous behavior. One form of this is the overt flaunting of their unfaithfulness to their husbands, possibly motivated in part by the knowledge that even if hubby finds out and divorces her, the State will still award her cash and prizes for cheating on him and provoking him into ending the marriage. Another form of weaponizing adultery is for the woman to mock and ridicule any man, particularly a man she targets for an affair, who objects to her behavior. Some women employ both tactics. Either way, more and more women are becoming increasingly bolder and more brazen about it as social sanctions against such behavior crumble away and as ever growing numbers of men become thirsty for sexual attention.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jack says:


      “I’ve seen women actually try to weaponize their adulterous behavior.”

      Yeah, me too. Adulteresses can be brutally merciless. Once they’ve got men hooked on sex, it’s a total power trip for them. Hubby’s livelihood and marriage is on the line. Loverboy’s reputation is at stake. She controls both. She knows she’s in the catbird position and she doesn’t give a d@mn who she might hurt, not even the children. It gives fresh meaning to Proverbs 26:26b.

      “…another man’s wife preys on your very life.”

      Liked by 1 person

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