Being faithful is not about avoiding sin, but in Glorifying the Lord. Embracing God’s archetype of marriage is one important way to do this.
Theme: The Integrity and Fidelity of Marriage
Author’s Note: This post had some input from Red Pill Apostle.
Length: 1,900 words
Reading Time: 6.5 minutes
The last post, Rights and Responsibilities within Marriage (2022-01-21), listed several characteristics of a covenant marriage to be used as a standard for those of us who are married to shoot for, to fill up that which is lacking in our faith, and to attain a more perfect sanctification by the grace of God. I concluded that the goal in marriage (as with other facets of life) is to please God. This probably comes as no surprise to any Christian reader, but it needs to be emphasized.
In this post, I’ll explain how our common understanding of faithfulness vs. unfaithfulness is based on feminized cultural norms, sin, and guilt, and not on God’s purposes for marriage. In this particular subject, we would do well to abandon such viewpoints, to concentrate on how things are supposed to be, and to examine those areas where we fall short.
The Prevalent Focus is Self-Centric and Fem-Centric, not Marriage/God Centered
As we are well aware, there are cultural influences both outside and inside the church. Progressivism, Feminism, and it’s churchian labeled sibling, Egalitarianism, and their religious woman appeasing cousin, Complementarianism, all reign supreme and stand against men, women, children, the family, the church, and the work of God.
Thus, it is not surprising that most of the current discussion in our culture, and also within churchianity, is centered around women’s imperatives, preferences, and viewpoints, even in spite of the fact that this leads to their own demise (as anyone can see on TikTok or YouTube). God’s archetype of Headship is not taught. Men are not being mentored by elder men. Women are not being taught by older married women in the church how to respect their husbands and be good, chaste, diligent, loving wives.
Furthermore, we have a broken view of what marital fidelity is all about. Instead of regarding the quality of a marriage in terms of the purposes, conditions, rights, and responsibilities in marriage, according to Christianity, we have been conditioned by our sex-centric culture to view fidelity in terms of whether adultery has occurred or not. According to the Bible, it cannot be denied that having sex with someone you’re not married to is a sin. But adultery is not just an infidelity to God’s archetype of marriage, it is a total destruction of the marriage! So by viewing fidelity in terms of adultery, we have set the lowest standard for marriage that is ever possible!
Aside from gross adultery, there are a large number of things that would constitute an infidelity to God’s archetype of covenant marriage.
- A lack of openness, humility, and trust.
- Arrogance, contempt, egocentric pride, selfishness.
- Being continually angry or bitter towards one’s spouse.
- Apathy, carelessness, laziness.
- Carrying an ill will, or fostering a Zero Sum competition.
- Complaining, nagging, thanklessness, ungratefulness.
- Engaging in a female-centric structure of authority, e.g. Chivalry, Complementarianism, Feminism, etc.
- Entertaining lustful fantasies, e.g. pornography for men, and romance novels and movies for women.
- Failing to conform to gender roles, e.g. the husband is a spineless wuss, and the wife is a termagant.
- Failing to have regular conjugal relations with one’s spouse.
- Failing to institute a Christ centered home life, e.g. family time, church attendance, regular prayer, Bible study, Bible based teaching, etc.
- Failing to teach and discipline the children properly.
- Neglecting one’s sexual authority, e.g. getting out of shape or growing obese.
- Remaining ignorant of what inspires and motivates one’s spouse.
- Various transgressions that culminate in distrust and disrepute.
Now you’ll notice that if we stick to the popular notion of Infidelity = Adultery, then we’re still allowing all the above failings to fester, thereby preventing the marriage from glorifying God and being blessed. At worst, such failings will continue until an actual adultery might occur.
Heart Issues and Willingness
Instead of estimating the quality of a marriage according to the worst standard (i.e. adultery), we should be striving to achieve a standard that is as close as we can realistically get to God’s ideal.
Therefore, infidelity can be better understood as a heart issue of unwillingness, meaning that if a spouse is capable of meeting the standards set forth in the last post, Rights and Responsibilities within Marriage (2022-01-21), and intentionally declines or refuses, then that is denial, fraud, sin, withholding, or whatever the case may be.
Sin is often described as failing to hit the target.
Our target as Christians is to glorify, honor, and please the Lord.
If the Lord is not pleased, then we have failed.
If we fail to match God’s standards when we are able, then we are guilty of infidelity.
If we make a regular habit of such things, then we are being irresponsible about marriage, and we should not expect to receive the blessings thereof.
If we know better, but intentionally continue such habits, then we are being disobedient to God and we should expect to gnaw on the bitter fruits thereof.
There is no wiggle room on this point because as soon as you yield an inch the host of exceptions pour in.
This would then lead us to the admonition to husbands to be loving and understanding with his wife. If she is really not feeling well or is out of sorts (which happens quite frequently), he should not hold her to the standard until that time she does feel better. But she should still be made well aware of the fact that her behavior is sub-standard and that the husband has to carry the burden.
For wives, it gets more interesting, because wives are told to submit to the will of their husbands. (Reee!!!) But a wife who is submissive and respectful from the heart, in spite of her husband’s failings, is a woman of great faith, worth her weight in gold and better than 99.99% of women out there.
I think in both cases, and much like Jesus did when he cut to the base motivations of people, is that we are dealing with heart issues.
True Obedience Must Pursue God’s Glory in Everything
A lot of the failings given in the list above are quantitative and could be assessed on a graded scale. Things like laziness, lust, humility, openness, personal fitness, and thankfulness, are all things that could improve with a little effort. However, a couple of the items are more qualitative in nature, meaning that much effort could be given, but if it is not done properly, then it is just as ineffective as if nothing were done at all, and in some cases it is even detrimental.
For example, parents could dedicate much effort into family church attendance and teaching the children. But if the family is attending a Progressive church that is converged with Feminist doctrine, then it would have been better for the family to stay home on Sundays and read the Bible.
Another example is when a man is a legalistic stickler. He goes to great lengths to keep himself untainted from the common sins in the world, thinking that he’s more righteous or closer to God. But in doing so, he cuts himself off from God and many blessings in life as well. I talked about this in More on the Framework of Options (2021-03-22), The Spiritual Confusion of Clinging to the “Rules” (2021-03-24) and Rules and Trust (2021-04-28).
Another extreme is when a man pursues worldly ambitions, wealth, and masculinity, with the idea that he’ll somehow gain access to God’s better gifts in life. But he fails to make all his efforts count for something of eternal merit. Adam Piggott discussed this in Masculinity does not lead to Godliness (2022-01-11).
One important thing that is often missing in the last two examples is Creating and Maintaining Heart Trust (2019-04-28). Deep Strength described how Trust is earned and an expression of the character of godliness (2021-12-20).
One last example is when a wife decides to engage in more lovemaking with her husband, which is a very good thing for the marriage in general. However, her motives are not to increase intimacy and bonding. Instead, she’s only doing it because her husband is more relaxed and trusting when she puts out regularly, and then it’s easier for her to get his compliance and manipulate him into her way of thinking. In reality, she finds sex to be a burdensome chore, and she can’t hide her repulsion whenever he mounts her. This puts him off, but if he is to be a faithful married man, he has no other option. In the final analysis, neither of them are enjoying sex for what it is intended to be, and are only experiencing annui and deep rejection in the act of sex. Within a year or two, neither of them has any desire for the other whatsoever. The wife never had any desire for him in the first place, and he has learned to avoid sex because her attitude of revilement has cast a shroud of shame and guilt over his natural desire. They’ve abused sex so much that it has lost its savor. He would have fared better if he had refused her invitations once in a while and had demanded her authenticity instead. It would have been a lot more trouble, but better for their marriage and sexual intimacy over the long haul.
I think that’s enough examples for readers to get the picture. The main idea here is that we must always discern the Lord’s glory in our ambient environment, and how our actions either contribute to that, or transgress those implicit boundaries. When we are sufficiently introspective to be aware of the condition of our hearts, then we are able to confess this and do some measure of quality control. But when we are disobedient, or even when we do the right thing just out of mental comfort, or for our own self-centered reasons or natural inclinations, then we could still be missing the target of pleasing the Lord. In certain areas, this can be even worse than doing nothing at all.
In the final, anytime we are not consciously aware of God’s presence and power in our lives, and do not make ourselves a part of the Spirit’s work, we are lacking fidelity, we fail to connect with God, and we are therefore infidels.
BTW, the Muslims are right on target about Western Christians being infidels. What they don’t understand is that converged Churchianity is not true Christianity. Unfortunately, most Christians don’t understand this either.
Σ Maxim 23: A neglect or refusal to regard the Glory of the Lord in all things invariably and/or inevitably leads us to transgress His Covenant – an act of infidelity.
- Σ Frame (Jack): Lest we forget, Marriage was once intended to Glorify God (2019-8-8)
- Σ Frame (Jack): Only God can grant a successful marriage (2020-05-20)
- Σ Frame (Jack): Sexual competition continues after marriage (2021-02-19)
- Σ Frame (Jack): Commonalities of Successful Marriages (2021-04-14)
- Σ Frame (Jack): The Greatest Archetype (2021-05-21)
- Σ Frame (Red Pill Apostle): The Importance of Biblical Marriage (2022-01-03)