A response to Liz’s comment using RedPillBoomer’s story as an example.
Length: 1,650 words
Reading Time: 5.5 minutes
In previous posts, we learned that the Meet Cute is an intrinsic part of the courtship dance. Yet, there continues to be much confusion around this phenomenon.
“Per #Meetcute (Scott’s recent writeup).
Think the last thread someone wrote about confirmation bias environments. I think that’s kinda pertinent here. I’m sure the Meet Cute formula works in some circles. I can also guarantee you the Meet Cute formula virtually guarantees you a bar skank in the circles Mike and I have been in. I don’t know anyone (off the top of my head) who has had a long lasting marriage where the woman pursued the guy. There are a couple of people I can think of who got together in high school. One couple knew each other in middle… their mothers alternated driving them to school. Maybe they qualify I don’t know, but that’s about it.
Mike doesn’t even like women who pursue men. A woman buys him a drink and he perceives her as desperate.”
I’m unfamiliar with what type of circles Liz runs in, but if bar skanks are common in that setting, then a Meet Cute is unlikely to happen. If so, I can understand Liz’s confusion.
Liz does well to assign the capability of agency to women, but her comment indicates that she doesn’t understand the underlying nature of the Meet Cute phenomenon. It’s not about “women pursuing men”. Women who have the self-awareness and agency necessary to consciously pursue men are not the kind of women who are prone to falling into Meet Cute mode.
Case Study – RedPillBoomer’s Meet Cute
RedPillBoomer stated that he and his wife had a Meet Cute experience, so I’ll use his story as an example. While reading this story, keep in mind that RPB’s wife never pursued him. [The first paragraph is a quote from Scott’s post.]
“It is spontaneous. You cannot plan it. You cannot pick her out of a crowd and then do cold approach with the idea that you might “get lucky”. Your friends can’t “set you up on a date”. Your “wingman” can’t contrive a meeting somehow. It just happens, and it happens when you least expect it.”
“This is exactly what happened to me. [She was showing IOIs, and she was above my threshold of attraction] as I sort of found out that night, but DEFINITELY realized it when we went out on our first couple of dates. She was coy upon meeting at first, shy, but definitely feminine and subtly flirty. She let her older aunt lead the way and do most of the talking.
[The spontaneity of the event] was the most interesting to me. I met this girl when I was sitting down at a restaurant after a church service. She and her 37-year-old aunt had attended, but I did didn’t see them during the service. Found out later, she definitely noticed me. The church service was for singles held on Saturday night at a large church in a good-sized mid-western city. Everyone went out to a restaurant about a 1/2 mile down the street after the service. Just as an aside, I found out later the restaurant gave 15% of the proceeds from the church group back to the church, sweet deal for the restaurant, and the church, as there were about 200-300 singles attending on any given Saturday night.
Anyways, I got my meal, and sat down by myself perfectly content to be by myself, if it came to it. As I recall, I wasn’t in the best of moods that night and I was okay if no one sat at my table. It more than likely wasn’t going to happen because of the size of the group, and the number of tables in the restaurant, not the biggest of places. We took up a good portion of it, pretty much the whole place really.
Well, ‘Meet Cute’ and her aunt sat down at the table and started a lively conversation with me, especially the aunt who wouldn’t shut up. The aunt was 37 years old and not bad looking, was divorced and had three kids. Even with my ‘Blue Pill’ mindset, I was like, “No Way!”, even though she was the one doing all the flirting (cue all the Manosphere posts and clips about the post-wall, divorced woman with three kids). Her niece on the other hand was 21, good looking, nice figure, although I didn’t know exactly HOW nice because she was dressed quite conservatively that night (a dress and blouse). She let her aunt do most of the talking. I wasn’t even trying to flirt back with either one of them because of my mood. I will admit, the aunt, even though mouthy, did loosen me up a bit from my bad mood. I started to talk with both of them; but really, I was playing off the aunt to talk to her niece.
As we can see from RPB’s story, his wife was very attracted to him, but she was shy and awkward and never openly pursued him. I can imagine that once the aunt and niece arrived at the restaurant, they saw RPB sitting alone and the aunt urged her niece to sit with him. After sitting down, the aunt made herself a conduit of communication between two young and very awkward individuals. After talking for a while, the aunt saw him as a nice looking man who had some potential and further encouraged her niece to be open to his advances.
It is questionable whether the aunt was chasing him herself. I imagine the aunt just wanted to check out the young man her niece had noticed and allow her niece to get some Feedback from him. Due to the aunt’s age and experience, maybe she could see a Meet Cute coming. But RPB and the girl were pretty clueless about what was happening.
Later I found out from her niece (my eventual girlfriend/fiancé/spouse), what she was thinking through the course of that evening when she saw me at the service. It was [Scott’s Recipe for a Meet Cute]. We got married a few months later. Yes, I know, I violated all the ‘Manospherian rules’ about waiting a year or two to see her true colors in the relationship. So, I was fortunate, but it worked out and we just celebrated our 32nd wedding anniversary on July 22.”
So it is just as Scott wrote,
“It is spontaneous. You cannot plan it. You cannot pick her out of a crowd and then do cold approach with the idea that you might “get lucky”. Your friends can’t “set you up on a date”. Your “wingman” can’t contrive a meeting somehow. It just happens, and it happens when you least expect it!”
The same could be said from the woman’s perspective. That is,
“It is spontaneous. She cannot plan it. She cannot pick him out of a crowd and then saddle up next to him with the idea that he’ll “bite her bait”. Her friends can’t “set her up on a date”. Her “brood of hens” can’t contrive a meeting somehow. It just happens, and it happens when she least expects it!”
A woman might pine for a worthy man to miraculously show up on the doorstep, bouquet in hand, but a more practical approach would be for her to pick out an eligible man and then put herself into a situation in which she can elicit Feedback from him. Her responses to his attentions can thereby prove to him that his life would actually be better with her as his wife.
Assuming that women possess sufficient agency to actively pursue a man (i.e. “chasing him”) disturbs the spiritual beauty and innocent cuteness of the Meet Cute. But although the Meet Cute is not based on the idea of women pursuing men, it is not a bad idea for those women who have the necessary self-awareness and possess agency.
If it is assumed that a woman has the agency to pursue a man (as Liz does), then it is also assumed that she knows how the mating dance progresses, and therefore, she is not quite so young and innocent. Such a woman cannot avail of using authentic innocence to attract a man, so the possibility of her having a genuine Meet Cute is dampened. If this kind of woman desires a high quality man’s commitment, a Meet Cute may not happen, so she needs to take a different approach by making some effort to present herself as high quality wife material.
Women who supposedly have agency have become quite adept at “selling” themselves as sex objects, but they have forgotten the art of “selling” themselves as potential wives in marriage. The way to do this is to demonstrate her value to a man. Give him the serendipitous sense that he’s getting something better than what he deserves. This kind of investment will not be lost on the man, but is likely to turn his view of her into wife goggles.
Women also need to refine their skills at picking out men who are actually capable of offering a marital commitment, which may require her to choose a man who is a few years older than herself. This is not the same as “settling”. A Meet Cute experience evades this requirement from her. For younger women who are prone to falling into Meet Cute mode, an older relative may be helpful in this regard, as shown by RPB’s story. Also, she should be looking for a husband long before the pool of worthy men has drifted away from being an option for marriage. 25 is 5 years too late.
- Σ Frame: On the Significance and Value of the Meet Cute Experience (2020-04-03)
- Σ Frame: Only God can grant a successful marriage (2020-05-20)
- Σ Frame: A Man’s Ability to Read IOIs Depends on Having a Firm Grasp on His Personal Archetypal Mythos(2020-06-21)