Jack’s theory about how the MMP is supposed to be.
Readership: All; Men; Christian Men;
Length: 1,900 words
Reading Time: 7 minutes
The man initiates a cascade of increasing intimacy and the woman must respond in kind
The answer to the question of why Women have sex to influence men (2021-11-10) is because It’s all about her Ego (2021-11-12). From this study, we learned that women’s motivation is not purpose driven, like a man’s would be, but instead seeks to establish a cascading chain of increasing ego relevancy.
Feedback –> Trust –> Relevancy –> Humility –> Comfort –> Security
The man initiates this chain by offering his attentions to the woman. Women see themselves as being responsible for either the success or failure of establishing this chain, even though much of the necessary context lies outside of their control. In fact, it is necessary for her to have the impression that she exercises volitional will in the matter of getting Feedback, or else she cannot make the next step to Trust.
If we look at this interplay using the Christ : Church :: Husband : Wife parallel, then the idea that her exercise of the will is necessary agrees with what we learned in NovaSeeker’s essay, Juxtaposing the Temporal and the Eternal (2021-04-26). I’ve applied NovaSeeker’s argument to the present case by substituting the relevant pronouns, according to the archetype.
“[The wife’s] acts of volitional will are volitional from [her] perspective regardless of the fact that [the man] has always been aware of what choices [she] would make prior to the time… because the temporal creation includes volitional will within the framework of that temporality…”
“[The man] knows [which women] will accept and who will reject [his attentions], but he lets the individual [women] make that decision using their created temporal wills, because the temporal reality which God created includes human volitional will.”
“[The man] does not provide such grace to everyone, but only to those [women] whom He chooses…”
Granted, this doesn’t hold true for every man, but nevertheless, we can understand the archetypal concept of how the man initiates giving the woman attention, Feedback, and the following course of interaction. This concept is important for Knowing how things are supposed to be (2021-09-13).
So we see that according to God’s covenantal archetype, the man has an important role of initiating Feedback, the first link in the chain. When a man gives a woman attention, it opens the door of interpersonal communication. This is necessary for her to get Feedback, and makes it more likely. Her volitional will is expressed in her response to his attentions.
This explains why women crave male attention so highly, and why they thrive on it. According to the Christ : Church :: Husband : Wife analogy, it’s like they are being chosen for “salvation”.
How does the Meet Cute fit in?
Interestingly, the Meet Cute Phenomenon fits right into this paradigm. The Recipe for a Meet Cute requires a man to recognize that a particular woman is responding positively and enthusiastically to his attentions, and he pursues her by giving her more attention. Hence, the cascade is initiated.
Feedback –> Trust –> Relevancy –> Humility –> Comfort –> Security
In a few upcoming posts, we’ll look at how the Meet Cute fits into this in greater detail.
- Σ Frame: The Meet Cute as a Positive Feedback Loop (2021-11-17)
- Σ Frame: The Meet Cute is not about “women chasing men” (2021-11-19)
- Σ Frame: Summary of the Meet Cute Phenomenon (2021-11-22)
The Sequence of Gender Specific Roles in Developing a Relationship
What I have written thus far should make it clear that the man holds responsibility in initiating the exchange, and that women must exercise volitional will to establish trust. However, this should not be misconstrued to mean that all the responsibility is on the man, nor that the woman must utilize her conscious will in choosing a man. Instead, it must be understood by both that there is an overall sequence of gender specific roles that the man and woman must follow in developing a relationship. In practice, these roles are outlined as follows.
The man’s role is…
- Have his life together, and be pursuing his purpose.
- To give attention to various women.
- Monitor how his attentions are received by various women.
- Test the character, qualifications, and overall fitness of particular women of interest, and how well she may perform as a helpmeet.
- Choosing a woman he deems capable of fulfilling her purpose as a wife, and concentrating his attention on her.
- Following through in offering commitment and developing Headship.
- Continue in obedience to God’s created order.
As the cascade of Feedback, Trust, etc. progresses in parallel with these roles, the relationship is built up.
The woman’s role is…
- Remain pure and chaste.
- To receive attention from various men.
- Respond appropriately to men’s attention.
- Review the character of each man, assess the quality of feedback she receives, and determine her ability to fit into his life purpose as a helper.
- Choosing a man she deems worthy of her loyal obedience and affections as a husband.
- Learning to submit to the man, while showing honor, respect, and natural affection to him.
- Continue in obedience to God’s created order.
Likewise, as the cascade progresses, the relationship is built up.
The dynamic mutual interdependence of forming the relationship, as well as the importance of the Meet Cute, may be clearly seen in the following Table.
|Step||Man’s Role||Woman’s Role|
|1.||Have his life together, and be pursuing his purpose.||Remain pure and chaste.|
|2.||To give attention to various women.||To receive attention from various men.|
|3.||Monitor how his attentions are received by various women.||Respond appropriately to men’s attention.|
|4.||Test the character, qualifications, and overall fitness of particular women of interest, and how well she may perform as a helpmeet.||Review the character of each man, assess the quality of feedback she receives, and determine her ability to fit into his life purpose as a helper.|
|5.||Choosing a woman he deems capable of fulfilling her purpose as a wife, and concentrating his attention on her.||Choosing a man she deems worthy of her loyal obedience and affections as a husband. (This may occur subconsciously.)|
|6.||Following through in offering commitment and developing Headship.||Learning to submit to the man, while showing honor, respect, and natural affection to him.|
|7.||Continue in obedience to God’s created order (i.e. formal marriage, sexual consummation, and begetting children).|
Note: These steps can be categorized into phases.
- Step 1 is the phase of singleness.
- Steps 2-3 are the Meet Cute phase.
- Steps 4-5 are the courtship phase.
- Steps 6-7 are the marital phase.
Failures of the Modern Meet Market
Laying out this sequence of steps makes it very clear where the modern dating scene fails to contribute to the formation of solid marriages. The modern dating scene focuses exclusively on steps 2 and 5, and coopts the sexual element from step 7. Not surprisingly, this is essentially all that is required for hooking up. Steps 1, 3, 4, and 6 are omitted entirely. 7 is a crap shoot roll of the dice.
The man’s and the woman’s roles in step 1 must commence long before any interpersonal interaction begins in step 2. This first step is important because women usually will reject men who have not made progress in step 1, and men will reject women who have not prepared themselves for marriage (see Matthew 25:1-13). Lately, more and more men are neglecting step 1, largely because they can’t envision any larger life purpose for themselves and the thought of marriage seems hopeless. Women have neglected step 1 en masse for the past 60 years or more. For women these days, remaining pure and chaste may be just as difficult as it is for men to find their life purpose and build up their confidence and capabilities.
It is common for men to fail at step 3 – monitoring women’s responses to his attentions — because they don’t know how to read women’s Indicators of Interest (IOIs). Learning this skill is of prime importance to men who wish to continue to the next steps.
Step 4 is commonly called vetting in the Manosphere. Men who’ve been following the ‘sphere are becoming more aware of the value of vetting, but are not very good at it. They also fail to realize that this is only one step in the process, so even if a man is skilled in vetting, he may still make a poor decision in choosing a partner because the other steps may not be in place. It is also a useless waste of time to vet women who have been chasing after worldly pursuits, because all such women are automatically disqualified by the simple fact that they haven’t consciously been following steps 1-4.
Men are poorly equipped to do step 5 properly – choosing a suitable woman, because of all of the above steps are not in place. They don’t even know the sequence of steps above, nor do they understand how women’s cascade of interest operates (i.e. Feedback, Trust, Relevancy, and so on), and so they default to thinking with the little head. In reality, few men have any women to choose from at all, let alone one that has been following steps 1-5.
If a man manages to get this far, it is common for men to neglect step 6 — failing to establish commitment and to develop Headship. Men opt out of step 6 because of the huge personal risks involved with the post-modern marriage landscape, and the presence of other opportunities. It is also exceedingly difficult for a man to establish a Headship structure in a relationship these days, and most men don’t even acknowledge this as being crucially important to their long term sanctification.
It is common for Westernized women to fail at responding appropriately to men’s attentions (step 3). In general, they find it opprobrious to make their interest too obvious, even though this is what attracts more male attention and makes the Meet Cute cute. If women receive attention from a high SMV man, they will spread their legs at the first opportunity. If they receive attention from a lower SMV man, they will use sexual harassment and “rape” accusations to punish him for showing even a polite interest. Modesty, kindness, and grace are virtually nonexistent in modern women, and are even ridiculed in certain circles.
Women fail at step 4 – vetting men. As mentioned in the previous post, women focus on the chain of Feedback and are blind to the essence of men’s character. Getting Feedback with maximum emotional overtones is their immediate goal, so they prioritize Ego affirmation, sexual arousal, and the Tingles over making a practical choice. Christian women are little different from secular women in this regard. AWALT.
This blindness leads to an epic fail in step 5 — choosing one man out of many, and one who is of suitable quality, worthy of her affections, and sufficiently committed to her. Women are notorious for being poor pickers. So much so, that in times past, a woman’s father took responsibility for steps 4 and 5 of the woman’s roles.
It is also common for women to fail at step 6 as well – submitting to the man they have chosen in honor, and respect. This is primarily one of the ways that Feminism Erodes Marriage.
For both sexes, a lack of self-awareness, poor discernment, as well as emotional and spiritual immaturity reign supreme. Given all these inadequacies and incongruencies in steps 1-6, it is surprising that anyone ever makes it to step 7, and not surprising at all that those who do have a high rate of failure.
- Σ Frame: Redemption and Sexual Healing (2020-12-15)
- Σ Frame: Women Rely on a Man’s Frame for Redemptive Introspection (2021-06-28)
- Σ Frame: Why challenge the character of your wife? (2021-07-07)