Knowing the authentic is how all counterfeits are identified.
Readership: Men; Christian Men;
Author’s Note: This post is based on an email conversation between RedPillApostle (black text) and Jack (blue text). Content organized by Jack.
Length: 2,300 words
Reading Time: 7.5 minutes
Our Search for the Authentic
The reason most of us men are here can be summed up this way.
Discontentedness – Envying what you don’t have and it’s corollary, not being thankful for what you do have. This leads to bitterness. Harboring bitterness, along with making people unattractive to others, ends up causing strife because that is what sin does every time. This is feminism.
Contentment – Being grateful for what you have without feeling you deserve different. This causes joy, and a genuinely joyous person is attractive to others. This is why there is little humor or good natured action on the left, including feminism. The entirety of it is built on being discontent and envious.
Regarding Discontentedness vs. Contentment, Jack will admit that this was one of his original motivations for blogging. He couldn’t understand why contentment (in marriage, but life in general too) was so elusive and difficult to apprehend.
Jack grew up in the church, and read a lot of Christian literature in his formative years, so in his head (and this is a critical point) he always had a pretty good idea about how it’s “supposed to be”, but he had a few BIG problems…
- His parents had a very cold relationship and they divorced later on after he left home, so he didn’t have the proper framework of reality to build a solid psychological structure of how “it’s supposed to be”. Some people (like Scott and RedPillApostle) grew up in a good, functional family, so they have that, which is quite a lot actually. It’s enough to power through all the junk doctrine, pop psychology, and the education racket. But for those of us coming from broken/divorced homes, it’s a desert landscape.
- When you look around the culture, and even within the church, things are nothing like how “it’s supposed to be”, so there was/is no working model to improve upon, nor even something to start with.
- The information about love, dating, marriage, and family that was available to us back in the 80s and 90s was so Blue Pilled and gynocentric, especially Christian based sources. (Jack believes he would have gotten farther along in certain key areas if he didn’t grow up in a dysfunctional Christian family.)
- There was no information about how to go from (1) or (2) to how “it’s supposed to be”. Red Pill literature addresses this somewhat, but most of it is secular. Other than Dalrock (who is now retired from blogging), Christianity and Masculinity, and RPChristians, there is not much other regular content being produced for the Christian man who is seeking marriage. (We hope we can fill in this deficit a little more. But it’s more or less a frontier, so progress is hard won and incrementally slow.) There is a real market for Red Pill Christian YouTube videos and podcasts. (Oscar and Jack tried doing that on BitChute, but it didn’t take off for some reason.)
All of this points to the following.
- Knowing how things are “supposed to be” helps us gauge reality and gives us an idea about what needs to be done.
- Figuring out all the lies we have swallowed over the years helps greatly.
- Understanding the situation and readjusting one’s mindset and expectations helps immensely.
- Discussing it with other men helps.
- Writing blog posts/comments about it helps refine our understanding of the complexities.
- Knowing that you’re not all alone helps.
Men need other men in this regard.
For those of us in the Christian Manosphere, numbers (1) and (4) of the above list are the most critical. Numbers (2-5) follow after (1), while (5) and (6) are part of (4). We’ll address these two main points (1 and 4) in the following sections.
Knowing how things are supposed to be
Knowing the authentic item is how all counterfeit currency is identified. Those who are experts in identifying counterfeit currency will tell you that they spend just as much time studying genuine currency as they do in spotting fakes. There are tens of thousands of variations of counterfeiting to learn and if there were millions it wouldn’t matter. You only have to know one true item to spot all the counterfeits – the real one. Any deviation from authenticity marks the fake.
This works in our relationships too. One of the challenges in fixing a marriage is determining what is there that shouldn’t be, and what isn’t there that should be. Having an idea of where it needs to end up is necessary for one to know what needs to be “fixed”. Knowing how things are supposed to be is a good first step.
It has taken me a year of biblical study, reading the writings of men who have gone before me in biblical study and whose experience is valuable to know to start to understand what biblical marriage looks like. While I am still learning and contemplating my own marriage, I have a much better idea of those principles that make for a biblical wife, biblical husband and biblical marriage. Identifying the deviations becomes easier over time.
The Way things are Supposed to be
Here is what biblical marriage looks like in principle, while in practice it will be unique to each individual man and his preferences. Read 1 Peter 3. The husband is the Head. The husband should love his wife, dwelling with her in knowledge and understanding. The wife submits in all things. She submits to the point of emulating Sarah who sinned in following Abraham’s instructions. So with a husband who is not asking his wife to sin, all things beyond that are on the table for her to do. This means sexually to please him, how she dresses to please him, the fitness level she keeps, her overall appearance, how she performs her work in and out of the house, how she administers discipline to the children, how the children are raised, budgeting and saving money, how many children to have, basically the husband takes over for the father except that he has rights to her body the father never had.
We have drifted so far from this biblical take on marriage that it would be laughable to the vast majority of women in the west. When you mention restoring a male world view, it starts with realizing what I just wrote about marriage is true. “Happy king. Happy kingdom.” Dissenters get Dread gamed or banished.
Think of how a man would view the world if he ruled his own kingdom. Yes, you are in charge. Yes, she signed up to do that for you. Yes, she is your responsibility and all the sacrifice this entails, which is why she gratefully obeys you.
I once took a Heartisian “women love dominant men that tell women what to do” concept, translated it into churchian language for a site that is predominantly egalitarian in philosophy, and a woman replied that she really appreciated that about her husband, especially in the bedroom. The RP take on female nature is true. Never doubt it because at the core of every woman is God’s purpose as a helpmeet, and helpmeets get told what to do to help with the mission. They can fight this notion, stomp their feet, throw their tantrums and argue all they want, but this only leads to unhappiness.
The vast majority of men would not be able to compute this. It’s taken me 17 years of pain and 15 months of study to sort out these ideas and I’m still working on the specifics.
Discussing it with other Men
This brings me to the importance of having other men to talk with.
Jack has had a pretty tight email correspondence with NovaSeeker and Ed Hurst at Radix Fidem. He’s also had email volleys with Caterpillar345, Deep Strength, Deti, J.T. Anderson, Larry’s Musings, LastHoldOut, Lexet Iustitia, Mogadishu Matt, Oscar, Rock Kitaro, Scott, Stephanie, and the administrator of the SynLogos aggregator.
Scott councils men on a regular basis as part of his career as a psychologist. Earlier this year, Scott went to California to visit Jason (Lastmod), and since then, they’ve developed good rapport. Over a year ago, Jason was banned because of his acrimony to other commenters. But these days, Jason actually stays on topic when many other comments veer off topic and he is sharing stuff that actually points to something more important. Apparently, his visit with Scott has clued him in about how things are supposed to be!
Since being introduced to the ‘sphere, I’ve developed a lively correspondence with several men, including Deti and Mike Davis at Marriage, Sex, and More. Deti and I have an email string that will hit 100 emails when he replies to my most recent email to him. He has actually seen my family via social media and we have built trust to the point of being quite honest with each other. Just the other night he pointed out my take on a topic was in line with his, but he might opt for a less harsh approach with the remedy.
In knowing how difficult it is to think critically about your own actions due to the inherent bias we have for ourselves, Deti’s thoughts served at the very least as a point to think about. This is the value of men’s spaces, and our interactions highlight what we have lost by allowing women into what used to be areas of life meant solely for men.
What is happening on Σ Frame, in the posts themselves and in the discussion threads, is the development of wisdom. The ability to be candid with men who have had similar experiences really does help in multiple facets of being a husband, boyfriend or man in general. Writing well requires depth of thought and the testing of ideas according to Jordan Peterson and I see merit in his assertion.
Jack has stated that one of his motivations for blogging is to record and disseminate what he’s learned along the way. Lately, he had a discussion with Ed in which he came to see Σ Frame as a thinktank that redefines manhood as something distinct from what is put forth by the feminist-soaked culture AND from what churchianity has offered over the last few decades. It’s more Biblically oriented, but also not exactly like traditional masculinity of ages past.
To offer another example, the background for the list of “helps” I gave in my comment on the concept of envy, contentment, gratefulness, and joy, was born out of my email string with Deti. As you can imagine, it’s been a very long hard road for me to “fill in the gaps” (some of which were more like chasms), and come to a proper understanding of things. I hashed out the ideas after Deti correctly pegged the bitterness that underlies almost all of Jason’s comments.
Yes, we’ve learned so much from Brother Jason! Jack feels humbled and grateful to see how much Jason has grown since he met Scott.
As you can see, an important purpose of these discussions is to further our life knowledge, and we do this by sharing experiences and comparing notes. Iron sharpens iron. For me, and Deti too as he has stated as much, expressing yourself in emails like ours is a form of therapy in an effective, male centric and biblically truth-based form. Almost all women would be aghast at what Deti and I have written because in many ways the roughness and bluntness of our interaction is an effusion of the scars on our hearts, both those our wives have directly inflicted and those we have to come to realize, through reflecting on the past, that we have inflicted on ourselves with our Blue Pill chump churchianity behaviors. So, while women would most certainly recoil, I have a notion that most men would wonder where to grab a bourbon and a cigar and join in.
In sum, know how things are supposed to be, and discuss it with other men. We could also think of this as sharing a vision of Godly masculinity in a community of Shalom, characterized by sanctified Headship marriages, emotionally healthy children, and all else that this entails.
Try not to think about progress because you cannot see the ripples as they expand out of sight. The progress is exponential as long as we are faithful to not stop pushing even though we might not see all the lives involved in God’s plan.
It is enough to know our fellowship on this blog will have a part in bettering the lives of many people.
- Me, by giving me a forum to think and hash out ideas.
- My 2 sons because I will not let this hard-earned information stop with me.
- My brother because he sees the same things I do.
- My 2 nephews because my brother is becoming as committed as I am to telling them the truth about women. (That’s 6 men in one family.)
- RedPillBoomer is spoonfeeding the Red Pill to the men around him.
- Cameron has 8 kids. I assume he teaches his daughters what being a good wife looks like, and his sons how to avoid any women that don’t follow biblical patriarchy?
- In addition to all the regular commenters, we have about 200 regular readers here.
How many families will that add up to?
Another way to think about his is that God, in His omniscience, knew that men spread across the globe would have grave difficulty and hurt in their marriages. Through a maze of events, so personal and twisted, that our human minds could not follow, He brought us together on a blog and used that blog to change lives generationally.
The Holy Spirit works in ways we will never foresee.
A few readers have expressed an interest in meeting other readers IRL. Jack and I thought about how we could match up those readers who live closer to each other and give them a chance to meet, but it seems like much to ask and a little risky. So instead, we’ll just ask readers who are interested in having a private email conversation with another reader to email Jack and he will pass your contact information along. After that, it will be up to people to be authentic with each other for a long enough period that trust can be built to a level that meeting in person is an event that would come naturally.
- Σ Frame (Jack): Don’t Admit Her Argument (2018-03-19)
- Σ Frame (Jack): The magic of introspective judgment and authentic confession (2020-05-08)
- Σ Frame (Jack): Do men need talk therapy? (2021-06-16)
- Σ Frame (Jack): 8 Things that Increase Discernment (2021-06-25)
- Σ Frame (Jack): Women Rely on a Man’s Frame for Redemptive Introspection (2021-06-28)
- Σ Frame (Jack): When walking on eggshells, step boldly! (2021-06-30)
- Σ Frame (Jack): Why challenge the character of your wife? (2021-07-07)
- Σ Frame (Deti): On Red Pill Awareness (2021-07-23)