Men develop maturity by exercising frame and emphasizing personal value.
Readership: Men; Christian Men;
Author’s Note: This post is based on an email conversation between Jack and RedPillApostle.
Length: 1,530 words
Reading Time: 5 minutes
It’s A-OK to be a Man!
Writing the post, Avoiding the Broken Window Effect (2020-07-21), has given me a new mindset about the role of men. Before, the topic of intersexual relationships seemed like a giant conundrum filled with numerous dilemmas, all having very few, and very difficult actionable remedies. (I’ve written numerous posts about these.) Now, it all seems so ridiculous to me, even laughable. I mean, once you understand women’s nature and their game, it becomes apparent that they’re all mixed up and they lie about everything all the time. That’s harsh to say, but actually, it is even worse than that. They actually believe the words coming out of their mouths are the truth. It’s delusional! (Solipsistic is the word commonly used around the Manosphere.) So it is ridiculous to adopt their viewpoint with any sincerity, much less try to build a functioning action plan on that.
I think the big shift in my perspective came from defining a clear boundary between women’s viewpoints and men’s viewpoints. Understanding things from a male viewpoint is much easier to reconcile with God’s order and how “it’s supposed to be”. & But once we start seriously entertaining women’s viewpoints, everything falls apart and turns into a confusing, incalculable quagmire. Actually, I’ve known this for a long time (for example, see this post), but I’m still working out the details. I guess I am somewhat surprised that I still haven’t got this down yet. Obviously, Blue Pill conditioning has residual effects that last for years.
Understanding things in this way has given me a new appreciation for the Biblical adage “husbands must love their wives” too. Blue Pill “love” (e.g. chivalry, being “nice”, pedestalizing women, and so on) is pretty hollow and powerless, but understanding how the perturbing nature of women is what constitutes the challenge to love one’s wife, especially when they’re being difficult (to put it nicely) breathes a new life of suffering into this commandment.
The Hidden and Undervalued Wealth of Men
Another thing that struck me while I was writing the Broken Window post is that men are sitting on a wealth of resources which most men seem unaware of, and that is… themselves! — their hands, their minds, their camaraderie, their commitment, their plans and dreams, their loyalty, their dependability, their hard work, their sacrifice… They are told that this is all worthless. Women don’t recognize these treasures. They only recognize the fruits of these treasures that they have potential access to. When a man recognizes some form of worthiness about himself, they are tritely told it doesn’t matter, as if it were a silly juvenile notion, and at the same time, they are taught to p!ss it all away for the benefits or conveniences of others. Within Christian circles, passages from the Bible are added to back this up, thereby laying a false-guilt trip on men if they don’t.
It’s somewhat of a game in life, to maximize returns for whatever you give of yourself. But these days, too many men are selling their souls for a bit of female excitement and (false?) hope. But men don’t need to do this. They don’t need to offer their strength and the benefits of their intrinsic virtues to anyone they don’t want to. Men aren’t obligated to support and shelter women who are not under their covenant authority. If men established their covenant authority (e.g. Headship) before making transactions, then they would increase the chances of getting a fair return. Instead, men should be developing themselves by drawing boundaries and setting conditions – anything to maintain Frame and keep himself in good running order.
Know and Defend Your Worth and Value
The previous post, Elements of Emotional and Personal Maturity (2021-09-08), listed several aspects of the self, and how maturity and growth can be achieved by being conscious of one’s performance in each of these areas. But there is more to it for men in particular. Deti described this as well as I could.
There’s something else that should be here, especially for men. It may be the sum total of self-esteem or self-respect or both.
Know your worth and value. Expect reciprocation from others.
Scott has said it elsewhere and I think it’s correct: Men are brought up to believe that no matter what they do or what they make of themselves, they’re worthless, especially to women and other people. Men continue to believe this even after they prove themselves worthy: Of employment, acceptance into a group, friendship, etc. Many men continue to accept substandard treatment from others even while those same people expect superior treatment from those men. Those men give a lot more than they get.
Men need to start understanding what they’re worth and what value they bring to relationships and to others. They need to take stock of who they are, what they bring, and what they built. They need to expect and demand that others reciprocate with like value. They need to expect from others the same high standards they expect of themselves. They need to remove from their lives other people who cannot or will not reciprocate. If a woman can’t or won’t reciprocate, can’t or won’t give him what he wants and needs, then to the curb she goes.
Stop apologizing. Remove the word “sorry” from your vocabulary. You do not owe anyone any apologies for wanting what you want and needing what you need, and for expecting others in your life to give those things to you.
Know your worth and value. Expect reciprocation from others.
In other words, men need to pursue the development of the self within and through the development of their own frame. It’s up to small groups of men to recognize these treasures within themselves, and to help each other uncover, develop, maintain, and defend their personal wealth of identity in the form of masculine maturity. Men need to support other men and back them up in difficult situations.
Case Study – Pulling Your Meatballs up by the Bootstrap
I have a couple good friends at church. I’ll call them Meatball and Bootstrap for this story, but they are real men. (Meatball is jacked, and Bootstrap is tall and engaging.) Meatball has a wife who is regularly contentious. On a couple instances, Bootstrap and I saw her talking to Meatball in a shrill voice – in church! Bootstrap and I sauntered up to her while she was screeching shameful things about our friend.
When she noticed us staring at her, she got quieter and nervous. Bootstrap asked her, “Is that how Christian women should talk to their husbands in church?”
I crossed my arms and added, “You seem to think ‘respect for your husband’ means that when you’re in church, you restrain yourself from *b!tch slapping* him across the aisle like you do at home.”
She looked at Meatball, looking for assurance and expecting him to rescue her, but he didn’t because my words hit home. Bootstrap looked at Meatball and then responded, “Is that true?!?”
Bootstrap was incredulous. “You’re an embarrassment to all of us! …to your children, to… to your husband especially… and to everyone in this congregation!”
She countered, “THIS is a private matter, excuuuse meee!”
I said, “It’s not private when you tell the whole church.”
A few other words ensued, but eventually the shame of it all kicked in, and she started to break down. The way we stood by Meatball gave her the stern message that her choice of words, tone of voice, and behavior would not be tolerated in polite society. This situation happened once more after that, but never again.
Anytime male maturation is addressed, it should include a discussion of maintaining frame, because maintaining frame is the lynchpin of the male maturation process. Without it, life experiences that would otherwise contribute towards our maturation become a quandary of fits and false starts, and it doesn’t end so well.
I think one of the biggest sources of grief in society right now is that the male viewpoint has been subsumed into the female viewpoint, and now that this has been summarily accomplished, the core aspects of masculinity are being systemically dissected and extracted under feminist auspices. The general awareness that men have of their God-given covenant authority is so weak to non-existent, that what little they have is being stolen right out from under their not-so-noetic noses. Men need to band together and reconstruct the masculine world view, and it’s much better if this framework is exhumed from Biblical authority. Men’s Bible study groups are a good place to begin, but small groups alone aren’t sufficient to do this justice; it needs to be crowd sourced. It has to be a movement of the Spirit.
I see some secular groups of men doing just this. (For example, there is (1) The 21 Convention, and (2) The Red Quest, Red Pill Dad, and a couple others I don’t follow have some kind of cooperation going on off line.) In the Christian ‘sphere, Deep Strength and a few others have started RPChristians on Reddit and have had some success stories. At Σ Frame, I have invited several other men to join in writing posts. But again, progress is hard won and incrementally slow.
- Σ Frame (Jack): Don’t Admit Her Argument (2018-03-19)
- Σ Frame (Jack): The magic of introspective judgment and authentic confession (2020-05-08)
- Σ Frame (Jack): Do men need talk therapy? (2021-06-16)
- Σ Frame (Jack): 8 Things that Increase Discernment (2021-06-25)
- Σ Frame (Jack): Women Rely on a Man’s Frame for Redemptive Introspection (2021-06-28)
- Σ Frame (Jack): When walking on eggshells, step boldly! (2021-06-30)
- Σ Frame (Jack): Why challenge the character of your wife? (2021-07-07)
- Σ Frame (Deti): On Red Pill Awareness (2021-07-23)