Hint: It’s about monopolizing money, sex, power, and control.
Author’s Note: This post expands and explores a comment from Deti.
Length: 2,800 words
Reading Time: 9.5 minutes
“Mystery is the essence of man’s nature, and whatever presents itself to mankind under a mysterious appearance will always excite curiosity and be sought, even when men are satisfied that the veil covers nothing but a cypher…”Giacoma Casanova, in The Memoirs of Jacques Casanova de Seingalt (1725-1798)*
Vive le Fantaisie!
In a previous post, 3 Things that Make Women Tick (2020-12-11), Elspeth spilled the beans about what things are most dominant in the feminine psyche.
- Social/Familial Acceptance
- Men and Sexual Attractiveness
- The Fantasy Life/Lifestyle
If we superpose all three into one combination, then it’s easy to see how women desire a Sexual Fantasy Life that is Socially Accepted.
Idealists will point out that the ideal sex for women has elements of desire, emotional intimacy, and security/comfort, with few variations. But due to the nature of various dilemmas that women are faced with, the intensity of some elements are typically dampened by the presence of certain others. (To offer a few examples, social unrest and sexual tension are known to create attraction, but also insecurity. A man’s fawning attention and commitment tends to decrease both his value and the intensity of Tingles he can generate. Sexual fulfillment leads to ennui.) It is nevertheless the case that almost no women can obtain sex that is all of these things from the same man. Hence women’s existential sex problem. As such, a robust fantasy life can never be realized.
So it is a natural result of the curse of the fall, due to various social implications, and the fact that fantasy is not reality, that women cannot ever achieve their ideal fantasies out in the open, and so instead, they attempt to realize a semblance of this fantasy within a select time-space arrangement, only shared with a small clique of a few trusted individuals who are “in the know”. This is where secrecy comes into play.
When it comes to the task of fleshing fantasy into reality, there are two kinds of “dating” that women engage in, similar to how we look at women’s participation in sex.
When it comes to sex, there is “desire sex” — that is, women have sex because they are driven by pure desire/lust for sex with a man — and then there is “other sex”, which can be some mix of comfort/intimacy/transactional/duty, in varying proportions and in various permutations depending on the context, life stage, and so on.
When it comes to dating, there is a similar dynamic at play (not exactly the same, of course, because dating is not sex). There are two types of dating:
- “Desire dating”
- “Pragmatic dating”
In recognition of the fact that women love opportunistically, Rollo described this as,
“Women only see men as breeding stock or draft animals.”The Rational Male: Sexual Selection & Existential Fear (2019-04-01)
The former are just hot guys, regardless of where it goes. It would be nice if he turns out to be the love of her life and the complete Alpha Bux/Beta Comfort package, but even if he doesn’t, it’s still pretty d@mned hot. The latter are dates that have a purpose — looking for a guy to fill a role, whether that role is boyfriend (provides social inclusion and entertainment), orbiter (provides attention), husband (provides status and income), companion (for various purposes), vacation tour guide, or something like that.
The former is basically soft polygyny by another name. That is, “desire dating” IS soft polygyny, plain and simple, because the few men involved are not strictly monogamous. Pragmatic dating is not polygyny, because the targeted men involved are a different set of men – the kinds of men who do not have soft harems.
However, women are well aware that they can have all of these things if they are willing to engage in relations with more than one man, separated in the time-space continuum. This is the underlying motivation to the well-known AF/BB mating strategy. It is also soft polyandry, which commonly takes the form of serial* monogamy (which is highly favored by females), but it can also be done in parallel**, and this is what most people think of soft polyandry.
In order to maximize the realization of the Feminine Imperative and minimize the Feminine Existential Fear, women will resort to a personalized combination of soft polygyny and soft polyandry. This will fulfill women’s desire for a Sexual Fantasy Life, one which allows her to feel like it is Socially Accepted, even if only among a few partners.***
This is the Feminine Secret.
* Serial means that the time continuum is separated, but the space may be the same.
** Parallel means that the space continuum is separated, but the time may be the same.
*** Societal forces are now pushing towards the open acceptance of polysexual relationships and others.
The Purpose of the Secret
The overriding purpose of keeping the secret is to control outcome. But there are several other supporting factors.
1. It enables the participants to plan, implement, and prolong their secret activities.
Soft polygyny/soft harems aren’t a topic of critique because women don’t want anyone talking publicly about it outside those “in the know”, the “secret society” comprised of almost all women and about 40 to 50% of men.
2. Speaking of shameful matters invites scorn and criticism, whereas keeping it secret avoids shame and censure.
Women certainly don’t talk publicly about their participation in soft polygyny because of their anti-slut defense, their demand that no one ever judge them for anything they do, and their need to save face and send sexual misadventures down the memory hole. This secrecy also allows them (1) to avoid shame and censure, and (2) to marry ignorant hapless beta buxes when they tire of, or can no longer participate in soft polygyny. It must remain a secret, because no self-respecting man would marry a woman with a known history of soft polygyny. Women who post their liaisons online, or participate in the OASIS have extreme difficulty in hiding their past. As they say, “The internet is forever.”
3. It protects others who share the secret, builds trust and bonding, and provides an association based on loyalty.
Men who are “in the know” don’t talk about women’s participation in soft polygyny because the more men who know about it, the greater the competition is, and also because they don’t want to shame, anger, or alienate the women who participate in it. There is also a peculiar satisfaction gained from being an insider (pun intended). Men who are not “in the know” don’t talk about it because, of course, they are purposely kept in the dark about it. As they say, “Only the bad guys know.”
Parents are typically the last to know of such affairs. However, there are a small number of parents who have a way of sidling up to their young adult children in such matters. For some of these, it’s because they participated (or continue to participate) in this lifestyle themselves, and never really let go of it. There are some parents who are rather proactive about making sure their young adult children are “in the know” and getting them into the scene, usually for vicarious purposes.
Case Study – Jack’s Family of Origin
I shared this story before.
All the women in my family talk rather freely amongst themselves, but they’ll never tell the men anything that is going on. They’ll have a caucus, make decisions, and carry out those decisions among themselves, and they intentionally keep the men in the dark as much as possible.
For example, when my sisters and female cousins started to be sexually active, my mother and aunts gave them lots of “instructions”, and kept it all a secret from the men, as if it were none of their business. If there was ever an abortion in the family, I never knew about it. When one of my aunts had an affair and was socking money away in preparation for a divorce, all the women knew all about it, but all the men remained clueless until she breeched the subject herself, and she only did so after she had already arranged everything with a lawyer. A couple years later, my mother did the same thing. It is embarrassing for me to admit that everyone in my family are professing, church-going Christians.
After my parents divorced, I talked it over with my dad. He told me he experienced the same thing in his marriage to my mother – that she would never talk to him about anything – and this was the second biggest disappointment he ever had, not only about marriage, but in his whole life. He said the biggest disappointment of his life was when my sister divorced her husband after only four years of marriage, the first among my siblings. (All three of us are divorced now.)
For some time after this, I had the hope that I might make a dent in this family curse. I started to talk about this with my family members from time to time, trying to get it out in the open. Soon I began to recognize a pattern in my family. Whenever I brought it up, all the men knew exactly what I was talking about and jumped on board, but all the women became indignant and walked out of the room with a huff. My sister was the only woman in my family who was willing to admit it was true, but she would only admit this to me in private, and she would not go into the topic any further than a simple agreement. But even so, I did learn something about the women’s perspective from talking with her.
I experienced more of the same with my current wife, but it wasn’t as bad because I was already aware of this, and I had already learned to be less trusting of women.
Now I know this is not just a curse on my family, it is the Curse of Eve.
The Motivations of the Secret
There are several aspects of secrecy that (1) appeal to human metaphysical nature, as well as (2) serve the desire for sex and sexual fantasy. In many cases, “…the importance of the secrecy lies not in the supposed result (outsiders not knowing things) but rather in the act of secret-keeping itself. Masonry (and Mormonism, and the ancient Mysteries) is based on the principle that keeping secrets is good for the soul.”*
Non-communication may facilitate deeper and more thorough thought on the matter.*
Secrecy recasts the subject as being sacred.
Secrecy promotes a posture of humility. Very often our reasons for talking about things are unworthy and related to pride.*
Secrecy is a form of discipline, a way of practicing self-control. “If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body. Behold, we put bits in the horses’ mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body.” (James 3:2-3).*
The esoteric nature of certain metaphysical experiences prevents real knowledge of the matter from being transmitted outside of having a mystical encounter of the same. It is better if people come to the knowledge of such things through first-hand experience. For example, Jesus often warned his followers not to tell others certain things about His identity and His ministry. (See Matthew 8:1-4, 16:20; Mark 1:34, 1:40-44; 3:11-12, 8:29-30; Luke 5:12-15, 9:20-21). I believe this is because too much head knowledge can become a baggage of expectations that influence the perceptions of others in the way they might apprehend the truth of the things He said to them. Jesus, as well as many secret societies in history, are well aware of the fact that if someone has not already discovered a thing on his own accord, then he could not make any sense of it, nor make any good use of it, if it is whispered in his ear. OTOH, there is a good chance that he will b@stardize the truth of the matter and become a barrelhead of scorn and shame. So it is wiser to keep one’s peace, and let the secret remain a secret.
* H/T: From the Narrow Desert (W. J. Tychonievich): The Secret of Masonry (2019-08-27)
Admonishments from Ephesians 5
Believe it or not, the Bible has something to say about how to handle the Feminine Secret.
3 But sexual immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be mentioned among you, as is proper among saints; 4 and there must be no filthiness or foolish talk, or vulgar joking, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. 5 For this you know with certainty, that no sexually immoral or impure or greedy person, which amounts to an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.Ephesians 5:3-5 (NASB)
Our modern Christian gatekeepers are confident about using verse 3 to preemptively clamp the mouths of those who might ask questions about or discuss the Feminine Secret. But what follows in verse 6 is a warning against using verse 3 in this manner.
6 See that no one deceives you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. 7 Therefore do not become partners with them; 8 for you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord; walk as children of light 9 (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness, and truth), 10 as you try to learn what is pleasing to the Lord.Ephesians 5:6-10 (NASB)
If we ask, who is “them”, and what does it mean to “become partners”, then verse 7 might be validly construed to apply to several different scenarios.
- “Partners” could mean those who engage in sexual immorality, OR it could mean those who “politely” avoid discussion of the matter, which serves to conceal and enable the former.
- Do not pursue nor enable feminist mating strategies, e.g. serial monogamy, AF/BB, or various form of polysexuality.
- Do not propagate Blue Pill feminist lies, e.g. pedestalizing princesses, YOLO, etc.
- Do not pursue secret AF liaisons.
- Do not be a foolish Beta orbiter who props up feminist mating strategies.
Verse 11 may very well follow after this list.
11 Do not participate in the useless deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them; 12 for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret. 13 But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light.Ephesians 5:11-13 (NASB)
From verse 11, we see that the proper response is to remove the secrecy aspects of the secret, as I am doing by writing this post.
After having been shrouded by feminism over the past 40 years, the fallen nature of women has only been recently revealed by the Manosphere. This includes the harrowing, inconvenient truth about the fleshly inclinations of women — lacking moral agency, hypergamic, solipsistic, carousel riding branch swingers, reveling in defilement… Later in life they discover cuckoldry, abortion, domestic violence, the Duluth scheme, and frivorce — and I’m only just scratching the surface.
Furthermore, women are prone to “go off” suddenly, indignantly bulverizing, lying, gaslighting, and projecting their deeper nature, even after the facts are known, and without an ounce of guilt.
Interestingly, all of these traits are aggravated or encouraged by those who brandish the “misogynist” rhetoric, even though they deny it. By doing so, they bring about the real world manifestation of the worst feminine nature that is possible — another repugnant embodiment of misogyny. To add insult to injury, all these traits are proudly owned with an inconsiderate, self-righteous sense of entitlement.
Women won’t talk about these things openly, because it would be too shameful, even profane, and it would show their hand. Women already know these things about themselves (and that’s why they don’t like each other). Thus, they must live and operate in secrecy to keep a veneer of dignity, all in order to receive the respect, generosity and other benefits that come naturally from the ignorantly idealistic, altruistic nature of men who imagine women to be everything they want or need them to be.
If all goes well (from their point of view), men will never know the truth and can therefore be more easily controlled and manipulated. So it is all the more important for their deeds of darkness to be exposed.
- Σ Frame: Do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. (2020-01-27)
- Σ Frame: What is a woman’s desire for her husband according to Genesis 3:16? (2020-10-23)
- Σ Frame: What is a Curse? (2020-11-27)
- Σ Frame: Parental Divorce Ruins Daughters’ Future Marital Commitment and Confidence (2021-02-24)
- Σ Frame: The Christian Marriage Dilemma (2021-02-26)
- Σ Frame: On the Turning Away (2021-03-05)
- Σ Frame: Men’s Fantasy of Emotional Intimacy (2021-06-23)