A Case Study of a Carousel Rider in Regression.
Readership: All; Men;
Author’s Note: The contents of this series is a summary of journal entries from the dates specified.
Reader’s Note: The theme for the month of August is “Snickerdoodles – Case Studies of Female Failures”. This post is installment 1 of a series.
* Proper nouns have been changed to protect the author from the guilty.
Length: 2,000 words
Reading Time: 7 minutes
An aging Carousel Rider seeks counsel in how to find a husband (Sunday, August 19, 2018)
Rhianna* is 41 and has an MBA from Mediocre State University*. She worked abroad for a decade, but she’s been out of work for a year and is now living with her parents. She also wants to get married and have a child. She is very frustrated about her life situation. Earlier this week, she contacted my wife seeking counseling and advice.
Over a series of text exchanges during the past few days, we got to know Rhianna’s personality and problems better. My wife and I thought I should join their conversation in order to give Rhianna a better concept about men’s viewpoints, and Rhianna agreed with this plan. So, Rhianna* came to our place of business (POB) today to meet with my wife, and I joined their discussion.
At first, we presumed that since she is an unmarried, regular church-going Christian, then she was not sexually active. So we thought that she must be inadvertently saying or doing something that gave men the idea that she was easy and not marriage material. So we focused on trying to identify what that might be.
But as the discussion wore on, we gradually learned that she has a prolific sex life.
She had already told my wife about her previous relationship in their text exchange, so we started from there. So my wife and I were kind of like questioning her about her relationship habits and sexual desires, without appearing too rudely obvious.
We found that Rhianna only dates foreign guys. I asked her if she only wanted to marry a foreign guy. She said, “No, I don’t really care. It’s not just [guys with western] eyes that I like. I just want to find someone who loves me.”
I said, “OK, so why do you only want to date this certain type of man?”
She replied, “I am sad because… I want to emigrate somewhere and…”
Unrequited desire and discontentment is a bad combination, but more than that, I could see she was not really settled in her mind, or… she was not being very honest with us.
As we got to know her better, we discovered that she doesn’t just date foreign guys intermittently in her search for a husband. No, she dates a lot of foreign guys! She keeps a long list of guys she met from online dating sites, and she sees at least one guy every day, and sometimes up to four guys a day!!! Every weekend, she’ll pick out the best one (or two) of the bunch and ride him hard all weekend. Every once in a while, she’ll screw a date (or two) on a weekday, usually whenever she’s had a stressful day, and the daily d!ck happens to pique her fanny.
To top it off, she said men only want her body, but she’s a “decent woman” who just wants to “fall in love” and get married.
I noticed that she did have a pretty nice body (long hair, slender, fit). She obviously spent time working out at the (hotel) gym. She dressed attractively, but her face is showing her age – badly.
We asked her what her qualifications are, for going out on a date with a man. She told us, “I don’t like dating. There’s only one man out there for me. I cannot fly to any foreign country, because I must take care of my parents, and not let them worry about me.”
So another issue is that she can’t decide whether to go live abroad or stay and take care of her parents.
She doesn’t like dating?!? Salami!!!
An Ugly Mouth
Worst of all, her big mouth was her most unattractive feature – by far!
She bragged about herself saying she is “so good”, and “at the top” of her career. She enjoyed giving us a long swarthy monologue about her (previous) position as a boss. She even got a swelling ego validation when we agreed with her capability by pointing out how bossy she is.
She made several statements that expressed her poor attitude toward men. She proudly said that “men can’t resist my body”, and that “every man” wants to have sex with her. At the same time, she condemned male desire with a breathy smirk as being “sooo dirty”, but nevertheless, it was obvious that she enthusiastically received this attention as validation. Obviously she likes sex, and is only saying that male desire is “dirty”, as a form of guilt management and ego preservation.
So it was just as I suspected from reading her previous texts to my wife. Her biggest problems concerning her challenge in bagging a man was her overwhelming pride, her disrespectful attitude towards men in general, her past history, and her cognitive dissonance concerning sexual relations. So in fact, she has a number of major stumbling blocks holding her back in her search for a husband.
Concerning her search for a husband, I told her that maybe 20 years ago she had a good shot at finding a decent man and getting married, but her arrogant mouth and her argumentative nature has long since scared all the marriage minded men away. She was probably so self-absorbed in her career and her sex life that she didn’t even notice.
Concerning her self-professed impact on men’s sexual desire, I told her that there’s nothing special about that, because few men can resist having sex. She might just be getting a lot of attention because she makes her receptacle available.
Concerning her attitude, I told her that women will throw men away for bad (i.e. non Tingle inducing) sex, but men are quite tolerant in that area, until it comes to withholding sex altogether. Instead, men throw women away because they are a disrespectful b!tch.
She responded to these statements with looks of shock, indignation, and confusion, but she said nothing in response.
I thought about explaining to her how men view a woman with a high N count – good for a shag, but a very bad choice for marriage. But I decided to hold that tidbit of information off for a later date. I’ve already laid more on her than what she could handle.
After that, I left my wife to continue on with their discussion.
The Fork Incident (Saturday, August 25, 2018)
Rhianna* came to meet me and my wife around 2:30 pm, and our talk started out on a positive note. I decided to try teaching her how to respect a man, and she was quite eager to learn some tips from me, thinking that it would improve her love life. So during our discussion, I told her that I would tap a fork on the plate whenever I felt like she was being inappropriate or disrespectful.
I also made it into a running joke by making comments like,
“No, you forked it up again…”
“Look! You keep getting forked!”
“You really enjoy forking around, don’t you?”
I had hoped she might lighten up and laugh, or that she might even get into the spirit of the game by responding with similar statements, like,
“Stop forking with me!”
But no. She was way too serious. I thought maybe my wife was giving her stress.
At first, the fork tapping technique seemed to work well towards her enlightenment. But after I had talked for about 5 minutes about how important it is for a woman to show respect to a man, she interrupted me by asking my wife why men treat her so badly. I tapped the fork, and when I had regained her attention, I pointed out that she had interrupted me. Then I asked her, “Can you tell me anything of what I just said?”
She just sat there with a blank stare on her face and flashed me an impertinent gaze. She could not remember anything I said, just moments earlier! After a moment of silence, I said,
“See, this is exactly what I am talking about. You asked us for help. I am giving you some honest male feedback, and I want to get some honest feedback from you too. But I just spent the last 5 minutes answering the question that you just asked my wife when you interrupted me. Then you can’t even tell me one thing I said. You obviously weren’t listening to me. It seems like you don’t really care about what I have to say. This is the kind of disrespect that is making men reject you.”
Rhianna became uncomfortable and fidgety, and my wife became very anxious as well. I think the immediate, real-time, feedback loop on her behavior made her self-conscious, and this sparked some introspection, which of course, is anathema to the solipsistic ego.
The Herd Mentality Rulz
Unfortunately, my wife was not inert to her influence, following the herd mentality. After only a few minutes of talking with Rhianna, my wife was becoming arrogant, irritated, and disrespectful, just like her. But I also noticed, that at about the same time that my wife started to fly off the handle, Rhianna started to pick up on what I was talking about, and she started weeping.
The exact timing of their exchange of demeanor made me believe that Rhianna was afflicted by an evil spirit that did not give her a reprieve until it jumped off of her and onto my wife.
After this, my wife started to mirror Rhianna’s attitude by making crude references to male sex drive in the same dismissive manner. This struck me as being really ugly and improper, and I started tapping the fork in response to their talk. Then my wife lost her cool, and started scolding me, saying it was disrespectful of me to tap the fork while she was talking. I tapped the fork again, and told her she was scolding me. Then she flew into an irate tirade while I sat quietly, sighed heavily, and listened with a bored look on my face.
I did not fork either one of them again after that, because I felt that they had gotten the point, and were experiencing some conviction about that. Rhianna was crying, and I could feel the conviction fall over my wife.
Our exercise in fork tapping only lasted about 10 minutes, and I don’t think more than 40 seconds went by without me tapping the fork in response to her impudence. Pretty pathetic.
After an awkward moment of silence, my wife continued on with her talk. A lot of what she said was a description of her convictions about our relationship, but she did not own it by including our names. After a few more minutes, they started talking in Chinese. I took this as a clue that they had had enough of me, so I made a silent departure. I knew I had literally embarrassed the he11 out of the both of them, so it was better to give them some time out, and let it sink in.
My wife continued to talk with Rhianna almost 5 hours, while I finished up some odd repair jobs around the house. Afterwards my wife was in her quiet, guilty mode. We had a long talk about the visit today, and I was pleased to know that she had learned some things from this interaction.
Upon reflection, I saw that it was hard to make my point evident to Rhianna, and when I did, it came at some cost to myself (in the form of my wife’s fractiousness). I had a prayer and asked God if it was a waste of time to minister to people like her. I felt like it’s an impossible task to speak to women about their past sexual sin and prod them towards repentance.
Meditations on the experiences described above eventually culminated in a slew of posts.
- Σ Frame: Why do Christian women have the reputation of being whores? (2019-02-23)
- Σ Frame: Hitting a glorified nerve at Patheos (2019-03-04)
- Σ Frame: Christian vs. Non-Christian Women – A Negligeeable Difference (2019-03-20)
- Σ Frame: What is glorification? (2019-03-23)
- Σ Frame: Introducing Katie and the Future of Human Mating (2020-06-03)