A woman’s relationship to her husband should emulate a man’s relationship to Christ.
Author’s Note: The following essay is offered as a thought experiment to provoke the reader’s imagination and inquisitive thinking.
Length: 1,900 words
Reading Time: 7 minutes
God’s Hierarchical Structure of Authority
Ephesians 5:22-33 describes a woman’s relationship to a man in marriage as an analogy of the man’s relationship to Christ. Furthermore, this archetype contains a hierarchical structure of authority that has been ordained by God. Snapper TRX has described this hierarchy in his post, Breaking the Chain (March 8, 2018), and he used the following diagram as a visual illustration.
Below is a similar illustration which compares the Christ centered Covenant archetype with the Blue Pill and Red Pill models. In this figure, Relationship A is the relationship between Christ and man. Relationship B is the relationship between a man and his wife. Based on the claims of Ephesians 5:22-33, the remainder of this article illustrates a comparison between these two relationships (A and B) in the hierarchy.
Relationship B: Man Relinquishes His Life to Christ
In Galatians 2:20, Paul states the testimony of a man who has relinquished his life to Christ.
“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”Galatians 2:20 (NIV)
Oswald Chambers wrote about The Relinquished Life in his post for March 8.
“To become one with Jesus Christ, a person must be willing not only to give up sin, but also to surrender his whole way of looking at things. Being born again by the Spirit of God, means that we must first be willing to let go, before we can grasp something else. The first thing we must surrender is all of our pretense or deceit. What our Lord wants us to present to Him is not our goodness, honesty, or our efforts to do better, but real solid sin. Actually, that is all He can take from us. And what He gives us in exchange for our sin is real solid righteousness. But we must surrender all pretense that we are anything, and give up all our claims of even being worthy of God’s consideration.
Once we have done that, the Spirit of God will show us what we need to surrender next. Along each step of this process, we will have to give up our claims to our rights to ourselves. Are we willing to surrender our grasp on all that we possess, our desires, and everything else in our lives? Are we ready to be identified with the death of Jesus Christ?
We will suffer a sharp painful disillusionment before we fully surrender. When people really see themselves as the Lord sees them, it is not the terribly offensive sins of the flesh that shock them, but the awful nature of the pride of their own hearts opposing Jesus Christ. When they see themselves in the light of the Lord, the shame, horror, and desperate conviction hit home for them.”Oswald Chambers: The Relinquished Life (entry for March 8).
Relationship C: The Wife Relinquishes Her Life to her Husband
If we take the liberty to rewrite the scripture passage from Galatians from the perspective of the Godly wife, it might read something like this.
“I have been joyfully nailed in the marriage bed, and I am no longer a striving independent wimmin (SIW), but my husband and family find a joyful, fresh new life through me. The life I now live in the body, I live by trusting in my husband, who loves me daily and took such huge costs and accepted great risks upon himself to marry me.”Galatians 2:20 (NΣFV)
In like manner, the following section contains a reworked version of Chambers’ words from the perspective of the submissive wife.
The Relinquishing Wife
For a wife to become one with her husband, she must be willing not only to give up her ‘strong, independent lifestyle’, but also to surrender her whole way of looking at things. Finding a new life and identity as a married woman means that she must first be willing to let go of her vain grasping for control and autonomy before she can grasp something else. The first thing she must surrender is all her hamsterbated pretenses and solipsistic deceit, which is the feminine variety of sin.
- What our Lord wants her to present to Him is not her virtue signaling, feigned honesty, or her self-serving efforts to “do better”, but real solid sin. She has to get real and stop clinging to the hamsterized vanity of her solipsistic mind.
- What her husband wants is for her to pursue a fully abandoned holiness as described in 1st Peter 3:1-7.
“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”1 Peter 3:1–7 (NKJV)
Being submissive necessarily includes being ready and joyfully enthusiastic in the family room, the kitchen, and the bedroom, which are the three main spheres of a married woman’s influence. Actually, sincere submission as an expression of trust and respect is the greatest thing that a woman can offer to a man that has an eternal spiritual impact. Consequently, the husband can find rest in his own home, an inspiration to his faith, and confidence through exercising his authority in his marriage and family. Thus, the husband will grow spiritually, and come to love and appreciate his wife more genuinely. Furthermore, what God gives a woman in exchange for her submission is real solid righteousness! But she must surrender all pretense that she is anything of herself, and give up all her claims of even being worthy of her husband’s consideration.
Once she has done that, her husband will show her what she needs to surrender next. Her cooperation in this endeavor is very important, because her submission is only made evident to the husband through her willingness to obey. Along each step of this process, she will have to give up her claims to her rights to herself. In the beginning, this might take the extreme form of “no more supercilious $ћit tests”, or “no more girls’ night out (getting drunk and flirting with other men)”. But as time progresses and sanctification sets in, his demands will grow ever more nuanced, such as, “no more trash talk (e.g. gossiping)”, or “no more of your egotistical insistence on having the last word”. Is the woman willing to surrender her grasp on all that she possesses, her desires, and everything else in her life? Is she ready to be identified as the faithful wife of her husband?
All women suffer a sharp painful disillusionment before they fully surrender, but it is best for them not to be disheartened so much as to avoid postponing this wake up, because eventually, all women must surrender. Some do so willingly by getting married young, and therefore reap the joys and blessings intended by God and nature, while others have this disillusionment rudely foisted upon them after they have wasted their youth on self-centered profligacy and have Hit the Wall (AKA “going over the falls”). A woman who goes through life this way forfeits any blessings she may have otherwise had by accepting the truth and serving the Lord and her husband during her prime years of peak fertility.
When women really see themselves as men (i.e. her husband) see them, it is not their terribly offensive sins of the flesh that shock them (for they have known this propensity all along), but the awful nature of the pride of their own hearts opposing the love, guidance, and discipline provided by husbands. When they see themselves in the light of their husband’s opinions, the shame, horror, and desperate conviction hit home for them.
Some readers might assume this post is satire, or that it is grossly out of step with the times. But in fact, the truths about Headship contained here (1) are the reason why the Christian Marriage Dilemma exists, and (2) they offer a working solution to the Christian Conundrum. More to the point, it is the only solution that God offers to married couples, so it is important for us to take these things to heart.
If you are a man faced with the question of whether or not to surrender to Christ, make a determination to go on through the crisis, surrendering all that you have and all that you are to Him. And God will then equip you to do all that He requires of you, for it is the intentions of the Lord for you to be salt and light to others around you. If you are a single man with the mind to be married, do not waste your time, money, and strength pursuing a wife in the lopsided liberalized MMP. Stay focused on your work for God, your mission in life, being salt and light for the Lord, and at the right time, the right woman will notice this and come to you. (See Scott’s Axiom.) If you are married, then do the heavy lifting necessary to work towards Headship.
If you are a young woman or a wife faced with the question of whether or not to trust and submit to a man in marriage or to your husband, respectively, make a determination to go on through the crisis of belief, surrendering all that you have and all that you are to the man you choose or have chosen, respectively. And God will bless you as a woman of great faith, just as it is said of Abraham’s wife, Sarah. Your blessings will overflow to your husband and children, for it is the intentions of the Lord to bless them through you.
- Σ Frame: Salt – Matthew 5:13 (2009 September 12)
- Bible.org (Gregory Brown): 11 Characteristics of a Godly Marriage (1 Peter 3:1–7) (ca. 2014)
- Σ Frame: The Feminine Dilemma (2018 October 27).
- Σ Frame: Being Attractive in Service (2020 June 24)
- Σ Frame: Having an Attractive Attitude in Serving (2020 June 29)
- Σ Frame: Placing the Marriage Structures within the Archetypical Models (2020 September 28)
- Σ Frame: Headship Restoration (2020 November 21)
- Σ Frame: More on Relational Archetypes (2020 November 28)