The Online Amateur Sex Industry is the new designer drug – a quicker, easier fix to check out from society – and it actually pays $$$ (if you’re a contributor)!
Readership: All
Reader’s Note: This post continues discussing The Rise of the Amateur Sex Industry (2021 January 4). Readers may like to read this post first before continuing.
In this series, prostitution is defined as the sale of either (1) sexual services, (2) faux relationships (calculated by the hour, number of messages, etc.), or (3) personalized, self-produced, sexually titillating media content — for cash.
Length: 2,200 words
Reading Time: 7.5 minutes
Introduction
Women have fundamental needs that can morph into cravings for things like male attention, securing a steady income, having material resources, getting social acceptance and affirmation, and… <ahem> …and sex (preferably with a high SMV man). These are all real needs that women have, especially younger women.*
Presently, there exists a few varieties of life trajectories that are designed to coopt the human propensity towards habit and knock out these needs.
- The marriage and children route.
- The college and career route (AKA Phase 1 of the Feminist Life Script).
- The Online Amateur Sex Industry and Socialization (OASIS) / pop sensation route (e.g. Instagram, Tumblr, OnlyFans, etc.).
Of note, a large percentage of women try to wing it with some combination of the above.
God’s plan for marriage is designed to satisfy all these needs in a proper, fitting, efficient, and enduring manner. But even though God’s way is the best way to do so, young women will not choose to follow this path unless it is impressed upon them. Given free reign, when young women latch on to the notion that marriage is not something to be prioritized while they are young, then they can be easily convinced to try either option (2) or (3), especially when there are strong incentives to do so.
Now, just imagine if you will, that there now existed some new technology that could allow a woman to simply flip a switch, punch some buttons, and talk to herself, and have all these needs met – just like that! She could even enjoy watching TV or drinking a latte while she’s at it!
This technology is now upon us! If you have been following along for the last couple weeks, you will know this to be option (3).
As Deti put it,
“This is women doing what they need to do to get commitment or facsimiles/imitations thereof. They have sex with Chad, immediately and for free (because if she won’t do it, another woman will and she’ll miss her longshot chance to lock him down), and then make everyone else wait for it and pay for it. But instead of “paying” with time, dinners, and commitment, they are making men pay cold hard cash for pictures, videos, and an hour or two of masturbating into a starfishing college student’s vagina. They’ve got to get that cash somehow. Chad ain’t coughing it up, there’s no Dad; and the bottom 80% beta bux guys are still getting cooked and fixed up. Paul and Ernie are years away from being ready, nor even considered.”
This present state of human affairs is an advanced symptom of the sexual revolution. When love and trust evaporate, then human interaction boils down to a series of transactions in order to fulfill needs. The needs will not budge, and if people will not trust God to fulfill those needs, then they are reduced to bartering and various power plays in order to satisfy those needs.
* For older women who have achieved all of the aforementioned needs, there arises the precocious need for gossip, wine, and cats, especially among lonely spinsters.
How Women get Hooked on the OASIS
It’s quite easy for a woman to break into the amateur sex industry by showcasing her skin on Instagram or starting up an OnlyFans account.
A previous post, Why is the online amateur sex industry attractive to women? (2021 January 6), iterated a few of things that a woman can become addicted to in this activity, including the following.
- The attention.
- The simple, easy, relaxed lifestyle.
- The steady income, and for some women, this income is significant – enough to retire on.
After a woman gets a taste of having all her carnal needs fulfilled through this life of ease, combined with the ego-affirming attention and the supplementary income that it generates, you can imagine how quickly she would learn to adapt to this new lifestyle, even to the point of developing behavioral addictions to this end.
NovaSeeker’s last post, The Slow Train Wreck — a Cautionary Tale (2021 January 18) presented a poignant case study of this phenomenon.
Fellow blogger, R. P. McMurphy at Red Pill Dad, also illustrated this dynamic in his post, Sex positivity and why single dads are different from single moms (2020 December 27). He wrote,
“As I note in the original piece, once a chick goes down that road for say, more than a few months – [she] begins to live and rely on the money she earns as a hooker or cam girl or selling nudes – she’ll undergo a change in her basic psychology where she HAS to get money for sex. Like, even when she wants to f*ck a guy just because she’s attracted to him, she’ll still end up looking for an angle to get money out of him, whether it’s getting him to buy her stuff, or use his car, give her drugs and alcohol, etc.”
“And that’s how strippers, sex workers, and hookers work once they’ve gone down the path of using their sex to make money – they have a very hard time viewing sex as something that can or should be done without a connection to wealth or provisioning.
This is also why there’s not much of a difference between a prostitute who actually has sex with guys and a chick on OnlyFans who just masturbates in front of a camera or sells nudes – or a sugar baby for that matter. Because at the end of the day, she’s still using her p*ssy for money, and thus the connection between sex and money is created and embedded in her psyche and relationship to sexuality.
That’s the moral hazard that exists with prostitution, and why I feel bad for all the young chicks who are now trying their luck on OnlyFans to make a cheap buck, trading away the opportunity for love and children and some sort of career down the line, to sell sex for money; a short-lived career of objectification and depravity.
The Nature of Behavioral Addictions
A lot has been said about how low quality or otherwise very frustrated men become addicted to pornography, how it lowers their self-esteem, and fosters in them an unhealthy view of sex and women in general. But we never hear about female problems with behavioral addictions.
Behavioral addiction is defined as a compulsion to engage in a non-substance-related behavior that is both rewarding and reinforcing. The behavior is continued despite any negative consequences to the person’s physical, mental, social, spiritual, or financial well-being. Common behavioral addictions include the following. [1]
- Attention seeking behavior
- Codependent relationships
- Exercise addiction
- Food addiction
- Gambling addiction
- Internet addiction
- Love addiction
- Porn addiction
- Sex addiction
- Shopping addiction
- Tattoo addiction
- Video game addiction
- Work addiction
Looking over the list above, we find that OASIS could involve at least 4, and as many as 9 of these common behavioral addictions! That’s a very toxic brew!
Even so, there must be something that would motivate a woman to develop a behavioral addiction (or any addiction for that matter).
Deti pointed out,
“Conventional social media and the attention these women will get at church and elsewhere, are the “gateway drugs” so to speak.”
Ame added to the list of the ‘gateway drugs’ to OASIS.
- Motive
- Means
- Opportunity
- A rigid upbringing with legalistic rules with no grace or reason, rigid college, liberal seminary, liberal church that worships attractive, articulate women. (Do you think a fat, ugly woman with the same gift of speaking would have the same opportunity?!)
- The desire to know and be everything to everyone (that I desire to be known and important to).
- A world with no boundaries that worships engaging women.
- The ability to set her children aside to tone her body and to distribute her body for praise and money behind the veil of a computer.
Treatment for these behavioral addictions might include [1],
- Cognitive behavioral therapy
- Group therapy
- Medications
- One-on-one or couples counseling
- Self-help groups
But given the self-reinforcing nature of OASIS, it is doubtful that any women would ever repent, especially after she has been mired in the quicksand joys of self-aggrandizing defilement.
How bad could it be?
There is a spectrum of how far women will venture to wade into the slimy cesspool of the OASIS.
- Mark Una: Some simply post photos of themselves, fully clad (photography).
- Mark Twain: Others pose for nude shots (soft core pornography).
- Mark Triad: Some post videos of raunchy content (hard core pornography).
- Depth Charge: A few will hook up with their e-johns for a significant cash infusion (conventional prostitution).
- Cherry Blossom: Women who possess exquisite feminine wiles are the crème de la crème of the OASIS. The type of skilled labor required to be the modern equivalent of a Comfort girl or Geisha demands real emotional work. However, as we have noted in past case studies, this type of labor is also not without hefty rewards. (Sugar babies and “kept” women, AKA concubines)
Concerning the last type, in ages past, many middle to upper class women would do this much for her husband as an expression of love and respect for her husband (i.e. life trajectory 1 described in the introduction). But these days, a woman will only do this either (1) to create a slim chance to hook up with Chad (life trajectory 2), or (2) for a thousand e-boys paying cash into a secure online account (life trajectory 3).
The problem with this new setup, as we have learned, is that it involves diving into the online amateur sex industry and socialization (OASIS), which is basically some brand of prostitution.
McMurphy’s post mentions how OASIS can set women into a mindset of sex = money, which leads them into spiritual poverty.
“…a chick who’s selling her @$$ on OnlyFans or working as an escort isn’t doing what she’s doing because she likes sex – she may like sex, or be a chick who skews sl*tty – but she’s doing what she’s doing FOR MONEY.”
This is why I’ve been saying that a woman’s involvement in OASIS is a form of prostitution. McMurphy also mentions how many online prostitutes have problems with substance addiction.
“And let’s also remember: the kinds of men who regularly pay for OnlyFans, cam girls, prostitutes or frequent strip clubs aren’t generally speaking, high quality men. They’re lonely, sad, often addicted to substances, or young guys who behave more like boys than men – and because they’re paying for the chick’s services, they don’t really respect her either. In other words, the life of 95% of sex workers isn’t exciting or glamorous or honestly all that lucrative… it’s just sad and degrading.
And this is why most chicks won’t do it, and why those who do will always be looked on by society with a mixture of pity and disgust – also why […] you DO NOT want to get into an LTR or marry these chicks.”
Epilogue
As the old adage goes (which answers the question of how social media companies can offer their services for free),
“If you don’t have to pay for the service, then YOU are the product!”
As we already know, Fartbook and other social media platforms sell the users’ data to marketing specialists, and this is how they can offer their social networking service for FREE! Well, this is also true for OnlyFans creators. The reason it pays $$$, is because these women are the product that is being sold, in the form of pornographic photographs, videos, and chat sessions.
Modern culture, including the churchian sub-culture, makes it all too easy for young women to fall into unhealthy behaviors and form habits that feed these needs, and then become emotionally and psychologically dependent on the fix. Hence why I call it a behavioral addiction.
Once a woman has had it so easy, it’s really tough for her to kick the habit and go back to God’s proscribed order for living. Concerning this aspect of human nature, Ed Hurst wrote,
“Making people angry about their slavery won’t make them suddenly transform into rebels. They have to value liberty more than comfort, and that describes only a tiny thin slice of humanity.”
From a spiritual perspective, an ever increasing number of our nation’s daughters are giving themselves over to wh0redom, and soon, the entire nation will be defiled (Leviticus 19:29). Meanwhile, the church is in denial and does nothing to prevent or counteract this development.
Move over Victorian religiosity of the 19th century, and Therapeutic Moralistic Deism of the 20th … Behold! OASIS is the new opium for the 21st century masses!
References
- Very Well Mind (Elizabeth Hartney): An Overview of Behavioral Addiction (2020 September 17)
Related
- Red Pill Dad: Why Prostitution will always be a shameful job – including OnlyFans (2020 December 22)
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Soup Sandwich
Lexet Blog
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Jack
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Σ Frame 
And this is why most chicks won’t do it, and why those who do will always be looked on by society with a mixture of pity and disgust
I disagree with McMurphy here when it comes to OnlyFans and its related similars (like girls having Patreons, or selling glossy photobooks of themselves or what have you … all sorts of grift going on if you look around on Instagram for a day or two). The reason is that it is much less “dirty” than the traditional sex industry was/is. No in person meetings … with anyone. No pimps. No johns. No strip club owners. No sleazy pornographer or 10 fat middle aged guys on set ogling you while you do the third take of a sex scene somewhere in San Fernando Valley. It’s all no muss, no fuss, just like Instagram in functionality and distance, and just a little more explicit than Instagram. To say that “most chicks won’t do it” like was the case for actual flesh-and-blood sex industry just fundamentally misunderstands what is happening here in a very basic, core way. So I really disagree with him there. The fact is that there are women involved in the OASIS who would never have gotten involved in the old industry, including a woman like W from my most recent post. It’s changed. It’s different. Women are behaving differently. Instagram changed things, in a way that is fundamental rather than incremental, like online porn changed things.
Mark Una: Some simply post photos of themselves, fully clad (photography).
Mark Twain: Others pose for nude shots (soft core pornography).
Mark Triad: Some post videos of raunchy content (hard core pornography.
A good way of seeing the levels of it.
If you look around Instagram for a few hours, you can find all three of these being monetized, by the way, not just “2” and “3”. That is, there are girls on Instagram who are monetizing “Mark Una” as well — typically not by means of OF (which takes a 20% cut in exchange for providing hosting services which are as user friendly as Instagram in terms of ease of uploading and site management and so on but without content restrictions) but by means of Patreon or even setting up their own website to do so.
I have found girls who are able to charge guys over 100 USD per month on Patreon in exchange for more pictures of them in street clothes (it explicitly says no nude shots, bathing suits or lingerie … just street clothes), some behind the scenes pictures and cameos, and the ability to interact in direct messages with the girl.
I have found other girls who have their own websites where they sell calendars and glossy photo books which have sexy pictures in them, but all of the non-nude “pinup” variety — and charge 50-75 USD per item for these … presumably they are making money from it because designing and hosting your own site, never mind production cost for these glossy photobooks and calendars, is significant enough that it would have to be demand-justified.
Point is: the OASIS is more than OnlyFans. OnlyFans is just the most egregious part of it, currently.
For attractive women, it’s a continuum … a spectrum of how far each is willing to go to monetize their appearance.
The ones who can significantly monetize it by becoming an “influencer” will do that … but that’s not that many of them. Girls piled into that trade over the past 5 years and it became very competitive, such that there are really only a few girls making a significant amount of money by being influencers.
So … next thing to do is to try to get money from your looks but not crossing the “nude line” … and some girls are able to pull that off. It depends on how good they are at finding their niche in men, or how overall attractive they are, and how good they are at marketing and putting things together. That tends to generate side money type of cash — a nice flow, but not “making a living” type of cash for most of the women.
The ones who want to make more money — i.e., to make a living from their looks — but are not able to do so via the influencer route, and aren’t connected or articulate or attractive enough (on camera) to go the TV route (weather girl, sideline reporter etc) end up at least considering OF — they do the same kind of pictures they were putting on Instagram, just with 1 less piece of clothing (or, in some cases, just removing “digital pasties” that cover their forbidden-to-show bits), and get paid — it isn’t hard if they are already posting that kind of fare on Instagram anyway which is basically the same thing while technically not being nude.
None of that is, in the eyes of most of the participating women, “sex work” or “prostitution” or “working in the sex industry”. In their minds, that kind of thing is all beyond what they are doing.
It’s an entire spectrum of possibilities now for women who want to monetize their appearance, and most of these are new due to the rise of Instagram, OnlyFans, Patreon and the culture around them of privatizing money transfers for content. It’s a much broader phenomenon, and its impact on the female community is broad, not limited. OF is, again, despite its tremendous growth and currently massive size, only the tip of the spear here, unfortunately.
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Lots of Youtube posts already about women who are “upset” that they are not making lots of money on Only Fans. The market is saturated already. Most women honestly….honestly believe they are very hot, way above average in the looks department because they are always hit on by men using “game” (these men are the desperate and thirsty men). The “loser men” already knew their “place” a decade ago for the most part. They knew it didn’t work.
Again women (like in church) will blame men for not going to and supporting their ‘only fans’ page. “Oh where oh where are the real men who want to see my page??”
Just like “where oh where are the real men in this church?”
Translation: “where are the hot men that “I” am attracted to and why are they not here! I deserve this. I am hot. Everyone has told me this since I was a few months old that I am amazing!!!”
You guys are really making this out to be something it isn’t. What…before this it was the nightclub / tinder / instagram thing. This has only exploded because “women” cannot get validation from the nightclub, or being out in social situations.
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Women don’t want validation from night clubs or social settings. All that introduction/cold approach stuff was already going by the wayside in the Time Before The Plandemic. Cold approaching was “ewww, no thanks. Do it online like normal people.”
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Well the cold approach was going out…agreed. Only Fans HAS exploded for the fact that people are effing stuck at home in large swaths of the world and a sh*t ton of people are OUT of work (not you of course). Sure, the trend was drifting this way…..but Covid blew this open. As for a “plandemic” up for debate and will be for a long time like “who killed JFK” or “who murdered Jimmy Hoffa” and “9-11 was an inside job / no planes hit the penatgon”
Sure, it was going away…..but online where 90% of men are deemed unattractive (except men like you of course) few men are “doing it online like everyone else” for the fact that befoer this COvid most were not getting dates (except for men like you or in your position of course)
Let me ask you this? Did you ever work in a nightclub? No. You have zero clue what you are talking about. You can’t get it through your head that you actually don’t know everything. You have no clue what most men go through, yet again are speaking like you know exactly how women, think, behave, act and will act (except your wife of course)
And the nighclub thing isn’t just some huge rave scene…this could be the live band at the local brewpub….the local corner restaurant, or small friendly bar. Women LOVE validation out and about if they didn’t there would actually be a mens department at the local Macys except for a small corner on the third floor. The rest of the place is for women.
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You haven’t really disagreed with anything I said.
I don’t understand why you feel the need to pick fights with the people who post here.
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Yeah okay…….
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The claim that “most chicks won’t do it” is a general speculation. We really need hard data to analyze this question any further. Like…
–What is the percentage of women at each of the 5 levels?
–Which of the levels are earning the most cash?
I think it can be safely assumed that…
–The percentage of women goes down as we go down the levels.
–The average earnings go up as we go down the levels.
There are a couple caveats.
–Time and money invested in the endeavor.
–Her marketing saavy and strategy.
I think McMurphy’s main point is that it takes a toll on the woman. How much of a toll depends on how deep she gets into it, and for how long.
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Of course sometimes it doesn’t work.
Then it’s time for tears and fears.
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Jack, Novaseeker,
“Meanwhile, the church is in denial and does nothing to prevent or counteract this development.”
What would you recommend that churches do to counteract this development?
What would you recommend that fathers and grandfathers do to counteract this development?
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Not to speak for Jack, or Nova, but I’d recommend that churches, fathers, grandfathers, and most importantly, mothers and grandmothers return to teaching young women the truth about how female sinful nature manifests itself, and start holding women accountable for their actions again.
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This is a heavy question, and it is one which does not have a short, snappy, convenient answer. I will write a post about this.
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Stop going. Have family church at home and take it back to “early church” of people meeting in the home. Actually the bible spoke frequently enough about this. Walking deeper, reaching out to those who need christ……but that won’t happen. Sinner women evidently cannot be reclaimed, and “loser” men will “mess everything up” so nothing will change. The faith in forums like this is way too over-intellectualized to practice the great comission that christ spoke about. So nothing will happen.
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The main reason that the online amateur sex industry is so addictive to women is the validation and the dopamine hits they get from participation in it. That, and people live more and more of their lives online. That’s the addictive agent, in my view.
There has been research into people’s social media use. When they see “likes” or comments on their posts, they feel validated and get a “hit” of dopamine. When they don’t, the dopamine stops. When people get “unfriended” and/or blocked on social media, they feel really hurt and can even get depressed because of it. Why? Because their entire lives revolve around connecting with and interacting with others online and through social media.
So it is with women using Facebook. Then Instagram and posting the racy pics that aren’t really “suited” to the “adults” on Facebook. Then to TikTok and YouTube, where you post videos of you saying and doing what you want.
Women get dozens, hundreds, thousands of “likes”. They get men responding with the eggplant icon, the water spritz icon, the heart icon, “I love you sexxxiiii baby”, etc. Every one of those responses is validation and a dopamine hit. Hundreds of dopamine hits. Every day. All day. For months, years on end.
Then to OnlyFans, where you have finally figured out how to make money from your addiction. So, not only do you get validation and dope hits, you’re getting Cha Chinged every time someone clicks on your account. You’re getting validation, good feels, and cash. What could be better?
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Male privilege, obviously.
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Women get dozens, hundreds, thousands of “likes”. “I love you sexxxiiii baby”, etc. Every one of those responses is validation and a dopamine hit. Hundreds of dopamine hits. Every day. All day. For months, years on end.
Yes.
Again, not to keep on beating the dead horse too much, but … it’s aggregation, again.
Each one of those “likes” is insignificant. It’s not that meaningful to a girl that some rando dude, probably a fat 50 yo married loser, is creeping on her Instagram posts and “liking” them. But the power of them to send a significant amount of dopamine is in the aggregation.
When a woman who is slightly above average looking puts out a bathing suit pic on Instagram, and within 2 hours she has hundreds of likes, if not more, from her thousands, if not tens of thousands (or more) of loyal followers … that’s a dopamine hit. And the hit gets bigger as the numbers get bigger, until her expectations adjust, and then a new hurdle is needed to trigger the same “rush”, as with any dopamine stimulating activity or substance. But what the internet does, and what Instagram does, is create a more powerful effect by aggregating what are, individually, meaninglessly low validation hits together so that, taken together, they provide a significant validation hit on a regular basis.
And, of course, the impact is amplified if the woman in question has, by dint of her pre-existing personality, a tendency to like attention more than average — which also tends to be the case for the women who go full-bore on Instagram, because it’s catnip for a woman like that. So those women, who are self-selecting into the routine of self-display on Instagram, are also more prone to get more of a dopamine hit from it, and the cycle is even more intensified for them, leading to more posts, racier ones and so on, to keep driving up the follower count, the likes, the comments, all to keep the dopamine fix coming at the increasing levels needed to experience the same “hit” ort “rush”.
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I feel bad for the young Christian men who have to go against this culture in their attempt to find someone to marry and have children with. Because the future belongs to those who show up …
Dalrock said very early on that the only force holding a woman to her vows was in her head, that men need to find out whether their prospective fiance has that internal compass. The scary part is how does one know one’s prospective fiance is capable of abandoning her marriage for this? The problem is there is no real scarlet letter attached to this conduct any more. Look at how they use their real names now. How could the H of the last article have vetted for this in his future W? Maybe there were signs of that love of money?
Another thought: suppose the prospective fiance once participated on Instagram/OF and has since deleted her profiles and pictures. I could see a woman over 30 or 40 deciding the returns were diminishing due to younger competition so she’s getting out in the hope of sticking the landing. How does the hopeful husband vet for that?
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The scary part is how does one know one’s prospective fiance is capable of abandoning her marriage for this? How could the H of the last article have vetted for this in his future W? Maybe there were signs of that love of money?
I don’t think he could have vetted for that specific risk, because it wasn’t a risk that existed. I mean there has always been a risk that “my wife will leave me for a man who makes more money than I do”, so you screen for Gold-digger type risk, but most guys can spot that. According to H in his interview with Rollo, there were no red flags like that when they married relating to materialism. Her posts about money pop up a couple of years into the Instagram feed, and not before that, but it’s possible that she chafed with the money situation in the marriage. H said to Rollo that they did go through difficult financial times earlier in the marriage, and she did not like those times, but that seems very normal to me — there’s a lot of folks who don’t enjoy going through hard times, I think. But, I don’t think that back in 2008-2009 there was any way to screen for the risk of “whether she will leave me to become an amateur softcore porn model on the internet” type risk, because in effect that risk didn’t exist then.
That calls to mind another category of risk in today’s culture when vetting: the unforeseen risk. We live in a culture that is exceptionally dynamic and fast-changing in the sexuality area. It’s moving at warp factor ten, and has been for the past 10-15 years. So you can’t really vet for every risk — there are risks that will come to fruition that didn’t exist when you were vetting. The only thing you can do is vet for general character based on prior behavior, and hope for the best.
Another thought: suppose the prospective fiance once participated on Instagram/OF and has since deleted her profiles and pictures. I could see a woman over 30 or 40 deciding the returns were diminishing due to younger competition so she’s getting out in the hope of sticking the landing. How does the hopeful husband vet for that?
There’s not much you could do there if they deep-sixed them, other than something like the wayback machine or an internet-specialized PI. Older women are doing pretty well on OnlyFans, in fact — W herself is in her late 30s, and that age range into the 40s doesn’t seem uncommon there. Likely most of those are divorced, though, rather than never-marrieds.
The problem is there is no real scarlet letter attached to this conduct any more. Look at how they use their real names now.
Yes. It’s an indication that it is different in kind from what came before. No woman participated in “pro porn” using her real name, just like no woman participated in stripping using her real name. Just not done. You didn’t want that name known, for various reasons — some shame, some future prospects, some safety. All good reasons. But OF girls mostly use their real names — they are using the same “real name branding” that they did on Instagram. This is a very strong indicator that the women themselves view it as more like Instagram than they do as porn — because they are behaving differently regarding their participation, and are not hiding their identities in many cases.
It’s too new to see what men are going to do about it when the women in their lives get involved. We have cases on all sides — H and W where H blew up the marriage; the situation in NYC with the ex-schoolteacher where her H is okay with it; the situation Gunner posted on his blog where the girl says her nominally Christian parents are ok with it; Makayla Samountry (featured earlier in this series), who says her ex-boyfriend was ok with it but that her family was not thrilled but also not cutting her off, etc. Key point of all of these is that none of these women are anonymous. All out in the open, real names.
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Novaseeker,
“That calls to mind another category of risk in today’s culture when vetting: the unforeseen risk. We live in a culture that is exceptionally dynamic and fast-changing in the sexuality area.”
Since I’m reasonably certain those changes are not improvements, I think this is one of the most important arguments against marriage today.
Note: I appreciated your comments for years on Dalrock’s blog and am glad to see you here. Are there any other places where you participate significantly?
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I could see a woman over 30 or 40 deciding the returns were diminishing due to younger competition so she’s getting out in the hope of sticking the landing. How does the hopeful husband vet for that?
The internet is forever. Once something goes out there, it’s out there forever. NOthing is ever truly deleted. Someone saved it. Someone PDF’d it. Google her name and see what turns up.
The scary part is how does one know one’s prospective fiance is capable of abandoning her marriage for this? The problem is there is no real scarlet letter attached to this conduct any more.
Yeah, but there are tells. Some women are talented in the performing arts- singing, acting, dancing. People into that are natural, innate attention getters because they’re performers accustomed to having all eyes on them – and they absolutely love it. They love the rush from being on stage. Performing artists are also accustomed to, and need, the accolades, “attaboys” and “great show” lauds they get. If you perform and you don’t get some accolades, it hurts. A lot. Performing artists are exquisitely sensitive to criticism.
There’s also the usual “slut tells” that have been talked about – especially when you notice she’s on a fitness kick, changed her grooming, or changing up her wardrobe.
There’s also the “occupation and hobby tells”. She’s worked in the hospitality industry: bartender, high end waitress, hotel concierge, flight attendant. They interface with the public, every day, in jobs where customer service is crucial to the business’ success. They frequently meet, and serve, attractive men. They know how to handle attractive men. They deal with all kinds of people, all the time, every day. They have to have outgoing, gregarious, pleasant personalities, or at least fake it. They know how to use their looks and their bodies to defuse situations, persuade others to do what they want, and sell more food and booze.
She’s a nurse or a teacher – nurses because they’re around high stress drama and attractive rich physicians. Teachers because they’re around attractive fathers of their students. There’s just a reputation teachers and nurses have for being promiscuous.
She’s into breeding, showing, or caring for high end animals: Thoroughbred dogs, or horses. She’s a dog breeder or equestrienne. These hobbies are extremely expensive. Dog breeders and equestriennes are also around a lot of people with money, and they also perform.
She’s a female fitness model or female bodybuilder. They’re on stage. They’re frequently photographed. Their bodies are their stock in trade. They know how to use and display their bodies for maximum attention.
Look at the example of the woman in Nova’s prior post. Nice wife, nice family. They attend a megachurch. Then, W starts speaking and lecturing at their church. Then it becomes more frequent. At that point it becomes clear – Wife is a performer. Wife is in the limelight. Wife is getting attention, accolades, “attagirls”. “Oh, you’re so SMART! I never saw the Book of Nehemiah that way before! I’m learning SO MUCH from you!” And she LOVES it. She becomes an inspirational speaker. This morphs into selfies. That’s another dead giveaway – a woman who starts taking and publishing a lot of photos of herself, even if they’re just head and shoulders shots, is into the attention she gets from them. And we know the rest of the story. All told, Wife is a performer who loves the attention she gets, first from church, then speaking, then preaching, then her photos. It just snowballed until it has to be more and more and more attention.
Hope that helps. Just off the top of my head.
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In the hospitality industry, the employees’ physical appearances are part of the “product” being offered. They don’t tend to put unattractive women behind a bar or the concierge desk of a 5 star hotel. If you’re not cute or shapely, you’re not getting hired at Hooters or Tilted Kilt. No one wants an unattractive flight attendant. If you’re gonna work at a bar or serving at Chez Paul in Chicago, you have to be hot. Because being physically attractive is part of the job.
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Look at the example of the woman in Nova’s prior post. Nice wife, nice family. They attend a megachurch. Then, W starts speaking and lecturing at their church. Then it becomes more frequent. At that point it becomes clear – Wife is a performer.
Yes that was another red flag for H there. Also W worked as a bartender for a while during the marriage when money was tight. Another red flag, because female bartenders pretty much all flirt for tips to some degree. They learn how to work men for tips — a skill that we see W has deployed in her post-marriage life to great effect.
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Well she attends a megachurch – that alone is a bad sign. Megachurches are all god-awful.
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“How does the hopeful husband vet for that?”
The fear of the Lord!
Every other possible metric might not hold up. Only a deep and abiding fear of the Lord will make a woman flee from all sorts of evil, even new evil that didn’t exist before, that others may not even see as evil. A woman who greatly fears the Lord will stay away from things that might possibly displease God.
Proverbs 31:30(NASB) Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
Proverbs 31:30(YLT) The grace [is] false, and the beauty [is] vain, A woman fearing Jehovah, she may boast herself.
I married a nearing-wall/”new convert” thinking I could train her up right, she claimed to want that, but she suddenly refused to ever submit to me in anything beginning the second after I said my vow to her. Prior to that moment, she was as pliable as putty, and wanted everything exactly how I wanted it. I got rooked. I should have been testing her for the fear of the Lord, which is apparently completely foreign to her. I think the fear of the Lord is rare like rubies. Solomon claimed that he had only found 1 upright man among a thousand, and not found an upright woman among his 700 wives and 300 concubines.(Ecclesiastes 7:28)
If you get married, be prepared, you might end up giving up your life for her, like Christ did for the church.(Ephesians 5:25) Christ died for us believers not because his church is loyal, but precisely because we ain’t. It is our wickedness that put Christ to death. You might die once for a Godfearing wife, but you’ll die to yourself everyday and pick up your cross daily if you marry a woman who has insufficient fear of her own coming judgement at the throne of God.
Her charm was false, her beauty was fleeting, my poor sons are being destroyed by her ignorant hedonism, that will never bring her contentment.
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You participate in Christ’s divinity when you suffer in obedience to Him. God bless you.
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No one wants an unattractive flight attendant
True, but the airlines today hire them anyway. In huge numbers, both female AND male. Nasty disposition and contempt for the customer is also required.
Such creatures didn’t exist back in the Stone Age when 1) the airlines cared about their customers and sought to make flying a pleasant and enjoyable experience, 2) the airlines had actual performance and fitness standards for their stewardesses, 3) there was no such thing as Affirmative Action, quota-based hiring, or anti-discrimination laws; and 4) organizef feminists and homosexuals hadn’t yet coerced the airlines into hiring fat, ugly, attitudinous women and gay men as “flight attendants.”
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You can thank the domestic flight attendant unions and the seniority-based policies they forced on the airlines. You want the olden days back, go fly on some of the Asian airlines.
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You want the olden days back, go fly on some of the Asian airlines.
Yep. Asian airlines, also some of the Eastern European ones.
For US carriers it varies. I used to fly on business to and from Europe 6-10 times a year for quite a few years. Mostly in business. There were quite a few of the “experienced” types there in terms of the FAs, but around 30% or so were young very hot women, sometimes paired with the rather obviously gay older male FA. Some younger women have … ways of getting promoted to that coveted DC-Paris gig, it would seem.
Wonder what those ways are ….
No, I don’t really wonder.
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I have flown a lot in my life, and when I was little the stewardesses were almost entirely young slim attractive and flirty. Then the rules changed, and suddenly you had fat old surly battleaxes that could hardly squeeze down the aisle slinging peanuts at you and flaming Frisco queens that made the hair stand up on the back of your neck as they touched your food and drink with their shit-finger-painting HIV+ mits. Lordy! The stewardesses had suddenly become the best flotation devices in the event of a crash, and the queeros who were supposed to step up and help you evacuate in a real emergency, already seemed like they were ready to break down in tears over their uniform’s pinstripe vests. Flying commercial has just never been the same since. I can remember when America was a much greater place than today.
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Those rare times when our family did fly in the late 1970’s….and into the early 1980’s. We always dressed up a bit. No suits, but dad in a tie. Mom put on heels. Me and my brother would have hair brushed properly and no jeans or sneakers. Shirt with a collar.
I am the last man in the USA that still throws on a tie and sport coat when I fly………even in cargo hold when I have to fly back east. Even in business class and first class flights I have taken….the only man in a shirt and tie. I don’t care……..everyone keeps saying the world is in the toilet, and yet they are getting on the plane in a baseball cap and sandals
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My wife tried to get me to buy some sandals our entire marriage, and for our entire marriage I refused to buy myself hippie footwear. That’s one of the great things about living alone; nobody is trying to restyle me into a metrosexual, a hipster, or the new emasculated style of the week. Sometimes I wonder if her styling suggestions weren’t fitness tests, just to see if I would cave in and give up sensible footwear for senseless footwear, because of her testing. I was wearing boots when I stepped off the plane and first met her, if she wanted a hippie dippy sandal wearer, she should have married one. I usually prefer to be ready to do both a man’s work or combat in the clothes I wear.
At my work, half of the men wear shorts. Once I accidentally got so low on laundry, that I was forced to wear a pair of shorts to work. It seemed like every single person in the factory commented that they’d never seen me in shorts before. I can’t be tempting the ladies like that all the time! LOL And from what it seems I even tempt them in my jeans. Lustful creatures!
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Plenty of unattractive flight attendents on domestic US airlines. None of the flight attendents when I flew first class on British Airways to the UK “drove me mad with desire” and even on JAL which was famous for its service and “pretty” flight attendents from the 1960’s-1980’s seemed to be absent on the flights I took on them to India, Japan, and Singapore
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The whole industry has been in a race to the bottom for a long while. I’m sure that in our present COVID World things have only gotten much, MUCH worse.
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Images From 1970, the year I was born
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