Elspeth gives us the scoop on the female psyche.
Elspeth left a lengthy comment under the post, The Motivation of Desire (2020 December 1). I believe Elspeth is the real thing, so I want to go over her comments here, and see if we can glean any further insights.
The notion that a woman who works to look good to men is submissive and demure? That is outlandish on its face. Demureness can be manufactured and it’s entirely possible for a woman to be all of those things on the surface but underneath it all is something that will suck a man’s soul dry.
To be clear, I did not say that a woman who works to look good to men is submissive and demure. I said that a woman who works to look good to men and who is also (truly) submissive and demure is respectful of male authority. Maybe a better way to say this is that if a woman is respectful of male authority, then she will show it by being submissive and demure, and making herself attractive. I also mentioned that this is an exceedingly rare combination. It’s also difficult for men to discern this from the fakers.
This may fall on deaf ears, but I’m going to tell you what makes women tick, hopefully in descending order. I’ve been married since I was 22 years old (26+ years now), so my knowledge is based on my experience (both when single and married) and the observation of the women around me, both married and single.
1. Social/Familial Acceptance
If a woman has a close knit family with high standards and a father she emotionally loves and feels a strong aversion to disappointing, she’s less likely to get into mischief. Having a “good dad” isn’t the same thing as having a dad she truly doesn’t want to disappoint.
I deeply respected my dad for the way he worked hard to raise all of us as a widower, but the emotional connection wasn’t there, and my husband was able to –quite easily – capture my heart away from any sense of family duty. Our girls have an emotional heart connection with their dad; they take him out and do fun stuff with him just because. They also have a healthy reverential respect for him. They think in terms of “Secret Agent Man’s daughters don’t do this or that”. It never occurred to me to spend that kind of time with my father as a young adult. I was acutely aware, however, of how much I had embarrassed him.
If she doesn’t have that kind of high accountability/close knit family relationship (few young women do), then she pulls out all the stops to be accepted in her peer group; whatever that is and whatever that looks like. Humans are social creatures, and women are the most social of all creatures. And women want to be liked and accepted (envied may be even better).
2. Men and Sexual Attractiveness
The younger a woman is, the more likely her choice of mate is determined by what you refer to as tingles. It just so happens that under the age of say, 27, her friends will be totally and completely supportive of her slumming around with a guy heading nowhere fast so long as he’s hot, and so long as she’s still doing all the stuff (grad school, career advancement, etc.).
3. The Fantasy Life / Lifestyle
I was raised by a Silent father (no mother first decade of life), so I never really entertained that kind of fantasy life, but it is rampant today, and the influence is powerful. Girls make all kinds of nonsensical decisions if it feeds the imaginary life she’s pined for. It doesn’t help that we’re all being told ad nauseum to “follow our dreams”. Never, EVER underestimate the power of the narrative that plays in the heads of the average woman. Those narratives include travel (what IS it with the travel stuff?), a fabulous job that doesn’t feel like work (it’s like we’ve all forgotten that it’s called work for a reason), and a 6’+ man that is the best of everything both male and female.
Great sex can throw a monkey wrench in all that, but it won’t last long if she notices that the dream is slipping from her grasp. If the guy doesn’t tick ALL the boxes, it won’t be enough. She’ll be out; first emotionally, then sexually, then the rest of her. No amount of anything is going to make a woman happy with a man whom she sees as the one thing that kept her from the fabulousness of what she was meant to be. And to her, it WILL be his fault, no matter how good looking or how much sexual prowess he has. If he has money, he might be forgiven, because at least she can show that off. But sans wealth, all bets are off, and most men are not wealthy.
I was not surprised to read points 1 and 2, but I was shucked by what Elspeth wrote in the last paragraph – that the mental narrative (AKA solipsism, which is a form of sin) trumps all else. One question I have at this point is, why are a woman’s solipsistic dreams so much more important than submitting to a fantastic man who loves her? Not even sexual bonding is enough to get her to tune into her God ordained purpose as a woman? WTH??? And no matter how good her life might be, fantasy land will always be “better”.
Actually, this is a question that strikes to the core of mankind’s relationship to God. Why does man reject the promises of God in favor of his vain imaginings of solipsistic sin?
- Σ Frame: What do women think they contribute to a relationship? (2020 September 21)