Submitting to Authority brings awareness and maturity.
The Redemption of Headship
“Recognizing that submitting to your husband is ultimately an act of faith in God is a revelatory thing. It’s something every Christian wife has to come to. No matter how head over heels she is with her husband, every woman — like every other human who has ever lived — has to contend with her desire to what she wants when her authority wants something else.
But… when that realization comes, submitting to your husband transcends beyond tingles and human dynamics. It’s a beautiful thing, and it turns a great marriage into a blissful one.”
It is encouraging to hear this from a happily married Christian woman. From her statements, it seems that this shift in consciousness arises from revelation, or a sudden epiphany if you prefer. Husbands can teach Ephesians 5:22-33, and talk about authority until the droids come home, but this will come off as little different from demanding respect. (It doesn’t work.) In order for women to experience this paradigm shift, to “get it”, they need this touch from the Holy Spirit. For married men, this means we must pray for this to happen.
“I do not believe a married woman can completely mature unless she submits and respects her husband. It takes humility, faith, and trust in God to submit to an imperfect man that you are married to. The married woman stretches and exercises her faith when she trusts that God is directing and leading through her husband, and that God can work things together for good when the husband makes a mistake.”
What Bee wrote is true, and this is a result of the spiritual authority of Headship. A woman usually won’t submit and respect a husband unless she feels a strong need for security, love, attention, and guidance. She might do this out of her own willpower, knowing that it’s commanded in the Bible, and/or because it’s the right thing to do. But she won’t experience the renewing power of authority in her soul unless she has some kind of internal motivation to do so (e.g. a strong libido, desiring the joys of sanctification, feeling broken by personal failures, or having various spiritual needs like trust, forgiveness, or a venue for expressing humility). This internal motivation is what drives the heart to be authentic and open.
Women who have an internal motivation (e.g. those mentioned in the previous paragraph, but especially a strong libido) are pressured into finding and developing a relationship with a man. Women who do not have a strong libido, etc., don’t learn the benefits of authority (trust, humility…) until later in life, if at all. Women like this need to have authority imposed through a social structure, preferably her family. Remember how the herd mentality is very effective on women, for good or ill.
If you meet a woman who is very immature, then she probably never experienced the thrill of being under a male authority who titillates her desire and fulfills her innermost needs. I postulate that this is the underlying reason why feminist wimmin remain immature — because they have no internal motivation to fit themselves into a Headship (i.e. Tingly Respect) structure of authority. Instead, they reject male authority, and by extension, they reject the renewing power of the Holy Spirit — God Himself.
The recognition of Authority can make a woman attractive
Recall what I wrote in the post cited above.
In that same post, I included a photo of a beautiful woman with the caption, “A rare woman who respects male authority”. How do we know she respects male authority? It’s because of two obvious qualities.
- She makes herself attractive in men’s eyes. She knows that this increases her sexual authority over men, but this also assumes that she values and desires a man to extol his own sexual authority over herself as well. If she didn’t desire male attention, then she wouldn’t go to the extra work required to stay thin and fit, and maintain every detail of her body (e.g. washing long hair every day, manicuring her nails, waxing, etc.)
- She is (apparently) demure and has a quiet heart. This is what makes the difference between high MMV wife material and a high SMV slore. The woman with a quiet heart trusts in authority and feels serene and secure in her spirit. This may be an inner quality due to personality and upbringing, but it could also be from submission to the authority of God too. A slore wants to be in control and feed her addiction to the Feeelz more than she wants to recognize the socio-sexual authority that one man could have over herself. Thus, she makes herself attractive simply in order to leverage male thirst to extract something out of men, whether that be sensual thrills or something more materialistic. This same heart-felt recognition of authority is what gets lost or rejected in the case of the Alpha Widow Syndrome.
There’s another kind of woman who values, wants, and needs male authority, but they don’t know how to properly express respect for the man. They make themselves attractive to men and make great efforts to kick start a relationship. However, they also complain, throw tantrums, and are a headache in general, so it’s not uncommon for them to be continually rejected by men. These women are similar to feminists in that they like to blame men for her own failures in being spiritually obedient. A woman like this usually has an acerbic mother who disrespected her father on a regular basis, so she is simply repeating the generational curse. This is why fathers need to exercise authority over the home and discipline the females in the family to behave appropriately. They subject their children to a curse if they don’t.
The same goes for men
What I’ve written here about women needing authority in order to grow and mature is also true for men too, except that it’s more complicated for men. Men need to develop socio-sexual authority and also submit to God’s authority. This is the aspect that is omitted from other discussions about masculinity around the ‘sphere.* There’s a lot of talk about LAMPS, working out, developing your career, self-improvement, etc., but no one addresses how these things affect a man’s socio-sexual authority. They merely point out that these things are attractive to women.
For the unmarried man who seeks to be married, or the married man who wishes to move towards a Headship structure, developing sexual authority and charisma is the whole point of these endeavors. Confidence has received a lot of airplay, but this is only the outward manifestation of authority. To gain authentic authority, a man has to dig deep in his soul, trust God with whatever he finds there, and become authentic in his self-expression. If he can experience the refinement of his desire through God’s discipline, and come under the authority of the Holy Spirit, then he is one step closer to finding an authentic exercise of authority in his home and marriage.
* Dalrock and Deep Strength are two exceptions. They covered Headship and Authority rather regularly.