The Motivation of Desire

Submitting to Authority brings awareness and maturity.

Readership: All

The Redemption of Headship

Under the previous post, More on Relational Archetypes (2020 November 28), Elspeth wrote,

“Recognizing that submitting to your husband is ultimately an act of faith in God is a revelatory thing.  It’s something every Christian wife has to come to.  No matter how head over heels she is with her husband, every woman — like every other human who has ever lived — has to contend with her desire to what she wants when her authority wants something else.

But… when that realization comes, submitting to your husband transcends beyond tingles and human dynamics.  It’s a beautiful thing, and it turns a great marriage into a blissful one.”

It is encouraging to hear this from a happily married Christian woman.  From her statements, it seems that this shift in consciousness arises from revelation, or a sudden epiphany if you prefer.  Husbands can teach Ephesians 5:22-33, and talk about authority until the droids come home, but this will come off as little different from demanding respect.  (It doesn’t work.)  In order for women to experience this paradigm shift, to “get it”, they need this touch from the Holy Spirit.  For married men, this means we must pray for this to happen.

Bee123456 wrote,

“I do not believe a married woman can completely mature unless she submits and respects her husband.  It takes humility, faith, and trust in God to submit to an imperfect man that you are married to.  The married woman stretches and exercises her faith when she trusts that God is directing and leading through her husband, and that God can work things together for good when the husband makes a mistake.”

What Bee wrote is true, and this is a result of the spiritual authority of Headship.  A woman usually won’t submit and respect a husband unless she feels a strong need for security, love, attention, and guidance.  She might do this out of her own willpower, knowing that it’s commanded in the Bible, and/or because it’s the right thing to do.  But she won’t experience the renewing power of authority in her soul unless she has some kind of internal motivation to do so (e.g. a strong libido, desiring the joys of sanctification, feeling broken by personal failures, or having various spiritual needs like trust, forgiveness, or a venue for expressing humility).  This internal motivation is what drives the heart to be authentic and open.

Women who have an internal motivation (e.g. those mentioned in the previous paragraph, but especially a strong libido) are pressured into finding and developing a relationship with a man.  Women who do not have a strong libido, etc., don’t learn the benefits of authority (trust, humility…) until later in life, if at all.  Women like this need to have authority imposed through a social structure, preferably her family.  Remember how the herd mentality is very effective on women, for good or ill.

If you meet a woman who is very immature, then she probably never experienced the thrill of being under a male authority who titillates her desire and fulfills her innermost needs.  I postulate that this is the underlying reason why feminist wimmin remain immature — because they have no internal motivation to fit themselves into a Headship (i.e. Tingly Respect) structure of authority.  Instead, they reject male authority, and by extension, they reject the renewing power of the Holy Spirit — God Himself.

A rare woman who respects male authority.

The recognition of Authority can make a woman attractive

Recall what I wrote in the post cited above.

In that same post, I included a photo of a beautiful woman with the caption, “A rare woman who respects male authority”.  How do we know she respects male authority?  It’s because of two obvious qualities.

  1. She makes herself attractive in men’s eyes.  She knows that this increases her sexual authority over men, but this also assumes that she values and desires a man to extol his own sexual authority over herself as well.  If she didn’t desire male attention, then she wouldn’t go to the extra work required to stay thin and fit, and maintain every detail of her body (e.g. washing long hair every day, manicuring her nails, waxing, etc.)
  2. She is (apparently) demure and has a quiet heart.  This is what makes the difference between high MMV wife material and a high SMV slore.  The woman with a quiet heart trusts in authority and feels serene and secure in her spirit.  This may be an inner quality due to personality and upbringing, but it could also be from submission to the authority of God too.  A slore wants to be in control and feed her addiction to the Feeelz more than she wants to recognize the socio-sexual authority that one man could have over herself.  Thus, she makes herself attractive simply in order to leverage male thirst to extract something out of men, whether that be sensual thrills or something more materialistic.  This same heart-felt recognition of authority is what gets lost or rejected in the case of the Alpha Widow Syndrome.

There’s another kind of woman who values, wants, and needs male authority, but they don’t know how to properly express respect for the man.  They make themselves attractive to men and make great efforts to kick start a relationship.  However, they also complain, throw tantrums, and are a headache in general, so it’s not uncommon for them to be continually rejected by men.  These women are similar to feminists in that they like to blame men for her own failures in being spiritually obedient.  A woman like this usually has an acerbic mother who disrespected her father on a regular basis, so she is simply repeating the generational curse.  This is why fathers need to exercise authority over the home and discipline the females in the family to behave appropriately.  They subject their children to a curse if they don’t.

The same goes for men

What I’ve written here about women needing authority in order to grow and mature is also true for men too, except that it’s more complicated for men.  Men need to develop socio-sexual authority and also submit to God’s authority.  This is the aspect that is omitted from other discussions about masculinity around the ‘sphere.*  There’s a lot of talk about LAMPS, working out, developing your career, self-improvement, etc., but no one addresses how these things affect a man’s socio-sexual authority.  They merely point out that these things are attractive to women.

For the unmarried man who seeks to be married, or the married man who wishes to move towards a Headship structure, developing sexual authority and charisma is the whole point of these endeavors.  Confidence has received a lot of airplay, but this is only the outward manifestation of authority.  To gain authentic authority, a man has to dig deep in his soul, trust God with whatever he finds there, and become authentic in his self-expression.  If he can experience the refinement of his desire through God’s discipline, and come under the authority of the Holy Spirit, then he is one step closer to finding an authentic exercise of authority in his home and marriage.

* Dalrock and Deep Strength are two exceptions.  They covered Headship and Authority rather regularly.


About Jack

Jack is a world traveling artist, skilled in trading ideas and information, none of which are considered too holy, too nerdy, nor too profane to hijack and twist into useful fashion. Sigma Frame Mindsets and methods for building and maintaining a masculine Frame
This entry was posted in Attraction, Authenticity, Choosing a Partner or Spouse, Confidence, Courtship and Marriage, Desire, Desire, Passion, Education, Female Power, Headship and Patriarchy, Male Power, Maturity, Personal Growth and Development, Models of Success, Personal Presentation, Purpose, Respect, Sanctification & Defilement, Self-Concept, Sexual Authority, Sphere of Influence, The Power of God, Vetting Women. Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to The Motivation of Desire

  1. rontomlinson2 says:

    Superb. Thank you! I remember William Wildblood wrote that the three masculine virtues are courage, nobility and authority. After reading this post I have a far better understanding of the last one.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Elspeth says:

    Thanks for the honorable mention Sigma, but there is a LOT here that sounds like so much evolutionary psychology and frankly, a misunderstanding of what makes a woman tick. Some of it is spot on, but some of it was little more than red pill gobbledygook.

    The notion that a woman who works to look good to men is submissive and demure? That is outlandish on its face. Demureness can be manufactured and it’s entirely possible for a woman to be all of those things on the surface but underneath it all is something that will suck a man’s soul dry.

    This may fall on deaf ears, but I’m going to tell you what makes women tick, hopefully in descending order. I’ve been married since I was 22 years old (26+ years now), so my knowledge is based on my experience (both when single and married) and the observation of the women around me, both married and single.

    Social/Familial acceptance. If a woman has a close knit family with high standards and a father she emotionally loves and feels a strong aversion to disappointing, she’s less likely to get into mischief. Having a “good dad” isn’t the same thing as having a dad she truly doesn’t want to disappoint.

    I deeply respected my dad for the way he worked hard to raise all of us as a widower, but the emotional connection wasn’t there, and my husband was able to -quite easily- capture my heart away from any sense of family duty. Our girls have an emotional heart connection with their dad; they take him out and do fun stuff with him just because. They also have a healthy reverential respect for him. They think in terms of “Secret Agent Man’s daughters don’t do this or that”. It never occurred to me to spend that kind of time with my father as a young adult. I was acutely aware, however, of how much I had embarrassed him.

    If she doesn’t have that kind of high accountability/close knit family relationship (few young women do), then she pulls out all the stops to be accepted in her peer group; whatever that is and whatever that looks like. Humans are social creatures, and women are the most social of all creatures. And women want to be liked and accepted (envied may be even better).

    Men and sexual attractiveness. The younger a woman is, the more likely her choice of mate is determined by what you refer to as tingles. It just so happens that under the age of say, 27, her friends will be totally and completely supportive of her slumming around with a guy heading nowhere fast so long as he’s hot, and so long as she’s still doing all the stuff (grad school, career advancement, etc).
    The fantasy life/lifestyle. I was raised by a Silent father (no mother first decade of life), so I never really entertained that kind of fantasy life, but it is rampant today, and the influence is powerful. Girls make all kinds of nonsensical decisions if it feeds the imaginary life she’s pined for. It doesn’t help that we’re all being told ad nauseum to “follow our dreams”. Never, EVER underestimate the power of the narrative that plays in the heads of the average woman. Those narratives include travel (what IS it with the travel stuff?), a fabulous job that doesn’t feel like work (it’s like we’ve all forgotten that it’s called work for a reason), and a 6’+ man that is the best of everything both male and female.
    Great sex can throw a monkey wrench in all that, but it won’t last long if she notices that the dream (point 3) is slipping from her grasp. If the guy doesn’t tick ALL the boxes, it won’t be enough. She’ll be out; first emotionally, then sexually, then the rest of her. No amount of anything is going to make a woman happy with a man whom she sees as the one thing that kept her from the fabulousness of what she was meant to be. And to her, it WILL be his fault, no matter how good looking or how much sexual prowess he has. If he has money, he might be forgiven, because at least she can show that off. But sans wealth, all bets are off, and most men are not wealthy.
    Of course, none of the above takes into account spiritual dimensions when dealing with a Christian woman of sincere faith, and that’s where this post went wrong. It gave a cursory nod to the power of redemption, but mostly framed everything in terms of sex. I get why. I am married to a red blooded guy, after all. But either a woman can be regenerate and redeemed or she can’t. And if she can, then she is capable of keeping her legs shut, choosing a righteous man, and learning how to grow in all the areas (emotionally, sexually, and spiritually) under his leadership.

    Leaving the reality of a transformed heart out of it (or subordinating it to tingles and libido) does not only Christian women a disservice, but it mostly does God a disservice.

    My husband and I discussed this before I posted it. He knows my occasional comments here and there help feed my minuscule Reading Room traffic, but he has zero interest in an online presence.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Yup, women are herd creatures. Make sure the majority of influence in their life is one of godliness rather than worldly. Family, friends, Church, and such are all important. Make sure they need to know they may need to fight temptation at different points because what is sinful can be attractive but lead to destruction.

      The cultural narratives that I’ve had to combat even with my wife were less than other women, but they still keep on surfacing here and there continually. Take off the old, put on the new. The sanctification process always continues.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Elspeth says:

        @ DS:

        I agree. The only reason I left church out of my original, super long comment, is that many churches provide little in terms of solid support and community.

        This is especially true since most churches have succumbed to the government school model of discipleship; one that segregated young people from the wisdom of their more experienced elders from diapers all the way through “young” adulthood.

        Liked by 1 person

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