One’s righteousness before God is not the same as one’s practicable value to men.
God doesn’t see things in the same way that man does
“Can women who were s1uts in the past, but then had a “born-again” saving experience, really become pure and undefiled?”
I have seen this question come up again and again around the Manosphere.
Outside of the Manosphere, all arguments to this effect are essentially shaming Christian men for not eagerly marrying single mothers. A shame in itself.
Honestly, should Christian men pursue post-wall, Super-N Karens, and single Christian moms for marriage, as if they were the pick of the litter?
Matthew E. Cochran addressed this issue of confusion in a classic post, Do Single Christian Men Owe Marriage to Single Christian Moms? (2019 March 14). A relevant excerpt follows.
Here, Parkison confuses righteousness coram deo (before God) with righteousness coram mundo (before the world). Before God, single Christian moms are indeed pure due to the imputed righteousness of Christ, which he mentions several times in the piece. But in this very same sentence, he judges Christian men coram mundo when he indicates that they don’t deserve such a wife. After all, coram deo, Christian men are likewise pure and perfect. Accordingly, they truly deserve a spotless bride just as much as Jesus Christ does. In other words, Parkison is making an apples-to-oranges comparison here.
What if we make an apples-to-apples comparison? Well, coram deo, there is no judgment to be made, for all the faithful are pure and perfect while all the unfaithful are totally depraved. That is precisely why Christians, when considering whether someone would make a good wife (or husband), always do so coram mundo. Coram deo, even the penitent but struggling prostitute is just as pure as the sinless Son of God. That doesn’t mean she would make a good wife.
As long as one thinks a man should actually evaluate a woman as a prospective wife rather than marrying completely indiscriminately, then it must be done coram mundo. And as long as any such evaluation is going to take place, then men are going to prefer debt-free virgins without tattoos, all other things being equal. The author desperately tries to tie that male preference for virginity to pimply 17-year-olds at youth camp, but as I’ve written before, that preference is rooted in natural law, biological reality, and God’s Word – not in vanity as the author asserts. This God-given preference cannot and should not be overwritten by worldly philosophies, and none of the author’s deceptive rhetoric changes anything on that count.
Apples to apples… Cochran makes a good point! If women can claim that Coram Deo trumps Coram Mundo, then why can’t men do the same? Let’s entertain this perspective for just a moment to see what this would look like.
“I’m a short, obese man with Asperger’s, 45 years old, uneducated, unemployed, alcoholic, and living in the basement of my parents house. Ever since I was 13, I’ve done nothing but play video games and jerk off to internet p0rn all day. Recently I just got saved! I’m going to AA, and getting sobered up (mostly). I’ve dropped the p0rn too (kinda sorta). But hey, Jesus loves me! I’m a new creation in Christ! So now, I should have a voluptuous supermodel Christian wife who loves to suck my 3 inch dong all day!”
Somehow, we know this just won’t fly. But incredibly, women have the audacity to demand this same kind of nonsense from men! ROFLMAO!!!
The Two-Ring Circus of Life
There seems to be two rings in the circus of life. One ring is the spiritual realm, in which the Holy Spirit works inside an individual to restore his/her fellowship with God and make him/her more Christ-like. This is all up to God. The other ring is the socio-sexual realm, in which what an individual does with him/herself in this world with whatever God has given him/her. This is all up to the individual.
Just like Barnum and Bailey’s famous three-ring circus, the events in each ring happen simultaneously and independently. But the events in each ring are also broadly coordinated with the others such to make up the entire presentation. Things that happen in one ring can and do affect what happens in the other.
For some people, namely those who had a good upbringing, the cause and effect relationship between the two is easily discernable. But for others, usually those from broken or dysfunctional homes, it might take years of trying and testing (and screwing up their lives) to figure it all out. Speaking from experience, generational curses can introduce a load of falsehood which is difficult to identify, clouds the understanding, and skews the perception of reality. I can recommend a liturgy of reading for those who are up against such a challenge.
Many false arguments have arisen because people ignorantly confuse Coram Mundo and Coram Deo. They have the notion that if one is pure and spotless before God, then the same person should also be pure and spotless before men. But it just isn’t so.
Similarly, people like to believe that if a person is attractive and popular, then such a person is good, even “godly”, whatever that might mean. There might be some correlation when we look at broad averages. But technically, there is no such association.
God is interested in a person’s spiritual constitution. Man is interested in a woman’s sexual constitution. There is a difference whether people want to accept this or not. Contrary to what any popular culture stresses, there is no true moral compunction imposed by recognizing this difference. Wisdom dictates that a man must consider the entire constitution of a woman he proposes to marry. The same holds true vice versa. Coram Mundo.
For those who cling to the hope that God is somehow going to transform fornicators, Harley McBadboys, Chadwick Edcads, Karens, Katies, s1luts, wh0res, carousel riders, and single mothers into righteous, faithful, Christian husbands, wives, fathers, and mothers, do not be disappointed when this fails to pass. If it does come to pass, then such an event is no small miracle by the grace of God. Such individuals have made their decision about who they are, and therefore, God, in his righteous justice, is bound to respect their choices, thereby allowing them to experience all the joys, sorrows, and consequences, good and bad, of such a choice. It is not for us to determine the outcome of another soul’s constitution according to our desires, needs, and willful expectations.
Why should so many men wish to reward a woman’s sexual indiscretions with the honor of matrimony and the lifelong investment of marriage? The very idea is foolish, even ludicrous, and challenges the justice of God. Do not condone their desperate deceit and defraudation. Do not give ear to the frantic pleas of those who must needs pay the piper after prancing the dance of the faithless. Instead, let God do His work. Let their sufferings lead them to repent from their ways. After all, they chose this path in life. There will always be motorcycles, fuzzy cats, and red wine to take up the slack. Coram Mundo.
For those who desire purity and a pure marriage partner, for those who wish to avoid the consequences of sexual sin and obtain full sanctification in marriage, it should be stressed that you must necessarily accept all the sorrows and loneliness that accompany obedience, and that you will need to make difficult decisions in vetting for a spouse. Coram Mundo.
May God have mercy on our souls, Coram Deo.
- Derek L. Ramsey: What Constitutes Biblical Marriage? (2018 February 1)
- Cane Caldo: Discussion of Whores IV: No Good Words for Bad Deeds (2019 March 18)
- Christianity and Masculinity: How does Humility play into Headship and Leadership? (2019 March 25)