A wife who refuses anal sex is only marginally better than a wife who refuses sex altogether.
Readership: Men; Married men especially;
Under last month’s post, Sanctification and Sexual Compatibility (2020 June 19), there was some discussion about anal sex. I have a mixed opinion about this subject that I’ll explain here. I’ve made it less opprobrious and more enjoyable to read by inserting (in italics) several hilarious euphemisms for Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
Of course, experienced men all know that poking pussy is the most outstanding form of coitus, followed by eager fellatio. But over the past decade, it seems that plundering the exit has become rather “popular”. So why is there any interest in fudge packing at all?
First of all, for younger nubes who are rather inexperienced, bum fun is all about playfulness and sexploration. And it is not just randy young men; many young women are quite eager to defile their bodies as much as they can, just for the fun of it all.
Secondly, for those buggers (both male and female) that for some reason have a conscious reservation about raw-dogging it, pee-pee in the poo-poo is the next closest thing to vaginal sex. It simply feels like the male is rooting in her most holy of holes. Thus, mud mashing is the preferred go-to for those men and women who can’t control their desire, but are afraid of full intercourse, or have a sensitive conscience about “destroying” pussy.
Stemming from my interactions with single Muslims, I know truffle butter is the indulgence granted to those couples engaged to be married who want to loosen their collars and ream their bowels without having to worry about the embarrassment of an untimely pregnancy.
For those who are already married, I think the fascination with going downtown has to do with the husband’s exercise of authority over his wife’s body, and her willingness to submit. This is the one point that I’ll focus on in the next section about purposes.
Finally, there is the gay thing, which is outside the scope of this essay, but no discussion of putting in the rough is complete without this being mentioned. I once read somewhere that “the male G-spot is up the @ss” (i.e. the prostate gland), and the stimulation thereof is able to inspire the gay gladiolus gardens of feminine feelings, which I assume is similar to the female’s Tingles. This is how men get “converted” into rainbow fluffies and develop the craving for flute roops, and also why it’s so hard for them to repent of punching prostate. It’s also much easier for them to face down with other gay men, than for them to do the hard work of dickering around with the female hamster.
This curiosity of male anatomy is why prostitutes have a trade secret of keeping the nail of one finger trimmed short for the purpose of using that finger to stimulate the male G-spot of a customer who has any difficulties in spilling his load. Or so I’ve heard.
Noble Purposes for Probing the Poop Chute
In the headline of this post, I wrote, “A wife who refuses anal sex is only marginally better than a wife who refuses sex altogether.” Let me explain this further.
Consider for a moment, the level of female submission possible on a spectrum of her interest. On one extreme, a cryogenic wife will go liquid nitrogen at the very suggestion of passionate lovemaking. Somewhere in the middle, there are luke-warm wives (like Cathy), who have the attitude that “vaginal sex is all I’m required to do”. Ho hum… On the other extreme is the soaking wet, quivering wife who is so filled with horny desire, she is begging to be f*cked every which way she can, in every hole, all night, every night, and not soon enough!
To ask married men which type of response is most preferable in a wife is wasting your breath.
To ask which response is more likely to characterize and contribute towards marital sanctification also carries a foregone conclusion.
As I mentioned in the first section, the wife’s willing submission and cheerful obedience is what makes both the marriage and the sex a delight to both husband and wife! But the Bible goes a step further by requiring the wife to grant the husband full authority over her body.
“3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.“ ~ 1st Corinthians 7:3-4 (NKJV)
Note that the same is true for the husband in the latter part of verse 4.
Now, we know a lot of people would read this passage literally and through a legalistic lens, and so they would naturally come to the conclusion that if your wife wants to dress her husband up in a clown suit before she goes down on him, then 1st Corinthians 7:4 lends Biblical support for that. Going further, a very arrogant wife might argue that if she wants to shove her bumpy purple dildo up her husband’s backside, then of course, 1st Corinthians 7:4 means that that should be admissible too.
But I need to point out here, that those who want to chase after such futile arguments in a tit-for-tat brinkmanship are devolving into a hard-hearted legalistic approach concerning their views on authority. Moreover, they are missing the whole point of what it means to “have authority over the spouse’s body”.
St. Paul doesn’t go into great detail in this matter, but instead leaves it up to individual married couples to experiment with. But my understanding of the scripture gives the implication that a married person should be pulling out all the stops in learning how to titillate the other person unto ecstasy, and should never be selfishly putting the brakes on their marital passion.
The point here is to get your spouse to lose control over their sexual desire for you, such that they are making love to you on impulse and without prescient contemplation. If a married person has the power to turn the other on to such a degree that he/she has lost their mind, and dives into the act of intercourse without any thought, hesitancy, or reservation, then that person might be able to truthfully claim that he/she has authority over the other’s body.
If a wife has a very low libido, then the husband will find this undertaking to be quite a challenge. But seldom does a husband have a low libido. Men are usually up for some action at a moments notice. So there is no reason why a wife should have any trouble ramping up her husband’s desire. But instead of wives wondering how they could make their husbands more excited, and working her body on his body towards that end, we often hear of wives who do what they can to dampen her husband’s desire. This is just wrong.
If she is putting hard left and right limits on what she is “required” to do in the bedroom, then she is clinging to a legalistic mindset, she is lacking a spirit of submission, and she is creating anxiety and self-consciousness surrounding sexual intercourse. Obviously, she is not intoxicated with the ecstasy of love in her discoverie of marital consummation.
Instead, a worthy wife should allow her husband to be delighted in her body. This is rather easy to do, because men are visually stimulated. Really, the wife has it so easy when it comes to pleasing her husband. If she can look him in the eyes, and show a little enthusiasm for his excitement, then the man is invariably satisfied. But many wives cannot even do this much. Excuses abound.
Going further, if a wife has a submissive heart and is really into her husband, she’s not going to care a whit about which hole gets penetrated. She is simply overjoyed that he is getting off on her. To a woman who is totally obsessed with her man, there’s no difference between playing sit-and-spin with the fireman and flying a kite!
I also know from experience that when the pounding gets heated and heavy, it’s easy to inadvertently stab one too low and thereby give her a pleasant surprise. It’s also a humbling experience for her, which is a good thing for the sanctity of the union.
Although I will readily agree that spitting into the wind is frivolous and distasteful, the exercise of authority over the wife’s body (as I’ve described above) is very important for sanctification to occur. If this absolutely must include tossing in the cornhole, then he’d better get to it, and get it done.
Also consider how many women play backgammon in their younger years, presumably to avoid pregnancy, or to “live in the moment”. Then later in life, they enter into marriage with the mind that bunghole bungling is somehow dishonorable or “beneath her”. As a result, she refuses to allow her husband to shoot the moon. Verily, that husband will be vexed to the quick until he can knock a few shots of Bailey’s squarely up her bum. And to men who are in this situation, I would say it’s a prerogative to “own your wife” in every way, mouth, tits, glory hole, and @ss! She shall be your wife because you humbled her! And humbled her more than the last dude.
Really, if your wife isn’t saying (in her heart), “Ohh, my succulent c0ck draped lord and master! F*ck me up to heaven any which way you want! Do it NOW!”, then there’s something missing. You’re not experiencing marriage at its finest. If she wants to nitpick about this position or that hole, then she’s broken in some way. If the husband has qualms about this position or that hole, then he’s not experiencing a mind-numbing desire for his wife.
In all these words, I’m not arguing that being an admiral for the Royal Mounties is holy by any means, nor that it is right, nor even necessary. I am rather indifferent about the matter. I just want to point out that married individuals who are particularly persnickety about the peeping turtle have shunted their natural passions and affections with pride, legalism, guilt, or shame, and are living in the vanity of their minds.
In sum, get out of your heads and start living! Picking out the gnat (boofing) and swallowing the camel (marrying) is probably not going to make your marriage any better. Instead, cultivate a heart-felt desire for your spouse. If you have enough desire to poke her pooper, and she has enough desire to take a backwash up the drain, then surely you’re living on the ugly edge of life, but sanctification is sure to happen.