Did you ever wonder what women on Tinder really mean?
Readership: Single men currently using Tinder (or a similar social networking app);
Length: 700 words
Reading Time: 2.5 minutes
In the beginning, say around 10 years ago, social networking apps were a fun way to meet lots of different people and make casual conversation. In fact, I met my wife on OK Cupid. But in recent years, many social networking apps (e.g. Badoo, Grinder, Tinder) have become nothing more than a rolodex for ONS/hookup/STR’s. People who use these apps are looking to get waylaid ASAP. So if you get on one of these apps, you have to be aware of this. Anything you see on a Tinder profile has to be read through this lens.
Such as it is, Christians have no reason to use these apps at all. However, I am guessing that many young Christian men (and women) get on Tinder just to see what’s happening there. So in this paragraph, I’m talking to you younger Christian guys. If you’re going to do the online dating thing, then you had better know what you’re looking at. Otherwise, you’re making trouble for yourself. Reread the last half of the first paragraph above. If you’re thinking that your motivations are totally innocent, then you had better watch yourself. You need to know your threshold of temptation before you get too far into it. It’s too easy to fall into the meat grinder when the opportunity is available at a mere swipe.
The intentions of the slore above with the 1,000 c0ck stare are unnervingly obvious, so no translation is necessary. However, most other wimmin have a consistent habit of sugarcoating anything that is unseemly. This is all the more true on social networking apps. A little bit of translation work is necessary to uncover what they really mean.
Dictionary for Girls on Tinder
This abridged dictionary is a gem from bence86 on 9 Gag.*
- “I’m a proud mother.” = “I have no job. I need your salary.”
- “If you can’t accept my children, swipe left.” = “You should love my kids, but I don’t want any of your own.”
- “Perverts, swipe me left.” = “Perverts who are not handsome, swipe me left.”
- “Only dogs play with bones.” = “I’m fat and too lazy to do anything about it.”
- “Nerds/gamers swipe me left.” = “I do not have a hobby. If you have a hobby, I consider it to be a distraction from your potential to earn. You need to have a job so you can pay mine.”
- “Half-naked guys swipe me left.” = “I can show 34 pics of my nails, but you cannot be proud of your bodywork/sport achievements.”
- “Message me, I don’t bite.” = “I’m lonely and bored. Please someone write me!”
- “I’m only here cause of a challenge” = “I will be in a relationship from Tinder within 2 weeks.”
- “I like fooling around.” = “My sense of humor is 0.”
- “I can enjoy parties without drinking.” = “I am on my phone all the time, and I leave the party before 11 am.”
- “Appearance is secondary.” = “I’m ugly. I could not take a single good pic from 33 tries.”
- “Only serious relationship.” Ann (44) = “Half the city f*cked me already.”
I could add a few more to this list.
- “I’m not here for hookups/ONS.” = “I’m here for hookups/ONS, but I decide who and when, so don’t embarrass me by asking. Meantime, while I’m looking at other men’s profiles, your purpose is to entertain me.”
- “I have x (number of children), and I’m happy with this.” = “Don’t ask me to have any (more) kids with you.”
- “No dick pics!” = “I’ve already had the biggest you can’t imagine, so yours won’t excite me.”
Go visit Boxer’s blog for more degenerate offerings. Links below.
If you’re still not sure these translations are accurate. You can go check it out for yourself. But in my opinion, it would be better to take this word at face value and stay off dating apps altogether.
Old hands, feel free to leave other translations below in the comments.
* Edited for clarity.