Missionary dating is not what you might think.
Readership: High SMV Christian men;
Christian men with a high SMV invariably receive many IOI’s from various women. But then, assuming he can read them, how should he respond?
If he simply turns her down or ignores her overtures, she’ll probably just skip to the next man. Time’s a wasting!
It’s important for him to step up the game, but following this to it’s natural conclusion — sex — just isn’t the Biblically prescribed Christian response.
So what is a man to do?
“We live in a very sad world. I think it’s important for men who follow Christ to be aware of how these things work [i.e. the communication of romantic interest through IOI’s], not because of “lost opportunities” but so that we may be redemptive. It’s one thing to be oblivious to overtures, but it’s a powerful witness when you recognize those overtures and can say why you decline. I’ve said often enough to women, “Flattering, but I’d rather not.” It sometimes turned into a Woman at the Well moment.”
The phrase “woman at the well” refers to a story about Jesus’ interaction with a Samaritan woman in the book of John, chapter 4. [Click on the link to read it, if you are unfamiliar with the passage.]
The text doesn’t recount their interaction in greatly extended detail, but I’ll put money on wagering that she probably gave Him the bucket list of IOI’s. Remember, Jesus wore a garment without a seam (John 19:23-24). This was the equivalent of wearing a silk Armani suit back in the day. IOW, He always looked super sharp, and I’m sure she noticed that.
So how would a typical modern man respond?
Modern guys would stand there blinking in the sun, thinking about how thirsty they are, pondering the best travel route, and how to get back to work on time. A chad might be checking out her cleavage and thinking about how to implement his day game strategy. Any modern man definitely wouldn’t be wearing Armani in the desert.
But what did Jesus do?
After making some small talk, he basically made her out to be a slore by mentioning that she had no fewer than five “husbands”. (I’m fascinated to learn that Jesus could somehow discern the exact number of men she had slept with.) I’m sure he was rather polite in his verbiage, but anyway, she absolutely ate it up! She thought this revelation was so cool that she told everybody in town!
Of course, this approach just wouldn’t go over in today’s politically correct culture, and it probably wasn’t too appropriate to talk about this back then either.
This Bible story and Ed’s admonition lends a Word to high value Christian men — Open the eyes of your heart and read those IOI’s! If you miss the fact that she’s interested, then you’re a dud. But if you can pick up on that, then your range of options opens up.
Turning down her invitation to have sex puts you in the driver’s seat of the relationship, which is good and right. But she will probably interpret this response as a rejection of the relationship and then ghost. So at that moment, you have to communicate to her that your refusal is not necessarily a rejection, but that it is instead an invitation to have a better kind of relationship. Have a heart-to-heart talk with her. Explain why you want to wait, and how it can lead to a God-glorifying union. There’s a chance that she might understand and believe, especially if she’s a Christian. But if she doesn’t submit to your frame in this respect, then let her go. You’ve just saved yourself from sin, heartache, and wasting your time on someone who doesn’t have God’s best for you in her mind.
It’s a prime moment for evangelism because her heart is open, trusting, and compliant. Whatever move you make will go straight down to her heart and become part of her spiritual identity.
So, give those chicks who are coming on to you some signature Red Pill fare, and attach your Christian purpose to have a God-honoring marriage. Keep it lite and non-judgmental.
Don’t just be another cad taking his turn on her thatch. Instead, use these opportunities to do something for the Kingdom.
- Christianity and Masculinity: How to communicate sexual desire in a relationship (2017 October 3)