Explaining the Double Standards around Sex

The double standard is a false impression arising from an incomplete judiciary account.

Readership: Christians;

The Double Standards around Sex

In his post, Double Standards Around Sex – The purest example of the feminization of Christianity (2020 June 9), Deep Strength presented a comparison of two, nearly identical posts that appeared on r/Christianmarriage, Women please don’t deny your husbands and Men, please don’t deny your wives.  The only differences between these posts were the pronouns men/women and husbands/wives.

The messages were…

“Sex for a husband/wife is so essential.  Please don’t undermine how important that is to a husband/wife who desires his wife/husband, but doesn’t get any romance.

Keep your marriage alive!”

By comparing the reactions to each of the two messages in the comments sections, we’re looking at the difference in the reactions of husbands and wives to the same message.

Deep Strengths summary of the comments on each post were as follows.

On the reactions of wives urged to not deny sex to their husbands…

“Literally a list of excuses why women shouldn’t have sex with their husbands.  You know, the one they agreed to “have and to hold.”

Note that these are the reactions of disobedient wives who are justifying their behaviors.

On the reactions of husbands urged to not deny sex to their wives…

“Men being told to stop looking at porn, and men owning up to denying their wives.”

Note that these are the reactions of disrespectful wives demanding obedient husbands.

So in summary, we see a lot of reactions from disobedient, disrespectful, and perhaps defrauded wives, but we aren’t seeing a lot of response from disobedient husbands complaining about how their wives are too contentious, too disrespectful, or too fat to F*ck.

Deep Strength claims (in the title) that this difference is due to the feminization of Christianity.  I will argue that it is not, but is instead a result of…

  1. Admitting women’s arguments as the predominating view.
  2. A selection bias based on the inherent differences between the sexes.

However, Christianity does become feminized when we let whiny women dominate the discussion.

Appearances are Misleading

First, I want to point out a few important things that have gone unnoticed.

  • Women who don’t want to agree with the scriptural command not to deny sex to a spouse will fight and argue in an effort to justify their actions and continue in their disobedience.
  • Men who don’t want to agree will just avoid the issue altogether.
  • Women who agree and repent would just do it and never talk about it.
  • Men who agree and repent are outspoken about their repentance

In addition, the people who are not vocal about this issue (obedient wives and disobedient husbands) are actually discouraged from speaking out!

  • Obedient wives won’t talk about their sex life because it would seem too immodest, and it would betray the interests of, and shame other wives who prefer to be disobedient.  (Actually, obedient wives should be talking about how passionate they are towards their husbands, letting others know that obedience has value, and shaming disobedient wives into submission in the process!)
  • Disobedient husbands won’t talk about refusing their wives sex because they would rather avoid the issue.  If they talk about it at all, it would lead to an unwanted confrontation.

Those who are vocal about this issue (disobedient wives and obedient husbands) have a self-centered motivation for speaking out.

  • Disobedient wives are attempting to dominate the narrative.
  • Obedient husbands gain brownie points and social approval for being a good husband.

Yet, we continue to entertain the harpies arguments as serious admissions, while downplaying or ignoring the men’s viewpoints.

Reframing the Reactions

In summary, the people who are vocal about this issue are disobedient wives and obedient husbands.  So theirs are the viewpoints most often seen, to the point of saturation.

We don’t hear the viewpoints of repentant wives and rebellious husbands.  So it’s easy to overlook these viewpoints.

The misperception of this outcome is that, on the surface, it comes off appearing like women should have the option to refuse sex for whatever reason seems appropriate to them, while men should apologize and toe the scriptural line.  People are likely to believe these views as being true simply because it’s what they hear most often, as evidenced in the comparison of these two posts.

To counteract this imbalance, men should be more adamant in offering their own viewpoints on the issue, and this includes both obedient and disobedient men alike.

Conclusions

I don’t believe that the different reactions are directly due to the feminization of Christianity, but is merely a biased impression gained from those who are outspoken and not from those who are not.

However, the feminization of Christianity rears its ugly head when this biased impression based on a feminized narrative is naively put forth to be the whole truth about the sexes and marriage.

The real truth is that men and women have a completely different reaction when being confronted with the commands of the scriptures.

  • When being repentant and obedient, women become quiet and demure, and men become outspoken and authoritative.
  • But when being corrected on their failures to follow through on their marital duties, men clam up and women become contentious.

Moreover, these respective reactions are typical for men and women who insist on clinging to their selfish disobedience.

Related

About Jack

Jack is a world traveling artist, skilled in trading ideas and information, none of which are considered too holy, too nerdy, nor too profane to hijack and twist into useful fashion. Sigma Frame Mindsets and methods for building and maintaining a masculine Frame
This entry was posted in Courtship and Marriage, Desire, Discerning Lies and Deception, Discernment, Wisdom, Female Power, Handling Rejection and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Explaining the Double Standards around Sex

  1. “Obedient wives won’t talk about their sex life because it would seem too immodest, and it would betray the interests of, and shame other wives who prefer to be disobedient.

    All women are on Team Women, all the time, no exceptions.

    “To counteract this imbalance, men should be more adamant in offering their own viewpoints on the issue, and this includes both obedient and disobedient men alike.”

    Can’t readily think of more useless waste of time than arguing on the interwebs with a bunch of harpies and their simps.

    Like

    • Jack says:

      Complaints on the internet are mostly comprised of those who won’t face their issues for any number of reasons, but who still need some way to blow off steam. So it’s not surprising that most of the online complaints are from disobedient women. Disobedient men tend to place their focus on other, more productive activities.
      I agree that it’s a waste of time to complain on the internet if you’re not doing anything to confront your issues in real life. Men should be offering their viewpoints to their wives first and foremost, and this has a powerful influence on them, even though they usually resist it.
      However, men who voice their views online (like us), are offering the words and attitude that can empower other men to be more outspoken in their marriages.

      Liked by 3 people

    • AngloSaxon says:

      I’ve seen a handful of women take other wimminz to task for their disobedience.

      When I say a handful I can literally count them on one hand.

      Liked by 5 people

    • SFC Ton says:

      All women are on Team Women, all the time, no exceptions.
      ……..

      Until they land their big dick energy alpha baby daddy.

      They will revert back to team woman if he starts half stepping

      Liked by 2 people

  2. cobaltsheath says:

    A related observation regarding men vs women and divorce, or at least trying to fix the marriage. Men might be reluctant to divorce over lack of sex because it will be perceived as a shallow reason. The same for women, possibly, but women have the added benefit of being able to more easily accuse men of neglect or emotional abuse, etc., than men could accuse women of. Disaffected wives can enjoy more sympathy in that situation. So, this is all to say that a very important reason for dissatisfaction (little to no sex) doesn’t get addressed but instead less severe, perhaps overblown, reasons get more attention.

    Additionally, divorcing for “no sex” isn’t a topic people bring up in mixed company. It doesn’t feel “legitimate,” so we come up with other more peripheral reasons for divorce and keep those in reserve as public reasons for discussion and sympathizing.

    Liked by 2 people

    • SFC Ton says:

      I filed for divorce and listed lack of sex as item number 1

      There is a fancy legal term for it but I can’t recall

      Liked by 2 people

    • Jack says:

      Another reason why many disaffected men won’t face this issue and won’t talk about it is because they are too ashamed of having been sexually rejected by their wives. If they do talk about it, it tends to attract scorn and contempt rather than empathy, and people want to blame the man for not being more “romantic”, not being “man enough”, etc. Again, this is another example of how the feminine narrative dominates the discussion and popular opinion. Shaming the disobedient woman works well, but most people are hesitant to go to this extreme, thinking this approach to be too incendiary and unChrist-like. This is yet another influence of feminism on the church.

      Liked by 5 people

      • SFC Ton says:

        Legit

        Any excuse to belittle a man is a good enough reason. Seems most especially true for the churched up folks

        Liked by 2 people

      • Scott says:

        If your wife won’t have sex with you, it means that you did not court her/sweep her off her feet on a daily basis. This is absolutely the narrative.

        On the flip side of this, no man wants to have sex with a woman who is only doing it because it is a duty. Unless she is absolutely brilliant porn-star quality faker, you can see it in her face, and it pretty much kills it.

        Liked by 3 people

  3. Deep Strength claims (in the title) that this difference is due to the feminization of Christianity. I will argue that it is not, but is instead a result of…

    Admitting women’s arguments as the predominating view.
    A selection bias based on the inherent differences between the sexes.

    However, Christianity does become feminized when we let whiny women dominate the discussion.

    I largely agree. My post wasn’t meant to be an in-depth analysis.

    Although per Dalrock’s point, chivalry has so invaded the Church that many/most men are complicit in elevating the whiny women’s voices to prominence.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. okrahead says:

    A wife who goes deadbed is signaling a fundamental and profound lack of respect for her husband. The default setting of most evangelicals is that any disrespect a husband receives is prima facia earned. Evangelicals have inverted I Corinthians 7; what Paul describes as sin (by the wife in this case) evangelicals hold up as proof that the husband is committing sin. It is always an inversion with these people; almost always that involves an inversion of power and authority.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. OKRickety says:

    okrahead’s comment is supported by Albert Mohler’s statement “Consider the fact that a woman has every right to expect that her husband will earn access to the marriage bed.” Later in the article (https://albertmohler.com/2012/06/01/the-seduction-of-pornography-and-the-integrity-of-christian-marriage-part-two-2), he tries to dance around it, literally putting quotes around earn, and then proceeds to say a “husband owes his wife the confidence, affection, and emotional support that would lead her to freely give herself to her husband in the act of sex.”

    I think this is the stereotypical example of how most “Christians” today view sex in marriage.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. JPF says:

    Albert Mohler was frequently critiqued by Dalrock, and rightfully so. I am unsure how Albert Mohler could make a statement such as, “Consider the fact that a woman has every right to expect that her husband will earn access to the marriage bed.” without knowingly being a servant of Satan (2 Timothy 2:26). We know that even Christians can (temporarily) be servants of Satan; consider that Jesus addressed Peter as “Satan” when Peter tried to convince Jesus to go against the plan of God the Father.

    Like

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