The double standard is a false impression arising from an incomplete judiciary account.
The Double Standards around Sex
In his post, Double Standards Around Sex – The purest example of the feminization of Christianity (2020 June 9), Deep Strength presented a comparison of two, nearly identical posts that appeared on r/Christianmarriage, Women please don’t deny your husbands and Men, please don’t deny your wives. The only differences between these posts were the pronouns men/women and husbands/wives.
The messages were…
“Sex for a husband/wife is so essential. Please don’t undermine how important that is to a husband/wife who desires his wife/husband, but doesn’t get any romance.
Keep your marriage alive!”
By comparing the reactions to each of the two messages in the comments sections, we’re looking at the difference in the reactions of husbands and wives to the same message.
Deep Strengths summary of the comments on each post were as follows.
On the reactions of wives urged to not deny sex to their husbands…
“Literally a list of excuses why women shouldn’t have sex with their husbands. You know, the one they agreed to “have and to hold.”
Note that these are the reactions of disobedient wives who are justifying their behaviors.
On the reactions of husbands urged to not deny sex to their wives…
“Men being told to stop looking at porn, and men owning up to denying their wives.”
Note that these are the reactions of disrespectful wives demanding obedient husbands.
So in summary, we see a lot of reactions from disobedient, disrespectful, and perhaps defrauded wives, but we aren’t seeing a lot of response from disobedient husbands complaining about how their wives are too contentious, too disrespectful, or too fat to F*ck.
Deep Strength claims (in the title) that this difference is due to the feminization of Christianity. I will argue that it is not, but is instead a result of…
- Admitting women’s arguments as the predominating view.
- A selection bias based on the inherent differences between the sexes.
However, Christianity does become feminized when we let whiny women dominate the discussion.
Appearances are Misleading
First, I want to point out a few important things that have gone unnoticed.
- Women who don’t want to agree with the scriptural command not to deny sex to a spouse will fight and argue in an effort to justify their actions and continue in their disobedience.
- Men who don’t want to agree will just avoid the issue altogether.
- Women who agree and repent would just do it and never talk about it.
- Men who agree and repent are outspoken about their repentance
In addition, the people who are not vocal about this issue (obedient wives and disobedient husbands) are actually discouraged from speaking out!
- Obedient wives won’t talk about their sex life because it would seem too immodest, and it would betray the interests of, and shame other wives who prefer to be disobedient. (Actually, obedient wives should be talking about how passionate they are towards their husbands, letting others know that obedience has value, and shaming disobedient wives into submission in the process!)
- Disobedient husbands won’t talk about refusing their wives sex because they would rather avoid the issue. If they talk about it at all, it would lead to an unwanted confrontation.
Those who are vocal about this issue (disobedient wives and obedient husbands) have a self-centered motivation for speaking out.
- Disobedient wives are attempting to dominate the narrative.
- Obedient husbands gain brownie points and social approval for being a good husband.
Yet, we continue to entertain the harpies arguments as serious admissions, while downplaying or ignoring the men’s viewpoints.
Reframing the Reactions
In summary, the people who are vocal about this issue are disobedient wives and obedient husbands. So theirs are the viewpoints most often seen, to the point of saturation.
We don’t hear the viewpoints of repentant wives and rebellious husbands. So it’s easy to overlook these viewpoints.
The misperception of this outcome is that, on the surface, it comes off appearing like women should have the option to refuse sex for whatever reason seems appropriate to them, while men should apologize and toe the scriptural line. People are likely to believe these views as being true simply because it’s what they hear most often, as evidenced in the comparison of these two posts.
To counteract this imbalance, men should be more adamant in offering their own viewpoints on the issue, and this includes both obedient and disobedient men alike.
I don’t believe that the different reactions are directly due to the feminization of Christianity, but is merely a biased impression gained from those who are outspoken and not from those who are not.
However, the feminization of Christianity rears its ugly head when this biased impression based on a feminized narrative is naively put forth to be the whole truth about the sexes and marriage.
The real truth is that men and women have a completely different reaction when being confronted with the commands of the scriptures.
- When being repentant and obedient, women become quiet and demure, and men become outspoken and authoritative.
- But when being corrected on their failures to follow through on their marital duties, men clam up and women become contentious.
Moreover, these respective reactions are typical for men and women who insist on clinging to their selfish disobedience.
- Σ Frame: Women are Tempted to become Masculine, Men are Tempted to Wimp Out (2017 August 17)
- Σ Frame: Don’t Admit Her Argument (2018 March 19)
- Σ Frame: Sexual Consent in Marriage (2020 March 9)
- Coach Greg Adams: Why do Women go to Bars and Nightclubs? (2020 April 26)