Parenting is for the elite.

Not only marriage, but also parenting is for the elite.

Readership: All; Parents; Those who hope to be parents;

Introduction

Dalrock once made a very strong argument that marriage is for the elite, but that it shouldn’t be.

In the latter, Dalrock wrote,

“Most women can’t attract an exceptional man.  All of those women who are married to the poor excuses for men that we look down on?  They are every bit the losers their husbands are!  If they had better options they would have taken them.  Even if a woman had better options but chose a poor slob for a husband, this generally tells us the woman was gifted with attractiveness but blew it due to being below average in wisdom.  Granted there will be a handful of true exceptions, but these aren’t the rule.

So when we look down on unexceptional men as unworthy, we are implicitly looking down on the loser women who can’t do any better.  But as Romans 12:10 reminds us, this isn’t a Christian way of looking at things.  It also sets marriage up as something only for elite men and women.  For if we take the non-elite men out of the marriage market, who will their counterpart women marry?”

That’s the current conundrum that few want to face, and it’s true.

I’ll take this assertion a step further.  Not only is marriage reserved for the elite, but also parenting – but it shouldn’t be.

Parenting is for the Elite

The common belief is that raising children “properly” requires parents to have every amenity imaginable to be fully accessible to their children — the best schools, designer clothes, money to invest in special hobbies and interests, such as taking private lessons in foreign language, or piano or violin lessons.  Anything less than this would be “depriving your children” of what is presumed to be a “full life”.

This attitude reeks of materialistic arrogance.  Why should we listen to such people about how to raise our children?

In times past, these things were considered luxuries, but now, they are necessities.  They are considered necessities, not because children cannot become mature capable adults without these things, but because parents want their children to be the best, or at least, better than their peers at school.  They don’t want any other parent or child to look down on their child, because that would create negative Feeelz.

But you know, that’s just how life is.  Even in a “perfect” socialist country like China or North Korea, there are still class differences, except it is not determined by how hardworking, or skillful, or business saavy your father is, but by whether he is an official within the Communist party.

Because of the Jones’, the average couple won’t consider having children until they have everything else settled in place, and also have a few years to enjoy it all for themselves –without any children.  But all too often, this expectation would put a couple past the wife’s fertility window.

To be realistic, the average person is not elite, and so it is unreasonable for the average couple to postpone having children until such-and-such a goal is met.  Furthermore, it is uncharitable to expect them to follow the life script of the upper class when their lower or even middle-class budget prevents them from obtaining all the exquisite trimmings.

Furthermore, the children themselves don’t really care about money that much.  What they want is a stable, secure, love-filled home that has both a mother and a father present.

The Elite are Parents

These observations are not just idle preponderances of the fears and wishful thoughts of others.  I have been an educator for some time, and I’m also a parent, so I am exposed to this crowd on a continual basis.  I have seen these expectations play out for decades.

The difference between the people who are married with children and those who aren’t is quite noticeable.  Whenever we have a parent-teacher meeting, I always know who the parents are just by looking at them.  The parents are very well-dressed, and they have an air of confidence and dignity.  Those who are not parents look common and shabby in comparison.  At certain gatherings, this vast chasm is astounding.

The fathers are mostly professional, dignified men — calm, quiet observers of their children’s progress.  Many of them can be seen driving their children to school in a newer model, sport-performance car, which is usually either black or white in color.  I shouldn’t need to mention, only elite men have the money and leisure to drive their children to school in a Lexus or Benz.

Occasionally there’s a working man who has a great physique and a lot of charisma.  These men all have Frame, and they don’t take any $*** from people.

And the mothers!  They are tall, thin, always well-dressed and meticulously groomed, many of them have long hair, and the ones who don’t are cute as a button.  They have a butt on their @ss — the natural result of the regular sexercise necessary for impregnation.  Mammary glands that point to the far recesses of the heavens — providing nutritional sustenance to the babes in their care.

I can’t help myself from noticing.

I hardly ever see any parent, dirty and harried from a long, tough day’s work, come in driving an old beat up Ford to pick up their child.  The children of those parents always take the bus.

The point is, only the most excellent specimens of humanity are reproducing.  From an evo-psych viewpoint, this may be all for the betterment of the race.

Anyway you have it, it seems that you really need both marriage and children to get into this group.  Of course, the prerequisite for both is to be elite.  Of course, this is not a Christian view, but it is commonly perceived as the (expected) Christian norm.

Conclusions

We tend to look at those married couples who are elite, as I described above, and think that every Christian family should be like theirs.

We are happy to see those elite couples getting married and having children, but we think it unfitting or even embarrassing for those of humbler means.

But this kind of attitude denies less well-heeled families the glory and honor of being a parent.

Granted, raising children isn’t cheap, but the joys and blessings of being a parent should not be reserved for the elite only, nor should they be excluded from unexceptional Christian couples.

Related

About Jack

Jack is a world traveling artist, skilled in trading ideas and information, none of which are considered too holy, too nerdy, nor too profane to hijack and twist into useful fashion. Sigma Frame Mindsets and methods for building and maintaining a masculine Frame
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5 Responses to Parenting is for the elite.

  1. Elspeth says:

    This is an interesting analysis to read as a mother who has been mostly plugged into the classical Christian homeschooling community since the early 2000s. In a circle where the major driver of their children’s education is faith and community, there is a much more varied group of parents.

    There are some well-heeled types, but most of us are neither rich nor poor. There is a universal drive to see that kids get music lessons, less demand for sports but there are some kids on sports teams, and raising kids who have read great books is far more of a status symbol than the stuff you see parents push their kids toward in public school (which we utilized for our older kids). But even then, the status of families ran the gamut.

    I for one, don’t think parenting should be for the elite, but for the virtuous. To the extent that we can possess class and decorum AND be virtuous, all the better. But the worst thing to happen to Christian parenting is the wholesale embracing of secular cultural parenting norms.

    There’s nothing inherently wrong with music lessons (our kids take them) or education expenses (we pay for a part-time private school to supplement our homeschool), etc. But we do those things as a sacrifice and in a concerted effort to make sure our kids are properly educated in what is good, true, and beautiful rather than indoctrinated into secular cultural norms which exalt the superficial at the expense of the deep things that will carry you through life.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Gunner Q says:

    The materialist family attitude your describe is 100% Baby Boomer-driven. They raised their daughters to not marry anybody less wealthy than themselves and God Forbid they ever have to sell some stock to help a son-in-law with his young family.

    Their daughters ate it up and their sons who couldn’t qualify unassisted are invisible.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ed Hurst says:

    As a parallel to what you say here, Jack, I can tell you that the average family with children here in Central Oklahoma would not qualify for fostering children. The state demands a level of income and social status that is well above average before placing foster children in a home. And that’s before we talk about having all the right attitudes in favor of state mandates. I’ll grant you that it’s a little easier to meet the requirements for adoption.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. lastmod says:

    Oh? You’re well to do / quasi professional, Christian, deemed above average in looks as a couple and have more than 2.5 children???? Why god has “blessed” you with an attractive, large family? You’re poor, or working class and have more than one child???.”You breed like rabbits and should have some responsibility about providing better and living within your means!!!! Just go to college, get a good job! Simple.”

    Oh? The local plant closed, you lost your job and now have to wirk Dairy Queen and any other gig you can get? Your wife now has to work too? Idiots. You should have saved 30% of every paycheck. Easy to do…..you just need to be more responsible!”

    “Your son is falling behind in school? Your wife needs to quit her part time job, homeschool the kids and you, dad should have studied to be an engineer. God calls men to be providers! Obviously you didnt plan you life and listen to god’s amazing plan for your life”

    It goes on. The “elite” in looks and the rest of the trappings in society did this. Of course they wont be held to count. The blue collar guy will be told what “he should have done” at age 11 or whatever. The immigrant who has a killer work ethic but is poor yet has well behaved children in school and / or church will be viewed as “not involved” with his children bc he is working three jobs.

    Modern church culture on rhe Christian side of these matters is responsible. Even men who want to help cant unless they are deemed a leader or must be…or on the path to be married. On the secular side you have to talk nonstop about what a hot shot you were in high school or belonged to a Fraternity during collge / uni.

    These same elite men and women then shake their heads “men are not men anymore / need to go the gym / listen to what gods plan for them is”

    Yet these same people put their noses down on anyone who works a minimum wage job forgetting someone has to do this. But not them or their children of course……

    The mentality of the USA til sometime into the 1970’s was “a job. Its a start. Its what I have.” And fellow Americans for the most part at least respected a man for working. Today? No. Unless he us deemed “important” and he is useless. Forget the evil corporate world. Blame the elite in church. In the professions. In intelligesia. In government.

    When this lower class finally decides to quit working when UBI happens……the elite and elect are in for a rude shock. Scrub your own toilets at church before service

    Like

  5. Pingback: Fighting Fires | Σ Frame

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