The current concept of “consent” is bass ackward. A Christian wife needs her husband’s consent to either refuse sex or “let herself go”.
Readership: Christians; Married couples;
Length: 1,900 words; 8 minutes reading time;
Author’s note: I doubt many women will read the good advice offered below, much less follow it, but it’s still valuable in helping men find the words to implement their demands.
Guide to interpreting the illustrations: The horse represents male desire. The cart represents marriage.
The Popularity of Scriptural Errancy
Under the post, Opportunities (2020-2-26), Sharkly pointed out that under the new paradigm, the thing that determines whether any particular sexual transaction is socially acceptable is the necessity of a woman’s “consent” to the act.
For those of us who have followed Dalrock, it should be apparent that this feminist argument for “consent” is nothing more than another reiteration of Chivalry, and one that relies on an inversion of gender roles.
In a previous post, No Authority to give “Consent” (2020-3-6), I pointed out the errancy of the feminist argument for “consent”. A single woman doesn’t have the moral authority to give consent to illicit sex, and a married woman doesn’t have the moral authority to refuse sex with her husband. This should be clear to mature Christians, but apparently it is not. The errancy of the “consent” arguments have even leeched into converged church teachings on marriage. Oscar pointed out an example of this error under Dalrock’s post, Fifty shades of Lancelot. (2019 January 4),
“Consider the fact that a woman has every right to expect that her husband will earn access to the marriage bed…” ~ Mohler
Note that Mohler considers this a fact. It’s not Mohler’s opinion; it’s a fact. But Apostle Paul wrote otherwise.
“3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” ~ 1st Corinthians 7:3-5 (NKJV)
Oscar couldn’t have made it any clearer. The Bible says a married couple should give mutual consent to NOT have sex with each other! But instead, the heretical choich has joined hands with the secular norms of the culture, by requiring men to obtain the wife’s consent to have sex.
It seems like, whatever the Bible tells us to do, the powers that be will reverse-engineer that, and make up some humanitarian reason for doing so. See Figure 1: Putting the cart before the horse.
Evidently, churchianity is no different from the wider culture, as they both have it all balls awkward.
Ahhh… Churchianity at its best!
The Cursed Fruits of Disobedience
The underlying message to husbands and wives contained in the last part of verse 5 of the scriptural passage above is that if either one refuses to have sex with their spouse, they are inadvertently subjecting the other to temptation.
All too frequently, it is the woman who is denying her husband, so we’ll focus on this case for the remainder of the discussion.
Several commenters (Bruce, Deti, JFP, Sharkly) have pointed out that young men get married for sex (and having children). This is an undeniable fact. It may not be polite or acceptable, it may not be the right motivation to marry, but this is the reality.
Consequently, the quality and quantity of sex becomes the critical, make-it-or-break-it constituent element of the marriage. It is easy to see how a man who willingly signed up for marriage (with this purpose in mind) would be willing to tolerate a super-voluminous quantity of trouble and expense in a marriage, as long as his need for sex is being fulfilled. But if the sex is not spontaneously forthcoming, then this leads the man to question his whole purpose for marrying, as well as the value of the marriage.
If the dry spell continues indefinitely, the sexual tension and the urgency for a release continues to build in the man. The lack of sex alienates him from his wife, while his building sexual desire causes other women in his vicinity to look more appealing. In sum, his threshold of temptation is reduced. This condition essentially puts the husband between a stony heart (1) and a hard on (2), as described here.
- If he can manage to resist temptation, he still has to exert excessive willpower to combat temptation outside the home, while living with the intense frustration of living and sleeping in the same bed with a woman who promised to love him, but then who denies him sexual access. This situation invariably subjects the husband to a great deal of frustration, anger and bitterness, possibly leading to excessive violence, substance dependency, clinical depression, or desertion. See Figure 2: Pulling the horse in the cart.
- If he succumbs to the temptation to have extramarital sex, then the husband is desperately attempting to put the cart behind the horse, but within the wrong context. As a result, his marriage will be damaged. To make things worse, his failures will be aggrandized by the heartless wife, and subsequently capitalized upon in the divorce proceedings. See Figure 3: Spilling the load.
To take this a step further, whenever wives become lazy and “let themselves go” (i.e. cut their hair “because it’s too much work to maintain”, gain weight “because I feel hangry”, wear cotton “because it’s more comfy”, etc.) to the point where they are no longer sexually desirable to their husbands, they are also subjecting their husband to just as much temptation and angst as if they outrightly denied him sex. This is especially true if they married too late in her life for him to have obtained a strong pair of Wife Goggles™.
The Blessed Fruits of Obedience
Most men are willing to extend their good will to a faithful wife who is not up for sex every day. But wives have used the euphemism, “Sorry, I have a headache…” to mean “I’m not in the right mood tonight…”, so many times, that this cliché has become the butt of stand-up comedy. This is simpy not Biblical. A wife who is uninterested in sex, but who still wishes to be obedient to the scriptures should instead be offering her husband a statement like,
“Please have mercy on me, I beg of you. Allow me to rest this one evening. I shall fulfill your desire at the break of dawn on the morrow. But if you shall require it as my husband and master, I shall perform my utmost at your bidding, and I shall be ravished from head to toe as you please, until you are utterly (and literally) drenched with the satisfaction of my love. Whatever you may decide, just knowing that you desire me, even when I am weak, weary, and in need of bathing, then shall my heart be filled with the pangs of having been unconditionally loved!”
In spite of the immense pressure to relieve his reproductive burden, I can’t imagine that any man who truly loves his wife would press forward with his demand for sex after hearing a soliloquy like this one.
(Rebellious) women will naturally scoff at this, but what women don’t understand is that this kind of talk just does something magical to the soul of a man. It honors him. It recognizes his God-ordained authority as her husband. It gives him the respect that he needs. It humbles him, inspires him, and beckons forth his best.
If a wife ever got into the habit of talking like this with sincerity, she would be amazed at how suddenly her husband would “man up” and become attentive to her needs, and how quickly her marriage and sex life would improve.
The lesson for ladies to glean here is that if you go about doing things with respect to God’s created order, then there’s a very high chance that you’ll get what you want — even if what you want is less sex!
But unfortunately, most wimmin are not humble enough to be obedient enough to improve their marriage life enough to make it divorce-proof enough.
The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does
The scripture passage above says that the (Christian) husband has authority over his (Christian) wife’s body, and vice versa.
If we take the liberty to extrapolate this text onto real world situations in which the husband exercises authority over his wife’s body, the eisegetical application could be interpreted to mean the following.
- If a husband wants his wife to adopt the habit of wearing a dress on a regular basis, then she should be asking him for details about the style and color of the dresses he prefers, and how much she is allowed to spend on some new dresses.
- If a husband wants his wife to wear a head covering to church, then she should experiment with headscarves of different sizes, shapes, textures, and colors to see what is most suitable for her head and her style.
- If a husband wants his wife to have long hair, then she should let it grow until he asks her to cut it.
- If a husband wants his wife to lose weight, then she should go on an Adkins diet until he tells her to stop.
- If the husband expresses the need for a quickie, then she needs to finish him off within the next ten minutes.
- If a husband says he doesn’t want his wife to take birth control pills, then she should put this option completely out of her mind.
- If a husband doesn’t want his wife to use any kind of birth control, then she should confirm his intentions to have a child, and should prepare herself for the possibility of becoming pregnant (e.g. stop smoking, drinking, and taking other prescription drugs which might harm a fetus.)
We could gladly go on with many other examples of submission which would surely raise strong objections from Strong Independent Wimmin™. Readers are welcome to add to this list below.
According to 1st Corinthians 7:3-5, sex within marriage is a duty. If you’re married, but you’re not shinnying up the goods on a regular basis, you’re being disobedient to the Word. It stands to reason that sex is a duty to the married because God hates divorce. (Malachi 2:16)
We could think of the marital duty of sex like it’s a full time “job”. Just like any other job, if you give a lousy performance, or fail to show up to work too many times, then you shouldn’t be surprised if you are discharged from your position.
Any woman who is truly not aware of these things is indeed a foolish woman who tears down her house. (Proverbs 14:1) But believe it or not, there are many wives, even Christian wives, who withhold sex for the express purpose of utilizing the dynamics described above, namely, to either force their husbands to compromise or submit, or to intentionally destroy their marriages for selfish gain.
- Dalrock: The unexpected challenge to modern Christian orthodoxy. (2016 December 12)
- Dalrock: Satisfaction guaranteed. (2018 January 10)