The journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step.
Readership: All men, and women in LTR’s
Growth is a Process
It’s easy for men to read about the Socio-Sexual Hierarchy of men, which is frequently cited on the Manosphere, and then come to see a man’s inherent value and social efficacy as a static quality. But this notion does not reflect the truth.
The truth is that men go through different stages of development as they mature throughout their lives. Here are some examples that may ring true with the reader.
- The chiseled guy who was the star quarterback in high school, and was admired by all the ladies, becomes a beer guzzling, couch potato, working a dead-end job, all burned out by midlife.
- The high school geek who was mercilessly parodied and ridiculed, and who couldn’t get a date to save his life, suddenly ‘fills out’ in college, and eventually becomes the co-owner of a software firm, making six-figures a year. He marries a nice girl, and enjoys a comfortable life.
- The seasoned PUA with a notch count in the hundreds, finally gets bored and weary in dealing with fickle females. He settles down with one good woman with the mind to raise a family and live a quiet life.
- The loyal, hardworking, Blue Pilled Beta hubby gets cheated on and frivorced by his ‘sweetheart’ wife of seven years. Heartbroken, he swallows the Red Pill and eventually comes to preside over a soft harem of attractive divorcees.
Most every man comes into a mature life-game mentality at some point in his life. The alpha males are the guys who ‘get it’ early and easily. Other guys need time, experience, and mentoring before they can pick it up.
Fortunately for men, we tend to get better over time. Men don’t ‘hit the wall’, and afterwards go rapidly downhill. Like the SF adage says,
“Men age like wine and cheese; Women age like milk and disease.”
With effort and experience, men can, and do, get better throughout their lives. So we would do well to look at the accumulation of personal investments in one’s self.
From this perspective, the whole concept of ‘potential’ is annoyingly understated, downplayed, and ignored.
When we assess a man, do we consider what he could be, or do we only look at his present state?
The Missing Link
What’s missing in today’s western society is the one-on-one teaching, older men mentoring younger men, and examples of authentic masculinity are getting rare. If this trend is not reversed soon, Feminist inspired society will nail the lid on the coffin.
To buck this trend, here are three case studies of men and situations which describe the hard and painful journey of going from a boyish idiot (e.g. beta male) to being a man that is a master of the game (e.g. alpha male).
Case Study 1: The Recovering Late Bloomer
“When I first started to seriously think about girls I was the inexperienced idiot who knew absolutely nothing about how to relate to the opposite sex. When you’re a pudgy inexperienced young man making his first ever approach to what seems like a nice young girl, and you get humiliated in front of everybody for your audacity, then that is enough to shut down most guys for a while. When everybody inadvertently lies to you about what girls want, and you believe it and you then get repeatedly shot down in FLAMES, you just give up. That was me! I gave up and never approached another lady for all of my 20’s. With my confidence destroyed, I concentrated on school first and then career.”
“As I was approaching the third decade of my life, a friend got me into weight lifting, and while I was not fat, I couldn’t be called fit either. Anyway, through weight lifting, a transformation came over me. As women started to look at me, my confidence levels rose to the point where I once again started asking women to go out. Add a Corvette, and women started throwing themselves at me.”
“Through a sometimes still painful process, I learned how to treat women the way they like and want to be treated. The ‘piece de resistance’ came when one young lady told me that she loved watching my muscles as we fucked.”
“I eventually met a young lady who tried so very hard to show me what a good wife she would make, and of course I took her up on the offer. After many, many years we’re still happily married, and it looks like it will last to the end of our days. You know that you still have it, when your woman rips your clothes off, and drags you into bed.”
“I think I’m at the point where I ‘get it’, but it was not always like that. The journey was hard, very hard, and I nearly gave up for good. I have my one friend to thank for starting me on my journey, and to him I will be forever grateful.”
“We need to realize that we are born as boys, not men, and that the journey to manhood is hard. The question then is, how do we, in this matriarchal society, help young boys to cast off their childish ways, and become the men that not only build the society in which we live, but that women will lust over as well.”
I believe OmegaMan’s experience of snail-paced growth is more common than anyone suspects. Men don’t talk about these things much. The important thing is that he eventually ‘got it’, and he’s also enjoying a successful and mutually fulfilling marriage.
Case Study 2: The Faith to Leave a Bad Situation
Fellow blogger, Snapper, had the guts to leave his church because the church was teaching an inverted hierarchy of marital headship, his wife was learning those things, and it was ruining his marriage. Snapper tells his story in this series of posts.
- Snapper TRX: Meeting With My Pastors I (September 27, 2016)
- Snapper TRX: Meeting With My Pastors II (October 14, 2017)
- Snapper TRX: Meeting With My Pastors III (June 26, 2017)
As you can see by the posting dates, this transition of leaving a bad church situation probably took nearly 10 months. That’s not easy. Snapper also explains the difficulties he faced in dealing with his wife and mother-in-law in this post.
- Snapper TRX: Meeting With My Pastors IV (October 11, 2016)
Snapper’s done the right thing in getting away from the Wolf that’s chasing his wife, but now he needs to find another flock of sheep. We’re still waiting to read Snapper’s follow-up stories of a new beginning with another fellowship of believers.
Some commenters suggested that, until he found another church to attend, he should start meeting with other men. To this, Snapper replied,
“I’ve considered [starting my own men’s Bible study group], but I’m afraid I might be considered the de facto ‘leader’ of a group if I put out the call and I, at the moment, am not qualified to be a leader in such things, as my home is not really in order [referring to the problems surrounding male headship in marriage]. The continued issues with my wife and daughter put me in a bad position. I don’t really know if putting out the call and assembling some guys for study would necessarily be a ‘church’, but by default someone has to lead said group, and I don’t think I am biblically qualified. I’m still mulling it over, as I don’t see anyone else standing up in answer to the call for some good old fashion Bible study, and it is much needed. Thanks for the prayers.”
Often times, the pressing ‘need’ for a leader to step up to bat in a challenging circumstance, and the willingness of someone to do so, is more important than a man’s ability or readiness. The next case study will examine this phenomena.
Case Study 3: Transitioning to be the Leader of a Small Group Bible Study
Recently, my men’s group had a similar discussion about leadership. The current leader, Tyson*, had been leading for over three years, and he was burned out and couldn’t lead anymore. He wanted to step down so that he could focus on his new career and some other things. The pastor thought it was a good idea, because it would give other men the chance to gain leadership experience.
When Tyson announced his decision to the Men’s Group, he asked if there was anyone else who wanted to take the lead. Only one guy in the group, Glenn*, volunteered to continue leading. After some discussion, and no objections, Tyson announced that Glenn would be the new leader. The pastor was also informed of the planned change of leadership, and he blessed Glenn as the new leader, while also encouraging the others to take turns leading. A couple months later, Tyson stepped down as planned, and passed the mantle to Glenn.
Now, none of the other guys objected to Glenn’s leadership during those two interim months, but a couple weeks after Glenn started leading, some of the guys in the group came to Tyson privately, and said they didn’t want Glenn to lead. They offered reasons why they thought Glenn was unfit to lead, which included him being divorced, and that his Red Pilled views caused them to question his theology, and whether or not he believed in sound doctrine.
In response, Tyson defended Glenn’s new position as leader, saying in effect, that no one except Christ himself has perfect doctrine, and that Glenn’s doctrine was just as sound as any of theirs. Tyson’s and the Pastor’s stance on this issue was that the experience of leading under the church authority is what builds leadership ability and refines sound doctrine in a man. [This is the main point of this post.] Even so, the other guys didn’t want to accept Glenn as the new leader, while at the same time, none of them wanted to lead either. So, if Glenn didn’t step up, there would be no one to lead Men’s group.
As a result, the Men’s Bible study group split into two factions. Four guys, including Tyson, continued to meet with Glenn as the new leader, while the other nine guys decided to form their own Bible Study group. However, only two of those nine guys attended Men’s group regularly, and since neither of them wanted to lead that group, their group essentially dissolved into an online chat group. Meanwhile, Glenn’s group experienced an incredible revival of the Holy Spirit. Their prayers were answered in dramatic ways, and they saw their numbers grow as well. Within a few months, two more men (who were not previously members of the church) joined Glenn’s Bible Study.
Glenn later told Tyson that he felt guilty after the group split up, as if he were the cause of the fracture. Tyson said there was nothing to be guilty about. Tyson also said that actually, he was glad the group split, because it was God’s way of clearing out those guys with poor commitment and low motivation, which was necessary for the faithful remnant to experience a renewal in their lives.
* Names have been changed for the usual reasons.
If a layman has the opportunity, desire, and willingness to lead, then he should give it a shot, whether it be a promotion, a small Bible study group, a community group, a relationship with a woman, or being a father. He should not excuse himself, saying that he lacks experience and proper training, etc., because he will develop these things in the process of engaging new challenges in his new role. If he does excuse himself, for whatever reason, he is only denying himself the chance to earn experience.
It also helps to not be so myopic. Leadership is not just about the leader. Concerning the leadership ability required in each case study…
- OmegaMan just needed some time, some encouraging mentorship, and meeting a decent woman by God’s happenstance, in order to come into his potential.
- Snapper left his church, not because he was a qualified leader, but because he saw that attending this particular church was bearing bad fruit in his wife’s faith. He merely responded in a responsible manner.
- In the case of Glenn’s Bible Study, all he did was volunteer to lead, and this opened the door for God to dispose of the soggy cornflakes, and it also allowed those guys who were serious in their faith to experience a regenesis. Small moves, big waves! That’s real leadership! Glenn’s actual leadership skill was totally irrelevant. All he had to do was take that step of faith.
Have faith, my friend. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and all commanding Generals were once enlisted men in basic training. Give yourself some time to build skill and confidence, to learn new ways of thinking, and to experience God’s grace in making you a part of his purposes.
But when that opportunity presents itself, don’t hesitate to jump on that chance. Don’t ever think that it doesn’t matter. Every decision you make matters, even in ways that you are not aware of.
Cheers to the man who reaches for, and eventually achieves his full potential, whenever, and whatever that may be!
- Sigma Frame: Building Fellowship – The Problem of Disliking Each Other (July 11, 2010)
- A Dream That Was Rome: 7 Steps To Become A Man When You Are Starting From Nothing (July 22, 2017)
- Charles Sledge: The Spartan Mindset: How to Attain Wealth, Women, and the Physique of Zeus (Masculine Development) (October 8, 2017)